Archive | October 2013

I made the top 100!!! :D

topblogger

The folks over at Kinkly put out a list of the Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013 and guess who is number 87???  ::::Squeal:::: I am soo happy to have been included!!!  Thank you, thank you, to anyone who nominated or voted for me!! 

I know that Pervertically Virtuous was one of the bloggers that did and I so appreciate it!  If you haven’t checked out her blog, make sure to go and take a look.  It’s absolutely fascinating!  You won’t find many people, even in the sex blogging realm, that are near as adventurous as she is!  I am in awe that someone actually goes out and does some of the things she does.  She’s definitely doing her part to encourage sex positivity and exploration.

Wow!!  My first year of blogging is barely under my belt and I have been listed along with the cream of the crop across the internet!  I am so honored! Looking forward to checking out some of the blogs I don’t recognize.

Maybe this will be the motivation I need to push me into writing that book I have been dreaming about!  I told myself, when I first started blogging, that if I could get 250 followers reading my writing, I would do it.  I’m almost there.  The time is near.

On that note, if any of you have suggestions on what you would like to see me write a book about, what you would be interested in learning from me, please let me know!  I am thinking along the lines of an inexpensive ebook that has practical use application. I want it to be advice that my readers can USE in their own lives, based on things I have learned living this lifestyle.  I’d like to keep my blog as is, and free of excessive advertising or any cost to my readers.  Feel free to give ideas in the comments section below! 

 

 

 

Yes, I’ll have thirds please ;)

halloween3

I’m home from my 3rd Halloween swinger party of the year!  I went to this one with Mr. Motorcycle, in a big city a few hours away.  The party was packed, with close to 500 people, and of course we were all decked out in costume.

I dressed as Silk Spectre from the Watchmen, for anyone who has any clue who that is.  I don’t, but hey, he bought me the costume and it was hot!  LOL  Only one other guy at the party correctly guessed my character.  Someone else thought I was a Power Ranger, LMAO.  Anyhow, it was still a hit. 😉

Here is what the costume looks like:
silk-spectre-ii-costume

I was gonna post a body pic of ME in the costume but some guy I showed it to made a negative comment and now I am feeling self conscious. Not sure if he was just being an ass or what because most of the responses I got were overwhelmingly positive.

 We stayed at a Ramada Inn and there was party bus shuttle service from the hotel (and like 3 other ones) to the club.  Unfortunately I had been running a bit late…  Okay, more than a bit, I was 3 hours later than what we’d originally planned and we got into town just past the 9:00 last run for the shuttle, but Mr. Motorcycle thought we could change that.  He was like “just call the driver and ask him to come again at 10:00.  He’s a guy, if you sound sexy enough, he will do it for you”. 

To my surprise that actually worked, lol.  At first the guy said he would be there until 9:30 and couldn’t come back unless there were more people on the bus.  Then he later called me back and offered to come, just for us, at 10. Woohoo! 

The reason I was running so late in the first place was because of my ex- husband’s girlfriend causing trouble at the last minute, plus the oil light going on in my vehicle and having to wait for an unexpected two hours that morning to get it checked and changed.  Ugh.  My life is way too busy to be adding in extra problems like that but it is what it is. 

The ex’s girlfriend suddenly decides, about 30 minutes before I was due to bring the kids to their dads for an overnight, that she has other plans for the weekend.  I had asked him on Monday, and checked to make sure on Tuesday, that bringing them so I could go out of town would be alright.  He said that was fine but apparently never mentioned it to her, and now she was taking it out on ME. 

Drama, drama, drama.  I told her they need to communicate better and that it wasn’t my responsibility and she started going off.  She said I needed to bring food for them and I said I would but that our divorce decree states that he is supposed to provide food when they are visiting.  She said she didn’t care what it said, it is her house and she isn’t feeding them her food.  So whatever, I spent my time waiting on an oil change at Walmart buying food for them for the weekend.

Then she starts bitching at me about how she isn’t going to change her plans for me and that she is the one in control of the house and what she says goes and they can’t come there.  I said okay then, he can come to my house and watch the kids there and it won’t interrupt your plans.  She flipped out and said “OH HELL NO!!”  I was like, I am not going to be there, I will be out of town, so I don’t see the big deal, but okay.  The woman is insanely jealous of me for some reason, despite the fact that I wouldn’t touch my ex with a ten foot pole, and have tried to explain that to her.

I tried to text my ex and just communicate with him from then on but he wasn’t very helpful and acted like he had no idea what was going on.  Then she accuses me of forwarding her texts to him (which I didn’t do, though I did tell him the gist of what she was saying).  Ugggghhh…  she did finally calm down and he said it was okay to bring them but it made me even later and later trying to get it all sorted out. 

After promising not to bring the kids next weekend (she apparently didn’t like that this is the 3rd time this month they have stayed the night there, though technically they are supposed to stay 4 nights out of the month),I said I don’t want my children feeling unwelcome at your house.  She didn’t comment. I made my ex promise that wouldn’t happen and told the kids to call me if there was any trouble and I would turn around and come home.  Not a good way to start off my trip, but she did later apologize.

Mr. Motorcycle was surprisingly forgiving.  I felt bad because he actually sat and waited for me in a parking lot for 2 hours but he was just glad to be heading out.  We had a good drive and on the way discussed how we would act at the party.  He said he wanted us to be a “couple” and only play if we play together and both agree.  I was fine with that.

There was some possibility that The Referee would be at this party.  He had originally invited me first, before changing his mind and deciding he couldn’t make it up this weekend.  When he found out I was going with someone else he said that he was a little jealous and might make the trip up anyhow.  He didn’t though.

It was okay, because I had seen him earlier in the week, for a hot little lunchtime rendezvous.  He says he wants to try and do that at least once a week, despite it being an almost 2 hour drive for him.  Hey, that works for me!!  He had gotten a cheap motel because the Marriot was booked. 

It was actually kind of funny because while we were fucking the non- English speaking guy that worked the front desk had come by and OPENED our door, because we left the key in it by accident and he wanted to give it to us.  That was his excuse anyhow.  He knocked for about two seconds and then tried to OPEN the freaking door before the Referee slammed it back in his face.  I know he could hear us in there!  We could hear the people next door to us fucking loudly too….LMAO. 

