Drifting into dreamland…..


Ever since the party the other night I feel like I’ve been falling harder for the Producer.  I didn’t think this was going to happen.  I’ve really got to concentrate on keeping my head on straight. 

The question I have to ask myself is why now?  We’ve been seeing one another for a couple of months and having lots of sex.  I really wasn’t that into him previously.  I mean I liked him, but I wonder what triggered these seemingly sudden new feelings?

Could it be that his accepting attitude towards me fucking another man, and one who was better endowed and hot at that, actually got me going?  I’m kind of bewildered.  I’ve always thought that would make the guy look kind of weak, but it didn’t in this case at all.

Then there is the fact that he told me some stuff about his past that isn’t repeatable on this blog.  It’s dangerous, badass, and maybe should be a red flag.  Yet, somehow I think my mind converts this to HOT.  I didn’t really feel that way when he told me about his former involvement in the porn industry (not as an actor but producing movies- he said it was actually to the point that he got tired of looking at pussies all day, lol).  Perhaps it’s something to do with the mystery of it all, it’s past but is there any way he could be covering things up now?  I’m on alert.

I mean I already know he’s a bit of a baller.  He cracks me up because he looks and acts the part.  He’s exactly what you’d expect a bigwig producer type to be like, in a lot of ways.  The other day he had me laughing because we were at the hotel and I said I needed to use the computer in the lobby to print off a couple of forms (I don’t have a printer at home).  It cost like 10 cents a page and he was like “you tell them Big Daddy said to put it on the tab”.  He didn’t want me to pay for it. LMFAO.  10 cents  :::smh:::: but yeah, that is his general attitude.

I’m pretty certain he’s into me.  He says I’m a “man’s dream” and keeps talking about how he loved being able to wake up next to me in the morning.  He keeps commenting that he’s really feeling me and I have him sprung.  Yesterday he referred to me as his baby.

The issue though, is that I don’t want to fuck up a good thing.  It seems like whenever “feelings” start to come into play it messes up whatever you have going.  People start acting like fools.  Jealousy, drama, I don’t want to mess with any of that.  I’m trying hard to reign in my rampant fantasies that have been going wild the past couple of days.

I’m still not “in love” but I’ve been doused with a bit of NRE (new relationship energy, or infatuation).  It’s all those little what ifs.  What if I could actually get what I want?  A long term relationship with someone who could help me- financially and with my difficult teenage son who really needs a male role model and someone intimidating enough to keep him in line.  That and would LET me have sex with other men??  OMG, it would be a dream come true. 

He’s commented that if I let him take my son for a weekend he would set him straight.  I don’t know what the hell he’d be planning to do though, lol.  The Producer was a problem child too and got kicked out of his entire school district.  I know he can identify and from his comments I can tell he’d be a bit harsh but he’s also generally pretty nice and easygoing.  He doesn’t seem like a control freak.

Did I mention he’s never had kids and actually seems to want one of his own?  I’d love to have another baby someday…. Before I get too old, lol, and I’ve always wanted a mixed baby, ever since taking care of my biracial siblings as a teen. He’s talked about how important it would be to him to be there for his children and to stay with the mother if he ever had kids.

He’s got a big house, with lots of bedrooms, a movie theater, a video arcade and a fully stocked bar.  I told him he should put a pole down there (for me) and throw swinger parties and he liked the idea.  Yeah my imagination has gone into overdrive.

Still, it’s all so premature.  I don’t want to get my hopes up or daydream too much about things that could be totally unrealistic.  Yeah, someone knock some sense into me!!  LOL  Help!! 

8 thoughts on “Drifting into dreamland…..

  1. Its all infatuation my dear…just go with it, enjoy the rush, the feelings and please go, enjoy the sex, but hold back on the emotional attachments, let him come to you with his and then see if they are as strong and pure as yours (pure, meaning true, not innocent!!!). After that, do what makes you feel right and good. In the end, you are the one that has to live with the outcome of your actions and choices in this life…I applaud you and him for the steps made tho!!!

  2. Take it from me, that NRE had me rushing like a narcisitic fool into the relationship I’m in now and left my husband feeling like an old sofa on the side of the curb. I know I’m in a different situation than you are BUT take things very slow and see how it develops. My biggest flaw is I don’t have patience. When I make up my mind and decide on what I want, I want it NOW. Don’t be like me. Just relax and go with the flow. Who kn ows what could happen……

    • Aw, sorry it turned out like that for you 😦 and see, I don’t want to rush headlong into anything either. I know I can have a tendency to be impatient as well. Thanks for the reminder to slooow it down!!

  3. In the end we’ve all been able to work on things and the ship is sailing along just fine now. It’s a lot of work but well worth it in the end. That’s what we are all here for, right? To listen and learn from each other.

  4. Slow down girl. Sounds like you’re already to put a ring on his finger after two months. You’re either going to scare him off or be very heart broken. Slow those emotions down, enjoy the time together, and let things develop. If things don’t end up where you would like them, you’ll have more time to process what’s happening. Right now, you’re going 100 mph; and that usually leads to bad. Have some fun now and see how it goes.

    • LOL. Yeah, I don’t think I’m acting that way towards him at this point, just suffering a bit of temporary insanity in my own mind. 😉 When I really think about it I can come up with all kinds of reasons that is crazy, haha! Plus seeing him this way I get to have a lot more fun than if we were jumping the gun and moving in together or something.

      Then it’s back to the drudgery of being basically a maid. Right now I get to go out on dates all the time and enjoy myself. There is a reason I was glad to get out of my marriage!! Some freedom is nice!!I do think he must be suffering some NRE too because he makes comments to me that probably are part of why my mind is spinning.

      He’s also trying to find someone to move into his new apartment when he comes this way, just to cook for him and do light housekeeping. They don’t even have to pay rent. I’m kinda jealous because that sounds sooo ideal. I love to cook and do all that every day anyhow.

      He mentions that he has all these extra empty bedrooms and I’ve got 4 of my kids together in one room so that is just like….sigh…what a dream. He tells me about these women he isn’t even close to who try and ask to move in with him all the time (I guess due to his money, one of them has 4 kids). I said that’s a lot of responsibility and he didn’t act like THAT was any big deal to him, he just wasn’t into that particular woman.

      Anyhow, I don’t want to be overeager or anything and I can think of a lot of reasons it’s better to just be on my own anyhow. Just, like I said, fantasizing a bit. 😉

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