Cum on!!!

orgasm

So I was reading a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Not So Sex in the City, where she talks about her frustration in not being able to make this guy cum from a blowjob.

http://notsosexinthecity.wordpress.com/2013/02/19/the-art-of-blowjobs/

It kind of got the wheels spinning in my head because until last year I was one of those women who just couldn’t seem to cum with a man, not from oral, not from sex, not even in their presence. Though, Lord knows I was having plenty of orgasms on my own. Heck, I’d been having orgasms by myself since I was like 8 years old.

It’s not that I didn’t WANT to cum with men because I did! I very much wanted that experience and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening. It’s also not that I didn’t enjoy the sex because I very much DID. I enjoyed sex a LOT and didn’t think it was important that I have an orgasm during because I loved it so much anyway.

Thankfully, the majority of the men I had sex with didn’t seem too bothered that I wasn’t having orgasms. Perhaps they couldn’t even tell and many seemed to think I was great in bed. I made plenty of noise because I WAS having a good time. It wasn’t fake but when it came to an actual orgasm, I always seemed to be just on the edge, even with guys who I’d say were pretty darn good in bed.

Now I’m not gonna say I’ve NEVER faked an orgasm, because I have, though in recent years I’ve refused to. Now that I’m older and wiser I know better than to send a false message to a guy and let him think he’s getting me off when he isn’t. I don’t want to ruin the possibility that he may actually be able to do it for me for REAL in the future or turn him into a bad lover for the next woman.

I was so frustrated though! Frustrated that those fantasies of orgasms during sex seemed to be just that, a fantasy, and so out of reach. I wondered if women ever really did cum from vaginal sex and had my doubts, thinking that was probably a myth. I wondered if I would ever be able to cum from oral from another person.

I had vague memories of small orgasms when I was very young that came from another girl and I rubbing on each other as well and that fueled my belief that pressure on the clit was the only way. I’d heard and read things from men online claiming they had made a woman cum vaginally 30 times in an hour or something and thought that was complete bullshit and the women were faking it. How could that even be possible? I was convinced they were full of shit. The women who made those claims? Please they must be making that up! How could that even be possible? One orgasm with my toy and I was pretty much spent, at least for several minutes.

A lot of my fantasies actually involved other women, because I was so fixated on the idea that I was only capable of clitoral orgasms and it seemed that men just never knew well enough what to do and wouldn’t stay down there long enough to make it happen. Sure, some of them got me to the brink but then would disappoint by failing to “finish” me in that manner, probably due to eagerness to get their dick inside me. Not that I minded that at all, and I was generally chomping at the bit to get to fucking too, but it still remained a secret fantasy.

Part of the problem may have been that my first orgasms were using a shower massager and subsequently that was how a lot of my masturbation sessions went. I was very addicted to the warm, wet feeling of rushing water against my clit. Water that probably was much stronger than a tongue could ever be. I can even remember cumming at the public swimming pool when I was younger from leaning up against the water jets on the side. It just felt SO GOOD.

Though there were times I fingered myself or used objects inserted in my pussy when I was very turned on, I never was able to use them to the point of orgasm and always had to finish with water on my clit if I was going to cum. So that became my routine. While I fantasized about trying sex toys, I never was able to get my hands on one. My ex- husband was very against vibrators or sex aids of any kind so there was no way I could have gotten away with hiding one inside the house. Still there were many times I used a hairbrush handle or other device along with running water for double the pleasure. Hey, you gotta make do! LOL

It wasn’t until after my divorce that I finally invested in a sex toy. I didn’t have a shower massager in my house and while I could make myself cum still with running water it took a lot more effort. Not to mention that even the shower massager had gotten to the point where it was seemingly taking forever. I think by “forever” it was something like 20 minutes and by then the water was getting cold and that was with the massager, without it took a lot longer. Anyway, I was eager to try something new.

OH. MY. GOD. I loved that thing! Still do!! I got a Wet Turtle Vibrator from Adam and Eve (kind of like a rabbit, but with a single nub instead of “ears”) that I came so hard with, and in about 30 seconds the first time, ha! It was WONDERFUL!! I was so in love! Mmmmm…. I wore the dang thing out after about six months and had to get a new one. I have two now, just in case.