The Referee I am liking quite a bit.  I can tell he’s not too thrilled about me going to parties with someone else but he hasn’t told me not to.  He did ask if I gave the guy anal and of course I didn’t.  I haven’t given it to him either but he is wanting me to.  He’s like “you can save that for Daddy”.  I don’t know about all that…

So back to the party.  It was packed to the hilt for Halloween and a lot of fun.  We flirted and talked to a bunch of people and danced the night away.  On the bus over there Mr. Motorcycle had said something about wanting to see me someday in a gangbang.  So romantic…

The music was ten times better at this party than the others I have been to. There were more good looking people than at most of the ones down here. I recognized a handful of people and was half expecting to see the Pilot there.  We were close to where he lives, and I know he has been there before, but he wasn’t signed up and no sign of him. 

However, I did run into a couple of people that have seen him with me in the past.  I also met the couple he had wanted me to stay in a hotel room with originally when we had our big blowout.  The girl was much more attractive in person than she had seemed in her online pics.  She wasn’t smoking hot but Mr. Motorcycle seemed kind of interested and he liked her costume (football cheerleader).

It was her birthday and at some point we walked into a room where she was getting gangbanged by a few black men on a couch.  I didn’t stick around to watch that very long but later on, near the end of the night, Mr. Motorcycle stops and tells me to ask her boyfriend to dance.  I did and he was all excited about it and wanting us to come back to their hotel and hook up.  Since he asked me to get this guy on the dance floor I thought that was what Mr. Motorcycle was wanting too, but when the guy invited us to come over he kind of shot him down.

Hmmmm….  He later said he doesn’t know why but he is still kind of having a hard time wanting to share me.  We didn’t end up playing with anyone other than each other.  It was fun though!  He also said he was going to email that couple and try and let them know he wasn’t trying to be rude.

He made some excuses about how he didn’t want to fuck her after she’d been with all those guys that night and I was like, but you have been in gangbangs before, claim to like them and just mentioned wanting to get me in one on the way over here!  That kind of made him think (duh!).  He also said he’d prefer to hook up with women that are on my level of attractiveness.  Yet, beforehand he had been telling me how he can usually find SOMETHING attractive about a woman even if she is not conventionally beautiful.  Men, so confusing. :p

Ah well, we did have a good time and he says he thinks he will be more likely to be able to share in the future.  He just has to get used to it because he’s so gung ho about me at the moment.  I guess we will see.

He does keep telling me how much he likes me and how hot he thinks I am.  He wants to take a million pics.  When we were dancing a song came on that I like and I was singing along and he was like “OH MY GOD…you can SING!!!”  Apparently he was impressed. I don’t claim to be a fabulous singer or anything but I do love to sing, sang in choir growing up and have gotten compliments in the past. Now the Referee, he can blow!!  LOL  He sings a cappella on his voice mail and it is amazing.

I got a chance to dance on the pole and that was fun too.  I was actually dancing on a pole that was off to the side of the room and the DJ saw me and came over and drew attention to it and had me dance on the main pole in front of everyone.  I was just tipsy enough to be in my “happy place” but not overly drunk so had fun with it. 😉 

I almost forgot to mention that I kissed and made out with two women. One at the party, who was half naked, and one on the party bus home. Sheesh, it must be becoming old hat or something. Oh, and then there was the girl that BIT Mr. Motorcycle on the cheek when we got off the bus to the hotel. WTF?? Some people have the strangest ways of flirting. He did NOT appreciate that!!

There were a couple of times when Mr. Motorcycle did or said things that seemed kind of controlling.  Like he asked me to sit at a table and took off (I later found out to smoke, he was hiding the fact that he smokes from me) then seemed kind of perturbed that I had gotten up and went to the restroom. He asked me not to go to this club again unless it is with him and wanted me to agree to that since we have been there together.  He also wants to have a couples profile and has asked me NOT to let him know if I am going to see other men.  It would be reasonable maybe if we were in a relationship but I haven’t really agreed to that.  I’m still trying to take it slow and watch things with him and he seems to be pushing a little too fast.  He’s already seriously trying to plan New Year’s Eve with me.

He bought me another outfit too, a leather bustier and a very short black skirt.  He says he likes to dress women up and take them out on his arm, that he thinks it is sexy.  I know single men in the Lifestyle get much more attention when they have a woman with them so not sure if that’s all it’s about or what.  I did notice he has a couple recent validations on the swinger site that were not from either of the parties he and I went to.  For all his claims not to have been fucking anyone else, I have my doubts.  I tried to put him on the spot and ask his age again to see what he’d say (since I found out he is 44 and before he tried to tell me 40) and he dodged the question.  All in all, I think I need to keep in the back of my mind at least that he is not super trustworthy.

 

Mr. Motorcycle, Halloween Party 2

motorcycle man

I went to my second Halloween swingers party of the year with another new man.  We will refer to him as Mr. Motorcycle.  He’s really not the “type” you expect to see riding a Harley (skinny, black guy) but he is a biker, lol. 

I haven’t been on his bike yet.  Instead, he picked me up in a pickup truck that he does his work from (he owns his own company, installing technology related stuff).  For our first “date” we drove 2 ½ hours away to another state for this party. 

I wasn’t really sure what to think of him.  He had been calling and texting me A LOT in the days prior to meeting.  It’s almost overkill.

I met him on the swinger site and he claimed that he decided to pay for a membership again, JUST so he could contact ME.  He’d been off the site for like 2 years.  His old pictures were still up but he had added a couple of new ones.  There was some mention in his profile about looking for a woman to date and attend parties with.  Oh, and that he had a 10 inch dick (!!)

According to him, he was very active in swinging for a long time.  He said he even helped found the original site that I am on.  He told me his PARENTS were swingers, but that he only knew from finding swinging magazines in their house as a child.  There was some mention of him being involved in BDSM as well.  He’d been married twice before, once to a stripper.  In those relationships, as well as others, they had continued to swing together.

Yet, for some reason, he had decided to take a break. He says he hadn’t even had sex for the past two years.  That kind of set off a red flag to me, as well as several other things but I decided to meet up with him anyhow.  Maybe I just like living on the edge.

For safety purposes I did text a male friend that I often do when I’m about to do something potentially dangerous.  I’ll give him the guy’s license plate or address and other identifying information, where we will be, etc.  This time he told me to call him when I was in the truck and make sure the guy heard me telling him that I thought it seemed safe.

He was cool with it and assured me he wasn’t a psycho.  We had a pretty good drive down, with lots and lots of questions from him.  This man LOVES to talk my ear off and ask me a million questions, lol.  He was very excited to be with me and kept saying how hot I was and how he couldn’t wait to bring me to this party and show me off to people he’d known a long time ago. 

