Archive | November 2013

Thankful for my Mr. Firm!! :D

the perfect man

I hope you all had as great of a Thanksgiving as I did!  I love being able to see my family on the holidays plus was extra thankful this time to get to see Mr. Firm!  He lives 30 minutes away from where I was visiting and we were able to make it work on a whim.  He drove up shortly before he was set to leave out of state himself and got a cheap motel. 

MMMmmmm….he is SO GOOD in bed!!  He’s right up there with the Professor, maybe even better, though without the same emotional component. Skill wise he may be the closest I’ve ever had to the married man, and since he’s apparently gone, I’m VERY thankful Mr. Firm is still around!! 

I don’t mean to imply the sex isn’t emotional, because it is, I just know where the boundaries lie and it stops outside the bedroom.  He’s got a regular relationship and seems very skilled at maintaining that while still being awesome with me.  I love it.  I wish every guy could be like that.  It would make the whole open relationship thing go a lot more smoothly.

Mr. Firm has been really cool.  He’s extremely low drama and unlike other men who say they “don’t do drama” he seems to really mean it, lol.  I asked if he’s ever had trouble with that in the lifestyle and he said once with a married woman who was crossing inappropriate boundaries but that he “shut that shit down real quick”.  He says that one of the reasons he likes sleeping with married women in the swinging lifestyle is that if they get out of hand he can just tell their husband’s to come and get them.  Haha…

Anyhow, he’s been doing this for years and I am really appreciating his wisdom and advice regarding some of my recent incidents with men.  He’s very good at detecting bullshit and pointing out inconsistencies in people’s stories.  I’m sure his working at a law firm helps with that!!  LOL  Plus he doesn’t get jealous and I feel like I can trust him to be real with me, rather than just try to elbow out the other guys.

If he wasn’t already in a relationship I think I would totally fall for him.  Yet he is, and because of his attitude towards that and towards me and because he doesn’t lead me on I can respect that.  We have amazing sex and he says I fuck him just the way he needs.  I was like ” I wish it could be more often, but I’ll take what I can get ” and he said him too, but that it makes him appreciate me even more. 🙂

I’m not sure I would have been able to get rid of Mr. Motorcycle without his support.  I told him all the stuff that had happened and he sat there and pointed out each obvious lie that Mr. Motorcycle tried to confuse me with and each way he had tried to manipulate me, from promising gifts to telling me that he’d spent the whole weekend trying to tell me he was “falling in love” with me when he was called out on his repeated disappearances.  Then he claimed he was manscaping “for the first time” in the hotel.  Mr. Firm said it doesn’t take that long to manscape anyhow and I found pictures he had sent me before we even met where he was totally shaven.  Eyeroll…

Basically what Mr. Firm did was put words to all those nagging feelings and red flags I had been seeing.  He voiced that he seemed like he was trying to control me and that he’d come across men like that before and it never ends well.  I knew he was right of course but on my own have a tendency to be too nice and wait it out until someone does something really awful before cutting them off.  He predicted the way he would act afterwards correctly but kept encouraging me not to fall for any of it.  He was like you are really NICE and I love that about you but some people will take advantage of that and really try to get you to bend (which I have found to be very true). So far I’ve been holding strong and believe me Mr. Motorcycle is still trying.  He even sent me some weird picture for Thanksgiving, that looks like two dragons kissing in the shape of a heart in the sky.  WTF?

Then when this situation came up with the Referee he was totally awesome.  I told him all the facts of what happened and he helped me pick it apart.  Even better was that I got an apology letter during the time he and I were talking, from the couple that the Referee had ditched me for.  I sent it to him and he pointed out several obvious lies and differences from what the Referee had told me.  I could see a lot of them for myself but it helps to have someone else letting you know you aren’t just being a bitch!

Here is the letter, supposedly written by the female half of the couple and sent to me on the swinger site via email:

hey there sexy girl I wanted to apologize for Saturday night for me cussing at you that was inappropriate and that is not like me to do that . I was irritated with my boyfriend for getting very drunk and I was the one having to drive home and a neighborhood and an area that I am not familiar with . we did not even know that (the Referee) was going to be in town until that afternoon we were out having drinks and he met up with us we didn’t even see him until about 5 o’clock that day we were unaware of any plans that he had to meet up with you . so he was not with us Friday night or at all saturday day . so I hope you accept my apology and hopefully we can see each other again sometime . :

 

It ended with a “kiss”.  At first reading I was even a tad skeptical.  I mean, how is this woman who I never met other than her cussing me out going to start out calling me “sexy girl”?  Even more telling though was “her” comment that they did not know the Referee would be in town until 5 pm.   That’s kind of hard to claim when I have texts from him at 10:30 am saying they had invited us to stay the night at their place. 

Not to mention little things like who spends 3 hours at dinner at a restaurant?  And the Referee told me that evening all he had eaten all day was “6 pieces of shrimp”.  That’s a long ass time to be sitting there not eating food.  As Mr. Firm pointed out, it wasn’t hard to find their way around the neighborhood either.  Three adults in the car, three gps’s on their phones, and they managed to get “lost” for over an hour after the party?  Give me a break!!  I live out of town and had absolutely no trouble.  This isn’t in a confusing neighborhood, it’s right off a main road.

Also, they bring up Friday night and early Saturday.  I never asked or implied that he was with them then.  The only reason I think they might think I would care is because he told me that morning he had told them I was his “girlfriend”.  No, I was simply pissed at being stood up outside the hotel.  I was lucky I even got into the room.

Also, the Referee claimed that he and the “husband” (who I guess was a boyfriend) were together at the restaurant and that the wife didn’t show up until later.  He said that she showed up at the last minute.  The Referee also said he had ridden with this couple in their car because he didn’t want to drive his vehicle if he had been drinking.  Yet I am supposed to believe he got in a car with people who had been drinking for 3 hours prior to going to the party? 

There were just so many other little details but I don’t have time to type it all out.  The library closes in 8 minutes and my laptop is sent away to be fixed again.  In any case, I am glad to be rid of the Referee.  He is so full of shit it’s not even funny.  He had the nerve to text me a Happy Thanksgiving too and I simply ignored it.

