Archive | February 2013

Pole dancing and picking up girlfriends

poledance

Meeting guys is easy. Dating sites, sex sites, Craigslist, bars, walking through the grocery store, you name it, there are all sorts of places to meet men. I tend to get hit on pretty frequently when I am out without my children, and sometimes when I have them with me. Not necessarily by anyone I WANT to be hit on by, lol, but whatever, it still boosts my ego.

Not that I am out very often sans kids. It’s quite rare, actually. They are mostly attached to my hip when I’m in public. So that hampers things a bit too. In the event that a guy talks to me with my kids standing there, I am much more reserved and unlikely to show interest. That hasn’t stopped a random guy from KISSING me in the grocery store parking lot awhile back (while my kids were in the van after he followed us out)and occasional men hounding for my number or simply talking and appearing interested. My 13 year old son sometimes points out his observations to me. “That guy likes you”. Yeah, HE can even tell, lol.

I’m not horrible looking or anything but I also don’t look like a supermodel. I think the reason I get hit on a lot probably has more to do with the fact that I smile a lot and maybe look “approachable”. I’m generally polite and friendly to strangers. Sometimes guys take this to mean more than it actually does.

One of my sisters, who is quite attractive, claims men rarely talk to her. I think in her case it has more to do with the fact that she appears “closed” and brushes people off. She’s not as open and warm. If I didn’t know her I wouldn’t talk to her either. I’d be afraid she’d tell me off, lol.

In any case, I find meeting men to basically be a piece of cake. If I want to go on a date, I just go glance through the zillions of emails I have on Plenty of Fish or OkCupid and pick a few to respond to on a night I have free. Usually at least one will ask me out right then. OR I throw out a Craigslist ad and generally get several responses before they flag and take it down. Then there’s the swinger site and an occasional option there that seems interesting. That doesn’t always wield great results, but hey it’s easy to at least find a guy who wants to meet.

They’re everywhere, even if the ones I genuinely LIKE and have good chemistry with are fewer and farther between. I’ve heard the statistic somewhere that there are 500 men for every woman on online dating sites! I don’t know if that’s actually the case but there are definitely a lot of fish in the sea, whether they are good catches or not. Of course, I also have a few men in my life that I like and have available for sex already, even though they don’t all live close by. So generally, guys are easy.

Now WOMEN on the other hand, are really difficult. I’m not even talking about for sex. Men complain about that I know, but I’m just talking friendship. It’s really hard for me to meet female friends. Ladies, you know how we are. Often cliquish and reluctant to let a new woman into the fold.

Don’t get me wrong, I have women friends that I’ve known since childhood and I have sisters. They all live far away, though it’s great to talk on the phone and have an occasional visit. The women I know around here are mostly people I knew during the years I was married to a man in ministry. So that means they are hardcore Conservative Christians. Most of them are married. I’m the odd woman out.

Anyway, despite the male attention, I really MISS having some girlfriends to hang out with! When the Professor goes on his guys nights out (he plays poker with some guy friends once in a while and not too long ago took a road trip to watch a football game, stuff like that), I’m happy for him but it also makes me wish even more that I had some female company as well. The problem is where to find some!

I’m not really in a position to go out often without my children. I used to be in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and met a lot of women there but it also has that Christian focus. Lovely ladies and we had fun but they aren’t women I can let down with and enjoy a glass of wine or more adult activities. I also felt that pressure to put on a certain “face” and be that perfect wife and mother around them. When I got divorced I felt a little bit ostracized. The same was very much true for my experience with women in the church. Suddenly my “friends” weren’t so “friendly” anymore, now that I am divorced. That was a part of why we dipped out of church and all its accompanying fakeness.

Shortly after my divorce I wanted to meet some other single females to hang out with that were more my speed so I tried a local Meetup group. I met with a couple of ladies for drinks and it was fairly nice but they were all married and a bit boring. Still I would have gone out with them again if my ex- husband’s schedule hadn’t changed to where he wasn’t taking the children in the evenings. Due to that I was unable to attend meetings for quite a while and they dropped me from the list. 😦 Finding and affording childcare for me to have time to go out is generally difficult.

Anyway, the last time the Professor had a men’s poker night and was sending me pics of the guys playing and stuff I told him I really wished I had a way to meet some other women and he had a great (and obvious- duh!) idea! He said what about at the gym? I was like I never talk to women at the gym, we are mostly just on our own machines working out with headphones on. He said what about taking a class?

The wheels started turning, how could I not have thought about that?? I work out daily anyway and have a membership at the YMCA. There is free childcare there and plenty of classes offered. I’d seen some aerobic dance classes going on a while back and even seen friends of mine post stuff on Facebook about Zumba, which totally sounded like my cup of tea! I love doing dance style workouts at home.

I immediately went down and got a schedule and they offer Crossfit and Zumba and Pilates and a few other different classes. The Zumba classes are offered in the evenings at a time that would be great for me and you don’t have to sign up but just show up whenever you want to come. PERFECT! 🙂 I went to three classes last week and really enjoyed it. Decent music and the moves are fun and easy to follow. The women seemed nice though the instructor one of the days and another woman were going on about a great worship service at church, so yeah, more church ladies but maybe not everyone.

Anyhow, the Professor made another comment about me liking my pole dancing experience at the last swinger party and he wondered if they offered classes about that. Of course the Y here doesn’t. They have classes that only play Contemporary Christian music though. Gagging here, that is like the worst music ever. I can’t STAND Contemporary Christian music, even all those years in church. I’d much rather listen to gospel or hymns or praise and worship music than Contemporary Christian, it just SUCKS, lol. It all sounds the same and is just horrible. One of the reasons I was turned off by one guy I had sex with a couple of times was because he insisted on blasting this horrible sounding music by Creed in the car when he was driving and telling me how great it was. YUCK!! How can anyone listen to that shit? But I digress…

So anyway, I decided to look online for pole dancing classes in this area. At first I couldn’t find anything and thought it was a hopeless search. THEN I finally came across a place a few miles out of town that offers some pole dancing classes that are a combination of that with belly dancing, yoga, pilates and some other stuff. The whole place sounded really hippy and New Age, but kind of intriguing. They were very mysterious as to what they actually do there, only women are allowed and it’s way out in the middle of nowhere on some kind of renovated farm down a dirt road. The descriptions were very mystical.

