Crash landing for the Pilot :(

crash

Well, so much for the Pilot, I guess we are over and done with.  I thought he was this really great guy but my opinion of him has taken a total nosedive.  He really pissed me off and left me upset last night.

First of all, we had plans to go to a party.  His idea, we’d made them Wed. night.  I was excited to come up and see him again and do our thing.  Our couples profile was doing great, with lots of views and winks and people commenting that we were hot and asking to meet up.

Then, Thursday night he texts me and says he has a friend of his that would be interested in hanging out with us and his girl.  He tells me to check out this couple’s profile and that they have sent us their private gallery with face pics.  He says he knows the guy, and he is cool, but never met the woman.

I look at the pics and the guy isn’t bad, probably fuckable, though I’d have to see him in person to know for sure.  The woman, well, not so much.  She was a little below average on looks.  Her profile stated she was 33, but she looked worn and much older, like someone who’s done too many drugs.  Naked, I wasn’t that impressed.  There was something about her that made me wonder about cleanliness.  Like she looked halfway shaven, like she hadn’t taken the time to clean up before a picture and that bugged me a bit. 

I mean, if we are playing with a couple, I am most likely going to have to play with the woman too and don’t want to be grossed out.  I didn’t want to be rude since the guy is his friend, but I wasn’t liking the idea.  So I said “they could be alright, what do you think about her?”  He said “mas o menos, not that excited about her but she is not that bad”.  I told him I was thinking similarly but if he wants to we can.

Then he added that his friend wanted to split the cost of a room and all share together.  His friend was leaving on an airplane early the next morning and had actually asked the Pilot and another guy to fuck her while he was gone.  Okay, that sounded a little weird but it is the Lifestyle, right?

I asked if they were wanting to stay in or go out to the party.  He said he wasn’t sure, that they were signed up for a different party then added that he wasn’t big on the idea of sharing a hotel room.  I admitted I wasn’t really either because that left us stuck with them all night.  He was like “no pressure, we don’t have to hook up with them”.

Then he sent me a text saying that the party we were planning on going to had a lot of people, but they didn’t look that appealing and that his friend keeps calling him.  I said “the people there don’t look that appealing?  And your friend does?  LOL”  What I meant, was he keeps calling?  But a couple minutes later I realized that probably came off as though I meant his friend didn’t look appealing.  It wasn’t his friend that wasn’t appealing to me, but the woman, but I wouldn’t have been that rude anyhow.

I quickly tried to explain what I had meant and he just said “it’s ok”.  He said “not saying he or she is either.  He contacted me today and asked me to fuck her…told him I had plans for Friday but would ask you”.  He said his friend was a little strange for wanting him to fuck his girl while he was gone and he thought it was crazy she agreed to it.  I was like “why wouldn’t she, she gets to fuck two guys, at least one of whom is hawt ;)”.  He said he’d never thought of it that way and I laughed and said I was shaking my head. 

Then I told him that I honestly wasn’t that excited about the idea and thought it would be fun to go out.  He said he felt the same.  I said he could always fuck her after I leave if his friend needs him too and he laughed….then ignored the rest of my texts that evening.  I sent 4, including one asking if he was okay with not hanging out with his friend. I  said we could if he wants.  No response.

It was late so I though he possibly fell asleep and decided not to worry about it.  The next morning I sent a text “so what is the plan for tonight?”  He said he was torn and I asked between what and he said the two parties, the one we had signed up for and the other one, that his friend had signed up for.  I noticed he had used our couples profile to add us to that list too.

He said the first party he’d been told by a good friend, who was a “hot married woman that is all about fucking, single or coupled males so I trust her opinion” that it was a waste of time.  That no one really does anything at that party.  He said the second one was either or, it could be fun or “underwhelming” and not a lot of people had signed up.  I said maybe that one would be more fun then and if it wasn’t we could make it that way, or we could even do something non swingerish- it didn’t matter to me.  There was also another couple that we had spoken with before that lives up there and was interested in getting together with us, people he had chosen.

He mentioned that he liked the party we had been to the last time but it is next weekend and he is going out of town.  I asked what he had told his friend and he said “nothing, I blow him off all the time”.  I said okay then he ignored a handful of texts from me so I was like “I hope I’m not texting you too much at work”.  He said no, you know I enjoy your texts, I was out at lunch for a while”. 

