The closest thing I’ve had to sex in a month was yesterday and I just sucked my fuck buddy off. Normally I would want more than that but circumstances kept me from actually having sex with him. It was fun though and I was willing to do it because he’s really the only guy I feel like I can count on at the moment.
I am on my period and was supposed to get a Brazilian wax but it had to be postponed due to it starting early. Meanwhile, I can’t shave, so I feel all gross and disgusting, lol. I guess years of removing all the hair has just made it seem weird to have any. I can’t wait to get it all removed, even though I know it’s probably gonna be painful. I got to experience some of that while having my underarms waxed the other day. Ouch!! Love the results though, definitely something I could keep doing! They are all smooth and perfect, despite still being a tad sore.
Fuck Buddy was wanting to look at and touch my boobs while I sucked his cock, so I let him pull them out but when he asked to lift up my skirt and look at my ass I was like um, no, haha. He knew what time of the month it was but didn’t want to explain the shaving thing until afterwards and thankfully it was a skirt with shorts sewn underneath, lol. Then he started talking about the possibility of fucking me in the ass (with his thick, 9 inch cock). My mouth was full but I’m sure the expression in my eyes was “oh hell no!” I just shook my head and was like “mmmhhmmh.” Poor guy.
Despite my reluctance to engage in anything other than sucking his dick, he came fairly hard and easily and into my mouth. It’s been awhile since I sucked a guy to completion, due to the fact that I usually want to fuck, so it was fun and low pressure. He happened to be in town visiting a friend, so we were at his house in a bedroom, with him lying on the bed. I met some guy that was sitting on the couch beforehand but he didn’t say much, lmao.
We talked for a little bit before and after but not a lot because I had errands to run. I told him the Professor and I are no longer seeing each other and he was surprised and asked why but I sort of blew off the question, saying it just didn’t work out. He said his last sexual encounter was on Memorial Day, some couple off the swinger site and the woman was older but had a good body.
When I started to leave he pulled me back for a hug, reminding me how thankful I am for him at the moment. He’s always sweet and never disrespectful, despite us not having an emotional thing. He always looks and smells great, has a really nice body, is always up for sex, is great in bed, doesn’t pry if I don’t want to talk about something and returns texts promptly. No drama, no fuss and I never have to worry about being lied to. Best of all, he doesn’t lead me on and is pretty straightforward about what he wants.
I guess you never know but I don’t get the feeling he is going to run off and abandon me any time soon. Even if something doesn’t work out or I am too busy to get together, he’s cool with it and up for meeting again the next time. I like him a lot and enjoy talking with him but we’ve been seeing each other once or twice a month for a year and still no sign of emotional attachment on either end. It’s nice to have someone to fall back on like that. I guess that’s why I don’t mind sucking his dick with nothing in return, lol.
When I think of the Professor I am still so emotionally hurt. I’m not sure I could ever sleep with him again. Those feelings of abandonment and pain just override any and all memories of the sex to the point where it’s not even appealing anymore. I still don’t really understand his sudden switch in attitude when all I wanted from him was reassurance that everything would be okay. I don’t understand how he could go from seemingly caring so much about me to pulling a disappearing act during the time I needed him most. It just makes me feel so betrayed and confused.
I keep trying to remind myself that I’ve been through worse in the past but it doesn’t really help. I guess I thought more highly of him than I should have, put him up on a pedestal thinking he was this great guy. Him bringing by donuts didn’t make it any better and just leaves me still wondering wtf he is thinking?
A couple days after that he was looking at my profile on the swinger site again. At first I resisted the temptation to look back, but after several hours I finally took a peek. Big mistake. He’d been validated by yet another woman he’d obviously slept with. It’s almost as though he did that just because he WANTED me to look and see, like he’s bragging. I wouldn’t put that past him at all but I don’t understand the need to rub it in when I’m already obviously feeling bad. 😦
It’s been a week since the donut drop though and that little profile glance is the last I’ve heard from him. Maybe now I can manage to put him out of my mind again. I did notice though, that each time he has been validated by someone new, it has been someone that I have noticed looking at my profile shortly beforehand. He must be mentioning me or talking to them about me. I wonder what he’s saying? Is he bragging that he slept with me or saying something bad? He’s shown me the profiles of people of some of the women he slept with on different occasions so maybe that’s all it is, I hope.
The Pilot and I are still in regular phone contact. He wanted to hear my voice and has called a couple of times. I liked his voice on the phone and that is always a good thing. I have a thing for a man’s voice, whether it’s talking to me during sex, or singing or just turning me on over the phone. It’s a wonder I’m not more into phone sex, lol. He says people sometimes tell him he sounds white over the phone and maybe a little but I could tell he’s not. He sounds sexy.
We’ve been texting fairly often and he still seems pretty interested. He went to a Lifestyle party last night but said it was kinda boring. I don’t ask him too much about if he’s been having sex and I didn’t mention the fuck buddy. Maybe it’s better not to get too detailed about stuff like that, if we know each other has sex with other people isn’t that enough? Seems like less of a recipe for drama.
He claims not to be a big drinker but seems like every night he is having a drink. Has me a bit curious about how much that actually is though I suppose if it doesn’t affect him it’s not a huge deal. That and he’s pulled a disappearing act a couple of nights though he always texts me eventually. I’m sure he’s probably having sex or something but he doesn’t outright say so.
One of the nights, afterwards, he told me that he went to some woman’s house to talk to her 17 year olds about flying and joining the military. Then he adds that her husband is in Afghanistan and she had a double mastectomy (some time back) and they are friends and he wants to be there to support her since her husband is not. Hmmmm… I guess I’m on the lookout to make sure I’m not getting involved with anyone who is already deeply emotionally involved with someone else and that one made me wonder.
Maybe better to continue to keep my distance. I still want to have sex with him though! Just don’t want to fall for any tricks or manipulations. He’s making it seem like he’s soooo into me now but stuff with the Prof has left me kind of raw and leery. I don’t know, I’m sorta feeling like the whole relationship thing is overrated and I don’t want to let anyone in or too close. I hope it at least works out though where we get to go to this party together soon. Looking forward to that!