The intro class was only $25. I had to try it, to see what this place was all about. Since my ex hadn’t taken the kids the previous weekend I had a reason to ask him to take them during the week too so I made an appointment.

Last night I dropped off the children and drove for about thirty minutes in the sleet down dark country roads looking for this place. I finally found it. There were some sort of creepy decorations on the gate and I drove down a long gravel drive to park outside the building where it would be held. Honestly I was feeling slightly afraid. Like, are these actually serial killers? Why is it way out in the middle of nowhere, why are they so secretive about what they do and why is it only women? It was dark and raining ice and that didn’t help. However, when I pulled up there was another woman arriving at the same time who had never been there before. We weren’t sure if we were even in the right spot because there were several buildings but decided to walk up the stone path to what looked like a remodeled cabin or garage of some sort.

Walking through the door we were greeted by a receptionist in a very relaxing, spa-like atmosphere and asked to fill out some forms. We joined two other girls who were doing the same, on some nice comfortable couches. On the wall were nude paintings of men and women dancing and sitting on park benches. I picked up what looked like a mint out of a bowl on the front desk, unwrapped it and popped it in my mouth. It tasted like some sort of organic horehound candy and was spicy too. Blech…

The papers I filled out were at first basic and then I had to sign some interesting forms promising not to share the secrets of what I did and learned there. So I have to be a bit vague, even with you all, sorry! I could hear the strains of “Dirty Diana” playing in the adjoining room before seeing the women in the previous class leave. Like us, there were only about 4 of them, one older woman maybe in her early 40’s and a few twenty- somethings.

The women in my class were in their early and late twenties or so, other than me, but I didn’t feel out of place. The instructor was older than me and the website made sure to assure us that all body types and ages were more than welcome. A few of us needed to use the restroom, so we had to leave the building and walk through the cold, wet weather into an adjoining building, past screaming cats in a garage and into what appeared to be someone’s house and laundry room. The mirror in the restroom was completely covered with little notes saying things like “you are a Goddess” and “your body is beautiful”.

We returned to the main building. Once we got signed in we were asked to leave our coats and purses and shoes in cubby holes and were taken into a darkened room with a few stripper poles and sat down on mats on the floor. The instructor was joined by the woman who was behind the desk.

The room and the atmosphere, I can only describe as very unique, yet inviting and warm and relaxing. There was a fake gas fireplace and dim red and yellow lanterns adorned the ceiling. No mirrors, any windows were completely covered with very dark curtains. It was sort of like being in a cave and had this Wiccan or Pagan “feel” to it. It reminded me a bit of when I was a kid and my grandmother used to take me to a hippy Sufi “church”, where we would light candles and chant.

We went around the room giving brief introductions and backgrounds. One woman had been in the military and wanted to get more in touch with her feminine side. The other two had previous experience in dance (not the erotic kind) and wanted to regain their skill in some way and learn something new. Me, I simply cited curiousity.

Anyhow, what transpired after that, I can’t really describe. We did a lot of relaxing exercises set to music that put you in a somewhat trancelike state, but it was both sexy and a bit like meditation. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. It was nice to let go of all the stress of the week and get lost in this new experience.

Then we got to work learning some sexy stances and exercises and trying a new trick on the poles. They had a couple of regular poles and a spinning one as well. It was amazingly easy to me (though they said they don’t start out with the “easy” moves necessarily) but also fun. I got compliments from the instructors on my gracefulness and ease and the way my long hair looked spinning around on the pole. No one said anything negative to anyone. One woman (the military girl) struggled with a bit of awkwardness but was only given encouragement and helpful tips. There was a lot of cheering on and positive reinforcement.

Afterwards we sat on a soft couch together and watched as the instructors did a demo of what we would learn if we take the regular course. It was mesmerizing, entrancing and something I would definitely like to try! I’m waiting for a little bit of tax money to come in and then pretty sure I will enroll in a short course. It’s really not too expensive and I think it will be a lot of fun. They offer courses at several different times. I think it’ll be awesome, relaxing, a bit empowering and maybe I’ll get to meet new friends too, not to mention learn a few skills that I may get a chance to show off at some point, like at one of the swinger parties. They almost always have a stripper pole standing around somewhere.

Between that and Zumba I at least have a running start in meeting new girlfriends. Women can be hard to get to know sometimes and I realize that in general around here I don’t fit in. I actually feel kinda bad because back when I first got divorced I remember a woman emailing me on OkCupid saying she was really just looking for friendship and didn’t know where to start. I didn’t email her back because at that time she seemed needy and I had a lot on my plate plus it seemed a little odd, but maybe she was just someone like me, who didn’t know where to find other women to relate to! Hopefully things worked out for her and soon will for me as well. 🙂

Almost compersion…(but not quite)

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This weekend the Professor fucked someone else….and I didn’t even get upset at all. I’m kind of proud of myself! 🙂 This is usually hard for me so maybe I’m on my way to that enlightenment thing after all. 😉

There were several contributing factors that I think made it easier than times before but there were also some stumbling blocks that you would think would have made it difficult. Still I did okay despite it all. I never felt upset with him in the least and am actually slightly even happy that he did. Not jumping up and down happy, but glad that things seem more “fair” than they have the past few months when I’ve really been the only one playing (though he did go to two different swinger parties on his own he says he didn’t have sex with anyone there and he met up with his married friend and her husband recently but also due to circumstances they didn’t sleep together that time).

Anyhow, he was travelling for work and coaching in another city and state a few hours away from here. When he left he said he didn’t have any plans but he had a lot of extra free time in his schedule the day before their game so I was prepared that he might, and he promised to let me know. When he arrived he texted a picture of the suite he’d been set up with and I was thinking, yeah, that would be a shame to sit in a place like that by yourself all night alone…thinking he’d find something to do.

In any case, not long after he got there he texted to let me know he’d been invited to a house party (by some people off the swinger site). He said it would be 5-6 couples and a few single men. He was going to dinner first with the team and afterwards he’d go there. He’d never met any of the people previously. Chances were pretty good he’d end up having sex, though he said he didn’t know for sure.

Meanwhile, I was stuck at home. My kids Dad was out of town and not taking them this weekend, plus I was on my period. Stuck as a duck in quicksand. I didn’t complain though and just asked a few questions. He was very sweet and reassuring, which made me happy because I’ve asked for the reassurance in the past and not felt like I’ve gotten it from him. So even if it was just stuff he was saying to be nice it made me feel better.

