Multiple Valentines, Django, 70’s porn and great sex

men-fight-over-woman

I woke up Valentine’s Day morning to a text from the Married Man wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day and asking if I was naked. Clearly, he wanted pictures, which gave me a silly idea, lol. So I took a picture of my naked ass and said “here’s an upside down heart for you”. He liked that and of course wanted more. First though, I had to send a copy of my inverted Valentine to the rest of the guys on my list. I’m telling you, I’m a real romantic ;).

Now by “the rest of the guys” I only mean the other 4 that I’ve got on call for occasional sex, no matter how “occasional” some of them are. That means, the Professor, my fuck buddy, my fwb, and the guy I had the affair with. They are all privy to occasional naughty photos. I do have an exhibitionist streak, after all, that needs an outlet! In any case it started with that picture and got just a tad bit naughtier afterwards. 😉

I just loved their reactions. The married man, soon after, inquired whether or not I’d be willing to join him and his wife for a threesome. Now THAT sounded interesting! If there were someone I were going to have a threesome with he’d probably be my first choice. He’s good enough in bed, I am quite sure, for at LEAST two women at once, even if we weren’t touching each other. Hell, he’s probably good enough for 10 of us! LOL I AM NOT KIDDING!! He says he’s had a lot of FMF threesomes already and seriously, he’s like the Superman of Sex Gods.

What’s fascinating to me is that he seems to feel the same way about me! I have no idea why and can only attribute it to “chemistry”. I don’t feel like I do anything special in bed. Hell, I’m happy to let the guy do the vast majority of the work during sex so it always bewilders me when they tell me how “good” I am. Not that I mind that, just makes me wonder what I am good at, besides giving blow jobs. Laying there having orgasms? Haha… Don’t you know that’s what I specialize in? LMAO

The other day, he had actually asked me if I’d be willing to give up the Professor for him. What? LOL It was random since we haven’t seen each other for a while and I didn’t directly answer his question. I was like “is that what you want?” and he said he wanted me all to himself. I asked how come and his exact words were “I have had my share but I have never been with anyone and felt the way I do with you. Hell, I wanted to get you pregnant”. Yikes! LOL He actually did say all that when we were having sex, offered to let my kids and I live in his extra house rent free and said he would pay me 3,000 a month if I would have his baby and only sleep with him. Crazy! Though I admit it sounded terribly tempting for a while to this broke single mom! I didn’t know whether to take him seriously at the time but apparently he’s still thinking along those lines. WOW. I mean on one hand it would be like a dream come true but there are just so many ways it could fall through.

Anyhow, I’m not emotionally attached to him and I also don’t feel any jealousy towards his wife. I just don’t. She’s very pretty but she is his WIFE and I do respect that enough that it wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t feel like I were getting as much attention during a threesome. I got to thinking about it all and was like yeah, that actually would be kind of ideal. Hmmm…that could be fun!

Of course, I don’t think he’d actually bothered to ask HER what her opinion was on this, haha. I was like “what does your wife think about that??” She did, after all, catch him sexting with me once and he had warned me not to answer my phone for any calls from his area code. He said he’d have to get back with me on that and I guess she either said no or he didn’t ask because he told me later it wasn’t probably going to happen this weekend. I was wondering about that anyway, I mean, Valentine’s Day? Would he really ask her such a thing on that day? Of all the days of the year? Men….smdh… So I wasn’t too terribly disappointed or anything, but it was an interesting request.

My fuck buddy was a sweetheart. He asked me who my Valentine was and I said I didn’t really have one and he was like “me neither” but we flirted a bit over text. Not too much though. Kinda felt like I was neglecting him but I couldn’t have met up with him anyway. Most of my day was actually spent celebrating with my kids.

The fwb and guy I had the affair with both said they missed me and want to meet up again soon. Awwww… Especially the guy I had the affair with, I’m not really sure what has happened with us. I guess we both just lost interest in keeping up with the day to day stuff with one another and rarely talk anymore. The last time we had sex wasn’t even that great. Still, on some level I do still miss him and he says he misses me A LOT and wants to see me again.