I asked if we were still on for tonight and said I needed to make sure I wouldn’t have to reschedule childcare.  I just had this nagging feeling that he was going to back out on me.  He didn’t answer the question and just asked if I wanted to go to the second party.  I said sure and he asked what time I was planning on coming up.  I told him and didn’t hear back for an hour. 

By this time it was getting close to when I would need to take my kids to their dad’s and leave and he hadn’t said anything about making hotel reservations or anything.  Then he comes out with “Do you mind if I cancel?  I am not feeling it for tonight.”

Wow.  I said I wished he would have told me earlier.  Then I was like “I don’t really see the point of having a couples profile if you aren’t interested in seeing me either???”  No response so I got pissed and said I was going to delete it and called him an asshole.

He sent a text saying “definitely want to see you…just been tired it’s a busy week” right at about the same time I sent that so probably before he read it.  He was like “wow, ok, don’t you think you are overreacting a little?”  I told him no, I don’t think so, he completely disrespected me and my time and I have told him I need to know ahead of time due to childcare arrangements.  I said he kept putting me off and that was rude and hoped he had a lovely time with whoever he’d decided to see instead.

He claimed he wasn’t seeing anyone that he’d been working 10+ hours a day that week and that he wasn’t complaining but he has to pay for the hotel and the party and help with gas money and he was tired.  I said I didn’t know how stupid I look to him but that it was a waste of my time to drive up there to see someone who would cancel on me because he is “tired”, that we both know that is utter bullshit and sorry if it’s too much expense.  Clearly he didn’t find me worth it so no use wasting his time, I never claimed to have a lot of money and am a single mom that has to take care of my kids, that I had told him I might be able to cover my own gas this time (I had).  He was like “Lovergirl, I said I don’t mind….”

I asked why then did he bring it up and said there was really no point in me talking to him and having a couples profile if he’s going to cancel on me the only time all month when we would have a chance to see one another.  I said “I am not an idiot.  I know men don’t cancel on a chance to have fun and sex with a woman because they are “tired”.  You found more exciting plans for the night, enjoy”.

He responded “I can’t change what you think but you are so wrong”.  I called bullshit and told him to have a nice life.  Then I went and deleted the couples profile and blocked him from mine.  Not 5 minutes later I went to look at the list of the 2nd party, the one where his friend had been going and sure enough, he was signed up for it, with his OWN profile..

By now I was livid so I texted him and told him I saw that and called him a liar.  He tried to say he did that after I blocked him, which I think he did but why would you do that if you were “too tired” to go to a party?  I pointed that out and he called me “childish” and said “this isn’t Romper room”.  I said there is nothing childish about pointing out that I was being lied to and treated like shit and that I hoped he had fun at the party.  He again tried to come in with “I signed up after you blocked me” as if that changed anything.

I thanked him for ruining my plans for the weekend since my ex was now saying he couldn’t take them overnight the next night.  He said “ok, so I guess you would rather me just hang out with you tired and all, but at least that way you could have fun, right?”.  I can’t believe he was still trying to claim to be “tired” after I’d seen he signed up for a party!!  What a fucktard.  Men really think women will believe some stupid shit.

I said you have no problems going tired without me!! But whatever I’m not going to play games, you really hurt my feelings.  Hope it’s more fun without me.  He said “you can think whatever, I am going to bed”.  This was at 5:30 pm.

I got pretty pissed at him and told him off.   By now I was crying and upset but told him sorry he didn’t enjoy my company enough to want to hang out and have a great night it was fun for a little while.  He said “so what, would you rather cum up here and let me fuck you in front of everyone?”  I told him no way in hell would I stoop that low, that he has me fucked up if he thinks I am one of these pathetic women who would come running after a guy who didn’t want to see me in the first place.  That I would have been happy to do that before, but not now.  Fool me once, okay but the second time I would be my own fault.

I added that I had someone asking me out to dinner Sat (the Producer) and would rather try and work out childcare for that than waste my time with someone who’d just treated me like dirt.  I asked him to delete the pictures of us he has on his profile and our video and he claimed he would but as far as I can see he has not gotten rid of the pics off his profile.  I should have left it there but I was pissed off and told him off a few more times.  He claimed he was sitting at home, just reading my “rants” at like 10:30 and I said that was funny since he was so tired he was going to bed at 5:45.  Ugh.  What a fucking LOSER. 

