Pissed at the Producer

Well folks, it looks like things have come to a halt with the Producer.  I was flaming mad for a few days and have finally calmed down a little bit.  Spending the night with my fuck buddy last night seemed to help a lot.  Gosh, I’d almost forgotten what a huge dick he has, lol.  It’s super thick, on top of being 9 inches long.  The Producer is always bragging about how thick HIS cock is (and it is) but after being with my fuck buddy again, well, it seems like it’s twice as wide. 

Anyhow, we had a great night, with a few rounds of sex and cuddling up to watch a movie, naked on his couch. As predicted, he went raw with me for the first time.  I don’t doubt that seeing that pic of me and the Producer, that he had gotten mad about because he wasn’t wearing a condom, had something to do with it.  He still wore a condom for the first couple rounds but one broke and we ran out of Magnums and tried to use another one on him that I had but it was tight.  He’s normally a real stickler about condoms, but we decided it would be okay for him to just pull out.  We slept all snuggled up and had more great sex in the morning before I left.  That’s also the first time, in almost a year and a half of seeing each other, that we have spent a full night together.

So back to the Producer.  Remember how great things were going with us?  At least that’s what I thought.  He had kept saying how sprung he was with me, was texting me frequently, calling “just to hear my voice”, seeing me twice a week when he came through, kept talking about how he wanted to take me to Vegas and go to parties that are a few months down the road, bought me roses and took me out on my Birthday, was saying how I give the best head he’s ever had in his life and what wonderful sex we have, and had recently met a couple of my kids.  He even bought us go-cart tickets that were like $250 worth of rides.  I was really feeling confident that he was “into” me.

I had gotten sick for a couple of weeks but he was still calling and texting and all seemed well when he took off overseas.  He had been in touch ever since, on Whatsapp, sexting and telling me about his trip. 

So imagine my surprise when he suddenly, out of the blue, messages me on there to drop the bomb.  He’s found a new woman, that he met on Match.com two weeks ago and they are developing “feelings” for each other.  He doesn’t want to drop me however, but to “include” me with the two of them, because “isn’t this crazy” she is bi and believes in an open relationship.

Um, excuse me?  WHAT THE FUCK?!  I was totally blindsided!! I’ve been seeing him for months and I’M the one that needs to be “included” like a little side piece?  Because he is developing feelings that apparently he never had for me?  WOW!!

I was FLOORED!!  OUCH! 😦 😦 😦  He approached it like it was some important thing he had to tell me and was like “I understand if you never want to talk to me again”. I said “so I got sick and you found someone else and now you want me to settle with second place….yeah, fuck off”.  He said okay and a few hours later sent me some bullshit poem about a “Ride or Die Chick”. I told him “go fuck yourself” and he laughed then said okay he would consider himself deleted. 

He said I was being hostile and that he had always treated me with respect and never treated me second class and that he had told this woman all about me.  He said he really talked me up and that he told her how much respect he had for me and my kids and that he had to include me in his life.  He added that we had always “gone beyond the friends situation” and that he wanted to continue to do so.

I told him there was nothing respectful about asking me to take a backseat because he fell in love with someone and to please never contact me again.  He started getting mad and said I was acting like a bitch.  He commented that I have all these men “on the side” so what am I talking about?  I was like “whatever, I never asked you to take a backseat to anyone, I don’t treat people that way.  I’ve also never called you out of your name.  I’m done, goodbye and good riddance”. 

He responded by telling me it was my fucking loss, that I am wack and left a voice message again saying I was acting like a bitch and telling me to fuck off.  Then he blocked (and later unblocked) me on Whatsapp.  I decided to block him after that and haven’t talked with him since.

My blood was boiling for a few days there.  I mean, he has some fucking NERVE trying to get me to hang around for scraps after he has decided he prefers someone else.  Add that I had told him a little bit about what happened with the married woman and the Professor and it was just adding insult to injury.  Unbelievable.

There is no way in HELL I want to put myself in a position where I am having to compete with another woman like that again.  I didn’t sign up to be the jumpoff.  They can both go jump off a fucking cliff!! 

