Last night I went on a date with a Puerto Rican man I met through the casual encounters section of Craigslist. I had posted an ad saying I was looking for a man who really knew his way around the bedroom and a woman’s body and he was one of the first responders that seemed attractive so I agreed.
The first picture he sent me had sunglasses on. He looked cute enough but I wasn’t sure so I requested one where I could see his eyes. I hate it when guys use pics that don’t show their eyes. He obliged and from the pic he looked pretty hot!
I said I preferred to meet first in public to make sure we were both who we said we were, so he offered to take me out to dinner. Good deal and he seemed really nice. There was no mention of sex, but I was kind of assuming that was in the cards if things worked out, considering the nature of my ad and that it was in the NSA section of Craigslist, lol.
From the discussion we had beforehand he sounded like a pretty good guy. He is 38, military and just moved here from Alaska for a job where he supervises men on the shooting range. He has a degree in Graphic Arts with a concentration on social sciences and small business administration. Previously, he was stationed in Afghanistan and Iraq and says this is kind of a “break” for him. All this made him sound reasonably decent and normal so I was looking forward to meeting.
A lot of other men responded to my ad and I wasn’t interested in most of them, but there were a couple more I kind of liked. One in particular, who was trying to get me to drop my date and come see him instead, but I didn’t want to be disrespectful so I told him maybe at a later time. Eventually my ad was flagged and taken down, as usual. There were also a couple of men from the swinger site who were going to be in town and one even emailed me during and after the date wanting me to meet him at his hotel room but I wasn’t so sure about that one anyway and didn’t respond. By the time I got his messages I was already on my way to pick up the kids.
Anyhow, Mr. Puerto Rican seemed dependable and sure enough he showed up when he said he would, riding into town on his motorcycle. He lives where there is a military base, about an hour and a half away. Actually, my fuck buddy is there too and maybe the bulk of the more attractive men in this area. Us ladies can always count on military bases for an influx of fresh meat. 😉 The ex-cop came from that direction as well.
Like a lot of guys, he wanted ME to pick the restaurant. Understandable, since he hasn’t been to this town in over a decade, but I hate it when men want me to choose. It’s like, he’s paying and I don’t want to pick anything out of his price range, so I don’t know what to say. I know restaurants that I would love to dine in but it would make me feel bad if he spent tons of money and I ended up not wanting to have sex.
I wasn’t sure so he suggested we meet downtown. A lot of the restaurants there are pretty pricy and I kept thinking of this really nice Italian place where the Prof dropped about $75 on me for our first date, but I wasn’t about to suggest that, and honestly thinking of him just hurts right now. Even anything close to there would remind me of him.
My indecisiveness caused him to say he’d be waiting for me at a gas station and he gave me the address so I drove there in my super cool minivan (ha) and pulled up next to his bike (which actually is pretty nice). I smiled and waved and got out and talked to him for a few. He was wearing sunglasses and I had to ask him to take them off again so I could see him better.
He looked like his picture. His face was attractive but not as attractive as I’d imagined in my head. He was clearly built and muscular, though he was wearing a leather jacket and it was like 80 degrees. The thing that got to me was his VOICE. It wasn’t the Puerto Rican accent, though he did have one, but the nasally sound of it. Almost like one of those cartoonish depictions of a Mexican, lol. Visions of Cheech and Chong in Up in Smoke danced in my head. I could almost hear him say “hey man, am I driving okay? Man, I think we’re parked!” He didn’t say “man” though, haha.
He stood at about 5’8”, which is the same height as a lot of the guys I’ve slept with/dated, including the guy I had the affair with, my fwb, my fuck buddy, the Professor. However, I was in a sundress and heels (I think they are about 4 inches) and felt unnecessarily tall. I think I was just getting that “vibe” from him that he didn’t like it. My fuck buddy is like that too, when I wore heels on a date the minute we got to the hotel room he was like “take those damn things off” because he didn’t like me being too tall. I’m only 5’6” but lately a lot of people have been making me feel too tall. WTF? Sure enough, he later commented on my height, saying he was expecting me to be shorter. Sigh….
Anyhow, I suggested maybe we get Mexican food, but he wasn’t down with that. He said Puerto Ricans hate Mexican food and spicy stuff. Okay then, Applebees? LOL He agreed and said he would follow me there.
Unfortunately, though the drive would normally have been about 5 minutes, it ended up being much longer because we got stuck in the middle of some kind of parade/car show. Meanwhile I’m kind of watching him follow behind me on the motorcycle and trying to decide if there was any chemistry between us. I wasn’t really feeling it.
FINALLY we arrived and since it’s in the middle of this little show going on it was PACKED but we managed to get a seat fairly quickly. The waitress arrived and he was complaining to her about them not having drinks large enough for him. He didn’t order any alcohol but I got a mango margarita and some margarita lime chicken and he got himself one of these triple appetizer plates PLUS a full meal that he proceeded to scarf down. By now he’s taken off the jacket and his shirt is covered with spots of sweat. I can vaguely smell it from across the table.