I am not really sure about his financial status, since the area of town he told me he lives in is iffy and he chose to stay at a Super 8 next to the party hotel, rather than pay the price for the nicer rooms where the party is at.  Whatever though, he still paid for everything.  He said I didn’t seem like a fast food kind of girl, but I said I am fine with that and he bought me some Wendy’s while I was changing into my outfit in the motel.

I wore my French maid costume again, since that seemed easy and there was no one I would likely know at this party anyhow. 

He took a couple pics before we left to the party…here’s one of them 😉
V__C601

The party actually consisted of people from a completely different swinger site, though I guess there are many that are on both.  He wore a Star Trek uniform.  I’d tell you who it was but I honestly don’t even know, not much of a Trekkie, haha.

The party was held in the banquet room of the hotel next door to where we were staying.  The woman at the table checking people in recognized him immediately and they hugged while she handed me some papers to sign.  He was also friendly with the DJ and another couple where I suspect he must have been having sex with the wife at some point or other.  He said they were very good friends.  He was surprised at how many people he didn’t recognize, but it HAS been a couple of years.

The couple that he knew were very friendly towards me.  The woman was wearing a Luigi costume and some other female friend of hers was Mario.  Her husband was dressed like a sailor.  He was a hot, blonde, blue eyed man that was very easy to get along with but after talking with him for a while I know we would be totally incompatible in bed. 

We talked about how he likes to be submissive in the bedroom and have the woman take control.  Actually, in a lot of ways he reminded me of my ex- husband.  If he hadn’t been like that he would have been totally fuckable, but no, just no, lol.  I know all too well, that two submissive people in bed, sucks!!

Anyhow, according to Mr. Motorcycle this couple told him privately that they really liked me.   I think they meant in a more friendly type of way, not trying to have sex. He said they haven’t liked his past 6 girlfriends, so that was quite a feat.  What can I say?  I’m generally pretty easy to get along with.

The rest of the night was typical swinger party stuff.  We drank some Kinky mixed with Moscato and he ended up a little bit drunk though I wasn’t so much.  We danced quite a bit.  He likes to dance and is very good at it but can at times be hard to dance WITH, lol.  It doesn’t help that the music played was like 80% country….gag…  

We walked around and played a little “game” he said he used to do with his ex where he’d point out a couple and ask me if they were hot or not.  If they were hot enough we’d talk to them for a bit and flirt.  This party had a handful of attractive people so it wasn’t too bad, and of course some of the costumes were cool.

At one point he left to go outside with the blonde guy to talk and his wife came over and talked to me.  Meanwhile, there was a bit of an incident outside of the hotel.  Another woman who was sitting near us, her husband, a white guy, had been out there too.  Apparently he was drunk and tossing out the N word, right and left and two other black men standing nearby weren’t too impressed.  The guy I was with and the blonde guy had to break things up before they turned into a fight.

Mr. Motorcycle wasn’t particularly bothered by it, just thought the guy was being a drunk dumbass, and obviously wasn’t intending to use it in a hurtful way, thinking he was being “cool”.  His wife though, was VERY apologetic and freaked out.  She kept saying how in the military he was the only white guy in his battalion or whatever and got used to talking that way.  I’m thinking we are all way too old to be dealing with this kind of crap and should be able to act with class, but again people were drinking. 

Back on the dance floor, a couple that we both found attractive came up and the woman started dancing with us.  The guy pulled me away and started aggressively coming onto me.  Turns out he wasn’t her boyfriend but another guy that had come along with them.  This guy looked to me to be a mix of black and Latino, the guy she was actually dating was a more laid back black man that was just sitting at the table.  She was blonde, short and curvy. 

The Latino looking black guy was coming on really strong, in typical Latino guy fashion, lol and Mr. Motorcycle didn’t seem too happy about it.  I was kind of reluctantly holding back.  He told me the number of their hotel room and we ended up heading back over to their table.  While Mr. Motorcycle was talking to the blonde lady, the Latino dude had his hand behind him and all up under my skirt.  I was trying to dodge him in hopes he wouldn’t find my tampon string.

Oh yeah, I was on my period.  I had been unsure if it would be a good idea to come to a party at all but Mr. Motorcycle had assured me it would be fine.  I was thinking we wouldn’t end up actually playing with anyone but he had commented that men weren’t gonna care about that. 

Well, he was right, as I found out later on.  The Latino looking guy had left the party and we thought he was gone, which was good since Mr. Motorcycle was getting a bit pissed at his aggressiveness towards me.  The blonde woman’s boyfriend, the quieter man, was sitting with her and we’d all been talking and flirting a bit.  I mentioned to her the issue with being on my period and she asked him but he said that was no problem and we ended up heading back to their hotel room.

In the hotel room the woman and her boyfriend started to strip down and rub each other with lotion.  She tried to get Mr. Motorcycle to take off his shirt but he said he was cold. (?)  I had found a tear in my stocking so took them off and she came over and was rubbing lotion on my thighs, legs and butt cheeks while I was lying on my stomach on the bed, talking to them.  Mr. Motorcycle seemed uncomfortable.

Then someone calls and it was the Latino dude.  He shows up in the hotel room, smelling like weed and immediately going for the blonde woman while trying to grope me.  She’s playing with her boyfriend’s dick at the same time and Mr. Motorcycle pulls me up to talk. 

He doesn’t want to do this, he wants me to tell them we are going to leave.  He doesn’t like the Latino dude being there and he hasn’t gotten to fuck me yet himself so he’s not ready for all this.  I say okay and whisper to the blonde that we are going to leave, sorry.  Her boyfriend gets up and talks to Mr. Motorcycle for a minute and seems cool with things.

We gathered up our stuff (forgetting my feather duster) and left the room.  I was wearing Mr. Motorcycle’s leather trench coat over my clothes to keep warm and not be too indiscreet at our own hotel.  He says he just can’t do it, he feels guilty but he isn’t ready to share me when we haven’t fucked and he wasn’t liking the other guy being there.

I said that was fine and no big deal.  We get to our bed in the hotel and start to undress before he says he feels so guilty he might go back up there and talk to them.  That kind of pissed me off because here we were halfway naked.  I was thinking he’s probably going to go up there and try and join in just doesn’t want me participating!  Because he had said he thought she was hot.  So I was like you are going to leave me here??  What so you can go mess with her instead of me?