Mr. Firm and I think most likely what happened was that the Referee was trying to help out the boyfriend of this couple, or at least pretending to, by making him think he had a chance at sleeping with ME.  So that he could get to fuck both me and the female half of this couple in one night.

The sad part is, if he’d not been such an ass he probably quite easily could have.  He could have shown up at the hotel on time, taken me to the party as planned, and after a little drinking and socializing it is very likely the female half of the couple and I would BOTH have been likely to sleep with him there, or he could have even just slept with HER while I was off having fun and gone back to the hotel with me later as planned.  Seems like he went way out of his way to make things more complicated than they should have been. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another one bites the dust…

The men in my life are falling like dominoes.  If it weren’t for Mr. Firm, who has been supremely awesome, and my fuck buddy, I’d be high and dry.  In the past week I’ve decided to drop Mr. Motorcycle, the Married Man has taken me off his Facebook (so I’m guessing he is serious about this not wanting to fool around stuff) and as of now I am completely done with the Referee.

Getting rid of Mr. Motorcycle has proven to be a challenge.  He’s not wanting to go without a fight.  After the events of the last party, and after discussing it with a few different people, I decided it was for the best to just end things now, before things get worse.  There are just too many red flags with him and I have some serious suspicions about what went on behind my back at that hotel party with him.

Three different men, who had all been to that party before, listened to my retelling of the events with him and said the same exact thing, that they KNOW he was fucking people in the hotel rooms while I was sitting alone at the party.  Mr. Firm, the Pilot, and the Referee all said that is what happens there during the party and that even signing up all the black guys get invited to these BBC gang bangs that are going on.  They said if he was even gone 20 minutes he HAD to have been fucking someone.

Well, combined with the totally lame excuses he gave me for disappearing I would have to say they are right.  First off, he claimed he was in the hotel room manscaping “for the first time” and it made such a mess that he spent a lot of time cleaning up.  Not only does that not explain his multiple disappearances, but it is a flat out lie.  I have proof in the form of pictures he sent me before we even met of him naked, and completely shaved.  Not to mention there weren’t any dirty towels lying around or anything like that in the hotel room.  What the fuck ever. Who gets dressed up for a party then turns around and decides to manscape in the hotel anyhow?

Since I have told him I am done he has tried EVERYTHING to manipulate me into staying with him.  He said he spent the entire weekend trying to decide to tell me he is falling in love with me.  Then he said he already bought the kids and I Christmas presents and that they were all wrapped and he couldn’t take them back and wanted to bring them over to my house.  I told him not to waste his time.  I’ve had to be pretty harsh.  It’s hard, but I’ve managed to stay firm.  With his background and that “adult abuse without stalking” charge, he freaks me out anyway.  I don’t want to get too involved with a control freak.

I thought things were still awesome with the Referee, but found out differently this weekend.  He had made plans to come visit me but changed them because one of his daughters had won in a college basketball tournament and he wanted to stay for her game.  He said he would pay my gas to come up there and we could go to a party that evening.  Cool.  It was a house party and I was excited to check one of those out.

Before I came up he brought up a couple that he knows that was going to be there.  The woman half is someone he said he was in an “exclusive” relationship for some time with but that she was too jealous and he had to end it.  He said the husband had offered for us to stay at their house but I didn’t think that was a very good idea, considering her jealousy and all and me not knowing these people.  He claimed not to have taken the offer seriously anyway and that he was planning on paying for another night at the hotel. 

The party started at 7 o’clock and the hosts sent out an email asking people to try and arrive around then. I would have to do what I could to get there by then because it would take me about 2 1/2 hrs to get there.  The Referee said all was cool when I texted him I was leaving at 4:45.

So I arrive at the hotel, a Fairfield Marriot.  I call the Referee, no answer.  I text and he doesn’t text back.  He had sent me a copy of the confirmation number before I came up, because it had the address of the hotel.  So I went in and got the room number.  Knocked on the door and there was no answer.  I finally went downstairs and got the people at the front desk to give me a key.  When I got into the room there was no one inside.  There were no suitcases or anything lying around.  The only sign anyone had been there were a couple of wrappers in the trash can.  Supposedly he had stayed there the night before.

I’m puzzled because I had tried calling and texting several more times to no avail.  I decide to just start getting ready for the party, change my clothes and touch up.  By now it is after 8:00 and still no sign of the Referee.  I wonder if I am getting stood up?  So I text the host of the party and ask if by chance he had arrived there, thinking maybe he’d gone to check out the party and was planning to come back.  Nope.  They haven’t seen him but tell me to come on by on my own!

Finally my phone rings and it is the Referee.  He says he went to dinner with that couple “right around the corner” that he had talked about and that he had “left his phone charging in the car” because it was dead.  Give me a fucking break!  Who leaves their car running for an hour and a half with a phone charging in it when they know someone is supposed to be arriving in town?? Supposedly he was on his way back. I was pissed and hung up on him.  I finished getting ready and debated on what to do. 

It was a pretty long time and he still hadn’t shown up, so I decided to gather my bags up and leave.  Just as I am heading out the door he is coming in.  He was like “wait! where are you going?” and trying to talk to me but I just brushed past.  He left his suitcase in the hall and chased after me down to my vehicle, begging me to just wait and go to the party with him.  I told him I am going to the party by myself and he said he wasn’t going to go if I wouldn’t talk to him.  I said I hoped he had fun fucking that woman (which of course he denied) and got in my van. 

After I drove off he called me and said if I wasn’t going to talk to him fine, he would leave and I could keep the hotel room.  I said great, you can stay with your friends.  He said he wasn’t going to do that and kept trying to talk to me. He was like “really?  You are that pissed off about me going to dinner with someone?” and I pointed out that he’d shown up an hour and a half late and just left me hanging, no matter what the hell he was doing.  He knew I was coming to the hotel and supposed to be there a little after 7. 

I got to the party a little after 9. I got in free since I was alone and female. There weren’t a ton of people there yet but the host guy liked me and was showing me around.  He even announced my arrival at the party to groups of people like I was some sort of celebrity, lol.  A single woman there all by myself I might as well have been.  A few different men came up to talk to me at various times.

