You shouldn’t have….really…

youshouldn'thave

I feel like an ungrateful bitch.  Mr. Motorcycle brought me a huge gift, telling me “Merry Christmas!!” but I don’t want it.  I feel bad, but I just really…don’t.

He had come over here the night before, when I told him of an issue I was having with my refrigerator.  Turns out a mouse had run behind it and gotten stuck in the fan, causing a loud, horrible, continuous, noise, followed by a really bad smell.  Ewwwwww…     

I suspected it was something like that, since I had been sitting in the kitchen and SEEN the damn mouse run back there and had just set out poison traps earlier that day.  Anyhow, I was very thankful that he offered to come remove it!  When I thanked him he actually said “my pleasure” and acted like it was no big deal.  Seriously, over a dead, nasty mouse?  Haha  I don’t think you could have paid me hundreds of dollars to get me to touch that thing, even with rubber gloves.  Well, that is one thing men are much more willing to do than women, I guess.  Hooray for guys!  It really was very nice of him.

He had brought along his 15 year old son.  He seemed like a good kid and was friendly with my little ones, who were showing off by roller skating and riding a tricycle across the house and trying to engage him in a discussion about various mythical creatures.  Chaos, lol, but what else is new?

Anyhow, his dad had him sweep out behind the oven and refrigerator after moving them and I held the dustpan.  This was bad news for me, since I am terribly allergic to things like dust mites and mouse droppings.  I’ve spent all day today sneezing and in utter misery despite taking two Allegra. 

Still I was very thankful.  I ended up having to ask him to come back today, because the freezer door was situated where it couldn’t open all the way and was bumping into a doorway.  I have a big side by side refrigerator that is too heavy for me to move and it hadn’t gotten put back exactly where it had been before. 

No big deal.  He said they would stop by after work.  He said our children seemed to get along well and his son had asked if he might take the kids to a movie sometime.  Hmmm…okay, that might be alright.

 I was thinking he probably just wanted an excuse for some time alone with me and asked his son to “babysit”.  I haven’t been able to hang out with him for the last week and a half or so, due to having my kids with me all the time.  We have plans to go to another party soon but in the meantime I was trying not to ask my ex to take them too often, since his girlfriend had gotten upset about it the last time we went out of town.

Then he mentions that he has a “surprise” for me.  I wonder what it could be?  He wouldn’t say.

I warned him that I felt like crap, was too sick to put on makeup and would look like death warmed over if he came to the door.  Apparently he was unconcerned.  He said “I’ve seen you without makeup before”.  Yeah, well, not when I am a sneezing, sniveling, red -nosed, watery -eyed, mess, but okay, enter at your own risk!

I was also on my period and though I haven’t explained any of this to him, I am still hurting from my anal adventure over a week ago.  Even though the Referee never managed to get his dick all the way in, it caused me to tear.  I also got a lovely infection, most likely due to him pulling out of my ass and heading straight into my pussy.  Thankfully, some over the counter yeast medication seemed to take care of that.

So I’m over here, not feeling the least bit sexy, and he wants to come over with a “surprise”.  I showered but didn’t even bother to dress in regular clothes.  I’m over here in jogging pants and a camisole.  I did drop the kids off at their dad’s house though, for a little while.

So he shows up at my door with his son.  They have backed the pickup truck right up to my front door, drove right across my front lawn.  He asks me to prop the door open and I see them bringing in something huge.  It’s the base to a large screen TV, with a cabinet on the bottom that looks like its doors are slightly uneven.  It’s covered with dust, and I’m already a wreck so I’m standing back a little ways.

Oh wow, this thing is really BIG.  It’s about ¾ the size of the entertainment center I currently have in my living room, which has a 32 inch TV in it, as well as shelves that I have filled with books and my Wifi box and several other things.  He mentions that it still needs another part, one that costs $40 and he is planning to order.  For now it won’t even work.

They start to set the TV on top of the base and I stop them as I run to grab some Windex.  He has his son wipe it down with a towel.  They put the thing together and start to push it right in front of my front window, while he tells me we can leave it there until he gets it fixed.

I’m like um, no, let’s put it over here on the other side of the room where it isn’t blocking my window.  He rolled his eyes and jokingly made some comment about “women” to his son, and how we are always particular about these things.  Well yeah, we are talking a giant box in the middle of my freaking living room, for who knows how long.  He said the part may take like 3 weeks to get here. 