After calming down a little bit, I can see that if he’d approached me differently I might not have been so upset, but it’s still not a position I want to be in.  Clearly he was envisioning bi threesomes and all kinds of fun, but um, I’ve TOLD him my big fear about threesomes with another woman is being left out.  How the heck would I feel being the unloved one in the group.  NO THANKS! 😦

What’s crazy is the day before he was going on about how I give the best head he’s ever had in his life and asking me to rate his sexual performance.  He said he wanted to be my number 1 and how close was he? “Be honest”. I finally said “you’re in the top ten” and he wasn’t satisfied with that.  So I was like well, probably the top 5.  (Reasoning that the Married man, then Mr Firm, then the Professor, followed by a tie between the Pilot and the Fuck Buddy might get him there).  He still wasn’t liking it and I said that wasn’t fair because I don’t ask him to rate me.  So he claimed I am his #1 head giver and #3 otherwise.  I was like “only #3?” and he said that was because there was a 3 way tie and if he ranked alphabetically.  Yeah, whatever…. but I think it’s kind of fucked up that if he likes the sex that much he would try and fuck it up by announcing that he was in love with some bitch he has known for all of TWO WEEKS???  How do you fall “in love” that fast anyway? 

I don’t know but I am kind of in an emotional mess over it.  It seems like the minute I dropped my guard and started to let him in, he turned on me!  That seems to happen far too frequently with men. 😦  Makes me think none of them are trustworthy at all.  It’s like the minute you start to let them know you actually like them they decide it’s time to stick a knife in your back.  Fuck him!  Or rather not, I don’t know that I could ever go there again, I feel so disrespected. He wants to make ME the secondary?  Really?  To some woman he just met??  Isn’t that backwards????  Shouldn’t he be putting ME first? What’s messed up is I thought I was doing everything right, never causing drama, giving great blowjobs, trying to keep it all positive and my reward is getting knocked to the side….nice. 

I am so fucking offended it is hard to get over it.  Thank God for my Fuck Buddy or I think I’d hate all men right now.  He is my lifesaver. 🙂








19 thoughts on “Pissed at the Producer

  1. I think men and woman are the same, though we go about things differently – we all want to be someone’s best and wanted – but I can see how some people might confuse that sort of adoration to mean something it is not. You two were casual, and if he is goal was for him to ‘win you over and ruin you for all other men’, would it not stand to reason he would pretty much say anything to achieve that goal?

    I do sympathize, though this started out as a casual affair you did write that you started to have feelings for him and clearly he was still in the mindset that it was casual – though not opposed to make you want to be with him to inflate his ego – while he looked at and dated other people.

    I know this won’t help but at least he told you, though I think you deserved a better delivery than a text message. He could have kept his feelings for her a secret, let you go on believing something that wasn’t true – and worse involving you as a ‘second’ before even giving you the choice!
    Well done to the FWB because having friends like that does help… doesn’t hurt that he sounds absolutely great in bed too!

    Sad to hear your news lovergirl but I am rooting for you to find what makes you happy.

    • Yeah I guess it is better to find out now than to be dragged through the wringer. Yes we were supposed to be casual but he was putting out all the signs that made me believe it was more to him. Very misleading. The nice thing about my Fuck Buddy is that he doesn’t do that. I guess that’s why we have lasted so long without problems. He is great in bed too and it was perfect to be able to go to him for a little comfort. 😉

    • Sigh.. You could see that he was going to walk all over me to get to another woman? 😦 I don’t get it. He was putting out all the signs I thought men are supposed to do when they are head over heels for you. If those didn’t mean anything how can I ever tell when a guy really does like me? Its so confusing. It seems like they are all fakes. 😦

      • There is a way to tell if he really does like you… or he’s just out of his mind about that good pussy: Make him yours and yours alone. The problem here is that you want someone to be all into you and not make you feel like you’re playing second fiddle and that’s hard to do if you’re both also having fun with fuck buddies, going to swinging parties, stuff like that.

        You want all of the perks of having a ‘normal’ relationship with a man but you don’t want to do any of the work and, of course, you know that I know why you don’t so don’t take this as a bad thing, okay?

        With the way you’re doing things, if the connection is about the sex, don’t read anything else into it no matter what he does because some guys will do whatever they have to do to keep getting the pussy and without being tied down to it, if at all possible.

        So what we see here is the same thing that happened with the Professor but just a bit different: As long as you were the primary focus, you were fine; you find out that you really don’t have that guy all to yourself and have to sit in the back, well, now you’re offended, pissed off, etc..

        Even if the guy is bonking someone else, eh, that’s okay as long as you feel you’re getting the majority of his attention, i.e., you’re first, the other women are a distant second and it’s okay because you’re letting other guys tap that thang. Sounds all nice and cool and good on the surface, right up until you find out that, in this case, he’s found someone he’s into but he doesn’t want to give you up – and now you’re not a happy camper.