Who knows what he decided to do instead?  Hang out with his friend and the not so attractive woman?  Or someone else at that party.  I can’t believe he pulled this shit on me when I thought he was so great.  I am so done with his sorry ass and sorry I fell for it.  I cried a lot last night.  You’d think it wouldn’t affect me so much since I’m really not “in love” with him at this point but I guess I had a lot of hope with the way things were going.  Better now than farther down the road I guess.

Tonight the Producer is taking me out to a dinner theatre.  I’m not that excited about it and my eyes are totally red and swollen but I am going to go anyway.  Anything to keep my mind off this.  I haven’t talked to the Professor since the other day and he is probably still all hurt thinking I’m with this other guy.  If only he knew. 😦

48 thoughts on “Crash landing for the Pilot :(

  1. I am so sorry girl…
    Relationships are so hard… where they be committed, open, FWB, etc…
    Sending you hugs.
    I hope you have fun tonight.
    xoxo

      • I am glad girl… No shame in crying. Believe me, it helps to get rid of those bad feelings and move forward.
        I hope you are having a good time with the producer right now.
        xoxox

      • The Producer and I had a good time. Went and saw White House Down, which was definitely an edge of your seat kind of movie, lol. He fed me and we had sex. Going to see him for a bit in the morning too.

        It wasn’t bad, though he was saying how he’s going to keep fucking me until he’s number one, the best sex of my life and I’m thinking yeah that is so not going to happen, lol. He’s not bad just I have had better chemistry with some others. Also, he never kisses me. I don’t really want him to but it makes me less into it.

      • I am glad to hear you had a nice time with the producer. 🙂

        I had to shake my head at his wanting to “keep on fucking you until he becomes the best sex of your life”
        Really?
        Uhm I hate to tell him this, but if it’s not happening by now it probably won’t happen later…
        I don’t mean to say it won’t ever happen… It could, so maybe that is why he is trying.
        🙂
        Men, fascinating and I do love them.
        xoxox

  2. I don’t know either of you nor was I part of your texting conversation but it sounds like somewhere there was a huge miss communication between you too. I could be wrong but do you think maybe you could have jumped the gun and assumed he was trying to bail and was lying to you before you knew what he was doing. Yes he should have been upfront if he was too tired to get together, but if you’re nagging and accusing someone of doing something they aren’t they will often become what you accuse them of being, if you understand what I’m trying to say.

    Just saying, I do the same thing with D. I read into a little thing or a non-response and make it into something it’s not out of my own fears and insecurities.

    Just something to consider. Like I said I don’t know the whole story. Just hate to see you end something that seemed mutually enjoyable for you guys over a miss communication.

    • I’d like to believe that but he pretty much proved that my instincts were right when he turned around and signed up for a party right after telling me he was too tired to see ME!! Ugh. Somehow if he were really as tired as he claims I sincerely doubt he would have done so and also wouldn’t have been awake reading my texts at 10:30 pm after claiming he was going to sleep hours earlier.

      It may seem like I was jumping the gun and I can see how one might think that but I think I was right. Men don’t just cancel on a chance for fun and sex at the last minute because they are “tired”. Especially not him.

      It was the only chance he would have to see me all month. So yeah, I’m pretty offended. It is also a huge pet peeve of mine to be cancelled on at the last minute. If he’d told me earlier in the day, like one of the other two times that I asked him if our plans were still on, okay, then I could have made new ones but he totally disrespected my time and I HATE that.

      So I am still pissed. Add that I thought he was so wonderful for making plans AHEAD all the time and then he pulls this. Even if he were really “tired” it would be rude to leave me hanging until the last minute.

      I would like to believe it was a miscommunication or that he was affected by my “nagging” and reacted by signing up for the party but I just don’t see how that could actually be the case. 😦

      • Yeah and he didn’t stop there. Tonight he signed up for a party in MY CITY. I live 3 hours away and he’s never even been here other than once to visit me. I know he just did it so I’d see his profile was on there and click on it and find out that he has blocked me too. Talk about “Romper Room” and “childish” behavior. Ugh!!

        He also signed up for a party next to his house, which it is more likely he is attending. Of course I had to text him to tell him I can see through his childish games too. Hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I told him I hope his weekend plans, whatever they actually are, are a lot more fun than hanging out with me would be. He is ignoring me now though. What a dick.