It’s interesting. Our relationship seems like it has been a back and forth power grab in a lot of ways, with one or the other of us always being the one that was more invested than the other. When I started seeing the Professor I think I just lost the will to play that game with him anymore. Still, we’ve known each other since we were young and there are things that we understand about each other that no one else seems to get. I doubt I’d ever toss him out for good and I’m pretty sure he feels the same about me, even if it’s something we’d pick up again 10 years down the road. You just never know!

The Professor, for Valentine’s Day, dropped off a heart shaped box of chocolates on my doorstep. Not a huge or especially thought out gift, but it was something. I guess the point was to show he cared and not send out the wrong message at the same time and I think in that he did a pretty good job. I was happy anyway. I also had a box of chocolates for him so I later brought that by his place along with dinner. I had made steak, baked potatoes and Caesar salad for the kids and I and thought it would be nice to give him some too. He seemed pretty appreciative and excited about that anyway! 🙂

Anyhow, I was more flattered that he took me out on a date and to a movie last night, than about Valentine’s day, when obviously everyone feels obligated. Last night he took me to see Django. That might be on the list of top movies not to take your interracial date to, but hey, we had fun. Haha… I’m playing, it was a thought provoking movie. Mostly in the sense that I feel I need to check up on the historical accuracy of some of the stuff I saw in the film because some of it was really disturbing.

Django-Unchained-character-posters

It’s always horrible to be confronted with the capability some folks throughout history have had for treating other human beings in such an inhumane fashion. I think some would say it was much WORSE than the film portrayed and others would question the validity of some of the practices shown. In any case there were some scenes that could cause me nightmares. I was covering my face through some of it and the Professor was even doing it for me at one point and said he’d tell me when it was okay to look, lol. Not quite the “date” kind of thriller but hey, I was holding onto him for sure.

Don’t get me wrong there were lighthearted and funny moments too. At some parts, the Professor said he was afraid to laugh too loud, lol, but I totally get it. I am used to some inappropriate joking about stuff like that. Heck my baby brother, who is biracial, loves to make jokes directed at “white people” towards me. Like we’d be sitting there flipping channels on the tv and Mississippi Burning would come on and he’d be like “Look Lovergirl! It’s your favorite movie!” and I’d pretend to get all excited and cheer them on (and it would end up in a pillow fight). Soooo irreverent, but sometimes making jokes out of totally awful stuff does make it seem a little easier to take and we need a little reprieve from the cruelty of human nature. I think the film itself, whether it was historically accurate or not aside, was well acted and definitely kept your attention. It was almost 3 hours and I’m not a person that can normally sit through an entire movie like that.

Some of the musical choices were interesting too and at one point the Professor was like “this sounds straight out of a 70’s porn”. So of course, after he took me out to a late night diner for a treat after the movie, we went home to his place to look at 70’s porn and “listen to the music” haha. I guess you need some sort of diversion before having sex after watching something like that!

We watched some 70’s porn then decided to have a little fun ourselves in his bedroom. Mmmm… I can never get enough of sex with him. It’s just SO GOOD! He’s much more of a romantic love-maker than a rough type but I LOVE it! He’s perfect!! He makes me cum again and again and again. It’s just so intimate and he is very creative. I never know what to expect next. Plus, his voice, the things he says to me in bed really turn me on like crazy. He always cums really hard and he’s amazing afterwards and loves to cuddle and be all close with me. Like the perfect man!! LOL I mean it!! I love being in his bedroom…

Really, the more I get to know him the more I really like him. Did I mention he sings?? OMG, I am a total sucker for a man who can sing. I love a sexy voice. Just LOVE it. He used to sing in show choir as a kid and I love listening to him belt out a song. He’s only recently started singing for me. 🙂 ::: SWOON :::

