Another one bites the dust…

The men in my life are falling like dominoes.  If it weren’t for Mr. Firm, who has been supremely awesome, and my fuck buddy, I’d be high and dry.  In the past week I’ve decided to drop Mr. Motorcycle, the Married Man has taken me off his Facebook (so I’m guessing he is serious about this not wanting to fool around stuff) and as of now I am completely done with the Referee.

Getting rid of Mr. Motorcycle has proven to be a challenge.  He’s not wanting to go without a fight.  After the events of the last party, and after discussing it with a few different people, I decided it was for the best to just end things now, before things get worse.  There are just too many red flags with him and I have some serious suspicions about what went on behind my back at that hotel party with him.

Three different men, who had all been to that party before, listened to my retelling of the events with him and said the same exact thing, that they KNOW he was fucking people in the hotel rooms while I was sitting alone at the party.  Mr. Firm, the Pilot, and the Referee all said that is what happens there during the party and that even signing up all the black guys get invited to these BBC gang bangs that are going on.  They said if he was even gone 20 minutes he HAD to have been fucking someone.

Well, combined with the totally lame excuses he gave me for disappearing I would have to say they are right.  First off, he claimed he was in the hotel room manscaping “for the first time” and it made such a mess that he spent a lot of time cleaning up.  Not only does that not explain his multiple disappearances, but it is a flat out lie.  I have proof in the form of pictures he sent me before we even met of him naked, and completely shaved.  Not to mention there weren’t any dirty towels lying around or anything like that in the hotel room.  What the fuck ever. Who gets dressed up for a party then turns around and decides to manscape in the hotel anyhow?

Since I have told him I am done he has tried EVERYTHING to manipulate me into staying with him.  He said he spent the entire weekend trying to decide to tell me he is falling in love with me.  Then he said he already bought the kids and I Christmas presents and that they were all wrapped and he couldn’t take them back and wanted to bring them over to my house.  I told him not to waste his time.  I’ve had to be pretty harsh.  It’s hard, but I’ve managed to stay firm.  With his background and that “adult abuse without stalking” charge, he freaks me out anyway.  I don’t want to get too involved with a control freak.

I thought things were still awesome with the Referee, but found out differently this weekend.  He had made plans to come visit me but changed them because one of his daughters had won in a college basketball tournament and he wanted to stay for her game.  He said he would pay my gas to come up there and we could go to a party that evening.  Cool.  It was a house party and I was excited to check one of those out.

Before I came up he brought up a couple that he knows that was going to be there.  The woman half is someone he said he was in an “exclusive” relationship for some time with but that she was too jealous and he had to end it.  He said the husband had offered for us to stay at their house but I didn’t think that was a very good idea, considering her jealousy and all and me not knowing these people.  He claimed not to have taken the offer seriously anyway and that he was planning on paying for another night at the hotel. 

The party started at 7 o’clock and the hosts sent out an email asking people to try and arrive around then. I would have to do what I could to get there by then because it would take me about 2 1/2 hrs to get there.  The Referee said all was cool when I texted him I was leaving at 4:45.

So I arrive at the hotel, a Fairfield Marriot.  I call the Referee, no answer.  I text and he doesn’t text back.  He had sent me a copy of the confirmation number before I came up, because it had the address of the hotel.  So I went in and got the room number.  Knocked on the door and there was no answer.  I finally went downstairs and got the people at the front desk to give me a key.  When I got into the room there was no one inside.  There were no suitcases or anything lying around.  The only sign anyone had been there were a couple of wrappers in the trash can.  Supposedly he had stayed there the night before.

I’m puzzled because I had tried calling and texting several more times to no avail.  I decide to just start getting ready for the party, change my clothes and touch up.  By now it is after 8:00 and still no sign of the Referee.  I wonder if I am getting stood up?  So I text the host of the party and ask if by chance he had arrived there, thinking maybe he’d gone to check out the party and was planning to come back.  Nope.  They haven’t seen him but tell me to come on by on my own!