When I got a minute to head back over to check my phone (which was in my coat by the door) there were texts from the Referee.  He was like “seriously?”.  A little while later he showed up at the party, WITH that couple.  I was chatting with a good-looking, biracial, 24 year old, body builder when he walked in and he didn’t say anything to me but walked into the kitchen with his little friends.

Of course, I’d had to explain to several people why I was there all by myself, and from so far away.  Repeatedly, people said what a dick he is for doing that to you!  He’s losing out!!  He motioned at me once from the kitchen and I discretely flipped him off.

I walked past him at one point and the male half of the couple tried to stop me.  I said (loud enough for the people in the vicinity to hear) to the guy who was with me “this is that couple he stood me up for” and the woman started getting pissy.  I ignored her and walked downstairs.

A while later the body building guy invited me back into a private room.  We went in with the intent to play.  However, he couldn’t get it up, so it was kind of a fail.  I sucked on his floppy little dick to no avail.  He said it was his first party and he was kind of nervous.  He didn’t know why it wasn’t cooperating.  I said that was okay and we eventually headed back out to join the party.

Later on, I ended up in that room again.  This time I was spread eagle on the bed while a woman was using a Hitachi magic wand on me and licking my pussy.  Another woman and man were sucking on my nipples and another guy fingered me.  I also went down on a redheaded girl that was next to me while the wand was being used on her. I had kissed and made out with a couple of different women at the party, one who I had met and made out with when I was with Mr. Motorcycle before. 

The door was supposed to stay closed and “private” when there were people in there but someone let in the Referee.  He came over and tried to play with me too and I put my hand over my pussy to deny him access.  He kept pushing and pulled me away from the people and rather than cause a big scene I finally let him.  He’s the only guy I actually fucked there.

Afterwards, I was ignoring him again.  He and that couple walked past me and I was standing there with the body builder.  I said, that’s the one that ditched me and those are the people and she turned around and started screaming.  She started screaming at me that she hadn’t even fucked him and yelling at the top of her lungs.  I didn’t respond and they walked out the door, together. 

The body builder guy was like “damn, you didn’t even say two words to her and she started flipping out”.  I pointed out that the Referee hadn’t even bothered to stand up for me and just LEFT with this woman.  Nice.  The other people at the party were like damn, what is her problem?  Wow.  At some point earlier another woman had come up to me and said that I was right, that the Referee was really an asshole.  She didn’t say why, but apparently he had pissed her off somehow.

I stayed and talked for a little while but decided to go back to the hotel alone.  The body builder offered to come with me and I said probably not tonight.  I was hoping the Referee would have gone home with those people and I wouldn’t have to see him.  I’d only had two mixed drinks but I didn’t feel like driving all the way home late at night. 

I got back to the room and no one was there so I bolted the door and got ready for bed.  Unfortunately, about half an hour later the Referee showed up.  Long story short he tried every trick in the book, even telling me he “loves” me to get me to forgive him.  Then he started demanding that I owed him sex since he payed for the room for us to be in together.  He only pays like $35 for a room because he gets a special discount but it was a very nice suite.  Still, I told him that I don’t “owe” him anything and that I was totally turned off due to his behavior.

He argued and pushed and argued and pushed, all night long.  At 4 am he still wouldn’t go to sleep even though I’d asked him to just leave me alone.  He said he couldn’t sleep without an orgasm and that he couldn’t get himself off.  Every time he touched me I told him to back off. 

He finally climbed on top of my legs while I was lying on my stomach, and wouldn’t get off.  He said he knew I was horny because I was so wet and I told him not for him.  He started jacking off and trying to rub his cock between my thighs, swearing that was all he was going to do.

He wouldn’t get off me. He finally pretended to “fall” and push it in between my legs, under my panties. Please. Give me a fucking break. I told him to quit and get off me. He did but repeated a similar process again. He begged and pleaded and begged me to fuck him. He tried to say he treats me sooo well and I will never find another man who is so good to me.

At one point he claimed he would call this woman and stand up for me now. I told him to do it. He then said he only had her husband’s number. I said then call him and ask for hers and he said no one does that (eyeroll). He said he is getting out of the lifestyle now and it is all my fault, that he is in love with me and he can’t deal with this kind of stuff. He was so full of shit.

I ended up begrudgingly fucking him, twice, just to get him to leave me alone so I could sleep. No, I really didn’t want to and I flat out told him that. I didn’t cum or anything like that and barely acknowledged him. Then the next morning he tried to say he thought since we had “made love” everything was better. What a freaking joke. I am so, so, so, done. I was so glad to get out of there and never want to see him again. He kept telling me how I am going to miss him and be so sad. Give me a fucking break!!

The conflicted married man

obsessed

Many times on this blog I have mentioned the man that was the best sex of my life.  If you recall, he is married, but I didn’t realize that at the beginning.  We met for what was supposed to be a one night stand, which turned into a little more. 

It’s been over a year since I saw him last but we still keep in contact.  He often asks me to meet up at times that are inconvenient or impossible.  Other times we set up plans and he flakes out.  If it were anyone else I probably would have been done a long time ago, but he is A-MAZING and I let things slide.

I figure he’s married and I know that it is hard to plan, especially with him living a few hours away.  Nevertheless, it gets annoying at times, being cancelled on.  Still, we are talking about a man, who within minutes of meeting me, off Craigslist, at a hotel, managed to make me cum REPEATEDLY, like 50 times in an hour and a half time period.  This, after me having NEVER been able to cum with another man before in my life!!  He’s like some kind of superhuman sex God, I’m not even kidding!!  After that it just got better!!

We’ve actually only met up a couple of times.  The rest of it has been this flaky, weird behavior with him that I keep talking about.  Married man shit.  Yet, we text, he asks me about the guys I meet and the swinger parties, and of course wants an occasional picture.  Once his wife caught him texting me and that was a problem.  Still, 3 weeks later he was contacting me again and even added me on Facebook. 

He’s cool, I like him, but it is not an emotional thing, other than right after having sex because he does tend to affect me.  He was talking crazy, with this stuff about me moving into one of the houses he owns, having his baby and paying me 3,000 a month to do so.  I thought at first he was just saying that because we were so into the sex and it was part of a fantasy, but he has brought up me moving there at other times and again said things about wanting to get me pregnant.