The Professor is also a giver, in and out of the bedroom and it’s rare to come across a guy like that who is not a pushover. I’m really the same way so it’s nice to be with someone who reciprocates. We may have occasional issues with the polyamory stuff but I am glad overall, that we are doing this and hopefully can get better at sharing, lol. I like the excitement of it all but at the same time it’s so hard not to want him all to myself. I’m trying to remind myself of the wisdom of simply letting the relationship be what it is and not trying to demand more. It really is great AS IS and if I can let go of worrying when he is with another woman or that he will abandon me things would go much more smoothly. I think the same can be said of him because on one hand he wants to have freedom but it’s also hard for him to share ME. It can be so hard to let go of those hardwired monogamy ideals, but until next time…wish me luck! 🙂

6 thoughts on “Multiple Valentines, Django, 70’s porn and great sex

  1. Wow! Sounds like a great day! Some of what you said…and I can’t remember what now (LOL) reminded me again, of ME! LOL! OH…I know what it was….my MM says the same thing about me/us. I am passive in bed, although based on my level of experience with anyone good, I consider myself very relaxed and open WITH HIM. It’s probably because I love him too (yeah…got that feeling all mixed up in there) and b/c we have a history. But what I’m saying is that I am not a crazy girl in the bedroom with him, yet he always says he cannot get enough of me. I think it IS the chemistry and how WE fit and how we work together. He says I feel like no one else. Of course I know he loves me too, even though we don’t say it when we are together. Anyway….I guess when you wrote that, it reminded me of my situation and about how chemistry is just there sometimes. And sometimes, I feel like I’d rather be with someone like HIM who is less conventional in other areas of life, then a pushover dude who does whatever I say. I almost think that feeling jealous and constantly attracted would be better than feeling secure and bored beyond belief. (But then again, this is coming from someone who has been emotionally abused during her entire marriage….so who really knows.)

    Anyway….your blog has made me believe that maybe, somewhere, somehow, someday….that I can find someone who is actually available who can make me feel like my MM does. For so long, I have believed that it was something that only he and I could have and feel. And I would still choose him over anyone else. BUT…he is not in a place to be with me currently, and I am not sure I want to wait forever, once I am free. BUT…I just never believed, with my history, that maybe there were other men out there who could satisfy me like HE does. And that is in part, due to the fact that he was the first guy who DID satisfy me that way and the first guy that I FEEL, I ever REALLY loved. So that is a tangled mess of therapy, for sure! But I guess now that I am older, while I DO want a relationship that is mine (don’t need the marriage or the old school restrictions BUT, know that I could never truly share) I guess in reading your blog, maybe there IS or WILL BE, someone else that I can have both with. The amazing sexual chemistry and emotional connection, as well as the commitment to each other to only be with each other, minus the marital bullshit.

    As for you and the Professor…I am glad you guys are going well. It would be hard for me, to do what you are doing. And I think your approach and though process is understandable. But I do wonder….I mean, if you guys BOTH accidentally ended up deciding that you really didn’t want to share each other, would you be open to that? I mean, if you guys chose to swing together or do things like that, in each other’s presence, then great. But it just seems like the feelings that are developing don’t have to be denied JUST BECAUSE you guys don’t want to be all normal and conventional, ya know? Do you ever feel that way? Like….you guys COULD be a couple and do other things, yet, there is no other person that you aren’t either watching or involved with also, with him?

    I don’t know. I just see you trying to do what you think works, based on your old relationship and experiences and while I am NOT judging and actually relate to a lot of what you say and believe, I am not sure that it is necessarily polyamory you are after, as opposed to just a committed relationship with some other options involved???? And I do not mean this as judgment, or anything of the sort. I’m just curious. Because you and the professor seem to have found something cool and it’s like maybe just b/c THAT doesn’t fit a polyamory definition, there is hesitation.

    Would love your thoughts and feelings and hopefully you are not offended by my questions and personal observations as a reader!

