If I can get Mr. Pilot to stop texting me long enough to write this post, I’ll update you all a little more, lol. So far so good. I’m really liking his personality and he seems very into me thus far. Surely we can get along in bed, right? It would be a shame if we didn’t.
In any case we seem to have a lot in common and despite the wait before meeting in person, we’ve been having fun. I wonder if maybe that isn’t a good thing, that we aren’t jumping into bed right away. Like, maybe it will make him more interested in a relationship than just sex. I do kinda prefer having that with SOMEONE.
I really do want an OPEN relationship, or at least to give it a try. The Professor and I clearly weren’t on the same page with that. Actually, the more I think about things with him, more sketchy memories come to mind about his behavior and the more I am convinced he was lying to me about more than just having attended a swinger party without me once.
There were a couple of occasions where he disappeared and gave some lame reason as to what happened. His behavior was shady, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. You’d think I’d stop doing that by now, having experienced enough men that lied to me about things in my life. It’s a wonder I’d ever believe a word out of any of them!
Oh man, could I tell you all stories. Stories of the lies and how ridiculously unfathomable some of them have been. Sometimes men just have me shaking my head. But anyway….
Some of the readers of my blog even tried to warn me that his actions seemed emotionally abusive. Looking back over some of my entries, yeah, I think if they were intentional then it was. I seem to be especially blind to that kind of thing, believing what I want to believe at the time, which is usually the best about people. What stands out even more are the excuses he made and how unrealistic they seem to me now that I’ve taken off the rose colored glasses.
Like the incident with him leaving a note from the married woman out on his dresser, it happened right after he pulled a disappearing act on his BIRTHDAY for Christ’s sake. His claims that his “sister” came down seem especially dubious now, knowing he was lying about even simple things post breakup. He was claiming he hadn’t seen the married woman for 6 months at that time but um, I am pretty damn sure if that note had been there before I’d have seen it. I didn’t even mention to you all what happened on New Year’s Eve, when he was supposedly over visiting some platonic couple and then disappeared for hours and claimed he wasn’t getting my texts.
I’ve also tied in something interesting and it seems like he was giving me gifts right around the times he’d pull something odd, on several occasions. Makes you wonder if it wasn’t totally intentional and meant to distract me. Yeah, my respect and attraction for him, at this point, have plummeted severely.
All this thinking about stuff isn’t because I am still obsessed. I don’t feel that I am at all anymore. It’s more of a precaution and thoughts about what went wrong so I can prevent it from happening again in the future. I feel that I’ve been played.
He pretended, on one hand, to be interested in relationship stuff with me. He got jealous and wanted to know when I was with other men. He gave money and time to me and my children and acted as though he really cared. Yet now, he seems shockingly unconcerned about us. NOW it’s “I didn’t want a relationship”. Okay…well then maybe you should have been more clear in the beginning, when I could have accepted that just fine, like I do with several of the other men I see, ones who don’t lead me on.
I’ve never really understood that kind of sentiment anyway. If you are having sex, well, as far as I’m concerned, you have a “relationship”, it’s just a matter of degree. There are all sorts of levels of relationship status, from married and monogamous all the way down to fuck buddy and to me they are equally valid and people can move up and down the ladder. If someone has proved good enough to continue to have sex with me I think it’s nasty to tell them how they can or cannot feel. Emotions like that are really beyond our control and I think it’s important to respect someone’s if you are sleeping with them, whether you feel the same way or not.
I keep wondering if the way things ended, maybe it was planned out. It seems so unreal and just beforehand, before he went up to see her, he was acting weird about not wanting to kiss me while he drove. He had bought a box of donuts for us as a surprise but yet seemed distant. All at a time when he knew I’d be vulnerable. It’s almost as though he ignored me and acted the way he did on purpose, to get me to react so that he could “break up” with me. I guess I’ll never know.
Sigh….I’m so confused, but enough dwelling on the past. I need to make the right decisions NOW and pay more attention to shit. Having an “open” relationship with someone dishonest kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?
Whew, I finally get a rest from texting with the Pilot. I told him I’m tired and it’s true I will probably do some cleaning up and get to bed soon. I love all the attention, but man, I need some breaks, haha. I guess there isn’t any doubt he is into me at this point!
The Professor used to like to text a lot too but this guy maybe even more so. Or maybe it’s just that way in the beginning; men do tend to enjoy the chase. Wonder how long I’ll be the bright shiny object?
Right now he keeps telling me how he thinks I am really cool and we could have an epic thing going on and that he can’t wait to meet me. He is envisioning us going to parties together in the future and even got me to sign up for one that he is planning on attending. Actually, he offered to come get me and drive me there with him if I want. That would be 3 hours out of his way! Crazy!! Actually 6, assuming he’d take me back!
I admit I’m kinda excited about this party though. It is in a bigger city and is at a hip hop/rnb club and it looks like there are a lot of interracial couples signed up. Since he tends to go for white women and I tend to lean towards black men, that kinda works better than out here in the sticks, ;). Also, they have a massage room and a glory hole? Haha…I’m always curious to try these new places and check them out.
He went to a comedy club tonight with some friends and was telling me he gets free tickets there like once a month, almost as though he were hinting. He offered to teach me Salsa dancing. He keeps telling me he likes ALL of me and not just my sexy body but also that he wants to fuck me bad. Huh…seems like I’ve heard that somewhere before, lol, but hey….
I don’t know but if he even halfway lives up to the image he’s putting out there it would be good. I did notice a little slipup he made in text today though. He mentioned his 9 inch cock. Yesterday, it was 8 ½…. It’s growing, like Pinocchio.