On Facebook, and from the things he has told me about his life and kids, he appears to be the ideal, upstanding, church-going, family man.  His wife posts cutesy pictures of the two of them together and tags him in it.  She is pretty and seems sweet from all I can see.  The kids are adorable and one is actually from another mother, who oddly enough is now dating a guy I went to high school with!  So I see their pics on there too, lol. 

Anyhow, that’s the backstory.  He makes good money and travels a lot for his business. He lives a few hours away in a big city, but when we originally met he was here for some sort of convention. 

A couple of days ago he texted me saying he had plans to see a client in a town that was about an hour from here.  He had deliberately scheduled it at the end of his day hoping to see me before he had to head home. Letting me know a day in advance is an improvement on his usual “hey I am in xyz town can you be here in a couple of hours” type texts. I said I would check and see if my ex would take the kids and if so, sure I would try and meet up.

It all worked out and I gps’d it and was heading his direction.  He’d made sure to check with me ahead of time and warn me that he would be in meetings and unable to answer the phone until after that was over but said just start driving.  He wanted me to come earlier but I wasn’t able to head out until after my ex came home at 6. 

I was on the road, on a highway I’ve never taken, when he called to ask where I was at.  He said not to meet him there after all but in a different city, that he thought was closer.  I was familiar with the second city but was going completely in a different direction, well parallel, to it.  Unfortunately I had driven a ways before we figured that out.  It was dark, my gps on my phone kept saying it couldn’t access data and neither one of us knew for sure where the hell I actually was.

I finally got it to take me back to the familiar highway that would get me to the city he wanted to meet up in, but I had to drive 22 miles to get there, on some scary, dark, back roads.  Did I mention I was wearing heels?  Not just heels, but heels and a bra and panties, with a trench coat, per his request.  I did bring some other clothing but had mostly stripped it off due to the cold sweat I had broken out in from all the stress of being lost in the dark.  I was also without ANY kind of phone service for the 22 miles I was on that road.  Ugh.  I was driving around all these curves, in heels and lingerie, terrified, in the dark, on some back country road in the middle of nowhere. 

NO ONE else could have gotten me to do this, lol.  I swear.  He is just way too freaking good in bed!!  Still, I was a tad irritated.  Then I finally get to a city I recognize and am finally able to call him. It turns out I have BACKTRACKED on that freaking highway.  I’m only about 15 miles out of town and still need to drive almost an hour more.  Sigh….

I asked if it was getting too late, if he still wanted me to come.  He vacillated a bit because he wanted to get home at a decent hour, but said he REALLY wanted to fuck me.  I kept driving.

Finally, I arrive in the parking lot off the highway, where he is waiting in his car.  I get out, in my trench coat and heels and walk over.  He lets me in and I ask where he wants to go now.

He says “there is something we need to talk about”.  Oh God, this doesn’t sound good.  What could it possibly be?

His wife had just called him, telling him she loves him.  Now he is feeling guilty.  He doesn’t think he can do this.  He didn’t used to feel guilty but he had promised her and God that he wouldn’t do this anymore and now here he is and she calls to tell him she loves him.

I say it’s ok.  I understand and I am not mad at him.  He apologizes.  Then he just stares at me.  “I want to fuck you so bad”.  “God, I want to fuck you so bad”.  He grabs my hair and keeps staring, lustfully, and stroking my head.  He goes in for a kiss, then pulls away, looking guilty.  “I can’t do this”. 

I said it’s ok.  He says he wants to fuck me so bad but he promised and he needs to be a better man.  He keeps apologizing and says he will fill my tank up with gas.  I said it’s ok, I don’t want you to hurt anyone or feel guilty.  I’m not mad at you.  He keeps staring and staring at me.

Then, suddenly he starts driving.  I was like “where are we going?” and he wouldn’t answer.  The look in his eyes was almost crazy.  I asked again and he said nothing, making me start to freak out inside.  It was dark and he was driving me towards the woods.  I was like “where are you taking me?” and he pulled over in a dark parking lot corner near the woods. 

He started kissing me and pulled open my coat.  His mouth went down to my nipples and he started sucking on them.  Then he pulled away and looked guilty again.  “I can’t”.  He said he wanted me really badly but he loves his wife. I said it’s okay, I understand.  I’m not mad.  You can take me back to my van.

He kept apologizing as we drove back and had me follow him out to the gas station.  He put about $25 in my tank and asked if that was enough.  I said it was and he said “I’m sorry” and that he felt bad having me drive all the way up there.  I said it was okay and he looked at me again before turning away to walk in the convenience store.

I drove off and halfway home texted “goodnight :/”.  He said “sorry” and when I got all the way back I said “sometimes temptation is hard to resist”.  He was most likely home with his wife by then, and never responded.

Sigh.  I really wanted to fuck him.  But I also feel bad.  I’m not trying to be a homewrecker or tear apart anyone’s happy family.  I really do think he loves her and she is probably a great wife.  From what I gather I think he has most likely been a serial cheater, though he did say it’s been a long time since he did anything. 

I struggled a little bit, feeling rejected, but I know and understand his reason.  Still, a big part of me wanted to tempt him to fuck me again anyway.  The other part is going “awww….how sweet, he’s such a good guy” and partly feeling guilty for leading him astray. 

I wonder if I’m ever going to hear from him again?  Can he really keep it up, resisting temptation?  He told me when we first met that he thinks he is a sex addict.  He said “you are too, aren’t you?  I can tell”.  According to him, he’s never met a woman like me, that was already such a freak before meeting him, though he claims he’s turned others out.  He couldn’t believe I just walked up to his hotel room to fuck after communicating on Craigslist and said he’d never expect that from a woman of my caliber and looks. 

Anyway, I’m a tad bit torn.  I want him to be happy and not feel so guilty but again I don’t want to give him up!  I know his wife would never leave him in a million years.  He’s too good in bed, makes good money and is a good dad.  A woman’s dream.