Here’s a bit of our text conversation after he told me he’d been invited to the party (minus a few details of time and place/names):

Me: So is that what you are doing tonight?

Prof: I’m still gonna eat with my team. Then I’ll go after that

Me: Ok. Is that like a big orgy or what?

Prof: Is that ok?

Me: You are free to do whatever you want.

Prof: I don’t think so. But they didn’t say that. Most people coming they say they haven’t met.

Me: I’ve never been to a house party. I’m sure you’ll sleep with someone though.

Prof: Would be nice if you were with me though.

Me: Aw 🙂

Me: Miss you. Have fun ok? I’ll try not to stress.

Prof: Not necessarily. I’ve been to a couple but I’ve always known people there. So first time I won’t know anyone.

Prof: It’s hard for people to keep their hands off of you.

Me: Is XXXX a couple or a group that has parties?

Prof: Don’t stress at all. You’re freaking hot and you make me cum so hard.

Me: Oh, I’m sure they’ll have their hands all over you, lol

Prof: Just saying that’s not always the case.

Prof: Plus, you make me look good. 🙂

Me: LMAO. You look good on your own baby. 😉

Me: So will you text after you get back? Or whenever they leave if you bring someone back to your hotel?

Prof: Thanx. But people really want to fuck you!!! And I know why 😉

Me: 🙂 🙂 Thank you. They want to fuck you too, lol. And so do I. Miss you.

Prof: If you want me to I will. But I don’t plan on bringing anyone back because I’m 30 min away from them.

Prof: Well thanks, but guys are a dime a dozen. Miss you too.

I’ll spare you all the rest cause I was basically just reiterating please text me when you get back and he said he would and then later texted to tell me the restaurant name of where he was eating and that it reminded him of me. Then I didn’t hear from him for about 4 hours.

Meanwhile I discovered one of my children had HEAD LICE. OMG!! What an effing nightmare!!! SO, I set to work washing and checking heads on mine and random neighborhood kids that were staying the night. UGH, UGH, UGH!! Thankfully only two of mine had it and one has very short hair but yeah, I had to do like 20 loads of laundry and wash and rewash and pick and repick heads and attempt to do my own. I think we are all clear but I’ll be checking every day for at least a week. Yuck!

In any case that kept me busy and maybe was a bit of a blessing in disguise because I didn’t have much time to even think about what the Professor was doing.

When he finally texted later that night he said he had just played with one woman. They went into a bedroom to have sex and her husband watched. He said the party was fun and all the people were nice and social, that the woman was “ok” and that it “would have been more fun” if I had been there. I asked if he thought he’d play with her again and he said he didn’t know, he couldn’t even remember their names.

In any case, his sweetness towards ME made me feel like I didn’t have much to worry about, plus the fact that it seemed to be more of a casual thing and not someone he’s particularly into. So that helped. Probably a lot. I waited awhile to tell him what I’d been going through and he was appropriately sympathetic, lol. Nightmare!!

It’s been a couple days and I’m still not feeling bad about it or anything so I guess that’s good. I’m supposed to see him later in the week. I’m trying not to wonder things like how many hours they were together or what they did. That and I’ve mostly felt like it probably won’t change our relationship at all. I think that’s always a slight fear when someone you are into is with someone else. Is this going to make US any different or how he feels about ME? In this case I think not so it’s not so much of a threat.

I admit I did take a peek at his profile on the swinger site today, to see if the people had validated or said anything about him on there and out of curiosity as to who it was. I didn’t see anything though. Maybe that’s for the best. The more I know the more it COULD have the propensity to bother me or have me making those comparisons.

For now though, I’m ALMOST to that state of compersion. I said “almost”, don’t get too excited, lol. Also, I have some possible plans in the making with a guy halfway across the country who wants to fly me out for some fun soon. I’m not banking on anything for sure until I have the plane tickets but I did mention it to the Professor a couple of weeks ago, so that he would have ample time to make plans if I do. He wasn’t thrilled but said he understood why I would be eager to go on an all expenses paid little mini vacation when it’s offered to me! Anyway, if I do end up getting to do something like that I’ll be a little happier knowing that the Professor has had a chance to have some fun too and less afraid of hurting him.

That’s all for now folks! 🙂

Cum on!!!

orgasm

So I was reading a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Not So Sex in the City, where she talks about her frustration in not being able to make this guy cum from a blowjob.

http://notsosexinthecity.wordpress.com/2013/02/19/the-art-of-blowjobs/

It kind of got the wheels spinning in my head because until last year I was one of those women who just couldn’t seem to cum with a man, not from oral, not from sex, not even in their presence. Though, Lord knows I was having plenty of orgasms on my own. Heck, I’d been having orgasms by myself since I was like 8 years old.

It’s not that I didn’t WANT to cum with men because I did! I very much wanted that experience and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening. It’s also not that I didn’t enjoy the sex because I very much DID. I enjoyed sex a LOT and didn’t think it was important that I have an orgasm during because I loved it so much anyway.

Thankfully, the majority of the men I had sex with didn’t seem too bothered that I wasn’t having orgasms. Perhaps they couldn’t even tell and many seemed to think I was great in bed. I made plenty of noise because I WAS having a good time. It wasn’t fake but when it came to an actual orgasm, I always seemed to be just on the edge, even with guys who I’d say were pretty darn good in bed.

Now I’m not gonna say I’ve NEVER faked an orgasm, because I have, though in recent years I’ve refused to. Now that I’m older and wiser I know better than to send a false message to a guy and let him think he’s getting me off when he isn’t. I don’t want to ruin the possibility that he may actually be able to do it for me for REAL in the future or turn him into a bad lover for the next woman.

I was so frustrated though! Frustrated that those fantasies of orgasms during sex seemed to be just that, a fantasy, and so out of reach. I wondered if women ever really did cum from vaginal sex and had my doubts, thinking that was probably a myth. I wondered if I would ever be able to cum from oral from another person.

I had vague memories of small orgasms when I was very young that came from another girl and I rubbing on each other as well and that fueled my belief that pressure on the clit was the only way. I’d heard and read things from men online claiming they had made a woman cum vaginally 30 times in an hour or something and thought that was complete bullshit and the women were faking it. How could that even be possible? I was convinced they were full of shit. The women who made those claims? Please they must be making that up! How could that even be possible? One orgasm with my toy and I was pretty much spent, at least for several minutes.