Here’s a pic of what mine looks like 😉 wetturtle

I tried a few other toys but they just didn’t do it for me. I mean, I could cum eventually but it was like eons later. One was a bigger rabbit style toy with ears that kinda hurt, another was a butterfly style thing that you strapped on like panties and wore and were supposed to be able to use with a partner and the last was some cheap piece of crap thing that was about half the size of my current toy with less than half the power. Didn’t do much but get me irritable because I couldn’t cum. Boo….

Anyway, I got used to my new toy and the feeling of something inside me during my orgasm and admittedly liked that even better than the hairbrush/water combo, lol. Some of those hairbrush handles are pretty nice nowadays too. 😉 Still, eventually, it got to where even THAT took a long time. Don’t get me wrong, there were/are times when I can still cum with it in under 5 minutes but most times we are looking at anywhere from 15-40.

Still, I was feeling more and more helpless and hopeless as far as a real man being able to make me orgasm. I thought about trying with a woman but hadn’t gone there just yet either, I suppose due to fear. I wondered if it would ever happen. Guys I’d never met told me that the other guys just weren’t doing it right, but I wasn’t so sure I believed them. The majority of the guys I have been with in my life were pretty experienced actually.

When my current FWB pulled me aside the morning after we’d had sex for the first time to discuss my lack of orgasming with him I was mortified. HE was more upset with HIMSELF for not making it happen but to me it was a humiliation. I felt like a total failure and didn’t know what to say when he asked what he could do differently. I wanted to crawl through the floor! He had pulled me on his lap on the couch and said he had a lot of fun but wanted to know what he could do and I didn’t know what to tell him! I was so embarrassed that I was unable to please him in that way. I felt awful and was afraid he’d never want to see me again because of it.

Fortunately he still did and months later, after several times of sleeping with him but no orgasms on my part, he did manage to make me cum. It was right before Valentine’s day and he was getting ready to leave the country for several months. I came right as he did (inside the condom inside me) and it felt great but it wasn’t a loud screaming type of orgasm. Still I could feel the unmistakable contractions that were just like when I came by myself in the shower or with my toy. He didn’t even know until I mentioned it later but he was happy to hear it. I was surprised, but pleased because now I knew it was a real possibility. Yay!! 🙂

Shortly after, I met my married man, off Craigslist, and well, here’s a bit of the story here: It’s a Small World After All

Mmmmmm…. He was and is SO INCREDIBLE!! I must have cum 50 times that night!! Then there was that time he used my toy on me while he went down on me and I just came over and over and over for like 20 minutes straight. I’ve cum with a few guys since then. The Professor (my current favorite) and my fuck buddy are both able to get me there regularly. I also came with the guy I mention in my first swinger party post that I did on a trailhead at a local walkway, even though I didn’t like him as much and also with a Hispanic guy that got me there with his fingers, maybe even some others but that’s all I know for sure right now. Still, I’m thrilled!! And yes the FWB has managed to do it again a couple of times as well. 😉

I’ve had to ask myself what has changed for me since before and I can come (pardon the pun, heh) up with several reasons it might be easier for me now.

1. I have RELAXED. I don’t feel “pressured” to cum for guys now or like it’s all on me.

2. I’ve stopped worrying as much about getting the GUY off and have become more selfish in bed. That might seem counterintuitive but it’s been key in me being able to obtain orgasms, which ultimately makes men happier with me.

3. I’ve come to realize that I’m really much happier being submissive in bed and there is no reason to pretend to be someone I’m not. Guys may talk shit about women who “just lay there” in bed but in reality that is what is going to make him into the super lover that he wants to be, at least with me! Allowing him to have control is definitely a big part of me losing mine. Nowadays I screen for men who LIKE to be dominant in bed. It makes a huge difference to me because I don’t want to be the one in control.