      • Probably true. I haven’t spoken with him since I last told you all about it and today I noticed a new single guy profile, one that was created yesterday, with no pics, peeking at me. Hmmmm…. 😉

  3. i agree with your gut instincts..be glad u found out sooner as opposed to later. don;t worry about it and don;t text him. his loss. and when he sees you are not talking to him.. it will bother him more than getting a reaction from u..

  4. I’m thinking that after you rejected the notion of throwing down with his friend and his woman, you were pretty much dead meat at that point and even that thing of, “Here, take my woman and fuck her” sounded kinda fishy even to me. It makes me wonder if this guy was under the assumption that if you’re in the life, you’re supposed to fuck everything and anything that stands still long enough and is above ambient temperature? You do realize that some guys think exactly that, don’t you?

    I’m glad he crashed because given what you’ve related, he was setting you up for something and then got pissed when you depressurized his plane…

    • Yeah. Sorry I wasn’t super into fucking her. The guy was alright but the woman not so much. I didn’t even flat out say no but was more like well, if you really want to but I’d rather not.

      The texts that he ignored were stuff like well you could just tell them that I would like to meet at the party first and see if there is chemistry and suggesting some other couples he might be interested in. SO yeah, he must have wanted me to jump on board for them. I wasn’t feeling it though.

      I’m surprised HE would choose that over sleeping with me though and maybe some more attractive people. Now his friend I’m sure would have been happy to get with me because I’m a good deal more attractive than that woman, just being realistic.

      I thought that it was weird what he said about the guy wanting him to fuck her too. He said he was leaving at 5am for some air force base and wanted to leave her there with him and some other guy to fuck. So was he trying to pull me into some sort of gangbang with not just him and his friend but another dude as well? No telling but I don’t like it. I don’t want to be pushed to have sex with anyone that I’m not attracted to.

    • Exactly!! It amazes me how often men pull this kind of crap too and then come up with the LAMEST excuses imaginable. That gets to me even more, they tell the most impossible to believe lies. Why even try to lie if you are going to be that obvious about it? :p

      • I know! If they just told the truth, especially in the type of relationships you describe and one that I had for 7 1/2 years that I now have completely ended, there might have been a chance again to hook up, but when you waste my (or yours!) time, forget it. And tell the truth!!

      • It’s a huge pet peeve of mine. I don’t have time to waste. If you make plans with me either cancel enough in advance that I can figure something else at or keep them, even if they aren’t the most exciting thing you’ve got going on that night. It’s basic respect.

        Lying, well, that seems to be a given when dealing with men. I’ve yet to meet one that doesn’t lie about something or other. Totally frustrating. To be fair I’ve seen men say the same thing about women though I think I’m generally pretty honest with guys.

  5. Obviously I haven’t been privy firsthand to your relationship or that conversation with the Pilot, but my two cents just from reading this blog post is that, yes, he obviously flaked on you and that’s never a fun thing to experience, but I do think you may have read into it just a tad. 🙂

    You were obviously looking forward to getting away and doing something fun with another adult. I think you saw him as your ticket to do this, not to mention the fact that he seems to be the only person you’ve really enjoyed the company of since the Professor.

    I think you reacted to more than him just flaking. I think if you had more friends and fun things going on you wouldn’t have been quite so pissed, although it’s annoying to everyone when someone flakes, and it’s valid to be cautious before making plans with a flaker again.

    I really don’t get the feeling that he was keeping you on the back burner. Maybe he’s an emotional guy and something he perceived from you took the wind out of his sails. Maybe he saw the other party as something easy to do that he wouldn’t have to put any effort into, maybe he was trying to piss you off after the text war and didn’t even go to it.

    Last thought… it’s a strange coincidence to me that this happens after the Professor expresses disapproval for your couple’s profile, pics, new relationship, etc. It almost feels like you are throwing up a subconscious wall with the Pilot – maybe to appease the Prof on some level?

    • Hmmm…. that’s interesting because guess who I have been talking to today? The Professor. Over text. I also can see how I probably seemed to overreact, but keep in mind that he cancelled on me after making plans a few days ahead, cancelled them at the last minute and did it because he was “tired”. Then IMMEDIATELY after, he signs up for a PARTY? Tired? I didn’t believe him and I still don’t. My gut reaction was that he was lying to me.

      Yes I have had guys do stuff like this in the past and I’m sure that is why I reacted quickly. The married man pulls this crap and others have as well. I can usually sense it coming by the way they act though, like the Pilot ignoring my messages. I just knew he was going to cancel but tried to stay positive and sure enough, he did. There was a guy a long time ago that I really loved who stood me up repeatedly and I am extremely sensitive to it too.