He said NO and never mind.  We ended up having sex and it was pretty good.  He went down on me (despite me being on my period-though not bleeding much….but still….) and was even saying how good I tasted (um…).  He had his tongue all up in my ass and everything.  Anyhow it was pretty fun but I’m still not really sure about the chemistry.  He was dominant, but not like you’d expect from someone who is supposedly proficient in BDSM. 

He later said he didn’t want to freak me out.  I’m not into BDSM per say anyhow but I still prefer men to be dominant just don’t want them to hurt me, lol.  He did spank me a bit hard and then said he would stop because my skin is too tender.  😛 

Anyhow, we did our thing and passed out in the bed for about 2 hours of sleep before having to get up and get ready for the next day.  He never came, which irritated me a bit, though he did the next morning after a hand/blow job. 

He is now acting super into me and wants to call and text a lot.  I would do him again but I’m not like all gung ho about it at this point.  He made some comments that come across as critical and I am super sensitive.   Like he said one of my pics on the swinger site looked like crap, that I looked ten times better in person.  Okay, well, maybe that was a compliment, but still.  He keeps telling me I don’t talk enough or that I laugh too much and little things like that but at the same time acts all into me.  Stuff like that makes me uncomfortable and less likely to let go with someone.

He wants to go to another party with me though soon and has even gone so far as to buy me a costume and have it sent to my house.  So, we will see what happens with that.  He is really wanting a relationship but I keep trying to tell him I am not ready for something too serious.  He says he just doesn’t want to hear about it if I sleep with other men.  He thinks he will be fine with swinging in the future. 

I guess he’s just coming on really strong and fast and I’m wanting to take things slow.  I’m not like the Producer, jumping in over my head too soon.  The blonde girl has called and been texting and I think her and her boyfriend are still interested.  Mr. Motorcycle thinks they are just interested in ME and not him but I’m not sure that is what it is.  It still remains to be seen…..

The Referee and things the Prof never told me…

referee

It didn’t take me long to replace the Producer.  Actually, there was another man waiting in the wings.  He had signed up for the party I was originally supposed to attend with the Producer and his girlfriend, and contacted me on the swinger site.  I had agreed to meet him over lunch a couple of days before the party, originally thinking he might be someone who could join in and swap with us all.

There is kind of an interesting back story with this particular man, though I was oblivious to most of it.  When he emailed me from his swinger profile, I didn’t realize right away that he was the same man I had spoken with several months ago, while I was still seeing the Professor.  He had changed his location and profile pics due to some of the higher ups in his profession seeing he was on there.  None of the pictures were showing his face.

However, when I went to text him at the number he gave me, his name popped up in my phone.  Okay, now I remembered him.  I asked about the changes and he explained.  He at first avoided the question of whether or not he had been friends with the Professor.

The reason I had turned this man down the first time we were talking back and forth was because it was clear to me that the Professor was feeling jealous and didn’t want me speaking with him.  He had gotten upset with me for silly things like the fact that I had talked with this man over the phone, rather than simply texted.  I was like, well, he called me!  LOL  I usually prefer to text, due to having children in the house but I do answer my phone if I can, just try to avoid it as much as possible. 

Anyhow, I hadn’t been particularly into him, though he did have a lot of positive references and seemed like a good guy.  I had been turned off a little because he seemed overeager and then the Professor had told me he had a gold tooth.  Yeah, I wasn’t feeling the gold tooth and I was super into the Prof at the time anyhow and didn’t want to hurt him by getting involved with someone he knew.

Little did I know, there was all kinds of competition brewing beneath the surface between the two of them.  I knew they had shared a married woman at a party before and that they both did some part time work as referees.  Over my lunch date I learned much more.

According to the Referee, as I will call him (though he has another full time job, it’s not very exciting, he’s a supervisor at some sort of factory), not only was HE trying to talk to me at the time, but the Prof had gotten upset and in return tried really hard to get with HIS “single” girlfriend.  He said that didn’t work out though because she had decided she was more into women and run off on him for another girl, not showing any interest in the Prof either.

Okay, but it doesn’t stop there.  The Referee was seeing another woman who the Professor was also fucking.  Hold up, wait, he was fucking her while he was seeing me?  Yep, and never told me and even told this girl not to say anything!!  I’ve met her, after all.  In fact, she was the woman who came up and told me she’d met him at the Christmas party, back in my blog story, When being open isn’t enough.

Ahhhh…… wow, the truth starts to come out.  The Referee says that at that particular party he had ASKED her to come up and introduce herself to me, and to report back to him.  He wanted to know if I was as hot as I looked in my pictures.  She said I was, but that the Professor wasn’t allowing me to play with anyone.  Too funny, because she and the Jamaican had asked us to come up to their room and the Prof definitely wasn’t having it. 

Oh, but this isn’t all.  Not only were they both fucking this same woman, but the Referee also used to see another woman that the Prof was sleeping with right before he met me, a married woman that he had told me a little bit about but I thought nothing of it since he made it seem like they had just been casual fwb.  Not so much.  The Referee said he’d spent time with her actually CRYING and really upset because the Prof had “left her” for a “younger, hotter, woman” and now would no longer see her anymore.  Yeah, that would be me.

I had no idea.  I feel awful that someone felt that way about the relationship between the Prof and I,  but no one had told ME what was going on.  I had been contacted by her profile right before that party at the hotel asking if we wanted to have a threesome with the Prof and he had said it was probably just her husband goofing off.  He never gave any indication that she was into him as more than just sex.

Gah, this whole thing is doing nothing for my trust level for men in general.  You can’t even have an OPEN relationship, it seems, without somebody lying or running off with the next girl and abandoning the person that was there before.  I met this woman at a party this weekend and I could totally see the hurt in her eyes and it made me feel awful. She’s very pretty for her age (which is like 60) and in great shape (plus has had plastic surgery) and doesn’t need to feel that way about herself. 

Add that I was there with the Referee, and he also didn’t want to get with her because of me, and it made me want to crawl through a hole. She even went and changed her costume into one more similar to mine, after she saw what I was wearing. We had taken some pics together with the Referee and then she came back to take more. He said he knew she was wanting to get with him again but he wasn’t really interested.

Sigh…. Well let’s get back to the fun part, shall we?  The Referee and I had a great little meeting over lunch.  He drove up in his very nice white Cadillac with some seriously cool rims and a little TV on the dashboard.  We met at the Marriot hotel before he took me to lunch at Applebees.  He was nice looking, despite the gold tooth and really in a lot of ways reminds me of the Producer.  Before we went in to eat we sat in his car, watching videos on the dashboard and drinking some Cayman Jack margaritas in a bottle.  I’m loving those things, he even gave me one to take home, lol.