Finally my phone rings and it is the Referee.  He says he went to dinner with that couple “right around the corner” that he had talked about and that he had “left his phone charging in the car” because it was dead.  Give me a fucking break!  Who leaves their car running for an hour and a half with a phone charging in it when they know someone is supposed to be arriving in town?? Supposedly he was on his way back. I was pissed and hung up on him.  I finished getting ready and debated on what to do. 

It was a pretty long time and he still hadn’t shown up, so I decided to gather my bags up and leave.  Just as I am heading out the door he is coming in.  He was like “wait! where are you going?” and trying to talk to me but I just brushed past.  He left his suitcase in the hall and chased after me down to my vehicle, begging me to just wait and go to the party with him.  I told him I am going to the party by myself and he said he wasn’t going to go if I wouldn’t talk to him.  I said I hoped he had fun fucking that woman (which of course he denied) and got in my van. 

After I drove off he called me and said if I wasn’t going to talk to him fine, he would leave and I could keep the hotel room.  I said great, you can stay with your friends.  He said he wasn’t going to do that and kept trying to talk to me. He was like “really?  You are that pissed off about me going to dinner with someone?” and I pointed out that he’d shown up an hour and a half late and just left me hanging, no matter what the hell he was doing.  He knew I was coming to the hotel and supposed to be there a little after 7. 

I got to the party a little after 9. I got in free since I was alone and female. There weren’t a ton of people there yet but the host guy liked me and was showing me around.  He even announced my arrival at the party to groups of people like I was some sort of celebrity, lol.  A single woman there all by myself I might as well have been.  A few different men came up to talk to me at various times.

When I got a minute to head back over to check my phone (which was in my coat by the door) there were texts from the Referee.  He was like “seriously?”.  A little while later he showed up at the party, WITH that couple.  I was chatting with a good-looking, biracial, 24 year old, body builder when he walked in and he didn’t say anything to me but walked into the kitchen with his little friends.

Of course, I’d had to explain to several people why I was there all by myself, and from so far away.  Repeatedly, people said what a dick he is for doing that to you!  He’s losing out!!  He motioned at me once from the kitchen and I discretely flipped him off.

I walked past him at one point and the male half of the couple tried to stop me.  I said (loud enough for the people in the vicinity to hear) to the guy who was with me “this is that couple he stood me up for” and the woman started getting pissy.  I ignored her and walked downstairs.

A while later the body building guy invited me back into a private room.  We went in with the intent to play.  However, he couldn’t get it up, so it was kind of a fail.  I sucked on his floppy little dick to no avail.  He said it was his first party and he was kind of nervous.  He didn’t know why it wasn’t cooperating.  I said that was okay and we eventually headed back out to join the party.

Later on, I ended up in that room again.  This time I was spread eagle on the bed while a woman was using a Hitachi magic wand on me and licking my pussy.  Another woman and man were sucking on my nipples and another guy fingered me.  I also went down on a redheaded girl that was next to me while the wand was being used on her. I had kissed and made out with a couple of different women at the party, one who I had met and made out with when I was with Mr. Motorcycle before. 

The door was supposed to stay closed and “private” when there were people in there but someone let in the Referee.  He came over and tried to play with me too and I put my hand over my pussy to deny him access.  He kept pushing and pulled me away from the people and rather than cause a big scene I finally let him.  He’s the only guy I actually fucked there.

Afterwards, I was ignoring him again.  He and that couple walked past me and I was standing there with the body builder.  I said, that’s the one that ditched me and those are the people and she turned around and started screaming.  She started screaming at me that she hadn’t even fucked him and yelling at the top of her lungs.  I didn’t respond and they walked out the door, together. 

The body builder guy was like “damn, you didn’t even say two words to her and she started flipping out”.  I pointed out that the Referee hadn’t even bothered to stand up for me and just LEFT with this woman.  Nice.  The other people at the party were like damn, what is her problem?  Wow.  At some point earlier another woman had come up to me and said that I was right, that the Referee was really an asshole.  She didn’t say why, but apparently he had pissed her off somehow.