      My tolerance level for this kind of behavior, at this point is extremely low. In part because it is an obvious sign that the guy is not into me and it’s a huge rejection. Like with the Pilot, it was the only time all month he would have been able to see me. He is going out of state next week. I don’t think if he liked me that much he would do so and I need to feel like he is into ME before I can be cool with playing together as a couple. That is like, of maximum importance.

      I still think he was lying. All the events point in that direction. Signing up for a party right after? The same party we were signed up for as a couple, or one of them. The stuff about wanting me to play with this friend of his the night before and then disappearing and being sketchy with answering my texts.

      I could find other fun things to do if he’d cancelled on me earlier, like the first couple of times that I asked him if he was still wanting to go out but he waited until I’d already made plans for my ex to take the kids overnight, shaved and painted my nails, you know the whole thing and then turns around and gives me a lame excuse about being “tired”. Fuck that. It’s disrespectful and I take offense to that.

      Plus if he goes to a swinger party he is having sex. He is one that plays pretty much every single time. That he would be too tired to have sex with ME but would want it with someone else is just hurtful.

  6. …or maybe it’s a case of self-sabotage on some level – things were going so well with, it was just too good to be true in your mind. He must be like other men who have flaked. Maybe you were comparing him to other experiences you’ve had instead of taking him at his word. It’s not like he’s done this before.

    Maybe you were looking for something wrong with him.

    • Yes, I have been flaked on. Like I said in the comment above there was someone I really loved who flaked on me repeatedly when I was younger and it hurt me tremendously so I am super sensitive to that. He is an alcoholic and I didn’t realize that then but it may have been some of the reason he did that, still it isn’t an excuse and probably indicated that I cared WAY more than he did.

      I feel like it is a big sign that someone isn’t that into you and something I should watch out for. If a guy likes you, he is going to want to spend time with you and that was the huge hint that he is yet another fake. He’d gotten me all excited with wanting to have a couples profile and acting like he wanted to do all this stuff with me, then cancels? For no real reason? It just doesn’t fit right other than I was being played.

  7. Yeah, I definitely agree it was shady to lead you on all day. If he knew he wasn’t interested in hanging out for whatever reason, he should have let you know way before last minute. And I can TOTALLY understand how the potential for anger increases exponentially after spending all the time getting ready! I completely think you are valid in your feelings and that he was in the wrong, I’m just not convinced he didn’t want to see you at all…something just seems amiss. I dunno..

    • Yeah, I’m kind of shocked that he didn’t want to see me actually. He seemed into me before the past couple of days. So apparently something changed his mind. Next weekend he is out of town so to be willing to shove me to the side he had to be way less interested than he appeared to me.

    • Yeah, I totally agree! To be fair it wasn’t RIGHT at the last minute but a couple hours early. Still, when I’m trying to deal with packing for all of my kids to stay at their dad’s and getting myself ready to drive them across town and yadda, yadda, it still didn’t leave me much time. It would have been more acceptable for a single person who didn’t have stuff like that to deal with. Either way though, it was insulting.

      • yep. One boyfriend lives 5 minutes away and another lives about 20 mins away. If they cancelled our long anticipated date a few hours early I’d be upset. Period. Especially if it was because they were tired. Asking to get espresso or an energy drink, or change the evenings activities would be totally cool. Maybe even asking if I could meet earlier or if they could take a nap.. all reasonable. Just flat out cancelling because they are tired? Um.. no. Saying they’re cancelling because they are tired and then going to some party instead.. um.. really no.

      • Yeah and he didn’t even offer a time to reschedule, which is always a bad sign. If someone is seriously wanting to see you again or disappointed that they have to cancel they usually are going to mention a time in the future you might be able to meet. Just didn’t fly with me.