Of course we had all kinds of interesting things to talk about.  He said he’s been feeling me for a really long time and really wanted to meet me after all that ordeal with the Prof.  He’d kind of backed out of swinging for a while with the discovery of his profile and gotten into a monogamous relationship for about 6 months. 

I had to explain to him the situation with the Producer and his girlfriend and why they were no longer coming to the party and he said that was crazy.  He said I was way too beautiful to accept second best from anyone and not to ever let someone do me like that.  He thought the woman demanding to come along each time we had sex was way out of line and said it sounds like the Producer is just getting off on the ego trip of being her first “black guy”.  He totally agreed with the points I had laid out about the red flags I saw as potential issues, but of course the Producer will have to figure that all out for himself, after he comes down off the high of NRE.  Ah well.

We ate and headed back to the hotel, where he popped in a porn video for me to watch while he was checking in.  I was like isn’t that kind of distracting, porn on your dashboard while you are driving and he said it’s not too bad but it does get him horny on long drives.  LOL  He claimed he got the video from the guy who put the tv in for free and it contained a lot of double penetration/anal.

Then we went up to the hotel room, which was an extra nice one with a balcony and had a blast.  He was good in bed, went down on me and has a similar sexual style to the Producer.  He also claims he can’t cum with a condom on and it does nothing for him to wear one so we went without.  He called himself “Daddy” in the bedroom so I know he’s another one that likes that. 😉  During sex he was telling me I could have anything I wanted from him.

He really seems to like me and asked me what I was looking for relationship wise.  According to him he is more of a monogamy type of guy really and tends to get into monogamous relationships with the wife of a couple.  He was with the same woman, the mother of his children who are now in college, for 23 years before getting into the Lifestyle.  I didn’t really know what to say and just said I am playing it by ear, not wanting to rush into anything.  He thought that was smart and not crazy, like getting into something two weeks in, like the Producer.

In fact, he liked me so much that he wanted to come down again two days later (it’s like an hour and a half or so drive).  He said he’d come even if he could just get a kiss.  We decided though, instead, to go to the party together.

We had fun.  I wore my French maid costume.  It looks like this from the front.

french maid

 

And here is a picture of me and the Referee from the back 😉

referee

We had gone to the hotel next door to the party, even though we weren’t staying there, for me to change into my costume, and couldn’t find a restroom in the lobby so I ducked into a laundry room.  There was a peephole in the door and I was teasing him that he could watch.  He came in at the end to help me try and fasten some straps and there was a knock on the door.  It was some random guys at the hotel trying to do their laundry and they thought we were fucking.  We laughed it off and he asked the guy to take a picture. 😉

Other than meeting the woman who had cried over me and the Professor there wasn’t a lot exciting about the party itself.  There was a 70 something woman in a wheelchair who grabbed the Referee’s dick and told him “I’m going to get some of that!!” and a big fat lady who stripped naked and was telling him he just didn’t want her because she was old.

When we first walked in, two women grabbed me and tried to pull me off.  I could tell the Referee was freaking out because he had told me that every time he takes a single woman to a party she leaves him for another woman and he gets left out in the cold.  I’d reassured him I wasn’t like that, lol, so I was laughing but holding back from actually running off with them.  He said one party she just took off into the bathroom with a married woman and then she was gone and he never saw her again. 

We hung out with a couple of other couples and danced and took some jello shots and drank a little but eventually went back to the Marriot by ourselves.  He gets some sort of special deal there, which is cool.  According to him, he really didn’t feel like sharing me and especially so soon after just meeting and enjoys his one on one.  We had fantastic sex, it was even better than the first time and he passed out before I left to go home.

I feel bad because he lost a $200 gold chain in the hotel the first time we had sex and they overcharged him instead of giving him the rate he wanted the second time but he still seems interested.  I guess we will see how this goes.   

The next day I drove out to see my fuck buddy again.  He helped fill up my gas tank to get home and he gave me one of his porn dvd’s.  It’s called “Chocolate Cherry Ho’s”….lmao.  We had been watching one together after our first round of sex and he had a big collection so said I could take one home. I guess I will have to watch that. 😉 He was showing me some guy called “Wesley Pipes”, lol. I’m not a big porn connoisseur, so not too familiar with most of it. I was telling him he was big enough to be up there on the porn screen too and he was like “really?” So modest. 😉 

We had fantastic sex and I am so glad he’s still here in my life.  He’s really a sweetheart and great looking with a perfect body.  I can’t really say why we don’t fit together.  We are pretty different though.  He’s from the deep south and cracks me up because he will say things like he doesn’t believe swimming is natural for human beings and we shouldn’t be out there in the ocean if we can’t breathe underwater.  He’s also more naturally quiet and to himself.  He tells me a lot of crazy stories about the things people were doing sexually when he was in the military though. 

Anyhow, the Producer may have tossed me off to the side but I’m keeping him blocked and going on my merry way.  Obviously it didn’t stop me from getting mine this past week, lol, despite being upset. 

Meeting the Producer’s new girlfriend…

pitythefool

In my last blog post I was pissed at the Producer and hurt and had no intention of continuing anything with him.  I finally calmed down a bit and thought, okay, maybe I can do this.  Maybe, if he is really wanting to continue seeing me, like he was saying he had insisted to the other woman, and would be willing to keep treating me the same way he has been, then it wouldn’t be so bad.  I mean, isn’t that what “open relationships” are supposed to be about?

He was, at this point, in Amsterdam, so still couldn’t talk to me until I unblocked him from Whatsapp.  I decided to do so and told him that maybe I had overreacted.  He was very happy.  He said that I meant a lot to him and he couldn’t just turn relationships off and on like a light switch, that he isn’t that kind of guy.  According to him he’d been telling this woman how hurt he was that I wouldn’t talk with him and that he felt like he was losing our friendship.

From there things moved very quickly.  He had said he would like to take me out and talk about things over dinner when he came back, and I thought we could do that.  Then he brought up a swinger party that was going on here in town this weekend.  It was Halloween themed and did sound like a lot of fun.  He thought that would be a great environment for me and the new woman to meet, saying he knew we’d really like each other. 

