I’m anal about anal, but(t)….


Okay, so I have never been into anal sex.  My first experiences with it were not pleasant and I generally tell my lovers I am not interested.  Still, I’ve never completely discounted that I might do it for *some* guy, at *some* point, if I liked him enough and he was careful.

Most of the men I have been with haven’t pushed it.  They might make suggestive comments once in a while, or ask, but when they see my lack of interest they let it drop, or never actually follow through.  I’ve been especially happy with the men in my life who have done it but aren’t all that into it and don’t even try. 

What can I say?  I know in this day and age it is practically prude not to want anal but it’s just not something that gets me excited.  I don’t even like a finger up there.  Ouch.

Actually, there was a guy once, a long, long time ago, who used to like to stick his finger up there while I was riding him.  It wasn’t so bad and at times I even enjoyed it. I don’t remember it hurting.  Yet when someone tries now, it does.  Go figure.  Maybe the guys I am with now just have bigger fingers?  Hmmm…

As for actual anal, the first time I had it I was 13.  Yes, you read that right.  It was with the first guy I ever had sex with.  We were having sex in a public sauna, near the swimming pool in a hotel, and he suddenly decided to stick his dick in there.  He tried to talk me into it, a little, AS he was doing it, but mostly just shoved it in.  All the way in…. and started pounding.

I got dizzy and lightheaded.  Not to mention it HURT.  I begged him to stop.  Afterwards I nearly threw up.  It wasn’t fun.  My body was nowhere near ready to handle anything like that.  We were young and I have no idea how big his dick was but I would guess somewhere between 7-8 inches.  He wasn’t small.

My second experience, I was 16.  I was seeing that crazy drug dealer guy I have mentioned a few times before, and he would have been like 21-22 at the time.  This guy was ROUGH in bed.  Really, too rough for my liking, to begin with.  The anal, he totally took me by surprise.

I was bent over the bed and we were going at it, when he pulled out and just RAMMED it up my ass.  HARD.  And kept going. My body practically went into shock.  I had a very similar reaction, in that I got so dizzy and lightheaded I nearly fainted, and then felt like I was going to vomit.  I don’t mean just KIND of “felt like,” either time.  I was doubled over and not feeling well for quite a while.

Since then there has been nothing attractive to me about the idea of anal.  Nothing.  Add fear of having my asshole stretched out, or getting hemorrhoids and possible disgusting messes, and yuck…   

On top of that, I have heard some real horror stories regarding anal experiences.  One was actually from a guy who is really into it and was sharing an experience that his roommate had.  According to him, this girl had some issue of backed up constipation.  In a drunken state, she and this guy had anal sex, that ended up in crap, ALL.OVER. THEIR. APARTMENT.   He told me the story in way too much gory detail and I don’t even want to share or you’ll all be retching over your keyboards.  Nasty. 

Being someone who is kind of obsessed with personal hygiene, this stuff REALLY did not appeal to me.  Then there were the stories of enemas.  I guess some women take the time to take THOSE before engaging in anal, you know, to keep it more “clean”.

 Um, the ONLY time I have ever used an enema was before labor was induced with my very first child.  No thanks to my mother in law, who offered this advice, I thought that would help make labor and delivery easier.  Please.  I have had four babies since then and that experience was by far my most difficult.  Never again will I take an enema.  It didn’t help with jack during labor and instead left me doubled over in massive pain, lying on the bathroom floor (but still not in labor) when I needed to get to the hospital for an induction. 

So we’ve pretty much established that I have a “no thanks, I’ll pass” general reaction to anal advances.  If you read my story of my first swinger party, you’ll know a man tried to stick it up there during my first six-some and I wasn’t too thrilled with that either. Still, I know it makes SOME guys happy and that a lot of people are really into it.  I’ve heard stories of women who loved it or even had orgasms from it and sure, I’m still a little curious. 