I stayed and talked for a little while but decided to go back to the hotel alone.  The body builder offered to come with me and I said probably not tonight.  I was hoping the Referee would have gone home with those people and I wouldn’t have to see him.  I’d only had two mixed drinks but I didn’t feel like driving all the way home late at night. 

I got back to the room and no one was there so I bolted the door and got ready for bed.  Unfortunately, about half an hour later the Referee showed up.  Long story short he tried every trick in the book, even telling me he “loves” me to get me to forgive him.  Then he started demanding that I owed him sex since he payed for the room for us to be in together.  He only pays like $35 for a room because he gets a special discount but it was a very nice suite.  Still, I told him that I don’t “owe” him anything and that I was totally turned off due to his behavior.

He argued and pushed and argued and pushed, all night long.  At 4 am he still wouldn’t go to sleep even though I’d asked him to just leave me alone.  He said he couldn’t sleep without an orgasm and that he couldn’t get himself off.  Every time he touched me I told him to back off. 

He finally climbed on top of my legs while I was lying on my stomach, and wouldn’t get off.  He said he knew I was horny because I was so wet and I told him not for him.  He started jacking off and trying to rub his cock between my thighs, swearing that was all he was going to do.

He wouldn’t get off me. He finally pretended to “fall” and push it in between my legs, under my panties. Please. Give me a fucking break. I told him to quit and get off me. He did but repeated a similar process again. He begged and pleaded and begged me to fuck him. He tried to say he treats me sooo well and I will never find another man who is so good to me.

At one point he claimed he would call this woman and stand up for me now. I told him to do it. He then said he only had her husband’s number. I said then call him and ask for hers and he said no one does that (eyeroll). He said he is getting out of the lifestyle now and it is all my fault, that he is in love with me and he can’t deal with this kind of stuff. He was so full of shit.

I ended up begrudgingly fucking him, twice, just to get him to leave me alone so I could sleep. No, I really didn’t want to and I flat out told him that. I didn’t cum or anything like that and barely acknowledged him. Then the next morning he tried to say he thought since we had “made love” everything was better. What a freaking joke. I am so, so, so, done. I was so glad to get out of there and never want to see him again. He kept telling me how I am going to miss him and be so sad. Give me a fucking break!!

14 thoughts on “Another one bites the dust…

  1. Wow… what a total clusterfuck… and I wouldn’t have fucked the bastard, got my shit and left since he doesn’t seem to understand all the universal signs for “leave me the fuck alone;” shit, baby girl, men get arrested for rape for doing what he was doing…

  2. Ugh. The Referee is typical of so many guys. It’s such a turn off when a man is so desperate for sex that he has to beg and plead. There is a reason he’s begging and pleading… lol! But yeah, fucking idiot.

    • I know right? Its like, Im already turned off and begging makes you look even more unattractive and pathetic. Yuck. When they try to argue you into having sex it isn’t sexy either. 😛

  3. Oh my – a great example of why I stopped hosting parties and why RARELY did I allow single girls in because more often than not drama seems to follow them everywhere. I know there are no etiquette books (that I know of) on how one should behave at such events and it really comes down to how people carry themselves in every day situations but I do hope you find a way to manage to enjoy these parties: they do sound like fun!

    I think it’s great that you are taking steps to doing what you think is best – Mr Motorcycle story line has been an intense one to read.

    • Hmm…not sure why the single women, specifically, would be to blame. Seems like there are some major drama causing single men out there and the couples aren’t above it either! I did get an apology letter from that couple via email on the site, supposedly from the woman half but several clues make me think it’s from the man. Whoever it was apologized for screaming and cussing at me and claimed that was out of character. I may have to post it later. Im visiting family right now. 😉

      • In all my years hosting other people and functions I have yet to see a man make a scene: they usually leave or keep to themselves, not wanting to fuck up a good ‘swinger’ situation or their reputation. I have had a few females of a couple causes a scene, like high school the swinger’s scene is not above such behaviour – you’re right with that! I am always going to be first fascinated with human interaction, throwing sex into the mix only makes more potential for it to become explosive!