 Ladies, if you ever want to keep a guy from cheating, now you know.  Let him know you love him and make him feel guilty.  Seems like it works better than anything else I know of.  He said before he didn’t used to feel guilt about it.  Now he does.  I’m guessing they must be trying to work on their relationship, maybe with counseling or something.

Anyhow, that’s where we are at.  I hope if he ever decides to cheat again though, that it is with me.  I won’t interfere if he is doing what he believes is right but if he changes his mind I am not going to fight that either!  I couldn’t, he is just too darn good!!  I guess he has been living vicariously through me a bit with the stories of my life and parties and all that too. 

Now I know why he is so darn flaky.  I hate the guilt.  Yet I really do understand.  I felt that way too, at times, when I was cheating on my husband, even though I felt it was with good reason.  It took me awhile to come to terms with it all. 

I felt a little resentful that he seemed to be putting me in the role of evil, seductive, temptress but I have to remember he is deeply entrenched in Christianity too.  He is the moral, upright, kind of guy you see in church every Sunday and Wednesday night.  Kinda like my ex husband.  Yet the sex, OMG, I have never felt so much passion out of someone in my life.  He said he felt the same way about me.  I wonder if he will cave?

 

 

Things that make me go hmmmm….

hmmmm-let-me-think-about-that-thumb

So remember how Mr. Motorcycle had asked me to have a couples profile with him and I had decided it wasn’t the best idea?  I don’t recall whether or not I gave him a definitive answer but apparently he took matters into his own hands and opened one without my knowledge!  I found out because the Professor texted me, apologizing for looking at my couples profile and saying he wasn’t trying to stalk me or anything, he hadn’t realized it was mine.

Um, what?  What couples profile?  I was bewildered.  He said there were face pictures of me on the main page of the site! 

At first I wasn’t even sure who it was because both the Referee and Mr. Motorcycle have got pics of me on their single profiles now.  I thought I had asked them to keep any face pics out of their main gallery, where it can be seen by all.  When I finally figured it out though, and had a look, I was only able to see pics that didn’t include my face.  I’m not a paid member so the Prof could see more than me.

Still, he opened a profile without my permission!  I was upset and texted him to ask about it.  His response was a lot of sweet talk.  He said he had to have a couples profile to get into one of the parties we were trying to attend this weekend.  When I read the rules for that party it was true, they asked all singles coming together to have a couple profile, but I was still irked he hadn’t informed me.  I also told him I didn’t want my face pics out in public and he swore up and down that he would never do that and wasn’t that stupid.

I still find it interesting that the minute a picture of me appears on that site, the Prof is on it!  It’s like he’s either on there CONSTANTLY or he’s got some kind of super radar for my pics.  It makes me sad because I do still have feelings for him but I don’t see it going anywhere at this point.  I made a comment about having heard about him sleeping with that woman and telling her not to tell me and that I was surprised to learn someone else had been all in love with him when we were together but he didn’t respond to that.  I said it didn’t really matter at this point anyhow, but I still wanted to see what he would say. 

Mr. Motorcycle deleted all the pics on the profile, other than ones he has in a gallery where he has to give permission for a person to see it.  The profile is still up though and he claims we need it to get into certain parties, which is true.  I couldn’t get him to give me the password though, he acted like he didn’t remember it when I asked him this morning.  It’s pretty obvious he is full of shit and it makes me wonder what all he actually plans on using it for.

I let it slide and still went to a party with him last night, like we had planned.  For the most part the party was fairly boring, as far as swinger parties go.  We danced and drank and it was in a hotel lobby.  We didn’t really meet anyone we were interested in swapping with, so at the end of the night it was just he and I.

During the party, he kept disappearing on me to go outside or back to the room.  I don’t think he was gone long enough to be having sex with anyone else but I am a little suspicious as to what he was up to.  Not that it really matters that much to me at a swingers party, I just think it is odd that he seems to be hiding something.  You could smoke inside this party and there was an ashtray at our table, yet he kept taking off.

After he got me naked back in the room there were a couple times he went outside to see what was going on.  He did it both before and after we had sex.  I know there was one woman there he has slept with before and he did give me a little update on what was going on with them.  Apparently she had a few guys lined up outside the room to fuck her and he says her husband slept with a couple of women too.  I still get the feeling he really doesn’t want to share ME all that much and is trying to keep me away from the fun.

Also, this morning he had what looked like a hickey on his shoulder.  I’m pretty darn sure it wasn’t from me?  I don’t think I have ever given anyone a hickey in my life, lol and I don’t remember sucking on him at all during sex but he claims he didn’t touch anyone else and it had to have been from me.  Hmmm….

Anyhow, while he was gone at various times, I would get antsy just sitting alone at the back table he wanted me to wait at, and got up to walk around and “use the restroom”.  At least that was my excuse, and I did end up giving one guy my phone number on the sly.  I was a little worried that Mr. Motorcycle would come back and get upset with me, though I don’t suppose he would have any real reason or right to.  He later claimed that one of his reasons for continuing to leave was to see who would try and talk with me, but I am not so sure about that. 

I also spent some of my time texting back and forth with both my Fuck Buddy and the Referee.  There weren’t a whole lot of attractive people to socialize with at the party and they were both curious what I was up to.  The Referee wants to see me today, later.  He kept telling me he missed me and to think about HIM and take pics.

My Fuck Buddy, and this is hilarious, had placed a Craigslist ad and I had responded to it!  I haven’t responded to a Craigslist ad in ages but had been playing around a bit on there earlier in the day and seen an ad looking for a girl with green eyes.  Hey, I fit the bill, lol 😉  Funny that it was from him because virtually every time I have placed an ad, he has answered it too!!  I know he likes my green eyes but it is amusing to me that he would specifically seek that out.  I guess we were bound to find each other on there eventually one way or another.

As the night went on we did talk to more people and dance quite a bit, so that was fun.  The sex was pretty great too, so no complaints there.  Well, other than that he didn’t cum after the second round.  He did the first time but it annoyed me that he seemed to not want to the second time.  That reduces the enjoyment for me and makes the sex not seem as good, plus I had to wonder what he was holding out for?  Hoping to sleep with someone else?  He was in bed with me all night, though that one woman he had slept with before, her husband did text at 4:30 in the morning.