I’ve been curious if, as an adult and with someone more skilled and careful, my experiences might be different.  I’m still put off by some things (like shitty stories) but there was nothing nasty in either of my previous anal adventures, so I know it isn’t something that HAS to happen.

Keep in mind I’m pretty prim and proper most of the time when it comes to even DISCUSSING anything to do with bathroom habits.  I prefer to pretend it’s not something I ever do, being a “lady” and all.  Heck, I won’t even use terms like “shit” in real life and it’s even hard to type, lol.  People “use the restroom”, they don’t “take a dump” or “crap” or do disgusting things like that.

With all that out of the way, let me tell you what happened today.  I had a date with the Referee, who has been driving this way about once a week for a lunch date.  He again got a room at the Marriot and took me out to lunch at Applebee’s.    It was kind of freaky because the waitress, who waited on us the last time we were there, three weeks ago, said she remembered me ordering exactly the same thing.  Nevermind that I hadn’t remembered my exact order, or even the fact that she had waited on us before, lol.  Wow.  It wasn’t anything unusual or altered from the main menu either.  Crazy.

On the drive over he was playing porn on the dashboard, he said to “get me in the mood”.  Haha…as if I needed that. 😉  He kept telling me how much he likes me, how I have him “addicted” so much that he is driving a couple hours just to see me and getting obsessed.  Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that before.

He said you aren’t supposed to get this way in the Lifestyle and he knows that but that he has it bad.  He keeps telling me he wants me to be his “wife” and then saying “I’m not trying to scare you though”.  I *think* he is kidding?  :p  When I told him about the party I went to recently he says of course no guy is ever going to want to share me if we are together.  He says I have that “effect” on men and that is going to make it hard for me to swing.

Oh, and he was claiming later, after sex, that he likes me so much that he has pretty much stopped having sex with whoever else he was sleeping with.  But then he let some comment drop about how this woman he normally sleeps with was complaining that he normally nuts 3+ times in a session and that he must be giving it all away to a “younger, hotter, girl”.  Yeah…still trying to discern how full of it he is but I guess you never really know with men.  Some of them just looove to talk like they are all about you, when they are not. 

I’m leery.  But I do like him a lot.  I just don’t want to fall for all the stuff I know I have a tendency to fall for, and he’s really laying it on thick!  He’s like “I want to be your Daddy”, “I want to take care of you”, “you make me want you all to myself”, “I’ve been liking you for a year and a half”, “You’re so beautiful and I like you so much I could wife you up”, “if I’m not careful I am going to want you to have my baby”, “I’m gonna have to get snipped so I won’t want to make you pregnant”, “I don’t want to just fuck when we are together, you are too beautiful for that, I want to treat you special”, “other girls aren’t like you” and “I get depressed when you leave”.  He’s even told me “I love you” a couple times, in bed.

I’m trying really hard to keep all his words from affecting me because I know men say things they don’t mean. It’s just so hard sometimes to be able to tell.  He calls me a couple times a day and likes to call first thing in the morning too.

Anyhow, back to anal.  That’s another thing he’s been on.  Wanting to be the only guy who I am willing to have anal with.  I’ve suspected since the beginning he was angling for that and he’s made it pretty obvious with the stuff he does during sex to try and “prep” me. 

He’ll get his tongue all up in there and spit on it during sex and try and slide his finger around the hole.  He’s asked about anal in the past, and that was the first thing he wanted to know if I’d done with the other guy at the swinger party.  He said I should save it for “Daddy” and then was like “just kidding” but it was obvious he wasn’t really.

Surprise, surprise, this time he went for it.  Before our second round of sex he brought out a vibrator.  It was a vibrating dildo, with a smooth gold surface, but no attachment for the clit, like the one I have.  He put it in me and turned it on.  I’m not sure how much the vibrations actually do INSIDE me because it doesn’t feel like much but it still felt good. 

He moved it in and out and eventually started playing with my ass, licking and eventually trying to stick a finger in it.  He went in for regular sex with me on my stomach, while getting things extra wet, playing with his finger and with the vibrator in front. 

