I Think I Know What The Problem Is At Last – Sexual Anorexia

Wow, “sexual anorexia”. This is fascinating to me because it describes my ex husband’s behaviors almost to a T. Who knew there was a disorder by this name? He also suffered sexual abuse as a very young child (by his much older brother who now identifies as gay). I didn’t know that until far too late because he never confided in me or shared this info and I eventually was told by another family member, after 13 years of marriage. Religious/oppressive background? Check, self described “porn addiction”, check…., lack of emotional closeness, using silence and anger to “control” your partner (yes very much, he was outwardly passive but it was very passive aggressive and that describes his behavior in a nutshell), he was also very weird about money and would get angry at me for spending money on basic things like toilet paper and dish detergent, (as though those were optional) despite me being really, really frugal. He was extremely and unfairly critical and avoided spending time with me. Yep, pretty much ALL of this….

Tales from a Sex Starved Wife

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I have only recently become aware of this disorder as I came across the term in passing in one of the forums at Experience Project, and then again in the first episode of Ray Donovan (a new TV show starring Leiv Schreiber).  Intrigued by this, I began investigating and researching all I could on the internet.

Essentially Sexual Anorexia is defined in Wikipedia as:

Sexual anorexia is a pathological loss of “appetite” for romantic-sexual interaction, often the result of a fear of intimacy to the point that the person has severe anxiety surrounding sex with emotional content i.e. in an intimate relationship.

The term was first coined in 1975 by psychologist Nathan Hare, and a book was later written about the subject in 1997 by psychologist Patrick Carnes called Sexual Anorexia.  Hopefully I can find a copy of this book and learn as much about this subject as possible.

There is a very good article…

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7 thoughts on “I Think I Know What The Problem Is At Last – Sexual Anorexia

  1. Thanks for re-blogging my post. I think spreading awareness of this disorder is SO important. Particularly for those of us in a Sexless Marriage. Its a huge comfort to FINALLY be able to put a name to the disorder my husband has.

    • It is a really interesting post, thanks for making it!! 🙂 It is helpful to know there are others out there with similar symptoms to my ex husband and that it wasn’t all my fault.

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