I was a little concerned that we wouldn’t have a chance to have our talk FIRST, before jumping into the whole party scene, but it did sound like a good time.  Plus it would be a more easygoing way to meet her.  I agreed, since he was overseas, to reserve the hotel room (he said he would pay and normally wouldn’t ask me, but since he was so far away, I didn’t put it on a credit card or anything) for the three of us.  I also notified the hosts of the party that I would be bringing two people and reassured them they would be cool.

Since it was a Halloween party and only a few days away, there was also the concern of figuring out costumes.  I have a really cute little French Maid getup that I was thinking of wearing.  I said maybe somehow the three of us could coordinate.  He asked her and she said she had a ton of costumes, that maybe she could let me wear one of them.  Before I knew it she was offering to come by and show them to me. 

I was a little surprised that she would be willing to drive so far just to do that, and said it wasn’t a big deal if we matched or not, but agreed to let him give her my number so we could figure something out.  She lives about an hour and a half away, closer to where he stays when he comes down here (he had decided recently not to get the apartment near me, even though he’d already put down a deposit, and now I think it’s pretty obvious why).  She seemed really eager to meet me immediately.  In fact, she drove down that night.

He had sent me a few pictures of her, body parts first.  I was like, can I see her face please?  LOL  Men, sheesh,  how can I tell anything about a person from random body parts?  From the pictures she looked cute, not super pretty but average.  She was in fairly good shape, though heavier than I am.

He had already told me she was super bi and into women and that she and her ex used to play sometimes with other men because he was bisexual.  I didn’t really feel like getting fixed up or anything to see her though, so I didn’t. She had commented that she was getting her hair done beforehand, but I didn’t want to seem over competitive and spent more time on housecleaning than anything because my kids had made a mess and spilled popcorn everywhere.  I also had to get them to their dads and had a big ordeal with my oldest son that made us run pretty late. 

When she got in town she texted to ask if I had eaten and I hadn’t so she offered to buy me some Taco Bell and if I wanted to meet her there first.  So I drove around the corner to Taco Bell.  There weren’t many people inside and I knew right away which one she was.  She had asked what I wanted over text and was just bringing it over to the table when I walked in.

In person she looked older than I expected.  I guessed her to be in her early to mid 40’s and she had a few wrinkle lines on her face.  She was skinnier than she looked in the pictures but still had a bit of a tummy on her.  Her accent was pure country and she said she was originally from Nashville.  She was dressed up in a fancy blouse and big earrings.  It looked like she was trying hard to impress.   

I was a little bewildered that the Producer would be so into this woman.  At first sight she seemed nothing like his type.  His ex wife was a gorgeous Brazillian woman with a perfect butt.  There is another girl he has played with occasionally in my town and she is 20 years old and blonde and really pretty.  The other women he has shown me that he talks to or plays with have all been more attractive than this one.  I mean, she was still cute, but like I said, closer to average than gorgeous. Turns out she is the same age as I am, I was kind of surprised.

I was having a hard time imagining myself playing with her.  Not due so much to her looks as her kind of uptight seeming attitude.  I can be reserved at times too but my personality is more laid back. Her body language was tight and reserved and a bit schoolmarmish.  I thanked her for the food and sat down to eat and talk. 

She started in with the questions and came across a bit like an interviewer, asking me about my education and seeming to look down on me a bit when I said I only had a Bachelor’s degree.  She works in an optometrist’s office.  Her three kids are teenagers and she and her daughter don’t get along so the daughter has moved in with her father and they hadn’t talked for 6 months until recently.  I wondered how a parent could go that long without so much as talking to their child, even in the worst of circumstances, but kept my mouth shut.  After all, I have a difficult teenager too and I talked about him.

I was listening and slowly forming my opinions, wondering how on earth she and the Producer could ever get together.  They seemed to me to have absolutely nothing in common.  She’d been married twice, both times to abusive men, and apparently things were kind of bad with her most recent boyfriend too.  They had dated almost two years and she showed me a picture of him.  He was a rough looking white guy, a biker, and it honestly seemed she still liked him a bit despite his supposed abusiveness.

We talked more after we got back to my house and she told me she has never been with a black guy before.  Her mother was in shock and told her not to tell her dad, who is very racist.  She said her mom was cool with it but she was going to wait on telling her father until she was sure things were going to get more serious.

She had brought along a huge suitcase full of costumes, most of them never worn.  She said she just sees things and likes to buy them sometimes.  There were also lots of high heels.  As we discussed what to wear I suggested maybe we could be Playboy bunnies and have the Producer wear a silk robe, like Hugh Hefner.  I didn’t know if he had anything like that though and she said “are you kidding me?  He probably has piles of silk robes”.  Um, what?  LOL  Why would he have that?  But I didn’t comment.  I’ve been shopping with him before at Walmart and he bought clothes there.  He’s not really flashy like that with his clothing, though of course he does have money.

She seemed nice but still a little condescending.  Like she acted sorry for me that the Producer was in a relationship with her and that I had been “just” a FWB that developed “feelings” for him.  She was clearly trying to put me in my “place”, which I didn’t like. 

Anyhow, we finally decided that some of her clothes could be put together, with a little altering, to make a French maid outfit but that we’d include bunny ears.  I didn’t really like most of the rest of her costumes, not my style and wouldn’t make me look hot.  We also took a picture of ourselves (fully clothed and sitting on my bed) to send to the Producer, though at that time we figured he was probably still fast asleep.

She left and I was a little depressed.  I couldn’t really figure out what he saw in her and why he would think she was better than me.  I also didn’t get the impression she was nearly as “bi” as he claimed.  He had said she was really into women, but she told me that she was “willing” to play a little at places like a party.  She said she wasn’t into feelings or anything with women (of course neither am I so I didn’t really care about that).

I didn’t really tell the Producer my thoughts about her.  Just said it left me a little sad, honestly, speaking with her and he said maybe we should call off the party because he didn’t want me to feel bad in any way. He said they both felt really bad that I had been hurt by things.  I said that’s okay, I was sure the party would be fun and I just needed a couple days to adjust.

The next day though, I found out something that completely changed my mind.  He made some comment about how she only wanted him to play with other women if she was there with him and I was like, wait, hold up, does that include me??  Because that changes the whole ballgame.  He didn’t answer for a long time and I was getting anxious.  I finally was like ?? well?? 

He finally admitted that she had told him her one request was that he never play with another woman without her present, including myself.  He said it was very important to her that they only play together as a couple and she had agreed to do the same for him.  He said he was going to respect her wishes.