    Oh…and I just wonder what you look like. Really. My MM, thinks I am hot and sexy and beautiful and amazing and while I don’t have a high opinion of myself, or carry myself in that way, I DO model and do turn heads. I know this. BUT…I do not acknowledge it or accept compliments readily. SO, when you said that there was something there with the one guy etc…even though you were passive, etc….I just wondered if it was because even though YOU might not ride on your looks, maybe you just know that your hot and he knows too? Just a simple question. Hope it doesn’t come off wrong!!!

    • I do think there is always someone else out there you can have good sexual chemistry with. After I had sex with the married man I was afraid I’d never be able to find that good of sex anywhere but really the Professor is just about as good. It’s different too as we have more of an emotional component, so in some ways I like that BETTER but the married man, WOW. Anyway, I’m just thankful he’s not the only person that can make me cum like that because he is so flaky and it would be bad for me to get too attached to him.

      Honestly I think I could very easily be involved with just the Professor. I do have feelings for him and right now he’s the main person I want to see and the others aren’t so important that I couldn’t go without. HOWEVER, he has this married woman that he already has feelings with and she is in love with him. I really do resent that but there isn’t a lot I can do to change it. I’d be happy though, if she were to disappear.

      Personally, I think it would be EASIER if we just dated each other and sometimes swing together but I don’t think that’s gonna happen right now because of her. Also, I’m not wanting to make him feel too restricted because as I’ve already seen he’s just gonna go out and do whatever anyway (like the time he snuck off to a swinger party by himself and kept it a secret and I found out, even though we are supposed to be open and telling each other stuff).

      So TRUSTING him to do that would also be a big issue and he’d probably feel restricted and honesly I might too. My sex drive seems to be higher than his. So I sleep with other guys partly to protect myself but also if I didn’t I’m not sure I’d be totally happy or have trust for him not to sneak around. See what I’m saying? It might actually cause MORE drama because the expectations are higher and you have to worry about whether the other person is keeping things from you all the time.

      At this point I’m trying to take the attitude where I’m just happy and thankful for what we have together and enjoy what I can. I really do like him a lot and overall he treats me well. I don’t want to make him the sole person I see unless at some point he were to make that choice on his own (and I doubt he will). I do think the swinging is fun for the experience too! Playing separately is the hard part but that way I also get to play with sexier guys. There isn’t as much to choose from in the swinger community and a lot of times with couples he might be attracted to the woman but the guy isn’t all that exciting. I’m also a pretty big fan of one on one sex. The group stuff is fun once in awhile but I like the intimacy that way.

      I don’t mind your question at all and you are right that by myself I am not so much “polyamorous” because I’d rather have the committed relationship with other people being more just sex than an emotional thing. He and I are on a different page there though apparently. 😦 I think if that married woman weren’t in the picture he might feel differently but I’m not totally sure on that either.I’m sure he feels obligated to her too since they were seeing each other first.

      Looks wise, I am decent looking, lol. I’m no model but I’ve never had any problem attracting men. I do tend to be really hard on myself but I live in an area where I’m better looking than a lot of the women too. Also, for my age I think I look pretty good and I do work out regularly. I still have a lot of insecurities in that regard. My ex husband telling me he was never attracted to me didn’t help but I’m still not convinced he’s not gay.

      So I’m not strutting around thinking I’m the best looking woman out there but I do know men are generally attracted to me. The married man did say he thought I was gorgeous and even way better than he expected after seeing my pics when I responded to his Craigslist ad. I’ve had a lot of guys tell me I look even better in person.

      I have my doubts though that the married man is basing it on looks! I’ve seen the woman he is married to and the one he has a child with from before that and they are both very pretty. His first baby’s mama I think does modeling too. I’ve seen her professional looking pics and they are really good. I’m attractive but I’m not a supermodel. On a scale of 1-10 I might be a 7 or so.