  8. First, I love the picture that goes with the blog caption. Funny! Please take this as my opinion and nothing more. I think you jumped into a couples profile with the Pilot a little too soon, and I think your expectations of you as a “couple” were probably not what he had in mind. I’ll explain in a minute, but one thing I do agree with you on is the way the Pilot treated you on the day of. He made a rookie stupid SM swinger mistake by canceling out on you. He was an ass. I learned (in a good way) early on never to do that just to get a better offer. I once had a date with a couple who were fun, but then the day of, I get an invite from a smoking hot SF I only saw once every 4-6 months when she came to town. I kept my date with the couple, and had a good time. And Miss Hottie came back into town the next week, so I got to enjoy some great sex with her soon enough. I learned early on that good things come to those that aren’t dickheads in the swinging world. Now back to my thoughts on your couples profile and the Pilot. I think you made him bite off more than he could chew too soon. He was thinking, “cool, I’ll have a couples profile as a single dude that will enable more swinging sex than a single guy is usually permitted.” He didn’t think through the fact that he would have to consider your likes and dislikes. He just wanted to be a single swinger with more options. When you closed the door on his bud and girlfriend, who the Pilot has probably been fucking and partying with for a long time, he chose them over you. I’m not saying him canceling on you was right; it wasn’t; but I think you helped paint him in that corner with the couples profile. You should have kept things as NSA for longer to see if a true relationship developed. He wasn’t ready to give up his way of swinging yet. You forced a choice, and he didn’t choose you. Slow the relationship talk down; enjoy the FWB and NSA aspects more and see how things develop.

    • See though, the couples profile was HIS idea, not mine. If he considers someone else a “better offer” that is still pretty insulting when we had already made plans. He also claimed to have never met the woman involved with this guy. I didn’t even totally close the door, just expressed not being that excited about it and he claimed to feel the same way. If he chose to fuck this not very hot woman, over me, that’s even more insulting! I wasn’t trying to have a serious relationship just expect people to follow through with plans if they make them or cancel with enough time for me to plan something new for myself. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

      • Agree with you about him wasting your time. He’s the kind of guy that gives us SMs a.bad name. However, I still think he was not serious about being a “couple,” and I bet he had fucked her before. I guess a lesson learned, and yes, I do understand why you would be pissed. However, don’t let it sour who you are as a sexually liberated woman. Most of us who understand the swinging lifestyle love that about ladies like you. I hope you continue to have lots of sexy fun.
        Darren

      • Thanks Darren. That’s a thought. Maybe he was lying about having not met her. I’m wondering how he could know the guy and not have because their profile is a few months old and he acted like he talks to this guy frequently.

        Then he could have been offended that I didn’t seem to think she was very attractive, if he’s fucked her before. Also that comment I made may have come across totally wrong. I wasn’t talking about his friend not being attractive I was just commenting on his keeping calling but I think over text it probably sounded snobbish and he didn’t seem to believe me when I self corrected.

        He’s been in the Lifestyle for like 10 years so not a dummy but obviously made some stupid decisions here. I never expected the couples profile to mean anything serious, it was just so we could play together but I don’t want to swing with someone who isn’t interested enough to want to see me alone or very often.

        He claimed he’d never taken a woman to a party with him before me and he seemed really excited about the idea of doing stuff together. I think it would have been fun. I really liked him too, but oh well. I’m not going to tolerate being treated like this because it will just continue and get worse.

        It’s hard not to get a sour attitude towards all men or all swinging men when they do stuff like this, but I know it’s not every man’s fault, lol. Still it just seems like you can’t find one anywhere that doesn’t lie or try to pull tricks on you and treat you like you are stupid. I appreciate a straight shooter. It’s really not that much to ask but for some reason it’s hard to find.

      • Now you know why single guys have such a bad reputation in the lifestyle. The really messed up part is that there are some decent single dudes out there… but they get clumped in with every single dude who has ever screwed up.

        Rule #1 in the lifestyle isn’t “no means no” – it’s Take Care of Home First. If you can’t do that, how can you go out and play? Simple, right?

      • I totally agree with that one Kdaddy! Its something a lot of men just don’t seem to get either. If I feel happy and safe with you and reassured that you enjoy and want to be with me, its way easier for me to be comfortable with sharing, but if you take that away you can forget it!!! I was doing great as long as I felt the Pilot was into me. I didn’t mind at all that he was fucking other people. Now though, he’s hurt my feelings and made me feel unimportant so it would be too hard.

  9. Based on your replies to me and Kdaddy, I’m convince the Pilot was into the couples profile just to open doors for him as a SM, and you ended up on the wrong end of what that meant to him versus what you thought it meant to you. I don’t think the Pilot was as committed to you as you wanted. I’m not saying that you didn’t make it clear that you were okay with him fucking other women, it’s just how he took that to mean he was still free to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. Another reason I try to be very honest with clearly laying out expectations for both sides if a relationship with a swinging SF is starting to develop. But stay positive and keep enjoying yourself. No reason to dwell on the Pilot other than to learn from the experience.

