Ever since the party the other night I feel like I’ve been falling harder for the Producer. I didn’t think this was going to happen. I’ve really got to concentrate on keeping my head on straight.
The question I have to ask myself is why now? We’ve been seeing one another for a couple of months and having lots of sex. I really wasn’t that into him previously. I mean I liked him, but I wonder what triggered these seemingly sudden new feelings?
Could it be that his accepting attitude towards me fucking another man, and one who was better endowed and hot at that, actually got me going? I’m kind of bewildered. I’ve always thought that would make the guy look kind of weak, but it didn’t in this case at all.
Then there is the fact that he told me some stuff about his past that isn’t repeatable on this blog. It’s dangerous, badass, and maybe should be a red flag. Yet, somehow I think my mind converts this to HOT. I didn’t really feel that way when he told me about his former involvement in the porn industry (not as an actor but producing movies- he said it was actually to the point that he got tired of looking at pussies all day, lol). Perhaps it’s something to do with the mystery of it all, it’s past but is there any way he could be covering things up now? I’m on alert.
I mean I already know he’s a bit of a baller. He cracks me up because he looks and acts the part. He’s exactly what you’d expect a bigwig producer type to be like, in a lot of ways. The other day he had me laughing because we were at the hotel and I said I needed to use the computer in the lobby to print off a couple of forms (I don’t have a printer at home). It cost like 10 cents a page and he was like “you tell them Big Daddy said to put it on the tab”. He didn’t want me to pay for it. LMFAO. 10 cents :::smh:::: but yeah, that is his general attitude.
I’m pretty certain he’s into me. He says I’m a “man’s dream” and keeps talking about how he loved being able to wake up next to me in the morning. He keeps commenting that he’s really feeling me and I have him sprung. Yesterday he referred to me as his baby.
The issue though, is that I don’t want to fuck up a good thing. It seems like whenever “feelings” start to come into play it messes up whatever you have going. People start acting like fools. Jealousy, drama, I don’t want to mess with any of that. I’m trying hard to reign in my rampant fantasies that have been going wild the past couple of days.
I’m still not “in love” but I’ve been doused with a bit of NRE (new relationship energy, or infatuation). It’s all those little what ifs. What if I could actually get what I want? A long term relationship with someone who could help me- financially and with my difficult teenage son who really needs a male role model and someone intimidating enough to keep him in line. That and would LET me have sex with other men?? OMG, it would be a dream come true.
He’s commented that if I let him take my son for a weekend he would set him straight. I don’t know what the hell he’d be planning to do though, lol. The Producer was a problem child too and got kicked out of his entire school district. I know he can identify and from his comments I can tell he’d be a bit harsh but he’s also generally pretty nice and easygoing. He doesn’t seem like a control freak.
Did I mention he’s never had kids and actually seems to want one of his own? I’d love to have another baby someday…. Before I get too old, lol, and I’ve always wanted a mixed baby, ever since taking care of my biracial siblings as a teen. He’s talked about how important it would be to him to be there for his children and to stay with the mother if he ever had kids.
He’s got a big house, with lots of bedrooms, a movie theater, a video arcade and a fully stocked bar. I told him he should put a pole down there (for me) and throw swinger parties and he liked the idea. Yeah my imagination has gone into overdrive.
Still, it’s all so premature. I don’t want to get my hopes up or daydream too much about things that could be totally unrealistic. Yeah, someone knock some sense into me!! LOL Help!!