Oh hell no.  I wasn’t going to have her tagging along every time we had sex.  That completely went against what he had said about the relationship between him and I being just the same as it always has been.  If I can’t have alone time with him I am not going to do this.  He said she was okay with us going out together still, for dinner or to a movie, but no sex. 

FUCK THAT!!  OMG!!  Did he seriously think that was going to be okay with me?  I’m suddenly not “allowed” to have sex with him on our own any more?  Um, no.  That settles my decision that this is just not going to happen.  I asked, is SHE okay with never playing with you unless I am there??  Of course he wasn’t answering so I said I was going to text her and ask.  He told me not to do that but I did it anyway.

She gave me a very condescending little “lecture” over text about how they have a “relationship” and I was only sex to him, so it was different.  She told me maybe I needed to “back off” because she didn’t want someone with feelings for him hanging around. Meanwhile he was telling me that he really does have feelings for me but he wanted to go along with her wishes since he was trying to do this.  He tried to hint that if we had a slipup it would be okay as long as he told her afterwards.  Yeah, whatever, I was done.  I said I spent 13 years married to a man who wouldn’t sleep with me and I am NOT okay with dates that don’t include sex or a babysitter and forced threesomes. 

He was upset with me.  He couldn’t see why I wasn’t okay with this little arrangement.  I said are you kidding me?  You want me to just accept this?  I’m suddenly supposed to be fine with being the third wheel all the time?  Um, no.  I need my one on one time to connect, especially because we’d been seeing each other before she ever came along.

I said I was done with the both of them and since we weren’t going to be seeing each other anymore I would tell him the things I’d been afraid to upset him with before.  I said a real friend should tell you the red flags they see anyhow and I know you’ll think I’m just being a hater but I am going to throw them out there anyhow and you can make your own decisions.  I said this is what I want to leave you with so save it and come back to it someday to see if I am right. He said okay, talk to me.

I told him:

  1. Her family is racist. She’s never dated a black man before.  She said her mom was in shock she is seeing you and told her not to tell her dad.  I know you had a relationship recently where the family’s racism drove you apart and this is something you are going to have to live with for a really long time if you all get serious.
  2. ALL of her exes have been “abusive”, which is a red flag that she may someday be saying that about YOU.  Even if you know you’d never be abusive you did have that one incident where you hit your ex wife that has been haunting you (his ex still brings this up) and this woman might be someone that is so used to abuse she even tries to provoke you to hit her.
  3. She seems like she is trying to isolate you.  She’s already gotten you to completely drop the other women you were seeing and is trying to kick me out of the picture.  A lot of times emotionally abusive people will try and isolate you.  It’s very possible that someone who has been involved with abusive men could be emotionally abusive herself.  She talks down to me already.
  4. She has you getting involved in all of HER activities, martial arts, her church, her social group.  What about YOUR interests, why isn’t she accompanying you to any of those?  It seems like she is trying to change you.  She actually spent time preaching at me while I was there, telling me I should be in church again and that she is “really spiritual” despite admitting that swinging parties go completely against her church’s doctrine. 
  5. She seems really controlling, placing all these demands on you right off the bat.  If she’s like this now, how do you think she is going to be in a couple of years?  A woman who has respect for you is going to follow YOUR lead, not boss you around.

 

  1. I don’t know if I am right about this but she still seems interested in her ex boyfriend, the one she saw for 20 months.  She talked about him a lot and even showed me his picture.

 

  1. Why doesn’t her teenage daughter want to live with her?  Why would she prefer the “abusive” dad?  Even if they have a lot of issues, why would she go 6 months without talking to her?  As a mom that really rubs me the wrong way.  My own mother would do stuff like that but she abandoned us in a lot of other ways too.

 

Then I mentioned the comment about him probably having a lot of robes and that she apparently has some frivolous spending habits with all that stuff she buys but never wears. I reminded him that his ex was a gold digger and he might want to watch out for that to happen again.

He thanked me for my insights and agreed that they were things he should look into and some were very true.  Then a little while later he hits me back saying how could I criticize her about her daughter when I have an out of control son.  I said hey, no one is trying to get serious about and marry me but if they were I would be up front about that.  He is right, my son has a lot of issues but he also knows I love him more than anything in the world and would choose to live with me over anyplace else.  Even if he didn’t I wouldn’t go 6 months without speaking to him.

 

Okay, so then I get a LIVID message from her that he has FORWARDED my entire message to her.  She said I was lying and twisting things to my benefit.  That nothing I said was remotely true. I said, um no, you weren’t meant to see that but I stand behind what I said, it was an opinion based on what I have observed.  I asked why he texted that to her and he said he just wanted to ask her if it was true. 

 

He then texts me to blame me for causing all this “drama”.  He said he can’t believe he is having to deal with this kind of drama from two women when he is all the way overseas and that it’s worse than his ex who is in her mid 20’s or this 20 year old girl.  He was like I thought I was dealing with grown women that could be mature about this.  I said, nope, you caused the drama by SENDING HER my opinion, did you really think she wouldn’t get pissed??  That’s your people, you can deal with the repercussions of that!

 

At that point he was heading off on the plane to come home to the U.S. so I wished him a safe journey and said maybe he’d find a seatmate that wanted to listen to his woman troubles and offer advice, lol.  When he got back though, shit hit the fan because he was still trying to say he really just wished we could all go to the party together and I would agree to have her with him when we had sex.  Never…..

 

It finally got to the point where I blocked him again.  He just seems so brainwashed by this woman already.  WHAT the hell did she do to him??  I don’t get it at all!!  How could he be so bowled over by someone like her??  She must have some serious skills in some area or another!!  Is it in the bedroom?  I know she doesn’t give better blowjobs than me because he was just telling me that I am a head and shoulders above all the rest as far as that is concerned. 

 

Maybe he likes her because she is such a hit to his ego.  37 years and has never been with a black man and now she’s sooooo in love with him!  I admit I probably didn’t flatter his ego enough.  I held back in that regard and didn’t want to come across as to overeager.

 

The only other thing I can think of is that she is some kind of a master manipulator.  During our last argument he threw in my face that they are going on a cruise together for “their” birthday.  Apparently their birthdays are the same week and he said this means they are meant for each other.  He really seems to believe that bullshit too.  It’s amazing.  My ex husband and I were 4 days apart, big fucking deal.  I was like, well, it sure beats roses that didn’t mean anything to you and he said “you are trying to guilt trip me but it’s not working”.  Um, okay.  He then said I was twisting everything about her.  Apparently she’s really pulling some puppet strings because, no, I was being real.