Oh, and we had sex in the pitch dark, which was good because I tore during the anal episode with the Referee and it still hasn’t healed.  I had been afraid of him noticing that.  It still hurts!!  The Referee says he won’t try anal again with me.  I’m not mad or anything just don’t want to do it again.  He’s pretty thick and I just don’t think my body can handle it.

Speaking of the Referee, I also noticed HE put a picture of me on his profile that was taken in my Halloween costume with Mr. Motorcycle!  It’s just of me, doesn’t show my face and only shows my ass.  Still, he knows damn well it was taken with another man!  Why would he put that on HIS profile?  SMDH….men, I swear.  I don’t even know if I sent him that pic or if he just pilfered it off Mr. Motorcycle’s profile?  WTF?  Haha….

Anyhow, I don’t have a lot of time to type.  My computer is on the blitz again and I am at the library, but wanted to give an update and share my latest odd happenings.  Hope you all had a great weekend!  Hopefully I’ll be off to see the Referee soon. 

 

 

 

You shouldn’t have….really…

youshouldn'thave

I feel like an ungrateful bitch.  Mr. Motorcycle brought me a huge gift, telling me “Merry Christmas!!” but I don’t want it.  I feel bad, but I just really…don’t.

He had come over here the night before, when I told him of an issue I was having with my refrigerator.  Turns out a mouse had run behind it and gotten stuck in the fan, causing a loud, horrible, continuous, noise, followed by a really bad smell.  Ewwwwww…     

I suspected it was something like that, since I had been sitting in the kitchen and SEEN the damn mouse run back there and had just set out poison traps earlier that day.  Anyhow, I was very thankful that he offered to come remove it!  When I thanked him he actually said “my pleasure” and acted like it was no big deal.  Seriously, over a dead, nasty mouse?  Haha  I don’t think you could have paid me hundreds of dollars to get me to touch that thing, even with rubber gloves.  Well, that is one thing men are much more willing to do than women, I guess.  Hooray for guys!  It really was very nice of him.

He had brought along his 15 year old son.  He seemed like a good kid and was friendly with my little ones, who were showing off by roller skating and riding a tricycle across the house and trying to engage him in a discussion about various mythical creatures.  Chaos, lol, but what else is new?

Anyhow, his dad had him sweep out behind the oven and refrigerator after moving them and I held the dustpan.  This was bad news for me, since I am terribly allergic to things like dust mites and mouse droppings.  I’ve spent all day today sneezing and in utter misery despite taking two Allegra. 

Still I was very thankful.  I ended up having to ask him to come back today, because the freezer door was situated where it couldn’t open all the way and was bumping into a doorway.  I have a big side by side refrigerator that is too heavy for me to move and it hadn’t gotten put back exactly where it had been before. 

No big deal.  He said they would stop by after work.  He said our children seemed to get along well and his son had asked if he might take the kids to a movie sometime.  Hmmm…okay, that might be alright.

 I was thinking he probably just wanted an excuse for some time alone with me and asked his son to “babysit”.  I haven’t been able to hang out with him for the last week and a half or so, due to having my kids with me all the time.  We have plans to go to another party soon but in the meantime I was trying not to ask my ex to take them too often, since his girlfriend had gotten upset about it the last time we went out of town.

Then he mentions that he has a “surprise” for me.  I wonder what it could be?  He wouldn’t say.

I warned him that I felt like crap, was too sick to put on makeup and would look like death warmed over if he came to the door.  Apparently he was unconcerned.  He said “I’ve seen you without makeup before”.  Yeah, well, not when I am a sneezing, sniveling, red -nosed, watery -eyed, mess, but okay, enter at your own risk!

I was also on my period and though I haven’t explained any of this to him, I am still hurting from my anal adventure over a week ago.  Even though the Referee never managed to get his dick all the way in, it caused me to tear.  I also got a lovely infection, most likely due to him pulling out of my ass and heading straight into my pussy.  Thankfully, some over the counter yeast medication seemed to take care of that.

So I’m over here, not feeling the least bit sexy, and he wants to come over with a “surprise”.  I showered but didn’t even bother to dress in regular clothes.  I’m over here in jogging pants and a camisole.  I did drop the kids off at their dad’s house though, for a little while.

So he shows up at my door with his son.  They have backed the pickup truck right up to my front door, drove right across my front lawn.  He asks me to prop the door open and I see them bringing in something huge.  It’s the base to a large screen TV, with a cabinet on the bottom that looks like its doors are slightly uneven.  It’s covered with dust, and I’m already a wreck so I’m standing back a little ways.

Oh wow, this thing is really BIG.  It’s about ¾ the size of the entertainment center I currently have in my living room, which has a 32 inch TV in it, as well as shelves that I have filled with books and my Wifi box and several other things.  He mentions that it still needs another part, one that costs $40 and he is planning to order.  For now it won’t even work.

They start to set the TV on top of the base and I stop them as I run to grab some Windex.  He has his son wipe it down with a towel.  They put the thing together and start to push it right in front of my front window, while he tells me we can leave it there until he gets it fixed.

I’m like um, no, let’s put it over here on the other side of the room where it isn’t blocking my window.  He rolled his eyes and jokingly made some comment about “women” to his son, and how we are always particular about these things.  Well yeah, we are talking a giant box in the middle of my freaking living room, for who knows how long.  He said the part may take like 3 weeks to get here. 

He mentions that he has three more of these somewhere and is trying to get rid of them.  He wants to send one to his sister but it would cost more to mail it than to just buy a new one.  Poor girl.

I know he means well, but let me tell you a little something about me.  I absolutely HATE, with a passion, broken things and clutter.  I am a total minimalist.  I’m also very practical and much prefer books to television.  I virtually never watch it.  We have a tv, but it is used to watch family movies, Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, Wild Kratts and the Magic School Bus.  That’s pretty much IT, unless its college basketball season’s March Madness.  I went over 15 years without a television at all.