A lot of my fantasies actually involved other women, because I was so fixated on the idea that I was only capable of clitoral orgasms and it seemed that men just never knew well enough what to do and wouldn’t stay down there long enough to make it happen. Sure, some of them got me to the brink but then would disappoint by failing to “finish” me in that manner, probably due to eagerness to get their dick inside me. Not that I minded that at all, and I was generally chomping at the bit to get to fucking too, but it still remained a secret fantasy.

Part of the problem may have been that my first orgasms were using a shower massager and subsequently that was how a lot of my masturbation sessions went. I was very addicted to the warm, wet feeling of rushing water against my clit. Water that probably was much stronger than a tongue could ever be. I can even remember cumming at the public swimming pool when I was younger from leaning up against the water jets on the side. It just felt SO GOOD.

Though there were times I fingered myself or used objects inserted in my pussy when I was very turned on, I never was able to use them to the point of orgasm and always had to finish with water on my clit if I was going to cum. So that became my routine. While I fantasized about trying sex toys, I never was able to get my hands on one. My ex- husband was very against vibrators or sex aids of any kind so there was no way I could have gotten away with hiding one inside the house. Still there were many times I used a hairbrush handle or other device along with running water for double the pleasure. Hey, you gotta make do! LOL

It wasn’t until after my divorce that I finally invested in a sex toy. I didn’t have a shower massager in my house and while I could make myself cum still with running water it took a lot more effort. Not to mention that even the shower massager had gotten to the point where it was seemingly taking forever. I think by “forever” it was something like 20 minutes and by then the water was getting cold and that was with the massager, without it took a lot longer. Anyway, I was eager to try something new.

OH. MY. GOD. I loved that thing! Still do!! I got a Wet Turtle Vibrator from Adam and Eve (kind of like a rabbit, but with a single nub instead of “ears”) that I came so hard with, and in about 30 seconds the first time, ha! It was WONDERFUL!! I was so in love! Mmmmm…. I wore the dang thing out after about six months and had to get a new one. I have two now, just in case.

Here’s a pic of what mine looks like 😉 wetturtle

I tried a few other toys but they just didn’t do it for me. I mean, I could cum eventually but it was like eons later. One was a bigger rabbit style toy with ears that kinda hurt, another was a butterfly style thing that you strapped on like panties and wore and were supposed to be able to use with a partner and the last was some cheap piece of crap thing that was about half the size of my current toy with less than half the power. Didn’t do much but get me irritable because I couldn’t cum. Boo….

Anyway, I got used to my new toy and the feeling of something inside me during my orgasm and admittedly liked that even better than the hairbrush/water combo, lol. Some of those hairbrush handles are pretty nice nowadays too. 😉 Still, eventually, it got to where even THAT took a long time. Don’t get me wrong, there were/are times when I can still cum with it in under 5 minutes but most times we are looking at anywhere from 15-40.

Still, I was feeling more and more helpless and hopeless as far as a real man being able to make me orgasm. I thought about trying with a woman but hadn’t gone there just yet either, I suppose due to fear. I wondered if it would ever happen. Guys I’d never met told me that the other guys just weren’t doing it right, but I wasn’t so sure I believed them. The majority of the guys I have been with in my life were pretty experienced actually.

When my current FWB pulled me aside the morning after we’d had sex for the first time to discuss my lack of orgasming with him I was mortified. HE was more upset with HIMSELF for not making it happen but to me it was a humiliation. I felt like a total failure and didn’t know what to say when he asked what he could do differently. I wanted to crawl through the floor! He had pulled me on his lap on the couch and said he had a lot of fun but wanted to know what he could do and I didn’t know what to tell him! I was so embarrassed that I was unable to please him in that way. I felt awful and was afraid he’d never want to see me again because of it.

Fortunately he still did and months later, after several times of sleeping with him but no orgasms on my part, he did manage to make me cum. It was right before Valentine’s day and he was getting ready to leave the country for several months. I came right as he did (inside the condom inside me) and it felt great but it wasn’t a loud screaming type of orgasm. Still I could feel the unmistakable contractions that were just like when I came by myself in the shower or with my toy. He didn’t even know until I mentioned it later but he was happy to hear it. I was surprised, but pleased because now I knew it was a real possibility. Yay!! 🙂

Shortly after, I met my married man, off Craigslist, and well, here’s a bit of the story here: It’s a Small World After All

Mmmmmm…. He was and is SO INCREDIBLE!! I must have cum 50 times that night!! Then there was that time he used my toy on me while he went down on me and I just came over and over and over for like 20 minutes straight. I’ve cum with a few guys since then. The Professor (my current favorite) and my fuck buddy are both able to get me there regularly. I also came with the guy I mention in my first swinger party post that I did on a trailhead at a local walkway, even though I didn’t like him as much and also with a Hispanic guy that got me there with his fingers, maybe even some others but that’s all I know for sure right now. Still, I’m thrilled!! And yes the FWB has managed to do it again a couple of times as well. 😉

I’ve had to ask myself what has changed for me since before and I can come (pardon the pun, heh) up with several reasons it might be easier for me now.

1. I have RELAXED. I don’t feel “pressured” to cum for guys now or like it’s all on me.

2. I’ve stopped worrying as much about getting the GUY off and have become more selfish in bed. That might seem counterintuitive but it’s been key in me being able to obtain orgasms, which ultimately makes men happier with me.

3. I’ve come to realize that I’m really much happier being submissive in bed and there is no reason to pretend to be someone I’m not. Guys may talk shit about women who “just lay there” in bed but in reality that is what is going to make him into the super lover that he wants to be, at least with me! Allowing him to have control is definitely a big part of me losing mine. Nowadays I screen for men who LIKE to be dominant in bed. It makes a huge difference to me because I don’t want to be the one in control.

4. Getting older? I don’t know if it’s just the wisdom that comes with age or if there is more to it than that but the Professor says a lot of women he knows weren’t able to orgasm with men until they were in their 30’s. That’s one of the reasons he says he prefers older women too. By then we “know what we want” more. He has also theorized that it has something to do with physical changes in the walls of your vagina where you feel differently, but I don’t know if that’s the case or not. Still a possibility!