 

In any case, it’s crazy seeing him act like such a fool over someone he’s only known a few weeks. He’s been totally snowed. Who decides to get all serious THAT quickly?  Seems like a train wreck waiting to happen, but it’s no longer any of my concern.

P.S. No clue why WordPress decided to number my paragraphs after #5 both #1 again. Maybe they think those are extra important, lol. 😉

Pissed at the Producer

Well folks, it looks like things have come to a halt with the Producer.  I was flaming mad for a few days and have finally calmed down a little bit.  Spending the night with my fuck buddy last night seemed to help a lot.  Gosh, I’d almost forgotten what a huge dick he has, lol.  It’s super thick, on top of being 9 inches long.  The Producer is always bragging about how thick HIS cock is (and it is) but after being with my fuck buddy again, well, it seems like it’s twice as wide. 

Anyhow, we had a great night, with a few rounds of sex and cuddling up to watch a movie, naked on his couch. As predicted, he went raw with me for the first time.  I don’t doubt that seeing that pic of me and the Producer, that he had gotten mad about because he wasn’t wearing a condom, had something to do with it.  He still wore a condom for the first couple rounds but one broke and we ran out of Magnums and tried to use another one on him that I had but it was tight.  He’s normally a real stickler about condoms, but we decided it would be okay for him to just pull out.  We slept all snuggled up and had more great sex in the morning before I left.  That’s also the first time, in almost a year and a half of seeing each other, that we have spent a full night together.

So back to the Producer.  Remember how great things were going with us?  At least that’s what I thought.  He had kept saying how sprung he was with me, was texting me frequently, calling “just to hear my voice”, seeing me twice a week when he came through, kept talking about how he wanted to take me to Vegas and go to parties that are a few months down the road, bought me roses and took me out on my Birthday, was saying how I give the best head he’s ever had in his life and what wonderful sex we have, and had recently met a couple of my kids.  He even bought us go-cart tickets that were like $250 worth of rides.  I was really feeling confident that he was “into” me.

I had gotten sick for a couple of weeks but he was still calling and texting and all seemed well when he took off overseas.  He had been in touch ever since, on Whatsapp, sexting and telling me about his trip. 

So imagine my surprise when he suddenly, out of the blue, messages me on there to drop the bomb.  He’s found a new woman, that he met on Match.com two weeks ago and they are developing “feelings” for each other.  He doesn’t want to drop me however, but to “include” me with the two of them, because “isn’t this crazy” she is bi and believes in an open relationship.

Um, excuse me?  WHAT THE FUCK?!  I was totally blindsided!! I’ve been seeing him for months and I’M the one that needs to be “included” like a little side piece?  Because he is developing feelings that apparently he never had for me?  WOW!!

I was FLOORED!!  OUCH! 😦 😦 😦  He approached it like it was some important thing he had to tell me and was like “I understand if you never want to talk to me again”. I said “so I got sick and you found someone else and now you want me to settle with second place….yeah, fuck off”.  He said okay and a few hours later sent me some bullshit poem about a “Ride or Die Chick”. I told him “go fuck yourself” and he laughed then said okay he would consider himself deleted. 

He said I was being hostile and that he had always treated me with respect and never treated me second class and that he had told this woman all about me.  He said he really talked me up and that he told her how much respect he had for me and my kids and that he had to include me in his life.  He added that we had always “gone beyond the friends situation” and that he wanted to continue to do so.

I told him there was nothing respectful about asking me to take a backseat because he fell in love with someone and to please never contact me again.  He started getting mad and said I was acting like a bitch.  He commented that I have all these men “on the side” so what am I talking about?  I was like “whatever, I never asked you to take a backseat to anyone, I don’t treat people that way.  I’ve also never called you out of your name.  I’m done, goodbye and good riddance”. 

He responded by telling me it was my fucking loss, that I am wack and left a voice message again saying I was acting like a bitch and telling me to fuck off.  Then he blocked (and later unblocked) me on Whatsapp.  I decided to block him after that and haven’t talked with him since.

My blood was boiling for a few days there.  I mean, he has some fucking NERVE trying to get me to hang around for scraps after he has decided he prefers someone else.  Add that I had told him a little bit about what happened with the married woman and the Professor and it was just adding insult to injury.  Unbelievable.

There is no way in HELL I want to put myself in a position where I am having to compete with another woman like that again.  I didn’t sign up to be the jumpoff.  They can both go jump off a fucking cliff!! 

After calming down a little bit, I can see that if he’d approached me differently I might not have been so upset, but it’s still not a position I want to be in.  Clearly he was envisioning bi threesomes and all kinds of fun, but um, I’ve TOLD him my big fear about threesomes with another woman is being left out.  How the heck would I feel being the unloved one in the group.  NO THANKS! 😦

What’s crazy is the day before he was going on about how I give the best head he’s ever had in his life and asking me to rate his sexual performance.  He said he wanted to be my number 1 and how close was he? “Be honest”. I finally said “you’re in the top ten” and he wasn’t satisfied with that.  So I was like well, probably the top 5.  (Reasoning that the Married man, then Mr Firm, then the Professor, followed by a tie between the Pilot and the Fuck Buddy might get him there).  He still wasn’t liking it and I said that wasn’t fair because I don’t ask him to rate me.  So he claimed I am his #1 head giver and #3 otherwise.  I was like “only #3?” and he said that was because there was a 3 way tie and if he ranked alphabetically.  Yeah, whatever…. but I think it’s kind of fucked up that if he likes the sex that much he would try and fuck it up by announcing that he was in love with some bitch he has known for all of TWO WEEKS???  How do you fall “in love” that fast anyway? 

I don’t know but I am kind of in an emotional mess over it.  It seems like the minute I dropped my guard and started to let him in, he turned on me!  That seems to happen far too frequently with men. 😦  Makes me think none of them are trustworthy at all.  It’s like the minute you start to let them know you actually like them they decide it’s time to stick a knife in your back.  Fuck him!  Or rather not, I don’t know that I could ever go there again, I feel so disrespected. He wants to make ME the secondary?  Really?  To some woman he just met??  Isn’t that backwards????  Shouldn’t he be putting ME first? What’s messed up is I thought I was doing everything right, never causing drama, giving great blowjobs, trying to keep it all positive and my reward is getting knocked to the side….nice. 

I am so fucking offended it is hard to get over it.  Thank God for my Fuck Buddy or I think I’d hate all men right now.  He is my lifesaver. 🙂