Later, he slid his dick out and started rubbing it around my asshole.  He slowly started trying to ease his way in.  I tensed up a bit but didn’t resist.  He was sweet talking me a bit and promising only to put in “just the head” (yeah, yeah, we all heard that one in high school).  After moving it in and out just a little bit, with the head, he grabbed a bottle of Liquid Silk and started pouring it on. 

That helped it get in just a little bit further, but not much.  He held me still for a while with it in place and would start to move but I’d whimper and he’d pull back a tiny bit or go in just a little bit more.  He maybe got a third of his dick in after a while and was slowly rocking back and forth.  At one point he said he was going to cum, but didn’t.

Then he pulls out and goes RIGHT IN MY VAGINA.  OMG.  I am totally freaking out, thinking he is going to give me some kind of bacterial infection, but I didn’t say anything and he finished off.  I’m still trying to decide how to tactfully bring up to him that I don’t want him to EVER do THAT again.  I am REALLY susceptible to infections, even as a kid I was super sensitive to soaps or bubble baths or anything in that area and have always had to be very careful and hygienic. 

We cleaned up and had a couple more rounds of sex.  He tried to go in my ass again but it was SORE (and still is, hours later) so it wasn’t working.  Since I left, he has texted asking if I am going to let him put it all the way in and that that would make him happy.  Yeah, well, we will see… 

Just a little bit ago Mr. Motorcycle texted and I was busy writing this blog.  He asked if I was getting my freak on and I said “I wish”.  I didn’t mention the fact that I saw the Referee today, because he’s asked me not to tell him if I sleep with other guys.  His response was “yeah, you save that shit for me”.  I was like “is that what you want?” and he said that is one of the things he wants.  I thought we’d gone over this.  Sigh….

30 thoughts on “I’m anal about anal, but(t)….

  1. Girl! Why didn’t you say anything! Any respectful guy would understand. I’m sorry have had such HORRIBLE anal sex experiences!!!

    • In the moment it was hard to say anything, and of course would have been too late. I definitely want to bring it up before it happens again though and am really hoping I don’t end up with an infection just from that. Thanks… I don’t really get what some women like about it but I suppose they do. 😛

  2. Hmm, I’m not quite sure what to say about this. In all the years I’ve been sexually active, I’ve only met three women who absolutely loved getting it in the back door – the majority of women I’ve slept with would rather cut their nipples off than to experience anal sex. I know some guys want to do this to a woman as a sense of ‘ownership’, feeling a boost to their ego to be able to take them in all of their holes – yeah, I know it sounds weird but it’s true.

    I happen to know that it’s not always a pleasant experience and that, these days, a lot of careful preparation and cleansing is mandated to minimize infections and even tears in the anal lining that could prove fatal… but for him to be in your ass and then go into your pussy was just wrong and you should have raised some hell with him about that and more so since you seem to get them rather easily.

    I have found that in order for a woman (in particular) to enjoy anal sex, she has to first want to experience it and then want to enjoy the experience because getting fucked in the ass requires some mental preparation as well as training her butt to get ready to accept a hard dick. I’m not saying that you can’t get it in her with little or no prior preparation… but she’s not going to enjoy it very much and since she probably won’t, you can pretty much bet the house that she will never want to try it again.

      • No.
        Okay okay I am going to listen to it right now.
        (I lost power last night and there were tornado warnings so I couldn’t)

      • HA! not a bad song but I have a strange feeling my husband is going to like it more. It will fit right in with all his other musical taste which often leave me concerned.

      • My husband listens to some strange stuff – that song ‘I like big butts’ or something… and disco… but usually he does that and dances around to make me laugh.