5. Men get more skilled as they get older and gain more experience and nowadays I’m meeting more skilled men than in the past.

6. My body got more used to cumming in a different way with a toy rather than always in the shower. I think this did change some things because nowadays it takes me a lot longer with the shower massager than with a toy. So I may have retrained my body not to need that.

7. Something about finally cumming the first time vaginally and then that experience with the married man set me off or let my body loose to experience what I was holding back on before without realizing it. I was always just teetering on the brink but couldn’t get there and now I don’t have that hump to cross.

Whatever it is, I am happy!! LOL The married man started me off making me cum with oral for the first time, over and over and he is still the only one who has been able to do that. Yet, now I can cum vaginally with or without oral beforehand and of course I still enjoy both to the full.

As for making a guy cum with a blowjob, for those who say they never can, I suspect their hangups are sometimes similar to mine in that if they feel a lot of pressure it’s not as likely to happen. The Professor is one of these men who “can’t” cum with a blowjob and says he never has before as well. I’ve thought inwardly that I would like to change that for him but I haven’t put in the real effort to make it happen just yet. I do give him blowjobs but it’s generally a prelude to sex or a break during. He does cum in my mouth quite often, which I enjoy, but he pulls out at the end when he feels he is going to orgasm and I suck him off from there. We don’t use condoms so it’s a nice way to finish with less risk of pregnancy.

There was one time when I had offered to come over and give him just a blowjob (when I was on my period) and he ended up seeing that married woman instead and I got my feelings hurt. He made some comment about how that “wasn’t enough” and he would want to have sex. I admit that has turned me off a bit towards making it happen. That and he takes a REALLY LONG TIME to cum during sex, which is fabulous for making ME cum but the thought of giving an hour and a half blowjob IS a tad daunting, lol.

Still I would like to try, I just don’t want him to feel that he HAS to please me that way or I know it will make it harder (cumming, not his cock, lol, that’s always hard with me 😉 ). I’ve got this theory that the people that have a hard time orgasming are often GIVERS in the bedroom. It’s how I USED to see things. I used to feel like I needed to be the one making HIM happy and go out of my way to please. Since I stopped doing as much and focusing more just on receiving and relaxing it has gone much better.

The Professor is very much a giver in the bedroom and he succeeds in giving me orgasms over and over and over consistently but as far as kicking back and just enjoying a good long blow job with no expectations I think that is harder for him. I’m so gonna have to work on making that become a reality at least once. He did comment once that I had made him hard right after sex and made him able to go for a second round and he said even when he was younger that was never a possibility for him, so there’s a start anyway, lol. Wish me luck!! Maybe I will be his “first” at something else!! 😀

Multiple Valentines, Django, 70’s porn and great sex

men-fight-over-woman

I woke up Valentine’s Day morning to a text from the Married Man wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day and asking if I was naked. Clearly, he wanted pictures, which gave me a silly idea, lol. So I took a picture of my naked ass and said “here’s an upside down heart for you”. He liked that and of course wanted more. First though, I had to send a copy of my inverted Valentine to the rest of the guys on my list. I’m telling you, I’m a real romantic ;).

Now by “the rest of the guys” I only mean the other 4 that I’ve got on call for occasional sex, no matter how “occasional” some of them are. That means, the Professor, my fuck buddy, my fwb, and the guy I had the affair with. They are all privy to occasional naughty photos. I do have an exhibitionist streak, after all, that needs an outlet! In any case it started with that picture and got just a tad bit naughtier afterwards. 😉

I just loved their reactions. The married man, soon after, inquired whether or not I’d be willing to join him and his wife for a threesome. Now THAT sounded interesting! If there were someone I were going to have a threesome with he’d probably be my first choice. He’s good enough in bed, I am quite sure, for at LEAST two women at once, even if we weren’t touching each other. Hell, he’s probably good enough for 10 of us! LOL I AM NOT KIDDING!! He says he’s had a lot of FMF threesomes already and seriously, he’s like the Superman of Sex Gods.

What’s fascinating to me is that he seems to feel the same way about me! I have no idea why and can only attribute it to “chemistry”. I don’t feel like I do anything special in bed. Hell, I’m happy to let the guy do the vast majority of the work during sex so it always bewilders me when they tell me how “good” I am. Not that I mind that, just makes me wonder what I am good at, besides giving blow jobs. Laying there having orgasms? Haha… Don’t you know that’s what I specialize in? LMAO

The other day, he had actually asked me if I’d be willing to give up the Professor for him. What? LOL It was random since we haven’t seen each other for a while and I didn’t directly answer his question. I was like “is that what you want?” and he said he wanted me all to himself. I asked how come and his exact words were “I have had my share but I have never been with anyone and felt the way I do with you. Hell, I wanted to get you pregnant”. Yikes! LOL He actually did say all that when we were having sex, offered to let my kids and I live in his extra house rent free and said he would pay me 3,000 a month if I would have his baby and only sleep with him. Crazy! Though I admit it sounded terribly tempting for a while to this broke single mom! I didn’t know whether to take him seriously at the time but apparently he’s still thinking along those lines. WOW. I mean on one hand it would be like a dream come true but there are just so many ways it could fall through.

Anyhow, I’m not emotionally attached to him and I also don’t feel any jealousy towards his wife. I just don’t. She’s very pretty but she is his WIFE and I do respect that enough that it wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t feel like I were getting as much attention during a threesome. I got to thinking about it all and was like yeah, that actually would be kind of ideal. Hmmm…that could be fun!

Of course, I don’t think he’d actually bothered to ask HER what her opinion was on this, haha. I was like “what does your wife think about that??” She did, after all, catch him sexting with me once and he had warned me not to answer my phone for any calls from his area code. He said he’d have to get back with me on that and I guess she either said no or he didn’t ask because he told me later it wasn’t probably going to happen this weekend. I was wondering about that anyway, I mean, Valentine’s Day? Would he really ask her such a thing on that day? Of all the days of the year? Men….smdh… So I wasn’t too terribly disappointed or anything, but it was an interesting request.

My fuck buddy was a sweetheart. He asked me who my Valentine was and I said I didn’t really have one and he was like “me neither” but we flirted a bit over text. Not too much though. Kinda felt like I was neglecting him but I couldn’t have met up with him anyway. Most of my day was actually spent celebrating with my kids.