4. Getting older? I don’t know if it’s just the wisdom that comes with age or if there is more to it than that but the Professor says a lot of women he knows weren’t able to orgasm with men until they were in their 30’s. That’s one of the reasons he says he prefers older women too. By then we “know what we want” more. He has also theorized that it has something to do with physical changes in the walls of your vagina where you feel differently, but I don’t know if that’s the case or not. Still a possibility!

5. Men get more skilled as they get older and gain more experience and nowadays I’m meeting more skilled men than in the past.

6. My body got more used to cumming in a different way with a toy rather than always in the shower. I think this did change some things because nowadays it takes me a lot longer with the shower massager than with a toy. So I may have retrained my body not to need that.

7. Something about finally cumming the first time vaginally and then that experience with the married man set me off or let my body loose to experience what I was holding back on before without realizing it. I was always just teetering on the brink but couldn’t get there and now I don’t have that hump to cross.

Whatever it is, I am happy!! LOL The married man started me off making me cum with oral for the first time, over and over and he is still the only one who has been able to do that. Yet, now I can cum vaginally with or without oral beforehand and of course I still enjoy both to the full.

As for making a guy cum with a blowjob, for those who say they never can, I suspect their hangups are sometimes similar to mine in that if they feel a lot of pressure it’s not as likely to happen. The Professor is one of these men who “can’t” cum with a blowjob and says he never has before as well. I’ve thought inwardly that I would like to change that for him but I haven’t put in the real effort to make it happen just yet. I do give him blowjobs but it’s generally a prelude to sex or a break during. He does cum in my mouth quite often, which I enjoy, but he pulls out at the end when he feels he is going to orgasm and I suck him off from there. We don’t use condoms so it’s a nice way to finish with less risk of pregnancy.

There was one time when I had offered to come over and give him just a blowjob (when I was on my period) and he ended up seeing that married woman instead and I got my feelings hurt. He made some comment about how that “wasn’t enough” and he would want to have sex. I admit that has turned me off a bit towards making it happen. That and he takes a REALLY LONG TIME to cum during sex, which is fabulous for making ME cum but the thought of giving an hour and a half blowjob IS a tad daunting, lol.

Still I would like to try, I just don’t want him to feel that he HAS to please me that way or I know it will make it harder (cumming, not his cock, lol, that’s always hard with me 😉 ). I’ve got this theory that the people that have a hard time orgasming are often GIVERS in the bedroom. It’s how I USED to see things. I used to feel like I needed to be the one making HIM happy and go out of my way to please. Since I stopped doing as much and focusing more just on receiving and relaxing it has gone much better.

The Professor is very much a giver in the bedroom and he succeeds in giving me orgasms over and over and over consistently but as far as kicking back and just enjoying a good long blow job with no expectations I think that is harder for him. I’m so gonna have to work on making that become a reality at least once. He did comment once that I had made him hard right after sex and made him able to go for a second round and he said even when he was younger that was never a possibility for him, so there’s a start anyway, lol. Wish me luck!! Maybe I will be his “first” at something else!! 😀

12 thoughts on “Cum on!!!

  1. Im wondering if a bit of number 4 isnt going on with me at the moment

    It’s funny, for a woman that doesnt masturbate, I did do some toy reviews – this could work in that field as well, but as always you are a pleasure to read. I laugh when i think its okay.

  2. Toy reviews sounds fun!! LOL I wouldn’t mind getting paid to do that!! 😉 Laugh all you want, lol, chances are I was laughing too. Also, not sure where you fall in or near the “30’s” category but its very possible that our body starts changing to where we can feel things better, thinning out of vaginal walls or whatever. Women ARE known for getting a sex drive surge during our thirties too! Hey, works for me, though I was a pretty horny girl back when I was a teenager too!! I’m pretty sure I was as bad as a lot of guys when it comes to wanting sex!!