      • Thanks for your response! And I am glad that I didn’t offend or upset you with any of my questions. It is NEVER my intention, as I love reading your blog and can often find myself relating to parts of what you feel and share. And please know that as you mentioned, I do NOT walk around thinking I am the hottest thing on the planet! LOL! Quite the contrary after being in this EA marriage for so long. Part of MY issue is that my MM was the one to give me back my self confidence and to be able to look at myself as a healthy, beautiful woman, deserving of love, touch, affection and validation. So again, that makes my relationship and involvement with him much more difficult to want to let go of. Sigh. I just wondered if maybe you, like me, were just hard on yourself (as you ended up saying) and that going along with your “skills” in the bedroom, you were also quite attractive to these men, obviously. I hope that makes sense?!?!

        And I also didn’t want to appear to be insinuating that you wanted to be exclusive with The Professor. I hear what you are saying in your explanation. I just think that FOR ME, since I have never had great sex WITHOUT the emotional part, I am not sure that I could have great sex and not feel completely let down or sad afterward? As a matter of fact, I know that when I get divorced, until I choose to let go of my MM, I will not be able to be with anyone. And that is quite a dilemma, as I don’t feel as if I need to give him up yet, b/c I love him and love being with him and want to be. But I know that once I am single, it is going to be hard as hell to get out there, while I am still in love with MM. That is the main reason I have ended things (or tried to) frequently over the years….and have just recently decided to just go with it. I just know that going through a divorce will be difficult (and even painful, even though I don’t love my husband at all) enough without also needing to let go of MM, so that I can find some satisfaction and happiness for myself. Sigh.

        Sorry to barge into your comment section and share so much. I probably should just blog, but I am still very scared of someone ending up being able to identify me. I know that there are websites that DO out bloggers and at this time, I have too much to lose, if I were to be “caught” I guess. So instead, I am off to journal all of the feelings that I wish I could share with others in similar places or with similar thoughts.

        Anyway, like I said, I think I am drawn to your blog b/c we have a somewhat similar history in regard to our marriages and b/c it just made me believe that maybe, just maybe….I could really find someone else and still have the connection and the sexual chemistry that I have only ever had for MM. I don’t ever want to be married again, at least not now….and many of my beliefs on relationships have changed…..but it is just nice to know that someone else has felt as I do, and that they have found a way to be happy/satisfied in other relationships. Thanks again for sharing your story and for your response!

  2. It’s not easy to offend or upset me with questions on here :). Believe it or not I DO understand a lot about how you feel about your married man. I went through being very attached to the guy I had the affair with as well and a loss of desire for anyone but him. Now we hardly talk but he is still there if I need him and vice versa. Our little “thing” lasted a good 4 years. Two during the marriage and two after my divorce, even a little longer. I made the conscious choice to sleep with other guys after I got divorced but it was hard at first. I was still very much into him. In our situation though, I was pretty darn sure HE wasn’t only with me, even though he denied it to my face. So that made it a little easier but I still had very monagomous natural tendencies and had to force myself to go out there and look elsewhere.

    The first couple of guys I slept with WERE letdowns and it took awhile to find someone else that I felt differently about. The first guy I really LIKED during that time was my current FWB but we never fell in love. I was too emotionally distant (and still into the first guy) but it worked because he was able to accept that about me, even though at first he was wanting more. Anyhow, it really wasn’t until I met the Professor that I was willing to move on. Sometimes it takes awhile but I have come to believe that there is ALWAYS someone else out there if things don’t work out. It’s a good attitude to take because being too set on that one guy can land you really hurt in the future, especially if he stays married and you get divorced.

    What was nice for me was that I still had the emotional relationship with the affair guy while I was getting through all that stuff in the beginning with others. I still had him there when I needed him and really still do, I just don’t need him near as much! We have this thing though when one or the other is upset we will sometimes contact each other out of the blue and its like nothing has changed.

    Divorce is hard but it also was a huge relief for me in so many ways. I don’t mind you commenting here at all!! I enjoy your comments so feel free! I’m glad you like reading my blog and that you feel its of help to you too! 🙂

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