The fwb and guy I had the affair with both said they missed me and want to meet up again soon. Awwww… Especially the guy I had the affair with, I’m not really sure what has happened with us. I guess we both just lost interest in keeping up with the day to day stuff with one another and rarely talk anymore. The last time we had sex wasn’t even that great. Still, on some level I do still miss him and he says he misses me A LOT and wants to see me again.

It’s interesting. Our relationship seems like it has been a back and forth power grab in a lot of ways, with one or the other of us always being the one that was more invested than the other. When I started seeing the Professor I think I just lost the will to play that game with him anymore. Still, we’ve known each other since we were young and there are things that we understand about each other that no one else seems to get. I doubt I’d ever toss him out for good and I’m pretty sure he feels the same about me, even if it’s something we’d pick up again 10 years down the road. You just never know!

The Professor, for Valentine’s Day, dropped off a heart shaped box of chocolates on my doorstep. Not a huge or especially thought out gift, but it was something. I guess the point was to show he cared and not send out the wrong message at the same time and I think in that he did a pretty good job. I was happy anyway. I also had a box of chocolates for him so I later brought that by his place along with dinner. I had made steak, baked potatoes and Caesar salad for the kids and I and thought it would be nice to give him some too. He seemed pretty appreciative and excited about that anyway! 🙂

Anyhow, I was more flattered that he took me out on a date and to a movie last night, than about Valentine’s day, when obviously everyone feels obligated. Last night he took me to see Django. That might be on the list of top movies not to take your interracial date to, but hey, we had fun. Haha… I’m playing, it was a thought provoking movie. Mostly in the sense that I feel I need to check up on the historical accuracy of some of the stuff I saw in the film because some of it was really disturbing.

Django-Unchained-character-posters

It’s always horrible to be confronted with the capability some folks throughout history have had for treating other human beings in such an inhumane fashion. I think some would say it was much WORSE than the film portrayed and others would question the validity of some of the practices shown. In any case there were some scenes that could cause me nightmares. I was covering my face through some of it and the Professor was even doing it for me at one point and said he’d tell me when it was okay to look, lol. Not quite the “date” kind of thriller but hey, I was holding onto him for sure.

Don’t get me wrong there were lighthearted and funny moments too. At some parts, the Professor said he was afraid to laugh too loud, lol, but I totally get it. I am used to some inappropriate joking about stuff like that. Heck my baby brother, who is biracial, loves to make jokes directed at “white people” towards me. Like we’d be sitting there flipping channels on the tv and Mississippi Burning would come on and he’d be like “Look Lovergirl! It’s your favorite movie!” and I’d pretend to get all excited and cheer them on (and it would end up in a pillow fight). Soooo irreverent, but sometimes making jokes out of totally awful stuff does make it seem a little easier to take and we need a little reprieve from the cruelty of human nature. I think the film itself, whether it was historically accurate or not aside, was well acted and definitely kept your attention. It was almost 3 hours and I’m not a person that can normally sit through an entire movie like that.

Some of the musical choices were interesting too and at one point the Professor was like “this sounds straight out of a 70’s porn”. So of course, after he took me out to a late night diner for a treat after the movie, we went home to his place to look at 70’s porn and “listen to the music” haha. I guess you need some sort of diversion before having sex after watching something like that!

We watched some 70’s porn then decided to have a little fun ourselves in his bedroom. Mmmm… I can never get enough of sex with him. It’s just SO GOOD! He’s much more of a romantic love-maker than a rough type but I LOVE it! He’s perfect!! He makes me cum again and again and again. It’s just so intimate and he is very creative. I never know what to expect next. Plus, his voice, the things he says to me in bed really turn me on like crazy. He always cums really hard and he’s amazing afterwards and loves to cuddle and be all close with me. Like the perfect man!! LOL I mean it!! I love being in his bedroom…

Really, the more I get to know him the more I really like him. Did I mention he sings?? OMG, I am a total sucker for a man who can sing. I love a sexy voice. Just LOVE it. He used to sing in show choir as a kid and I love listening to him belt out a song. He’s only recently started singing for me. 🙂 ::: SWOON :::

The Professor is also a giver, in and out of the bedroom and it’s rare to come across a guy like that who is not a pushover. I’m really the same way so it’s nice to be with someone who reciprocates. We may have occasional issues with the polyamory stuff but I am glad overall, that we are doing this and hopefully can get better at sharing, lol. I like the excitement of it all but at the same time it’s so hard not to want him all to myself. I’m trying to remind myself of the wisdom of simply letting the relationship be what it is and not trying to demand more. It really is great AS IS and if I can let go of worrying when he is with another woman or that he will abandon me things would go much more smoothly. I think the same can be said of him because on one hand he wants to have freedom but it’s also hard for him to share ME. It can be so hard to let go of those hardwired monogamy ideals, but until next time…wish me luck! 🙂

Ken and Barbie go to a party….

gijoe

This weekend the Professor and I went to another swinger party. It was held in a strip club that had been privately reserved, had much better music and a full service bar. These particular parties are known by local swingers as the “Ken and Barbie” parties. You have to pass the attractiveness test by sending the hosts a photo and they are more expensive than the others. A lot of people come in from out of town. I was surprised that so many were from so far away. We’ve decided it must be due to the anonymity factor of being out of their hometowns.

Anyhow, we attended the Valentines party and the atmosphere was great. Strip poles everywhere, halfway open booths where people were later getting busy, a sex swing room with mirrors, black light with little colored lights bouncing around, pulsating music, XXX movies playing in the background and lots of great looking people aged 25-50 or so. The huge (pardon my pun) difference was that there were hardly ANY overweight folks at all, a stark contrast to some of the other parties we’ve been to.

Maybe it was the black lights that made them stand out so much but there did seem to be a preponderance of bleach blonde women with long, Barbie like hair, lol. Some of them were wearing lingerie, some in casual date wear and others were dressed to the nines in little black dresses and diamond necklaces. One tall brunette was in a tutu. Others were topless or even naked and dancing around the stripper poles when we came in. Me, I was wearing a red, velvety, sleeveless, backless top with a ruffle that wrapped around the neck and down the front of the shirt on both sides, skintight black leggings, knee- high, black, leather, boots, big fake diamond earrings and a chunky gold bracelet. My hair was down, long and flowing. Underneath was a strapless black bra and red and black lace panties with a little fake diamond heart on the side. The Professor was dressed similarly to most of the men there, in nice dress slacks and a button down (yeah they have it easy, lol). One guy was wearing this sleeveless Chip’ n Dale style tuxedo top, but I’m pretty sure he was the only one, haha.