In order to keep this TV in my home I would have to get rid of my entertainment center.  That is where I am storing BOOKS.  Books I use for homeschooling my children and need easy access to.  I don’t have money for a new bookshelf.  I’d rather have a bookshelf than a TV any day.  When I got divorced one of the only things I was truly sad about losing was this huge, beautiful, cherry stained bookshelf my ex- husband and his brother had built for me.  I was in love with that thing and it would sell for a lot of money (though I would have kept it).  I gave it to him though because he made it.  Oh well.  He probably doesn’t even have it anymore!  Wah!! 😦

I just really don’t want this monster sized TV.  I’m afraid it could tip over on one of my kids.  It seems pretty sturdy but I do know someone who lost a toddler when their TV fell on top of him.  What with the roller skating and trike riding going on across my wood floors, you just never know! 

I don’t want the focus of my living room to be a television.  We have educational maps on the walls and lots of books, and again, it reflects my values.  TV isn’t one of them and I want to make sure my kids realize that.  Most of all, I don’t want to give up my bookshelf!  I can’t afford another one.  I also don’t know where I would put my WiFi and Netflix box and TV antenna and all the things that are on the top of that shelf.

Maybe I am just being a bitch.  I am sick and cranky and on the rag.  I’ve had a really rough week in other ways too, but this “gift” is stressing me out more than it is making me happy.  I’m irritable as hell about it.  Add that I feel there could be an unspoken “you owe me” tied into being given something so large and I really just want it to go away.

Sigh….  I finally sent him a text telling him I really appreciate him thinking of me but I don’t feel this TV is practical for me.  I mentioned the fear of it falling and that I wanted to keep my bookshelf. I said I didn’t think I had enough room for it.

 He definitely seemed hurt.  He was like “wow, ok”.  He said it would never fall.  I reiterated myself and was like “don’t be upset”.  After a long time he texted back saying he was confused and a little embarrassed but not upset.  I feel awful. 

I don’t know.  I guess I’m just not that thankful this Thanksgiving season.  I know he meant well.  The night before I had jokingly made a comment about my “old” TV and how no one would ever bother to steal it from us.  Some of the houses in my neighborhood have been robbed but at my place there really isn’t anything worth taking. 

I am okay with that though.  I really don’t want a big screen TV.  I told him not to be embarrassed; it was really sweet of him to think of me.  He hasn’t responded and I don’t know what else to say.  Part of me feels really bad but the other part just wants this thing out of here!!

 I know if he was really excited to give this to me it could really be hurting his feelings.  I so don’t want to do that.  I also know it’s not enough to keep him from wanting to take me to swinger parties in the future.  It also seems to tie in somehow with the whole “control” thing I have talked about with him in previous posts, though I can’t seem to exactly put a finger on HOW.  It just seems really presumptuous to bring something like that into my house without asking, no matter how well intended. 

So you all tell me…am I being nasty and unthankful ? Or was it kind of pushy of him to give me this “gift”?  Or maybe it’s a bit of both? 

I’m anal about anal, but(t)….

Anal_Warning

Okay, so I have never been into anal sex.  My first experiences with it were not pleasant and I generally tell my lovers I am not interested.  Still, I’ve never completely discounted that I might do it for *some* guy, at *some* point, if I liked him enough and he was careful.

Most of the men I have been with haven’t pushed it.  They might make suggestive comments once in a while, or ask, but when they see my lack of interest they let it drop, or never actually follow through.  I’ve been especially happy with the men in my life who have done it but aren’t all that into it and don’t even try. 

What can I say?  I know in this day and age it is practically prude not to want anal but it’s just not something that gets me excited.  I don’t even like a finger up there.  Ouch.

Actually, there was a guy once, a long, long time ago, who used to like to stick his finger up there while I was riding him.  It wasn’t so bad and at times I even enjoyed it. I don’t remember it hurting.  Yet when someone tries now, it does.  Go figure.  Maybe the guys I am with now just have bigger fingers?  Hmmm…

As for actual anal, the first time I had it I was 13.  Yes, you read that right.  It was with the first guy I ever had sex with.  We were having sex in a public sauna, near the swimming pool in a hotel, and he suddenly decided to stick his dick in there.  He tried to talk me into it, a little, AS he was doing it, but mostly just shoved it in.  All the way in…. and started pounding.

I got dizzy and lightheaded.  Not to mention it HURT.  I begged him to stop.  Afterwards I nearly threw up.  It wasn’t fun.  My body was nowhere near ready to handle anything like that.  We were young and I have no idea how big his dick was but I would guess somewhere between 7-8 inches.  He wasn’t small.

My second experience, I was 16.  I was seeing that crazy drug dealer guy I have mentioned a few times before, and he would have been like 21-22 at the time.  This guy was ROUGH in bed.  Really, too rough for my liking, to begin with.  The anal, he totally took me by surprise.

I was bent over the bed and we were going at it, when he pulled out and just RAMMED it up my ass.  HARD.  And kept going. My body practically went into shock.  I had a very similar reaction, in that I got so dizzy and lightheaded I nearly fainted, and then felt like I was going to vomit.  I don’t mean just KIND of “felt like,” either time.  I was doubled over and not feeling well for quite a while.

Since then there has been nothing attractive to me about the idea of anal.  Nothing.  Add fear of having my asshole stretched out, or getting hemorrhoids and possible disgusting messes, and yuck…   

On top of that, I have heard some real horror stories regarding anal experiences.  One was actually from a guy who is really into it and was sharing an experience that his roommate had.  According to him, this girl had some issue of backed up constipation.  In a drunken state, she and this guy had anal sex, that ended up in crap, ALL.OVER. THEIR. APARTMENT.   He told me the story in way too much gory detail and I don’t even want to share or you’ll all be retching over your keyboards.  Nasty. 

Being someone who is kind of obsessed with personal hygiene, this stuff REALLY did not appeal to me.  Then there were the stories of enemas.  I guess some women take the time to take THOSE before engaging in anal, you know, to keep it more “clean”.

 Um, the ONLY time I have ever used an enema was before labor was induced with my very first child.  No thanks to my mother in law, who offered this advice, I thought that would help make labor and delivery easier.  Please.  I have had four babies since then and that experience was by far my most difficult.  Never again will I take an enema.  It didn’t help with jack during labor and instead left me doubled over in massive pain, lying on the bathroom floor (but still not in labor) when I needed to get to the hospital for an induction. 

