Missed opportunity? :/


So Mr. Firm is off in another state with his old buddies from college now.  He had actually invited me to come along tonight, though I had some doubts as to whether or not that would work out.  He mentioned it before we had sex and I said I would think about it and let him know afterwards, once we had met in person. While we were lying in bed talking, after orgasms, he brought it up again. 

At first I wasn’t sure.  I don’t know anything about these men, have never so much as seen a picture, and didn’t know how much pressure I would be under to sleep with them.  However, he said they were both attractive, both policemen and both able to get plenty of pussy on their own so there wouldn’t be any pressure if I didn’t want to play with them.  

I still wondered, because first of all this is their little male bonding trip, lol.  I didn’t want to be tagging along like a ball and chain, though I didn’t say so out loud.  He had all his golf clubs there with him at the hotel and was telling me all about their plans to go out at night.  He mentioned that we could all go out to the club together that night and end up doing whatever afterwards. 

Either way, it’s a little over a 2 hour drive, so lots of gas money….and time.  Still, it was starting to sound tempting.  I totally could see myself as the center of attention with 3 handsome, athletic men in a hotel room, haha.  I know I’ve said before that I was done with this kind of thing, due to experiences when I was younger, but I’d be lying if I said there aren’t SOME things about it that are appealing.

What mostly holds me back isn’t that it doesn’t sound hot, but fear.  The fear isn’t anything about how I would experience the sex myself but about how THEY might view it, or treat me afterwards.  I’ve come across way too many men that see acts like this as degrading to a woman.  If their attitude was positive, then great, it could be a lot of fun but if not, then I could be left feeling pretty awful, or even abandoned.  Abandonment is a big issue for me and these guys both live a couple states away in different directions so unlikely I would see them again.

Mr. Firm is pretty cool and I don’t get the feeling he’d be that way at all.  Still, the other guys, I know nothing about.  Well, I know one is on the swinger site, and the other wants to be but isn’t yet.  They are both in relationships (no idea if swinging is “approved” by their significant others or not) and were in Mr. Firm’s fraternity in college and played sports together.  He says they had a bit of popularity due to having a great team and winning all the time, and got involved in some pretty crazy amounts of sex back then too.  So they aren’t rookies or anything, lol, but they heard about swinging and his success on the site from Mr. Firm and thought it sounded fun.

Still, knowing all that, it was sounding tempting to me, and I probably would have made the trip down there.  In the end though, it was Mr. Firm’s decision that we’d maybe be better off not and risking an awkward situation.  I’d told him that I couldn’t promise or guarantee that I would sleep with them until after meeting and wouldn’t want to ruin anyone’s fun if I got down there and didn’t want to do it.  He totally understood and said the guys were law enforcement officers so wouldn’t want to make me uncomfortable in any way. 

Sigh…. I didn’t want to appear pushy or overeager in any way so I didn’t really let him know how likely I would probably have been to do it.  A mistake?  Maybe.  But then he may have just been using that as an excuse to not have me in the way of their going out and having guy time and I didn’t want to mess with that either.  Or maybe his friends decided I was butt ugly and didn’t want to fuck with me, haha.  Doubtful though, I don’t generally seem to have that issue with men.  Could be they just weren’t into the group idea and wanted to find women for themselves, or already did last night, haha.  I wouldn’t doubt that at all! 😉

 Part of me was thinking these guys are way too “nice” and disappointed that it didn’t work out.  But at the same time, it may be for the best.  Mr. Firm has made it pretty clear that he wants to see me again.  He says he really wished it could have worked out and he didn’t mean with me just being with all them.  I was like “Oh, I’m not saying that couldn’t be fun, lmao, just can’t guarantee anything”…and I can’t, but still…it COULD have been fabulous.  He commented on how much of a blast he had the other night and that he likes me even more because I am so easygoing.  Blah…

He’s been cool as a cucumber so far but now I wonder if I’ll ever have that kind of opportunity with him again.  He’s probably put me into the “doesn’t do that sort of thing” category.  Booo!  His attitude here at the end (and maybe he was getting it from the other guys because he said they were talking about it) was that he wouldn’t want to put me in an uncomfortable situation.  Then he sort of acted like he thought it might be degrading towards me or something.  Or, like he likes me too much now to want to share.  Dammit! 