Compared to the other parties we’ve been to, this was definitely the hip spot to be and it was right here in town. Single men aren’t allowed so the Professor had never been with this particular group either, though he knew a few people there. The first couple we ran into was a woman he’d had sex with previously. She was actually really nice and they emailed later inviting us to meet with them together. I’m unsure, because, while her husband was nice enough, I’m not sure he’s really a person I’d want to sleep with.

Sometimes I think for me to swing I really would have to drop my standards quite a bit just for the experience. Even at the very first party where we had sex with a couple other couples I can’t say I was super into the men, they just were “okay” and not UN-attractive or gross or anything. I’ve told the Professor I’m okay with that sometimes but he’s said I don’t have to do anything I don’t really want to and he won’t push.

In any case we ran into a couple that we had met before at a previous party (one I didn’t write about). At that party, the Professor had been into the woman but I just couldn’t go there with the man. He was not attractive to me at all and when I danced with him he spent the whole time talking about his wife and how beautiful he thought she was and how hard it was for him to share her. All I could think was “poor guy” and wasn’t really attracted. After all, he wasn’t doing anything to indicate a real interest in ME other than telling me how great it was to get to dance with another woman. I wasn’t all that excited about hearing him ramble on about HER, even if it was sweet that he felt that way about his wife.

They were new at swinging at the time and that was about 4 months ago. Well, lo and behold they had found another “perfect” couple to swap with and were clearly deep in the throes of NRE (New Relationship Energy, for those who aren’t aware of the term- basically it is the infatuation people tend to feel at the beginning that eventually fades off). In fact, I almost didn’t recognize the man because he was with a pretty new blonde and by the way they were acting you’d think THEY were the husband and wife, same with his wife and the other man. Cute. He looked different too, like more attractive (though still not my type). I guess you could say they were “glowing”. His wife and her new beau were the same way. Previously I hadn’t been able to get why the Professor found her appealing at all but now it made a little more sense.

According to them they’d spent the night before swapping in their own home while their six children were sleeping. Yikes.. They said they had to get up and switch early in the morning so no kids would find them in the wrong bed. A little too close for comfort for me I guess. I’ve never even brought a man over for sex when my children were in the home other than when my daughter was under two years old and fast asleep.
Anyhow the Professor really seemed to like the new blonde as well. I can’t say I blame him, she was pretty and fun. She also made sure to mention to me when he wasn’t within earshot that they were not looking to play with anyone other than each other that night and were just hanging out to socialize. So I knew, even if the Professor didn’t, that wasn’t a real possibility.

Also, out of his earshot, the guy says to me that he really thinks the Professor and I should have a couples profile on the swinger website since we are there so often together. He was telling me this as though it was my responsibility to do so, which I found a bit annoying. I mean, for me to insist on that would make me look like I am pushing a type of relationship that the Professor may not even want, upon him. Ugh. I mean, I don’t even know what to do about Valentine’s Day tomorrow at this point. We are not a “couple” technically, though he is the main guy I see. I’m totally waiting it out. I feel like any displays of “relationship” behavior need to start with him.

Eventually during the night I did end up making out with her, at the Professors encouragement. He was behind me and touching and fingering the both of us as we kissed and touched each other. It was fun until, out of the blue, she pinched my nipple really hard. Ouch!! WTF? I laughed it off but yeah, I didn’t like that at all. I have really sensitive nipples and am not into anything rough with them. I think she thought it was fun or sexy but totally not my thing!

Probably the most interesting couple we ran into that night though was a woman who is only a couple of years younger than me but has known the Professor since she was in the 8th grade. He didn’t coach her team because she played another sport but she has known him half her life as a coach and also attended the college he works at now. I’m sure running into him at her first swinger party was interesting to say the least! I asked her, when the guys stepped away to go to the bar, if she was in shock and she was like “OMG!!! YES!!! HAHAHA!!!”

She and I hit it off pretty well and she kept saying to him “Oh MY GOD, I just love her!!! She looks so innocent!!” (Yeah, yeah) I was like “don’t worry, I’m NOT, haha”. When he stepped away she told me he’s really a great guy. That’s not the first time a woman that has known him in some capacity outside of sex has said that to me about him either. Awwww….

So anyhow the Professor was obviously pretty excited about this all. You could tell he would REALLY like to hook up with her. He was suggesting to me that I should make out with her and at one point we did. Also, her husband was HOT. He had an accent and looked like he might be Russian or something. Green eyes, light brown hair, chiseled model like features and he obviously worked out! Still he was a little more quiet than she was so didn’t get to know him as much.

The only other guy that stood out to me at the party was the DJ, who was the only other black man there besides the Professor and he was pretty dang cute but I never got a chance to talk to him. Not long after we got there the Professor had pulled me aside to mention he’d seen that guy and that I had his “permission” to flirt but he never let me out of his sight or near the guy so it didn’t happen, lol.

Anyhow, back to this girl the Professor already knew. Yeah, he was really interested in her and to be honest, even though I liked and enjoyed being with her too I was a little bit intimidated. She was super cute and very athletic, but tiny. She was barely 5 feet tall though she had on 6 inch heels so that made her seem taller, had big blue eyes, with tiny little features and dark brown hair. She’d obviously never had children.

This woman is a personal trainer as one of her side jobs and has a stripper pole in her living room. She knew all kinds of tricks and was up there on the pole doing acrobatic, hanging upside down shit that I’d never even attempt to try, at least at this point, lol. Actually, I’d never even seen anyone work a stripper pole before in my life. I’d never been in a strip club and have only seen little tidbits, on like, the Jerry Springer show, ha! I rarely even watch tv, let alone stuff like that.