So we’ve pretty much established that I have a “no thanks, I’ll pass” general reaction to anal advances.  If you read my story of my first swinger party, you’ll know a man tried to stick it up there during my first six-some and I wasn’t too thrilled with that either. Still, I know it makes SOME guys happy and that a lot of people are really into it.  I’ve heard stories of women who loved it or even had orgasms from it and sure, I’m still a little curious. 

I’ve been curious if, as an adult and with someone more skilled and careful, my experiences might be different.  I’m still put off by some things (like shitty stories) but there was nothing nasty in either of my previous anal adventures, so I know it isn’t something that HAS to happen.

Keep in mind I’m pretty prim and proper most of the time when it comes to even DISCUSSING anything to do with bathroom habits.  I prefer to pretend it’s not something I ever do, being a “lady” and all.  Heck, I won’t even use terms like “shit” in real life and it’s even hard to type, lol.  People “use the restroom”, they don’t “take a dump” or “crap” or do disgusting things like that.

With all that out of the way, let me tell you what happened today.  I had a date with the Referee, who has been driving this way about once a week for a lunch date.  He again got a room at the Marriot and took me out to lunch at Applebee’s.    It was kind of freaky because the waitress, who waited on us the last time we were there, three weeks ago, said she remembered me ordering exactly the same thing.  Nevermind that I hadn’t remembered my exact order, or even the fact that she had waited on us before, lol.  Wow.  It wasn’t anything unusual or altered from the main menu either.  Crazy.

On the drive over he was playing porn on the dashboard, he said to “get me in the mood”.  Haha…as if I needed that. 😉  He kept telling me how much he likes me, how I have him “addicted” so much that he is driving a couple hours just to see me and getting obsessed.  Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that before.

He said you aren’t supposed to get this way in the Lifestyle and he knows that but that he has it bad.  He keeps telling me he wants me to be his “wife” and then saying “I’m not trying to scare you though”.  I *think* he is kidding?  :p  When I told him about the party I went to recently he says of course no guy is ever going to want to share me if we are together.  He says I have that “effect” on men and that is going to make it hard for me to swing.

Oh, and he was claiming later, after sex, that he likes me so much that he has pretty much stopped having sex with whoever else he was sleeping with.  But then he let some comment drop about how this woman he normally sleeps with was complaining that he normally nuts 3+ times in a session and that he must be giving it all away to a “younger, hotter, girl”.  Yeah…still trying to discern how full of it he is but I guess you never really know with men.  Some of them just looove to talk like they are all about you, when they are not. 

I’m leery.  But I do like him a lot.  I just don’t want to fall for all the stuff I know I have a tendency to fall for, and he’s really laying it on thick!  He’s like “I want to be your Daddy”, “I want to take care of you”, “you make me want you all to myself”, “I’ve been liking you for a year and a half”, “You’re so beautiful and I like you so much I could wife you up”, “if I’m not careful I am going to want you to have my baby”, “I’m gonna have to get snipped so I won’t want to make you pregnant”, “I don’t want to just fuck when we are together, you are too beautiful for that, I want to treat you special”, “other girls aren’t like you” and “I get depressed when you leave”.  He’s even told me “I love you” a couple times, in bed.

I’m trying really hard to keep all his words from affecting me because I know men say things they don’t mean. It’s just so hard sometimes to be able to tell.  He calls me a couple times a day and likes to call first thing in the morning too.

Anyhow, back to anal.  That’s another thing he’s been on.  Wanting to be the only guy who I am willing to have anal with.  I’ve suspected since the beginning he was angling for that and he’s made it pretty obvious with the stuff he does during sex to try and “prep” me. 

He’ll get his tongue all up in there and spit on it during sex and try and slide his finger around the hole.  He’s asked about anal in the past, and that was the first thing he wanted to know if I’d done with the other guy at the swinger party.  He said I should save it for “Daddy” and then was like “just kidding” but it was obvious he wasn’t really.

Surprise, surprise, this time he went for it.  Before our second round of sex he brought out a vibrator.  It was a vibrating dildo, with a smooth gold surface, but no attachment for the clit, like the one I have.  He put it in me and turned it on.  I’m not sure how much the vibrations actually do INSIDE me because it doesn’t feel like much but it still felt good. 

He moved it in and out and eventually started playing with my ass, licking and eventually trying to stick a finger in it.  He went in for regular sex with me on my stomach, while getting things extra wet, playing with his finger and with the vibrator in front. 

Later, he slid his dick out and started rubbing it around my asshole.  He slowly started trying to ease his way in.  I tensed up a bit but didn’t resist.  He was sweet talking me a bit and promising only to put in “just the head” (yeah, yeah, we all heard that one in high school).  After moving it in and out just a little bit, with the head, he grabbed a bottle of Liquid Silk and started pouring it on. 

That helped it get in just a little bit further, but not much.  He held me still for a while with it in place and would start to move but I’d whimper and he’d pull back a tiny bit or go in just a little bit more.  He maybe got a third of his dick in after a while and was slowly rocking back and forth.  At one point he said he was going to cum, but didn’t.

Then he pulls out and goes RIGHT IN MY VAGINA.  OMG.  I am totally freaking out, thinking he is going to give me some kind of bacterial infection, but I didn’t say anything and he finished off.  I’m still trying to decide how to tactfully bring up to him that I don’t want him to EVER do THAT again.  I am REALLY susceptible to infections, even as a kid I was super sensitive to soaps or bubble baths or anything in that area and have always had to be very careful and hygienic. 

We cleaned up and had a couple more rounds of sex.  He tried to go in my ass again but it was SORE (and still is, hours later) so it wasn’t working.  Since I left, he has texted asking if I am going to let him put it all the way in and that that would make him happy.  Yeah, well, we will see… 

Just a little bit ago Mr. Motorcycle texted and I was busy writing this blog.  He asked if I was getting my freak on and I said “I wish”.  I didn’t mention the fact that I saw the Referee today, because he’s asked me not to tell him if I sleep with other guys.  His response was “yeah, you save that shit for me”.  I was like “is that what you want?” and he said that is one of the things he wants.  I thought we’d gone over this.  Sigh….