  3. Ah a very interesting article, as always. I am finding so many parallels, its really nice. 🙂
    I am currently working on my first vaginal orgasm with my fb. I read on David Shades page, that the first one is the hardest and then its easy once you “activated” all the nerves and all. He calls it “awaken the vagina” lol. I look forward to making that experience. I found that most guys I had so far just didn´t have a clue or a feeling for me and yeah as you described, didn´t try long enough to make me cum that way. I never had that problem of not cuming clitoral during sex most of the time fortunately though.
    My current guy also states can´t cum from a blow job, but we are working on it. Let´s see who is faster, you or me. LOL
    Looking forward to your next post girl!
    xo
    Jai

    • I have heard of David Shade but never read him. That’s interesting though and sounds true. “Awaken the vagina”, I like that, lol. Mine definitely got “awakened” or something because it became much easier to have orgasms with other people after I did that first time, well especially after the SECOND time, with the married man, but that was right after the first time too, like within a week or two.

      On one hand, I can’t really blame guys for not trying long enough to make me cum with oral, I’m sure it’s a daunting prospect for them, considering some of us have a reputation for taking forever to cum, lol, but wow, Mr. Married Man reaped the benefits for doing so, believe me!! He also is one that can go for a really long time during sex so that helps a lot because if a guy isn’t even making it 10-15 minutes during sex there isn’t a lot of chance I’m going to get to cum. A lot of guys can’t go that long and I’m sure it takes a lot of effort to train themselves to.

      The Professor, sex with him lasts a good hour and a half and so I’m having a lot of orgasms, but it takes awhile to get started, it’s not like I’m cumming the instant he’s inside me. I think being in the right headspace helps a lot too and being either super excited and turned on or lost in what I’ve heard called a “sex trance”, which is pretty much how I get with him and with the Married Man. The fuck buddy makes me cum too, though its different emotionally. With him its maybe more the excitement factor.

      Sounds like there are a lot of guys out there who are having trouble with orgasms by mouth, lol. Hmmmm…. we have some cock awakening to do 😉

  4. Just a quick updated after I didn´t comment in a while. I moved back to Europe and was busy with real life lol. About a month after my comment I managed to make my guy cum from a blow job. and from that day on easy, fast and on a regular basis. Guess I managed to do a cock awakening lol. I have some following up with your blog to do, but hopefully I manage to read you again on a regular basis. I missed your stories. 🙂
    xo Jai

    • Hey! I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering if you still read my blog. Glad to hear you’ve been having successful blow job experiences! 😉 Me too! If you read my post about the couple swap with the Producer, I am especially proud of that one, haha. 🙂

      • Good morning from Europe! Yes I read everything by now. 😉 Congrats to all those awards and your blog anniversary!!! Awesome! I’m sorry about the break up with the Prof. I honestly believe though that you will be just fine soon. *Big hug * :* Yeah making them cum in a heartbeat after they claim they never come from blow jobs is the best thing ever :D. Can’t wait to read how things develop with the producer. And yep i think you overreacted a tiny bit with the pilot lol, I’m the same way for the same reasons. I had a lovely mom just like you. I’m currently working on that too Much love, Jai ❤ PS: I found a store here that rents out sibians. Can't wait to rent one and try it for the first time. I will tell you how that went for me. 🙂

    • A sybian rental from a store sounds like a great idea! Probably a lot safer than the stranger off Craigslist route I went, lol. Im curious to see how you like it! Im still hurt over the Prof but it is what it is, so moving on. Good news on the Pilot though. We have been tentatively texting back and forth for awhile and he asked recently if I would go to another party with him. Soooo we will see! 😉

  5. I don’t know how I missed this blog… but I found it! So… some food for thought from the male perspective or, really, mine – and I know a little something about making a guy cum from a blowjob. There are some guys who, when inside a woman, can last for what seems to be forever but get them in your mouth and, oops. Likewise, there are guys who get inside a woman and depending on a lot of things, can get off pretty quick – and I’m not talking PE here – but get them in your mouth and, well, if you want him to cum like that, I hope you’re very patient.

    I’ve had women and men suck me and then complain about the fact that I didn’t cum in their mouth and, at least from my perspective being on the receiving end, ya just didn’t do enough to make that happen. Being in someone’s mouth is very different than being in a pussy (or an ass if you roll like that) – it just doesn’t feel the same. It feels good and I’ve found that there are two things that play heavily into this: Persistence and technique. Right off the bat, if I’m going to suck a guy off, I already know that this might take a while so to be in a hurry to get him off like that just isn’t going to work. You just lower your head, open your mouth, and get to work, applying whatever techniques (a) makes you happy and (b) makes him even happier.