    • I wasn’t expecting any kind of commitment. Of course he was still free to do what he wanted, as was I. To cancel plans that he made with me, at the last minute, was NOT okay however. He’s the one though that said he wanted the couples profile only to be for us playing together. A direct text quote from him ” I think not to piss someone off, if you want to play with someone on your own you should contact them from your profile and I will do the same. That way our couples profile means we are both interested….”.

  10. It would have been more acceptable for a single person who didn’t have stuff like that to deal with. Either way though, it was insulting.

    I think there is something to this point too. I don’t have kids and I guess I was thinking of it more as a friend cancelling last minute b/c maybe he didn’t feel like going out more than a date cancelling last minute b/c he’d rather go out with someone else.

    Unless I was really looking forward to doing whatever I was planning with the friend it would be no biggie if they cancelled – I would just do something else. If it was a date situation, it would be much more insulting.

    This is one of *many* reasons why I wouldn’t be good in “the lifestyle” – it’s like, are you casual and more of friends, or is it more of a dating each other dynamic?

    • Cecelia, WordPress allowed me to edit your name so I fixed that for you ;). Anyhow, I know it probably seems like a huge overreaction, if you are thinking he was really tired and just wanted to cancel. I didn’t believe that and he pretty much proved my point when he signed up for that same party, by himself, right after cancelling on ME.

      If he had been a platonic female friend and cancelled on me I would have been annoyed, but less upset. Yet, had he (she in this case) turned around and signed up for the same party they were too tired to attend with me I would have been pretty miffed. I think the sexual partner part comes in pretty strong though when you are dealing with male/female stuff. Because men just don’t cancel on an opportunity to have tons of hot sex with an attractive female unless they have something they perceive as “better” come along. That’s where it gets offensive! Add that he couldn’t have seen me for quite some time after that (at least 2 more weeks) and it becomes even more unlikely.

      If my fuck buddy, who I really don’t feel anything for emotionally, more than a friend, had done the same thing I would have been pretty upset too. Not AS upset because I’m not as into him, but still not happy. Even if we were not in a relationship, it was still a date and he still cancelled without a reasonable amount of time for me to make other plans and without a good reason. I wouldn’t like being told “I’m too tired” for sex either, that reminds me of my ex husband…which I never want to tolerate again. I’m pretty much if you don’t want to fuck me, then fuck you! :p It doesn’t help that he fucked at least one other woman that week and possibly someone the night before. If I’m that unappealing then don’t even talk to me.

      If I didn’t have kids and have to pack for a trip and all of that then I could have made plans more easily after being cancelled on so it would make it less of an offense, but he already knew I had that stuff to deal with so it was still inconsiderate. I don’t know, maybe I went overboard but at the same time I don’t want to waste my time with a guy who isn’t into me enough to want to sleep with me when he has the chance. At this point, if he wanted to apologize I suppose he could have but he hasn’t. Maybe he is afraid to try but then again maybe he just wasn’t that interested to begin with. I mean, why would he cancel hanging out with me, then go to the same damn party without me?

  11. Thanks for fixing that!

    Do you know if he actually went to the party? I guess I was wondering if what started out as him really being tired turned into being vindictive and making you think he was going out after the text war. 🙂 And I completely understand what you’re saying about men typically not passing on a passionate night with a beautiful woman, but I’m also wondering if sometimes, like women, they are just not in the mood – especially if he felt offended or hurt by something you did or said.

    Either way, he should have told you how he was feeling earlier and not waited until last minute – that’s rude any way you look at it.

    I feel like I’m beating a dead horse here, but it’s just so bizarre to me how two people who really like each other as much as you two did could have such a sudden and severe falling out like this. Has he contacted you since? Have you been corresponding with the Prof at all?

    • Yeah, I kind of have been having second thoughts. Like what if I really did totally flip on him and he actually was tired and didn’t want to give me a half assed version of himself that night….then he could have signed up for the party when he got upset, like he claimed.

      IDK. If that was the case then I’d owe him an apology because I did get really upset and called him an asshole and deleted the profile, which cost him money. :/ Not sure what I should do. I’d have to get over my pride a bit to apologize and what if he really WAS being a dick? Then I’m just setting myself up to get taken advantage of. Ugh….

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