      • Pyx, I can’t believe you hadn’t heard that song before today. It was like a huge hit back when I was in middle school? Thanks to these blog posts I’ll now think of anal sex every time I hear it….LMAO There were a lot of “butt” songs going on back in the day! Remember LL Cool J and “Tina got a big ole butt, I know I told you I’d be true…but Tina got a big ole butt… so I’m leavin you….” haha

    • Yeah, with him it could very well be an “ownership” thing. I admit to being scared of the tearing stories and all that too. I was willing to give it a shot but I am still sore today. :p

  3. Kind of obsessed with personal hygiene: umm yeah ass to vagina would freak me out! (not sure what word to use there, usually the C word but I don’t want to un-prim your proper lol) but the vibrator he pulled out would have had me worried first ‘is that something you carry around with you and use on anyone?’

    Do you and the Reff ever go out on dates – that don’t involve hotel rooms in the middle of the day? Yeah anal sex just doesnt do it for everyone, you have a wonderful sex life without it and these guys want your butt because no one else does – i get that – they want to be the ‘one’. I had to giggle a little bit because there are some real horror stories out there (my husband works in a hospital I hear them all the time) but recently I saw a video of such an event and was going to post it in my blog. Maybe too real life for blogs but I wonder if she will ever try it again – doctors usually tell them not to bother but people so rarely take professional advice. It’s always the girls coming in ‘wrecked’ (to quote Kdaddy)

    You seem to be catching on pretty quick that these guys will say most anything when it involves sex, I mean it is kind of hot and nice to hear I’m sure and helps get you in the mood but at the same time would be hard to believe. These guys are really going to have to step up their game soon and single themselves out from each other, they arent the same by any means but you are a woman that gets to have her pick…

    • Haha…you don’t have to worry about being prim and proper. 😉 I wouldn’t even use the word “butt” when my kids were little. It had to be “bottom”, lol, but remember I was living the preacher’s wife life (I almost accidentally typed “lie” instead of “life” there too, fitting?). I’ve come a long way. 😉

      The dildo, he pulled out of it’s original packaging. I wasn’t 100% sure if it was brand new or if he just keeps it in there. Let’s hope the former. He had to put batteries in it and it LOOKED clean. I admit to wondering about that too though.

      The only dates we have been on are lunch dates or to that one swinger party. He drives two hours to get here and that has been the most convenient time for the both of us. Each time we have had sex in a hotel afterwards.

      Yeah, I don’t want to be “wrecked” and like I just said to Kdaddy, I am still sore today, even from that little bit we did yesterday. The stories, well a lot of them are just gross!! I think I’ve heard and seen enough! Haha

      Yeah, he ACTS sincere but it’s kinda hard to believe all that. I think he’s like the rest and wants ME all to himself but I suspect it wouldn’t really be vice versa.

  4. I have never done anal, and never will. Nothing about it appeals to me, and many things do the opposite. If others enjoy it, great. Me, no way. If you don’t want to do it, don’t!

  5. No I never heard it before today –

    Well you have to remember, I was wearing army boots, had different coloured hair and was more into piercing my friends and ‘other’ kinds of music than what was on the radio or at popular clubs. I was into playing my records and my own instruments: cello, violin and flute.

    I grew up without cable TV as well so MTV type shows were not something I saw much of unless I was visiting someone with cable tv there would have been no way for me to know about this song otherwise – I have never seen the movie Kdaddy mentioned either. Elitist perhaps but my family was far more concerned with my ability to watch movies in our language (French) than they were about what was tending in popular culture. I was 13 going on 30 LOL

    but I do enjoy some LL and yes I have heard THAT song because my husband listens to that kind of music. I think he will on some level enjoy this song, and he might already know about it which would not surprise me. Lord knows I hear enough about Prince and Pussy Control *sigh.