He spent almost the entire time talking about himself. I didn’t get much of a word in edgewise so he later decided I was “shy”. Dammit. Clearly I’m coming across this way to guys lately, but it’s really not the case. I guess I’m situationally shy sometimes but mostly I was just listening to him and asking occasional questions.
During the course of the conversation it came out that he is MARRIED. He is married to a 22 year old Russian woman who is trying to get her green card and he says after another year, when she gets it, they will divorce. Meanwhile he says she spends all his money on purses and shoes and doesn’t do anything and that he feels he is a good guy for not making her work like a slave, as other men would do. :::Blink, blink::::: He goes on to tell me how he could be beating her and stuff but he doesn’t. Gee, how thoughtful and kind of him. Then he goes into detail about the amount of extra money he gets from the military for having a wife.
Also, he mentions how aggressive he was/is growing up and how women always told him he is “crazy”. Gee, that’s encouraging me to want to sleep with him…not! He adds that he got his first wife put in jail. Later he says it’s because she attacked him out of jealousy and went after him with a gun. He said she was holding it up against him and he was holding her back and unloading the gun with his other hand while bullets were dropping all over the floor, then she chased him to his car and he ran out there half naked and she was beating on him and another guy came out there with a gun pointing it at him thinking it was his fault and the police showed up. Nice story for a first date.
Oh yeah, and he told me his “secret” for when women attack him. He says he just grabs their purse and throws it out a window or door because women care so much about their makeup and stuff that they will run after the purse rather than attack him and then he has the upper hand and can lock them out or whatever. According to him this “always” works, as apparently he has needed this technique frequently.
He talks about how he grew up Catholic and was supposed to be a priest but that didn’t happen due to everyone saying he was too aggressive and violent. He tells me women love violent and aggressive men that beat them and he thinks the secret is that they are good behind closed doors ::: wink, wink::: Some comments are thrown in about how all “Hispanics” run their own “business” and he does that too. It sounded like he was alluding to drug deals, though he didn’t outright say it.
He went on to describe his secrets for picking up women in areas like this. Pretending to need help with things like square dancing lessons and country line dancing because they LOVE it when you try to dance like them, but he really doesn’t care for country music. Bahahaha…. Offhandedly, he mentions that all men are secretly “evil”. He says there really are no good men in the world, that if you put them behind closed doors they would all do bad things and sleep with underage girls. I hadn’t brought up the topic, he did it all on his own, lol, so I asked if women were the same way, secretly “evil” and he said no. Damn. He did say though that usually we are bipolar. That is why women attack guys all the time.
Given his philosophies on life he was strangely non-sexual. I was quite relieved that he didn’t try anything on me, though also surprised. Maybe he just wanted my feminine company, a listening ear? Or maybe he wasn’t attracted to me? WTF? Am I that bad? Sheesh.
Afterwards, he suggested we watch the parade for a bit and talk. At some point an 11-12 year old girl came up and wanted him to take a picture of her with his motorcycle and he obliged and was friendly. He asked me what I thought about him and at first I kind of shrugged and said IDK, and he was like really? Anyway, I thanked him for dinner and said I needed to get my kids and he gave me a peck on the cheek before leaving. He asked when I am available and said maybe we could meet another time. He later texted that he’d had a good time and thank you!
It kind of reminded me of the guy who gave me the flowers and showed virtually no sexual intent but now and then hits me up again saying he likes me. HE actually texted me during the date asking if I was free and I didn’t respond until afterwards but he didn’t try and meet then. I don’t get it.
It’s killing me that I’m having such dry luck and the Prof is off having the time of his life when he’s the one that hurt me in the first place. Yes I did sleep with a couple of guys since then, but nothing worth continuing. Ugh. I think I wanted him to know he hurt me because I deliberately went and looked at his profile this morning and made it where he can see that I did. I have no intention of talking to him further, just wanted to make it clear that I saw.
It was probably dumb and maybe now he’s gloating over that fact, but if he cared at all I’d hope he’d also have some guilt. I would have felt kinda bad if the Jamaican guy had verified me on the site and he saw that, even though I view the breakup as more his fault. Part of me might have been feeling vindicated but I also would never want to hurt someone that I loved and cared about. He’s a guy though so probably just wanting to drive the knife in deeper, or reveling in the fact that he outdid me. I don’t know.
I know I should leave it and him alone, and that doing otherwise probably makes me look desperate and pathetic. So I’m not planning on looking any more. I may even avoid the site altogether after today. Just had to do that one little thing. Maybe reach out enough that if there is anything left or any chance I will hear from him again, he will let me know. I doubt it, but will see. I just checked though after writing this and he did look back at mine.
It’s not that there aren’t other men in the world and I don’t know that eventually I could find a great one, it’s that I really still have feelings for him. I thought we had a really good thing and I wanted it to work out so badly. Why does it have to be so hard?