        Should I go on?

      • Is it really that impossible to find a relationship with a guy where we can both put each other first and just have casual sex with others? Isn’t that what swingers are supposed to do? Why does it have to be either monogamous or accept being someone else’s secondary?

      • No, baby, it’s not impossible and, no, that’s not exactly the way swingers, on the whole, behave. Remember, the majority of swingers are already established couples so for them, eh, that’s easy to do because they’ve always had each other before they decided to branch out. When you’re single and in the life, it is the opinion of some that those two things don’t necessarily go with each other even though a lot of single people are very successful and the reason that they are is that it’s just about the sex that can be had and without any other emotional attachments.

        Check your email in a few…

  2. I’m really sorry.

    However, you never seemed to be truly enthusiastic about him. Maybe he sensed this and the other woman makes him feel more important? And honestly, like kdaddy, I’m not surprised it happened. How can you expect a man to treat you as anything more than casual when the premise and context IS A CASUAL RELATIONSHIP?

    Regardless of how good the sex is, a man who is looking for a long-term relationship, in which YOU are number 1, is going to want more. He will need to sense a certain level of commitment from you, and also feel that you are worthy of the investment.

    Maybe I’m confused about what you are looking for, or maybe you are. You say you don’t want a conventional relationship – that you want to be free to do what you want, with a certain level of respect from both parties – but the emotion with which you write belies that assertion.

    Again, just my .02 🙂

    • I guess I don’t really understand casual relationship vs dating because it seemed to me that he was treating it as much more than casual. He even said I was “a man’s dream” and that he was “sprung”. Those aren’t signs that he liked me? I am so fucking confused. If he only saw me as a fuck buddy, why didn’t he act like it?

      I dont know what the other woman had to offer. Maybe she was younger or prettier. Hes only known her for two weeks and they were going to church together. He said she wanted an open relationship though and was bi. So how does that not count as casual if what he had with me was?

      What i really want is someone who would put me first and just play with others casually. I dont expect that to develop overnight but once we have a bond i would hope that would be the natural order of things. I am holding my cards close to my chest because i dont want to jump into things too soon, but it seems as soon as i do start to show my heart it backfires.

      I really dont know what to do. If i try and go at dating the traditional way and hide who i am then i am a fake and i dont want to be that. He acted like he could accept me and the last time we were together even said he doesnt judge me for my sexuality, yet then this…

      Excuse the lack of caps and punctuation, i am on my phone. 😛

      Maybe i dont seem into him but i think it was more playing it safe because i was afraid of something like this. Just when i felt it was ok to relax a little then he throws this woman in my face.

      Maybe she does inflate his ego more because when i didn’t give him a number one rating he said he was calling the person who thinks he is to ask why and that maybe he should give up. I was like dont be silly you are great in bed and dont need to change anything. Top 5 is wonderful. I didn’t want to lie though because he said “be honest”.

      • I think someone else here has already referenced this, but I’m sure men will say what they think will keep you available to them. Sometimes what they say is true, and sometimes it isn’t. And he may very well have felt those ways about you; however; since you set the premise for your relationship as casual and just using each other for sex primarily, he may not have truly seen it as anything more.

        In my opinion, if you want more from a man, you need to stop pursuing casual friends with benefits relationships. You need to establish an element of respect for yourself. I honestly wonder if a man is capable of respecting someone for the long-term that he has been using for sex. I know you said there was more between you, but your interactions were based out of and on sex.

        I doubt that anyone in the swinger,etc community would treat you like trash or be unkind to you, but I don’t know that they would ever pursue a serious relationship either.

        You deserve more and are capable of more if a long-term, steady relationship is what you want.

      • See, I know a lot of men have this Madonna/whore complex where they can only “respect” a woman who doesn’t give it up easily, but I just can’t get into another serious relationship with someone with that problem. I need a man who DOESN’T view women that way and wants a relationship with a woman who is going to be frank and up front about her sexual desires. You’d think that would be better found in a sex positive environment like swinging but it’s true I’m not having much luck. I have plenty of respect for myself, no matter how much sex I am having and I think a man should too. A guy having sex doesn’t drop my respect for him so it’s silly that it should be that way vice versa. I hate that double standard.

      • In swinging, single men are, in fact, looking for any woman who’s gonna give it up without a lot of fuss… but then it can change when he finds that the pussy he just had was the bomb shit, he wants more of it, and then, all of a sudden, he’s not all that interested in sharing it with others and the woman’s sexual desires, like to keep swinging, suddenly becomes a problem.