It’s kind of like this guy who gave me the flowers and wants to get to “second base”.  He looked at my cleavage when we were sitting on the couch together the other night and was like “I’m going to be good”.  I even made a comment about how he didn’t need to be but he never tried anything.  Then afterwards he texted to say how bad he had wanted me!!  He asked if I would have done anything with him and I said yeah, probably, and he freaked out!  My phone rang and it was him demanding to know WHY I would have done something with him that night??  I was like “why not??”  and he said he was kicking himself now.  SMDH….

I hate it that men seem to think they need to treat me as innocent and sexually delicate.  I really like it when a man gets more aggressive about things, though a lot of guys seem to confuse that with PUSHY, which I don’t like.  I mean the two cops?  Come on, did they think I was going to cry rape after agreeing to sleep in a hotel room with 3 men?  Um, not unless I’d blatantly told them NO and they kept pushing or something. 

Speaking of pushy, this young guy that I slept with last year keeps harassing me to see him tonight.  His texting is driving me nuts.  Just another reason I’m not that into the younger guys.  I told him sorry I couldn’t make it tonight and he just keeps pushing and pushing and asking why and saying he can come over and help me with whatever needs to get done.

I don’t like dealing with the immaturity and even though he’s really cute I just don’t have the desire to fuck him.  When I did it felt weird, like he was too wowed by my “older woman” skills or something, haha.  He’s 13 years younger than me and it makes me feel a little bit creepy and awkward.  I really need someone who can dominate me and it’s hard to get in that mental state with someone so young.

 Really, I just am not interested in seeing him right now.  He wasn’t offering to take me anywhere and just wants to come to my house, which means extra cleaning and work that I don’t feel like doing tonight.  I want a break and the Producer will be here at a hotel tomorrow so it’s not like I won’t be getting some more sex.  So here I am writing my blog!! 😉  Hope all of you all are having a more exciting night than me!!



14 thoughts on “Missed opportunity? :/

  1. Is this the same guy that asked you some time ago to join him and his friends out of town via email or something? (I sometimes cannot separate your blog entries LOL)

    Maybe their male bonding trip includes group sex and he decided to just leave it be because they want a for sure thing. Sounds like if he is the same guy who wrote to you asking if you would be interested to join them, even if he met with you and had sex after that email, that group sex was and is still the priority.

    I think some people just don’t know what to do after the fact and they act strange because they aren’t sure of how to behave – no experience – but sounds like these guys have some. I am sure the chance will come up again because you both had a mature conversation about it, not like you freaked out or he got pissy because you weren’t promising anything.
    Next time…

    • Yes, he’s the same guy, though he never outright proposed “group sex”. I asked if that was what would likely happen and he admitted it was a possibility but said I wouldn’t have to. He was very careful not to come across as pushy and I was very careful not to sound too overeager so maybe we over cautioned ourselves out of a good time! Ugh!! LOL

  2. good thing you chicken out im pretty sure they would have tried to dp you…. i figured you want to get gangbang(you like being treated like a slut (admit it)but dont want abandonment you want them to keep treating you that way while enjoying it) even though you said you didnt early on through experience..(denial)..You so sexually liberated but are getting older do you think you going to be this way at age 40 and above do you want marriage again??? most likely if you get married you cant tell you past most men cant handle truth(love your honesty about sex so rare for women) like yours unless they are a swinger themselves…

    • Yeah true and the dp thing did cross my mind. I’m not into anal so that wouldn’t have gone over too well. I don’t like being treated “like a slut” in a disrespectful way but I do enjoy doing things sexual. So yeah, it might be “slutty” to fuck several guys but it could be fun if they weren’t disrespectful about it. I have done stuff like that in the past, with a few guys and while some of it was a bit traumatic other things about it turned me on so I’d want it to be a different experience as an adult. I guess that’s also part of the fear in there, but to a point being afraid can be a turn on too…

      I’m not that old yet!! LOL I figure I can keep this up well into my 40’s if I want to and there are a lot of swingers doing their thing way beyond that. As far as marriage, I don’t know. The idea of being tied down makes me feel claustrophobic. I’m not sure I could handle that. My marriage was so constrictive and felt like a prison. I’m finally free and being like that again doesn’t sound appealing at all.