    • I totally understand about not taking part in popular culture! We lived out in the middle of nowhere, with no tv and surrounded by Amish people for much of my marriage. 😉 I bet your hubby has heard it though. 😉

  6. Pingback: Everything BUTT… (Yes, I’m talking about anal sex) | Not So Sex in the City!

  7. Anal is like watching an Adam Sandler movie, either you like it or you do not like it. For it to be enjoyable it is something that cannot be rushed and takes a lot of preparation. It requires the woman to be relaxed, she must be properly aroused and use a lot of personal lubricant such as KY Jelly. Also it requires that the anus is properly relaxed and stretched through a bit of anal finger play or the use of an anal toy. Once she is ready the guy needs to enter her slowly and stop once she becomes uncomfortable. Then start again once the wave of uncomfortableness passes. Once anal sex starts proper hygiene rules need to be followed in order to minimize the risk of infection for both the man and the woman.

    In essence, anal sex is a deeper experience that requires trust and communication. It is something that cannot be done on the spur of the moment or as a quickie. Without each partner considering the needs of the other anal sex can quickly become an experience to quickly forget.

  8. Having been on both ends (pardon the pun) of anal many times, I can tell you that it certainly is NOT for everyone. Of all of the women I’ve been with, none have been lovers of anal, and all have seemed to pretty much go along with it because I’ve wanted it. The ones I haven’t done it with (most of the women I’ve been with) are just totally not into it at all, or aren’t into me enough to be willing to go along with it.

    For me getting it… I LOVE having my ass played with. My ass is super sensitive, and I can have amazing orgasms with something in my ass. The funny thing is that often me playing with my ass is waaaaay more enjoyable than someone else doing it. And in fact, someone else playing with my ass is way less enjoyable than them fucking me there.

    Before my first anal experience with another person, I’d spent several years putting various objects in my ass, and enjoying the hell out of it. I’d fantasized about it, watched porn etc, and thought I knew how it would be, and figured I’d enjoy the hell out of being fucked…wrong! The first man I was with had a good sized cock, and NO personality or compassion, and I, like you, didn’t feel like I had the power/ability to protest. I can remember being bent over, feeling as if I was being impailed on a fence post of something. I too was dizzy and lightheaded, in a cold sweat eager for the whole thing to be over with, but trying to relax and trying to find some enjoyment in it. The only pleasure at all I found was in the psychological aspect of the submission to the other guy.

    Since then I’ve been fucked many times. Most of the time it has been less than enjoyable physically. Although the last five or six guys have been better, which either means I’ve been with guys who know how to use it better, I’m getting to learn how to manage it better, or my ass is getting looser, lol. A couple of times I’ve actually really enjoyed the sensation of it, and once I even came from it (before my partner did!). A HUGE part of it has to be your arousal and psychological state, and the skill and caring of your partner.

    Still a huge component for me, and part of the reason I still go back for it is the head game aspect. Sexually I enjoy submission, and being fucked by another man is pretty damn submissive. I can get lost in the feeling of submitting, the taboo nature of it, and the fact that using my body is providing pleasure to someone else. A couple of times during sex with a man, I’ve been aroused enough, and in a submissive enough place that I’ve really hungered to be entered and fucked…kinda what I imagine it must sometimes feel like for a woman during ordinary hetero sex.

  9. As a horny teenage boy I “discovered” my ass as a source of pleasure. In that phase of my life I solo experimented with all manner of sensory experiences, lol…The ass thing I discovered and quickly found it pleasurable, intense, and entirely erotic because I discovered it positively through sexuality, so it had no negative connotation to it. I was able to go at my pace, and I started small and gentle. Over time I got kookier and kookier, graduating from something a little bigger than my pinky finger, and totally smooth, up to larger objects trying to satisfy my curiousity and lust.

    If I’d started out the way you did, with having someone just ram it in, I probably wouldn’t have ever gotten into it at all. I’ve never had it exactly rammed so roughly as that, but I’ve had experiences with waaay too little lube, or not being relaxed/turned on enough, or a partner that was in a rush…or even a few times my imagination being looser than my ass, and my own effort to cram something too big, or too dry in my ass. I can tell you that it’s agony, and a big buzzkill, so I can imagine the way that you feel about anal.

  10. I think we sex lovers have this confused idea about sex and love. I think the guys may not even know if they really mean it or not. Just a thought.

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