On the homefront


So since I’m on a sex ban for a week until the antibiotics have had the time to work their magic, I spent Saturday night with my old friend from out of town.  We went out to eat with one of her sisters at a nice restaurant, then did a little pub crawl and got properly sauced.

We had a blast, despite the lameness of the bars in this town.  Not just the bars themselves, but the people in them, lol.  It seems around here there is an age limit to partying and it cuts off somewhere around about age 23, making us feel ancient.  This is so NOT true of the town we grew up in and where she lives now.  There the “grown and sexy” are getting their groove on well into their old age, or at least way past their 30’s!

Also, I never see anyone DANCING at any of the clubs here.  They just like, stand there and talk?  Boring!! I guess that’s why I don’t make any real effort to hit the town when I don’t have a good reason, like an outside visitor to entertain. Still, we know how to make do, haha. 😉 

Pathetic pickup line of the night: “my friend has a ten inch dick”, said by some 20 something kid while pointing at his friend.  Didn’t bother to find out if that was true, for obvious reasons. We did have some guy, who said he was 28, buying us drinks and trying to dry hump my ass and grab on me at the bar. 

Overall though, it was a good place to be when you are carrying an STD and can’t have sex anyway, lol.  I pondered whether or not that might be a good way to get random guys off our back if necessary.  Hey, sorry, I have an STD, lmao.  But no, I didn’t actually say that.  Instead we pulled the standard slipping off to the restroom disappearing act. 

We had a good time and I told her a little bit about my current lifestyle.  I mentioned the swinging and at first she was mildly surprised but then laughed and was like “sounds just like you were in high school”.  Yep… 

She says she is kind of jealous, I guess because it sounds adventurous and fun.  Who knows, maybe I’ll convince her to give it a whirl, lol.  I told her about my pole dancing class too and she was like “I so wish we lived closer and could take it together!!!” 

See, telling the people I grew up around that I am doing this kind of stuff is really no big deal at all.  My family probably would be shocked for a minute or two, then just have questions and be cool with it. I don’t think they’d really care all that much.  It’s the uber judgmental Christian folks I’ve been spending way too much time with, since I moved here and got married to a guy in ministry, that are the problem.  Hell, they act like if you are DIVORCED they can barely associate with you.  Ran into a girl today that was in one of my church groups and is still on my Facebook page and it was just awkward.  If only they knew….

I’m due to go home next weekend for a family member’s graduation and I am so excited!! It is going to be my first two nights in a row away from my kids, I think in the past 13 years.  That part is a little hard but I think they will be fine and I’m really hoping to get to see the married man.  He talked about getting me a hotel room. 

My period was 6 days late though, so I’m on it now and afraid it won’t be over.  Dangit!  Not sure that will stop him though, haha.  This is way gross, but I saw the other day on Facebook that he had “liked” some picture a girl posted that talked about how a real man wasn’t afraid to get a little blood on him or something like that and had a pic with a guy with blood all over his face like he’d been eating her out during that time of the month.  Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past him, lol.  Hopefully I don’t have to find out though. :p  Ewwwwwww…

Also, I was looking forward to seeing the guy I had the affair with and HE is pretty unlikely to want to hook up if I’m still bleeding, but he may still want to hang out.  He is a sweetheart.   The other day he sent me a text for Mother’s day that read “Happy Mothers Day Momma 😉  I miss and love you no matter the distance”.  Awww….   I miss him too.  He always knows the right thing to say. 

Sadly, from the Professor I heard nothing.  It’s been 23 days now.  Still nothing.  I guess I need to let go of the hope that there could ever be some kind of reconciliation.  I thought I was doing okay but broke down in tears again last night.  I’m sure I’ll hear from him again someday, but like most guys he won’t decide he wants to be with me until it’s too late and I’ve already done all the work of healing and don’t want to go back.  Why do men have to be like that?  Sigh…

That guy who gave me the flowers the other day is acting weird as hell.  I went over that one time afterwards and we kissed then I left and nothing.  So a few days ago I look at my Plenty of Fish account and he has emailed me saying how bad he wants me.  WTF?  I was like “did you lose my number?” and he said “I still have your number, you know, it works both ways dear”.  I said I figured if he wanted to talk he would call and he said he felt if I was interested and liked HIM I would hit him up too.  I just said “ok” and no response after that.  SMFH. 

I’m really not one to aggressively pursue men.  I don’t want to be with anyone who isn’t gung ho about being with ME.  Maybe I’m too sensitive about that, I don’t know, but the idea of chasing after men is really unappealing.  Why would I want to be with a man who didn’t want to PURSUE me?  Seems like that should be his job, I’m old fashioned like that, or something. Or I just like being chased, haha.  That’s half the fun, no?