      Still, I really do crave a more intimate relationship with one person. Not sure I’m going to find that in the way I want though. 😦 Like you said most men can’t handle my past and if I’m in a relationship with someone I don’t want to have to lie or pretend to be someone I’m not. They would have to accept me as is.

      Maybe I can find someone like that in the swinger community, but not counting on it. As you’ve seen in my posts even a lot of single men there seem to have a similar attitude to men in general about stuff like that, and a major double standard. Then you add in stuff like trying to find someone I could trust to be a good stepdad to my kids and it just doesn’t seem very likely. He’d have to be a pretty amazing guy.

  3. If you passed on the opportunity, it was the right thing to do. Don’t second guess it. If the opportunity arises again, great. If not, and you want it, you can always make it happen, or you can hook up with a good Dominant man who can make it happen, in a good way.

    • Haha…well, true though it’s harder to make happen than you’d think, especially involving ATTRACTIVE men, lol. Sure I could get a bunch of guys to fuck me but would they be both attractive and trustworthy? Maybe not. I’m kind of picky and it’s rare that I find people that are both attractive and have sexual skill AND would be willing to share me, since most aren’t. 😉

      • Oh, so now you want them to sexually skilled too? 😉

        Seriously, attractive, trustworthy AND sexually skilled is a lot to ask, but not too much if that’s what you want. Perhaps one of them can be sexually skilled and then he can direct the other two, using them basically as hired guns. If I were organizing this kind of thing that’s the approach I’d have to take because one can’t know how good someone is without reading reviews, and they don’t have that kind of thing on Yelp, at least not yet.

      • No, not on Yelp, lol, but they DO have “validations” on the swinger site, which often come with little “reviews”. Very helpful, lmao 😉 Like with Mr. Firm here, quite a few ladies were saying how he rocked their socks off. 😉 So I figured there was a good chance I’d like him too! 🙂 As for wanting them sexually skilled, yeah, that is sort of important and I have to think they are hot enough to fuck. Anyhow, we will see if it ever happens. Not counting on it but you never know!!

  4. If you’re afraid he put you into a “doesn’t do that sort of thing” category, next time you suggest it to him. I know you don’t want to sound over eager, but I’ve found most men really appreciate it when you tell them about your sexual desires and fantasies…most find it a turn on. 😉

    One step at a time. I’m sure if you’re both into it… The opportunity will come up again.

    • See, I’ve had some negative results with trying to tell men my fantasies, so I tend to hold back a bit more on stuff like that. Seems like they think I am “too much” and want to dial me back a notch or two. If only they knew….

      I may mention it again, but not yet. He’s pretty into me at this point, which I like and want to keep it that way. Don’t want him to think I’m just using him to get some gangbangs…haha

      Today he was on his drive home and texting me a lot and telling me how frustrated he is that he can’t see me again yet. He says I was some of the best part of his trip ;). So far that’s sounding like good news on this one because I like him. I even got a video of him jacking off in the car on the way back, lmao.

      I had accidentally left some bracelets on the dresser in the hotel room and I said he can throw them away if he wants. They only cost me like a dollar and I didn’t want to cause any trouble between him and his girlfriend. Even though they are open I can still see it being annoying to find another woman’s jewelry. He’s bent on saving and getting them back to me though.

      • Awhh! That all sounds like good news! He sounds like he is definitely into you. And I do understand what you mean when you say you don’t want him to think you’re into him just for the gangbangs! Lol
        It’s hard to tell someone what we enjoy sexually. And honestly I don’t know why. Why should sex be any scarier to talk about than how spicy we like our food? Yes I know tastes can be different, but just because you like a little spice or kink doesn’t mean they immediately have to go through with it! It means I feel open and comfortable enough to tell you what I like.
        Oh well. I do think you should try to be honest. But if you’re worried about scaring him off, maybe tell him about it in stages? Lol. 😉

        And keep us posted! Loved reading this!

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