    You can suck a guy to a point where he gets oversensitized – he literally can be numb and nothing you’re gonna do is going to make him cum like that. But really, you gotta do things in a way that’s going to entice him to cut loose… and some guys have been horribly conditioned not to; if I had that proverbial dollar for every time someone gave me a blowjob and said for me to not cum in their mouth, I’d be fairly well-off financially. There is nothing worse for a guy to be almost at the point of no return… and whoever’s blowing him takes note of it – and you can tell if you know what to ‘look’ for – and then they stop. You have this happen to you enough times and you see the problem here, right?

    And then there’s the thing you probably wouldn’t know about – what’s going on inside his head at the time. Is he tense and unable to relax? Something bothering him, like the asshole at the office? Did he say he wanted the blowjob and then changed his mind? These things and many others could be the cause why you can suck dick like a champ and don’t get that well-deserved reward at the end.

    Think about the way you (generally) suck dick: What might have worked on one guy may not work on the next one. I know people have a ‘certain way’ they go about giving head but sometimes it’s about tailoring your technique to the specific person and not in some general kind of way – and it also helps if you really, honestly and truly, just love to suck dick.

    You combine passion for the act with a deep bag of techniques and tricks, yeah, with some work – and working with him when you’re not all naked and sweaty – you can get the results you both are looking for. You just gotta be wiling to do whatever it takes and for however long it takes if this is what you really want to do not just for him but for yourself; being able to suck a guy off goes a long way toward boosting one’s confidence about their ability to give a guy a blowjob, something that’s just as important as being willing to do it.

    Passion. Persistence. Technique. I’ve sucked many guys who have told me, “I can’t cum like that!” – and they did because I have PPT (new acronym for ya). Like I’ve been told when I was young, if it’s something you really want to do, you’ll find a way to make it happen.

    • I just love it when you talk about giving blow jobs Kdaddy. Because who would know more about them than a bisexual man? Awesome advice and pretty much what I do too. Each guy is a little different so Im pulling out the tricks that worked with others and gauging his reaction. If he likes something I keep at it.

      Men are often helpful anyway and tell you what they like and want you to do so I’m always getting new ideas too. As far as being passionate, I think generally its a reflection of how I feel about the guy and the sex. The more into it I am the better the blowjob, lol. So most of the men I’ve been into give rave reviews but ones that I am not so much, who knows? They might think I suck at sucking, lmao.

      Other times I might not give as good of a blowjob because I don’t want him to cum before fucking me, lol. Not if it’s going to put him out from wanting sex. I never did do it for the Professor and I was really into him. Thing is he was usually only up for one round of sex and that might put him out to quickly. That and I think he stopped me a lot of times so we could get to sexing. He was convinced he couldn’t cum that way. He did let that married woman come over the one time I had offered a blow job only too.So I never got an opportunity to give him more than a half assed blow job anyhow. Ah well…

      • See, if the woman doesn’t want him to cum in her mouth – she has a better place for it – that’s one thing. Most of us guys know that once we bust that nut, it might take 30 minutes or longer before we can get it back up – and that’s if we can. Oh, man, that whole refraction thing is a BITCH.

        And, yep, once a guy gets convinced that he can never cum like that, he’s often his own worst enemy.

        The other things is that “being into the guy” stuff. Honestly, the thing to be into is sucking dick and regardless to the guy who’s attached to it. If you’re into him, fine; if not, shit and damnation, it’s still a dick for you to work your magic on. Okay, sure, if you’re not into him, you might not want him coating your tonsils so it’s okay to use your mouth on him until you know he’s gonna lose it and then finish him with your hands or even spit if he manages to catch you by surprise.

        I wouldn’t kid anyone who wants to suck a guy off – it’s not as easy to do as it seems. It took me years to embrace my passion and to learn how to be patient but persistent and, of course, develop my bag of tricks that might get him off in less than a minute… or an hour later… but he’s gonna cum in my mouth – he’ll give up before I do.

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