        I guess what I mean is this: your date was certainly a disappointment, that was between you and him and for whatever reasons that are you own you chose to still attend the party knowing full well there was a very good chance he would be there (50 percent chance of drama) before ever resolving this issue with him. I would even bet that a part of you was hoping he would show up. You were feeling wronged, rightly so, but still put yourself in that situation: no one’s fault but your own for that. You did not know the people hosting and you had no obligation to them so bowing out gracefully would have been understood.

        Naturally people are going to ask but all that needed to be explained was ‘my date flaked out on me and the host said I could still attend’ instead you chose to explain to perfect strangers what happened (drama) when you yourself didn’t have much of a clue what the hell took place, his behaviour was just messed up and you had no answers as to why but I can understand the desire to find out: but was the party the place to do it?

        What is fascinating to me is that you chose to include the couple, whom you do not know, in your injustice: did it ever cross your mind they too might have been misled by your ‘date’? Instead you chose to use a tone of accusation as if THEY had done you wrong (more drama). Causing not only a scene by bringing it up, pointing them out but knowing full well there was a chance this woman would feel well within her right to defend herself: you did accuse her of fucking your date to their circle of associates.

        And you still fucked him anyhow: which says more to people than your previous protest but even after that you chose to go about the place pointing out this woman (one has to almost wonder if you were having a knee jerk reaction to ‘married woman’ syndrome from a previous relationship) and your date as the wrongdoers (more drama).


        Was it important to have everyone at the party know your personal business and be on your side? Was it in part acting out a hurt you were feeling and subjecting everyone else there to it? Was it a need to humiliate the three of them because you were feeling _____?

        I am not asking this of you but more speaking out loud because as I said before I have only ever seen this behaviour from single girls at parties I have hosted. As much fun as they are to play with, and some are really great girls that you just enjoy being around, it inevitably comes down to stuff like this. Most of the time, not all of the time and yes we will stand there and ‘listen’ and pretend to care and say you were right, they were wrong… but that isnt usually what we are thinking.

        All in all a good entry for single women who feel they might want to put themselves in a swingers situation and how to NOT behave at a party – there is a lot of give we swingers bestow on single girls in the hopes we get to fuck around with them but in the end it isn’t worth upsetting the flock: husbands don’t care about this stuff the WIVES do and the wives get to say ‘who’ and ‘when’. It can be a difficult situation to navigate that is for sure but for the most part even couples who run into a bump at a party leave (asked to leave) and take it home behind closed doors and save the rest of us from the discomfort.

        It was nice of them to write you, even if it was the husband because certainly they owe you no apology from what I can see. I hope it resolves itself with some grace but the reff got what he wanted it is just a shame you did not.

    • Wow. So Im at fault for going to a party that I drove 2 1/2 hours and made childcare arrangements to get to, alone, after he said he wasn’t going to come. Yet he is totally innocent in any drama, for showing up to the party, WITH the couple, after standing me up for them then saying he wasn’t coming? You have a very interesting thought process. Apparently it was ok for him to force himself on me in the hotel as well? There are details I didn’t have time to write up, like that I had bolted the door and he got a manager to let him in the room after telling me I could stay by myself but in any case I dont think it was ok at all.

      I also dont think this couple is innocent either. I think if she truly had no ill will, when I pointed them out she would have just been like hey, im really sorry that happened, we didn’t realize you were supposed to meet earlier. But instead she started screaming and cussing.

      I’ve talked to Mr. Firm about all this and he gave some really great advice and perspective. He read the letter and pointed out inconsistencies and lying and gave his assessment. He has been in the lifestyle a long time, is a no drama kind of guy and has met the referee. He also knows who this couple and several others at the party were. Maybe when I get home from visiting family I can elaborate on some of his wisdom. He also works in a law firm and knowing more of the details than what I wrote in this blog says the Referee could be prosecuted for what he did to me. Im not taking it there, but he could be and for you to think that is okay along with your comments about how single males are always innocent and the blame is on single females is kind of disturbing. I didn’t have sex with him because I wanted to. He wouldn’t get off me amd pushed his way in, after repeatedly being told no.