I know some will disagree but ah well.  A wishy- washy man does nothing for me.  Plus it reminds me too much of my ex- husband, though he actually was the one that sought me out in the beginning too.

I wonder sometimes if the Professor might be hoping or expecting that I will reconnect with him but he’s the one that ended things so it doesn’t seem right.  I don’t want to look like a fool.  Nah, he hurt me.  It’s on him to make things better if he really wanted to, too much risk of re-opening the wound if I were to contact him and get rejected again.  I admit though that he is still on my mind a lot.  I don’t really understand how he could turn his back on me that way.  Guess he’s just a dick like the rest of them.  I can’t believe I thought he was so great.  I must be really fucking delusional or something.

In other news, I’ve been emailing with this couple off the swinger site.  They are rather interesting because the woman doesn’t really like to play with other women and doesn’t really want to do a full swap with a couple.  Their profile says MAYBE if the guy fit certain criteria that my fuck buddy would probably make.  So when they sent me an email I responded back and added that he might be someone she would like too. 

They didn’t comment on that but the guy wants to meet ME.  Sometimes he plays alone, but I guess at others she comes along.  So she might come along if we were to play and sit there and WATCH. 

I don’t know about this.  The idea of having sex with this guy (who is admittedly quite hot from the pics) while his wife sits there and observes just seems really AWKWARD.  Now I know how all these guys feel when the husbands watch and do nothing.  It’s just downright weird, lol.  Not sure I can do it.  I think I would feel really inhibited and shy with her watching and not participating and feel less like I could get into it with her husband because I’d be worried about how it would make HER feel.  Any women have any experience with anything like this before?


4 thoughts on “On the homefront

  1. I think I’d feel weird too, I’d feel weird if my hubby watched me with no plans in participating. But then things would start feeling good, and I would probably get over it pretty quickly. LOL

    • Yeah…I just think I’d have a lot harder time getting into it if his wife were sitting there watching. My natural inclination is to never leave someone “out” of things too and it would be very difficult to just have her sitting over there on the side, you know? IDK. I think I’d have all this guilt about her being left out, lol. And being watched by a woman would make me feel weirder than if it were a guy. I really wouldn’t care if it were a man for some reason. I don’t mind showing off for guys, but a woman sitting there, I’d feel like I needed to downplay my connection to her husband to avoid hurting feelings, or something.

  2. I have watched my husband with another woman and not participated. I have plans to do the same with PC and I have done the same in a BDSM context as well. I am not sure why some women project negatives (I’d be worried how it made her feel) because it is quite the opposite for those of us that are into it; it is a great turn on! But I am not the jealous sort or lack confidence – I think if you are someone who possesses those qualities in your own relationships they could be valid concern when being a third. I would freak out if I set something like that up and the woman went into a panic… I completely understand your caution (i have some fucked up couple stories where this sort of thing took place at parties I’ve hosted).

    As for watching I get to sit back and think ‘yeah that’s my cock at work’ and I like seeing that someone else enjoys him as much as I do. showing off something I have. I like watching his body, and him enjoy himself it’s almost like an outer body experience. Now keep in mind too, this is always my doing, my husband has NEVER come to me and said ‘will you just watch’ I’ve always had communication with the woman (I chose her myself) and I haven’t played with a married couple when the other partner wasn’t present.

    The pleasurable stuff for me happens after the other woman leaves, I imagine it is the same intimacy that most swingers feel once they are alone – Actually even when we have been with ‘swingers’ I’ve always taken the time to watch but then I have never minded an audience nor has my husband so it was a matter of finding someone with the same interest.

    I have only once been watched by another woman and she was very verbal with her boyfriend and me, asked questions, gave position suggestions and sometimes I found that broke up the groove I had going on with him but I also had to accept that I was sort of there for their pleasure as well. I think at one point she was masturbating watching us – but I wasn’t really focused on her. the only reason I never did it again with them, she kept asking him about my pretty pink pussy in a baby voice and I HATED that.

    When I watch I do neither of those things, I seriously like to be in the corner of the room out of way and just a silent watcher sipping at my wine: the only time I break this routine is to kiss my partner as he enters her. For me it’s like having a Ken and Barbie doll coming to life and they are just acting out all the things I tried to have them do to each other when I was young.

    Odd maybe but… people are still my favourite play things!

    I will be interested to see if you and this woman come to terms, it isn’t for everyone but it can turn into something fun. I am sure as a single woman on a swingers site you must get a lot of attention from couples! Good luck.

    • Yeah she was the one who contacted me first and said she thought her husband would like me. He is REALLY hot too, lol. I might have to go through with it. 😉 They live a few hours away so not sure it will be anytime soon but it’s an option.

      I think it all just depends on how it seems like she feels about it and how self conscious or not it males me feel. I dont know, lol. Sometimes he plays without her there too but I dont want to be rude and request that.

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