He mentions that he has three more of these somewhere and is trying to get rid of them.  He wants to send one to his sister but it would cost more to mail it than to just buy a new one.  Poor girl.

I know he means well, but let me tell you a little something about me.  I absolutely HATE, with a passion, broken things and clutter.  I am a total minimalist.  I’m also very practical and much prefer books to television.  I virtually never watch it.  We have a tv, but it is used to watch family movies, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Wild Kratts and the Magic School Bus.  That’s pretty much IT, unless its college basketball season’s March Madness.  I went over 15 years without a television at all.

In order to keep this TV in my home I would have to get rid of my entertainment center.  That is where I am storing BOOKS.  Books I use for homeschooling my children and need easy access to.  I don’t have money for a new bookshelf.  I’d rather have a bookshelf than a TV any day.  When I got divorced one of the only things I was truly sad about losing was this huge, beautiful, cherry stained bookshelf my ex- husband and his brother had built for me.  I was in love with that thing and it would sell for a lot of money (though I would have kept it).  I gave it to him though because he made it.  Oh well.  He probably doesn’t even have it anymore!  Wah!! 😦

I just really don’t want this monster sized TV.  I’m afraid it could tip over on one of my kids.  It seems pretty sturdy but I do know someone who lost a toddler when their TV fell on top of him.  What with the roller skating and trike riding going on across my wood floors, you just never know! 

I don’t want the focus of my living room to be a television.  We have educational maps on the walls and lots of books, and again, it reflects my values.  TV isn’t one of them and I want to make sure my kids realize that.  Most of all, I don’t want to give up my bookshelf!  I can’t afford another one.  I also don’t know where I would put my WiFi and Netflix box and TV antenna and all the things that are on the top of that shelf.

Maybe I am just being a bitch.  I am sick and cranky and on the rag.  I’ve had a really rough week in other ways too, but this “gift” is stressing me out more than it is making me happy.  I’m irritable as hell about it.  Add that I feel there could be an unspoken “you owe me” tied into being given something so large and I really just want it to go away.

Sigh….  I finally sent him a text telling him I really appreciate him thinking of me but I don’t feel this TV is practical for me.  I mentioned the fear of it falling and that I wanted to keep my bookshelf. I said I didn’t think I had enough room for it.

 He definitely seemed hurt.  He was like “wow, ok”.  He said it would never fall.  I reiterated myself and was like “don’t be upset”.  After a long time he texted back saying he was confused and a little embarrassed but not upset.  I feel awful. 

I don’t know.  I guess I’m just not that thankful this Thanksgiving season.  I know he meant well.  The night before I had jokingly made a comment about my “old” TV and how no one would ever bother to steal it from us.  Some of the houses in my neighborhood have been robbed but at my place there really isn’t anything worth taking. 

I am okay with that though.  I really don’t want a big screen TV.  I told him not to be embarrassed; it was really sweet of him to think of me.  He hasn’t responded and I don’t know what else to say.  Part of me feels really bad but the other part just wants this thing out of here!!

 I know if he was really excited to give this to me it could really be hurting his feelings.  I so don’t want to do that.  I also know it’s not enough to keep him from wanting to take me to swinger parties in the future.  It also seems to tie in somehow with the whole “control” thing I have talked about with him in previous posts, though I can’t seem to exactly put a finger on HOW.  It just seems really presumptuous to bring something like that into my house without asking, no matter how well intended. 

So you all tell me…am I being nasty and unthankful ? Or was it kind of pushy of him to give me this “gift”?  Or maybe it’s a bit of both? 

28 thoughts on “You shouldn’t have….really…

  1. I do not believe you are being nasty nor being not thankful. It sounds as though it was an unexpected surprise that was not well planned out and it was probably not well thought out. Furthermore the expense of the gift, I feel, excessive and if it I was in that situation I would probably have declined, in a very nice way.

    • Yeah, I don’t think he personally paid a lot for the TV. He said he has a few sitting around in his shop. He installs internet and big screen tv’s and stuff like that for people in their homes for a living. So maybe I hurt him because I am not wanting something that he does as his livelihood too. :/ I tried to be nice about it but didn’t say anything immediately. I was in a little too much shock.

      • Reading your posting it does not seem the two of you have a big connection and based on your positing, it seems as though it was ill planned. I think if he thought of you and bought you something you wanted then it probably made your day. Instead he took something from his shop and if I understand correctly, was not able to completely set it up? Maybe if he thought a bit more about your interests it may not have caused you feeling like this?