      • Baby girl, I don’t know where you’re from but where I’m from, they call that rape. I’ve seen people behave badly at swinger parties – pussy makes people crazy. Petty jealousies tend to show their faces – and that’s with established couples, mind you – because while you may be at a function that’s all about freely having sex, some people can act like total asses about it.

        You don’t often hear about single women at parties causing problems except maybe the other women are miffed with her because all the guys are spending more time trying to fuck her than to fuck the other women present. Single guys, however, have the bad – and often deserved – rep of causing problems at parties; they tend to be pushy and are on a mission to fuck every woman in the place and the more they’re rebuffed, the more obnoxious they get until someone steps up and asks him to get dressed and leave.

        I’m just surprised that you let yet another man take you to a party and isolate you from everyone else while he goes around having sex with others; you’re probably the only woman I know who’d allow such behavior.

      • Yeah, Im not really understanding why I am being blamed for drama. I was asked multiple times why I was there alone and from so far away so I said I had driven to meet the guy and he was on a date with another couple and so I ended up coming alone. Its the truth and I felt no need to cover for him or protect his reputation.

        Mr. Firm told me he has seen the Referee get really pushy after being rejected by several women at a party before and that other woman came up and told me he was an asshole to her, so I think he’s plenty good at causing drama on his own.

        I actually did play at the party with those other women and got fingered by another guy and one was sucking my boob in that group situation. Plus there was the almost thing with the guy with the limp dick. The Referee was upset later about me going into the room with that guy too! As if he had a right to say anything! As far as i know the Referee did not play with anyone AT the party besides me.

        Pyx was saying i accused that woman of fucking him but i never actually said that in her presence. I just said that was the couple he had ditched me for and SHE started talking about how they didn’t even have sex. Well, not “talking” she was screaming. Crazy. In the apology letter it said she was just upset with her boyfriend being drunk and took it out on me.

      • I did not say single males were innocent nor did I imply anything to do with the hotel – certainly NOT in regards to this man – and one should never assume to know what I think and feel about rape. Dealing with it on an international scale was at one point in time my job, so let us not get carried away and accuse me of such an indiscretion.

        I only know what I read here and what you chose to share and it is my misfortune for mistakenly thinking you wrote in a way that sought out ideas on how best to navigate such situations as a new comer to swinging and open relationships. I do not write in a particular tone other than one of empathy and another perspective as a woman with twenty years of experience. I hurt your feelings and that was not my intention, I am sorry.

        My comment was written in reflection to the dramatics at the party that I read in your entry that I felt could have been averted and left you with a more pleasant experience and perhaps not happen again should a similar situation arise.

        Yes in my ears hosting parties it has been single females to cause a scene, not all parties are like the one you have attended but anyone here that has been active would tell you they have witnessed it themselves: the parties are different but the single female issue is the same. Okay maybe they wouldn’t tell you that and I am the cruel one for doing so. You should not be disturb by this I think you continue to explain yourself well, not that you need too but clearly I should not have commented at all unless I was in full agreement with you and for that I do apologize. It will not happen again.

      • Pyx, I don’t mind disagreement at all, I just took offense at your accusatory tone. You said my fucking him after all that said more than my protests, which comes across as you think it was me wanting to fuck him and that was not the case at all.

        You said this couple did not owe me an apology and I completely disagree. She had no place screaming and cursing at me for simply pointing them out. She could have just turned around and said hey, we didn’t mean to cause any trouble, if that were the case. I wasn’t screaming or yelling at her or using a nasty tone.

        You say that as a host you would have a problem with single women like me and see me as the issue. The hosts at this party actually texted me afterwards and invited me to stay at their home the next party if i want to come alone, so that i dont have to worry about a hotel. They saw the things that happened and also didn’t seem to blame me.

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