        Swinging as a sex-positive environment… you’re kidding, right? You’d think that it was… but it really isn’t, honey, because it’s not sex the way you want or need it – it’s sex the way THEY want and need it. You’re looking for a specific thing based on your preferences and needs and if you’re really not having a lot of success getting exactly what you want, it’s probably because sex in the way you want and need it is really a problem for a lot of people.

        You want to be in the kind of relationship that will allow you to keep having sex with other people but have someone who belongs to you, but in a loose kind of way that doesn’t involve monogamy. Not quite NSA, not really like a fuck buddy, but someone who wants to share this sexual experience with you… but they’re into you first and foremost… and there aren’t a lot of guys who will behave the way you want and need them to… but you’re finding that out the hard way.

        You’d think swingers would be cool with this and, baby girl, I’m sorry, but that’s the wrong way to think about the lifestyle.

      • I don’t know. Maybe so. Maybe I will never find a guy that is right for me in the swinging scene….but I doubt someone like that is just hanging around on Match.com looking for the love of his life either. :p It’s probably a hopeless endeavor.

      • I really don’t see it as a Madonna/Whore complex. I think most men are thrilled when the woman they love has a healthy sexual appetite. What I am saying is that you are starting all these “relationships” from a casual, no commitment premise, and that is exactly what you keep getting.

        There are plenty of double standards out there, and as much as we don’t like it, they aren’t going away anytime soon. 😦

        I truly feel that you are a good person: the way you care for your home and your children; the way you were horrified when the Producer’s new girlfriend said she hadn’t seen her daughter in 6 months; your inexplicable honesty with everyone in your life; the way you respect others and their feelings, and so on – these are gems characteristically.

        I think it is definitely possible for you to find someone is who is a good fit for you, I just don’t think you will find it in this lifestyle.

      • Aw thank you. 🙂 I like to think I’m a good person to be in a relationship with, but I don’t know that many men see that or really even make good choices about who they are involved with romantically. Like this woman the Producer is seeing now. I think he’s setting himself up for total destruction but he’s oblivious. Not that I can talk about making bad choices myself.

        It just seems counterintuitive to me to start out with commitment, before you even really know anything about each other, before you’ve had a chance to see what they are all about. Like, the Producer is now committed to this woman and I guess it’s because she asked for it right away but what if they are totally wrong for each other? Then he’s wasted a lot of time being committed to someone he barely knows. Whereas if you start out noncommittal and something develops it makes more sense to me to THEN take it to the next level. Seems like most people just don’t look at it that way though.

  3. You a straight up women , dude like him mess it up for all the no playing games type of guys, this what cause women to hate men and carry the baggage into the next relationship

    • Yeah.. I keep wondering what I did wrong to make him fall for someone else and not me. I can only come to the conclusion that it must be that he saw me as too sexual and men don’t respect that in someone they want a relationship with. It makes you only good enough to be the side chick. So if I really like someone I am going to have to play a game and be deceptive, not show my sexual aide and get him to fall in love with a facade. I don’t like that at all but it seems to be the only ticket to gaining a man’s love and what woman doesnt want that?

  4. agree, if he acting like you a girlfriend you may have to play the game, make him think he number one etc,but it be pretending and you wont be no different than the other females(guaranteed you resent him), you have to watch out for guys that treat a fwb like a girlfriend its a slick game to get her hook to him in hopes you put the rest of your guys on the backburner or leave them while they still see other women, alot men insecure cant handle a girl with other guys want to be the only one she sees while he has other women.. why dont you just have men of different type and dont look for love unless you ready to be monogamous, you need fuckbudddy, a bill payer,a guy you can talk to,and one you show off trophy for dates…. also watch out for guys that splur money off the bat it dont last long..always look at them temporary, if a guy dont make you his girlfriend and spend money/gifts/dates he spend until he tired of you and spend on the next new broad..

    • I think you are exactly right about the reasoning behind why a guy would treat a supposed “fwb” that way. It probably works most of the time too. She starts falling for him and pulls away from any other men.

      Im kinda liking the different guys for different purposes too, lol. Just a matter of finding the right ones. I’ve got a guy tonight offering to take me out and compensate me for it. He hasn’t mentioned sex so Im thinking I may give it a try. I do need $. 😛 Hes not attractive and there is pretty much no danger of me falling for him. Hes nice enough though, we went out to lunch.

      I do need to get better control of my emotions. I think I can handle casual sex but I do have a natural tendency to get attached.

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