      • I think he thought I would want it due to my comments the day before about my “old” TV. So I think he THOUGHT he was doing something really thoughtful. It’s not working right now though and he said he has to order some $40 part and install it. So yeah, this big broken TV is sitting in my living room. If he was really wanting to give me a gift and not just unload something that was taking up room at his shop, maybe he would have fixed it FIRST. IDK…. It’s hard to tell.

        As for our connection, yeah, I feel like he is pushing for a lot more than what I am interested in.

      • My own feeling, since he is pushing for more than what you are interested is probably leading you to feel this away about it. I suspect, at some level of awareness, he is aware that your interest in him is less than his interest in you. The gift and bringing his son along to ‘babysit’ may have been a subtle attempt to win you over? As I read it, it left me baffled as to why he did not take time to think it through and at least made sure the TV he brought you worked. Also, it seems as though he did not think through how it would fit into your living space and the disruption it would cause?

      • Yeah that is probably a big part of it. He is trying to keep a hold of me by offering gifts. He keeps wanting to buy me outfits too. I feel a little awkward about letting a 15 year old boy babysit too, no matter how nice. Going to the movies for a couple hours, maybe, but I’m not keen on the whole teenage boy I don’t know doing a lot of babysitting thing either.

        He obviously was being a bit impulsive and didn’t think things through or realize I would care. I do think his intention was good, but yeah…

      • I agree, I believe his intentions were good. However given your relationship and its dynamics along with the TV needing work, I believe it was not well thought out. In my opinion, I believe this was more of an attempt for him to win favors with you and make you like him more. Had he stopped by with flowers and chocolate I question if that is something that would have meant more?

  2. You aren’t being ungrateful, he was being presumptuous and probably trying to be a little bit of a hero…with something that cost his little or nothing (since he had a couple laying around). He likes you, or wants you to like him, and/or he is trying to be the hero to the single mother who he sees as needing a man in her life. Some guys get off on that whole protection/provider thing. If you had a relationship, that’s one thing, but to just be FWB (in a sense) and do that, is another. And the thing with bringing his kid over is a little weird too, but that’s another story. Put the TV on Craigslist, and tell him the someone broke in and stole it! LOL

    • Yes, I think he probably was doing the hero thing. I don’t mean to make him feel bad about that because it is nice to try and help. This just isn’t something I really need or want.

      The bringing his kid, yeah. He also suggested bringing us all together for Thanksgiving! That was like a week ago and I said I wasn’t sure because I may be going home to see my family. He has also mentioned bringing all the kids and letting them stay in an adjoining room in a hotel on New Year’s Eve so we can go to a party. I had said my ex might not be willing to take them that night and he was like well we can bring my son and your kids and set them up with an X-box, laptop and Playstations and they will be happy. His son is 15 and my oldest is 13 so he was thinking they could babysit at the hotel. Still, all this “togetherness” of our families seems like a bit too much for me too.

      • Yeah…unless you are looking to this guy as a future relationship prospect (I don’t get that vibe from your blog), then it seems best to avoid that sort of thing with the kids. No offense, but to put the kids up in an adjoining room while you go at it seems a bit tacky to me. Of course this is coming from a guy who took full advantage of his children’s nap time to get my adult fun.

      • Yeah, I have never done anything like that and my kids are always at their Dad’s house when I go on overnight trips. This was his suggestion and of course by the time we got back from any party they would ideally be fast asleep. Still. I get what you are saying.

        I talked to a couple once at a swinger party that told me they invite another couple over and swap rooms while all the kids have a sleepover downstairs. I thought THAT sounded crazy. They swap wives at night and what if a kid shows up at the door needing mom for something and she is in bed with guy #2? :p

      • Yeah, sometimes we can all get a little hung up in our own fun and take risks that we shouldn’t take with our children. Sadly humans are far less than perfect, and decision making is an imperfect art at best for many of us. I’m pretty much a poster child for THAT one!

        On a different note:
        I’m impressed that you can pull off homeschooling while being a single mother. Good for you!

      • Well, I won’t say it is easy but it is something I generally enjoy. I’ve been doing it long enough to have down what they can do alone, what we can do as a group and what I need to do with each child separately. The bulk of the work that I need to help with can be done in about an hour.

        I also have curriculum that they can be somewhat self sufficient with once they can read. I mostly just have to plan what they will be doing then check work and teach reading and math. My oldest gets math and writing help from a tutoring program.

        We also do read alouds as a family but that is done at bedtime. So I have an odd schedule but it works for us. We try to do a field trip once a week and my older kids take some occasional outside classes.

      • As a professional teacher I was always suspicious of home schooling for a number of reasons. And I still am not a fan of the folks who do it for religious purposes (no offense if you are one, but I find those folks tend to be very narrow minded and backwards). But now as a parent, and more experienced teacher, I really see the value of it. If you have a dedicated and intelligent parent, and decently intelligent kids, you can get WAAAAY more out of homeschooling than you can from traditional education. Moving at your kids pace, individual attention, field trips tied to learning etc equal out to a potentially superior education. Good for you, and them!

      • I used to do it for “religious purposes” but always felt that there were a lot more benefits aside from those most Christian homeschoolers cite. It probably helps that I was homeschooled for a year by my father, who was on the extreme other end of the spectrum and very liberal. My (half) siblings that lived with him were taught at home their entire lives and did very well.

        I am a big fan of a more relaxed approach to education and reading great books. My oldest, despite some major behavioral issues, was reading at a 12th grade level in 7th grade and when they gave him a sample GED test (reading portion) he got 100% correct.

        When I tried to put him in public school they couldn’t handle him and wanted him tested for ADHD. He showed up as severe hyperactive ADHD and I question whether in public school, without the one on one and CONSTANT redirecting, he would have ever even learned how to read. He would have driven the poor teacher crazy while she was trying to deal with other children. Me, I’m his mom and he was going to learn to read no matter what. For some kids anyway, that is what it takes. Many do great in public school but mine wasn’t one of them! Some of the younger ones would probably do just fine but I like what we have going right now.

  3. This man is too much! I would feel the same way! I am very particular about what is in my living space and would be annoyed if someone just showed up with something I didn’t ask for. And the fact that he is giving you a hard time about it is even crazier. This man is too much – he would totally get on my nerves – I don’t know how you are so nice to him. He’s TOO PUSHY!!!

  4. I think you are right – it is probably just his way of trying to be nice and feel that he has done something for you but I don’t think you were ungrateful or rude. It is your house and though it was with good intentions it is just something that gives you great concern. Well done to you for trying to talk to him about it right away but I can certainly understand your apprehension about what it could mean in his mind.

    I would suggest that instead of making him move it again that you would be willing to post it on Craigslist for free or something; pass on the good deed to someone else in more need this holiday season. Try to turn it into a positive without going into detail with him and get it out of the house faster than waiting for him to have time to come move it again

    • What ended up happening is that I was at the store, and my 13 year old son, who had been gone and not seen the tv yet, came home and discovered it. He was all excited because he has been begging me to get him a tv. He took it and put it in the garage, which is his little hangout.

      I have no idea how he managed to get that huge tv from my living room into the garage by himself. It took two people to carry it in and they had to back it right up to the front door. When I said that to my son though he was like “then they are a bunch of pussies”. 😛

      So anyhow, he was all excited and really wants the tv. I ended up telling Mr. Motorcycle that and he still wants to come fix it and everyone is happy because it is out in my garage and not in the living room.

      It works enough to play youtube videos with a streaming box for now, just everything is in 3D and looks blurry. I guess that’s the part that needs fixed.

      Mr. Motorcycle now says he was really meaning it more for the kids anyhow, that it would be good for video games and stuff. Probably so, though we don’t own a gaming system. My oldest has friends who bring theirs over.

      I feel bad that I hurt his feelings over it to begin with but maybe he will think twice before bringing something so big like that again too. It was a nice idea and I think he was trying to help.

  5. I feel like you are being nast and him not as thoughful. It shouldnt bother you that it doesnt work if you dont watch it and he shouldnt have brought you a broken tv. And it seems you call him when you need something. Seems its convenience for you and he is trying to pursue something. Leading on maybe?

    • Well, that it doesn’t work would just make it an annoyance sitting in someone’s living room. So I don’t think it is a good idea bringing people broken stuff. But I do think he had good intentions and plans to fix it up.

      I don’t mean to lead him on. He came over here on his own I didn’t ask him to but I did tell him all the various craziness that was going on in my house that day.

      My vehicle, my computer and my refrigerator were all having problems. He offered to come take care of them all, which I wasn’t expecting. I had no idea he knew how to fix all that. I went ahead and got two of the three taken care of before he came over though. I didn’t want to put it all on him.

      I’ve told him I’m mostly just interested in a sexual relationship but he does seem to want more and I hope I’m not leading him on. That is something I probably need to be more careful not to do.

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