Anyhow, she was trying to get me to come up and dance on the pole with her and I was all oh Hell no, but what can I say, I finally let myself be convinced. She was whispering to me not to worry about it the guys were all hammered anyway and wouldn’t know the difference. SO, in my somewhat vodka and cranberry- induced state I agreed and she promised to help me out so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself, lol. True to her word she was talking quietly to me through her teeth the entire time giving instructions and I think I did okay. 😉 We managed to stay in sync anyway. There was a crowd of people watching and we were right in front of the DJ- damn, I would have liked to have talked to him too! Ah well…

Afterwards she was like “see, you’re a natural!” and I don’t know about all that, but I did have fun. We were playing around and acting sexual with each other and eventually kissed and made out, which of course the Professor loved. He was there holding me then too. At one point she slapped me really hard on the ass though. What the hell is it with these aggressive women? Haha Damn….

So he starts telling her that I am really submissive in bed, which is true and she says she is more of a domme. Whatever, we all have our own preferences but I admit it left me wondering, because he seemed so interested in her, if that isn’t something he would like better.

Actually, I was starting to compare myself in a LOT of ways, which was really hard not to do and not to feel insecure about things he may like better about her than me. It makes me wonder if I’d be able to handle the swapping after all, if we got down to it, because I’d also worry since they’ve known each other a long time that he would fall in love with her or vice versa. I’m trying to get past that though. I know it’s not good to compare myself it’s just hard sometimes. Help! 😦

He exchanged numbers with her husband and I was worried that maybe he was gonna try to hook up with them on his own sometime but he’s since said stuff that lets me know he would at least want to include me. I guess that doesn’t mean he always would but it’s a start. He commented that the guy was decent looking and it’s true that that is rarely the case!

We didn’t hook up with anyone that night other than each other, but there are a couple possibilities for the future. We also went home to his place and had really hot sex with each other, after watching some other couples at the club. So all in all it wasn’t a bad experience at all and we had a good time and met some fun people. Looking forward to more adventures soon! 😉

kenandbarbie

30 years with 3 women!! A guest interview…

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I am absolutely thrilled to be able to bring a special guest to my blog today! Kdaddy23 has a very intriguing blog and after casually mentioning his 30 year involvement with 3 different women in comments on an earlier post of mine, I just HAD to learn more!! It’s not often that those of us starting out on the Polyamory journey have opportunity to speak with someone with such vast experience in this lifestyle.

I am enthralled with his background. Not only does he have this kind of experience in relationships with women but he is bisexual and his blog often details his rendezvous with men as well. I am fascinated to read his candid comments on a topic that is so often taboo and I am sure you will be also! Make sure you check out his blog!! It is always thought provoking!!

I asked the questions that first came to mind and most interested ME, but feel free to add your own as well down in the comments section as I am sure he will be reading and willing to expound further! I am so glad he agreed to share with us about what it was like having his own personal harem for so long! So without further ado, I present to you my email interview with Kdaddy 23.

I understand you had a polyamorous situation involving 3 different women that lasted 30 years. Wow! That’s incredible, encouraging and I am sure a lot of us who are just venturing into polyamory for the first time could learn from your experiences.

So first things first, how did it all begin?

We had been in an open relationship for many years, playing with others together and doing our own thing separately. She introduced me to the woman I’ll call “poly wife#1,” who was having major issues with a live-in boyfriend and a couple of lovers and to the point where we felt we had no choice but to take her into our home.

Whose idea was this?

It was my wife’s idea. She said, “I need you do to me a favor.” I said, “Okay, what do you need?” She said, “I want you to go downstairs and make love to S.” I said, “Are you serious?” She said, “What, you afraid you can’t handle it?” I went to S, told her why I was there, and we made love; the next day, the poly triad was formed despite my misgivings.

How eager were all the parties involved to take part?

Well, let’s see; my wife was eager to do this because, later, I learned that she was very much in love with poly wife#1; #1 was suspicious but eager; I was worried because I could already see the problems that would happen… but I was challenged and I’ve never backed down from any ‘insult’ to my masculinity.

Did you all live together?

Three of us lived together; “poly wife #2” lived a couple of hours away.

Was everyone having sex with everyone else?

Well, not at first; poly wife #1 really objected to poly wife #2 being added but the two of them had a long, private talk “about some things” that resulted in me being in bed with all three of them (and getting kicked out of the room for an hour while they played with each other). What makes this interesting, at least to me, was that I knew my wife was bisexual – but the other two women weren’t… but that didn’t last long.

Did you have a hierarchy (such as a primary, secondary, etc)?

Since I was tasked to manage all of this, I discarded the idea of an hierarchy; to me, that led to favoritism so it was easier to deal with all of them as if I were actually married to all of them (which I wasn’t).

Were the women involved also involved with other men or women outside of your little group? How about you?

The quartet was closed; being the only guy, I would often suggest that we find and add another guy, something the three of them summarily vetoed so they weren’t involved with other guys and the only thing I did outside of the quartet was having sex with guys occasionally; all three of them knew I’m bisexual.

Do you have children? Were they all from the same woman? How much did they know or understand of your polyamorous involvement or were they unaware?

My wife and I had three children together; poly wife #1 had three; poly wife #2 had no children. Explaining this to the kids was really hard to do and we had to tell all six of them – how do you hide something like this? As adults, my three told me that, at first, they very much objected to the whole idea but later realized that it really did make all of our lives better. Poly wife #1’s boys were actually happy about it because it put a man in their lives who was dedicated to helping them grow up right and, yeah, the six of them got along quite well.

Was there a lot of competition or jealousy? How did you handle it?

My biggest problem, other than trying to keep up with the sexual drives of three very different (but oddly similar) women was dealing with the jealousy and their competitive natures. I tried, on many occasions, to point out to them that the animosity that came up was insane because they were all having a relationship with the same guy. I think that realization finally hit home and the early bickering was cut down to a dull roar but never really eliminated.

Were others around you aware of your polyamorous arrangement? How did they react?

Again, how do you hide something like this? Our families found out and they just kinda rolled their eyes and hoped like hell we knew what we were doing. Our friends, well, they were amazed at first – but they accepted it easily enough, which really surprised me. You have no idea how many times they’d ask me, “How’s the harem doing?” Of course, all the guys were jealous of me while the women kind of generally said that I must be one hell of a guy to do something like this and keep the women happy and smiling 90% of the time.

Do you have any interesting stories to tell about daily life or about issues that came up?

Our daily lives from day one was an interesting story. We all worked, dealt with the kids and the usual stuff a monogamous couple would deal with – just expanded. The short version of all of this was there was never, ever, a dull moment… but it wasn’t always fun and games either. What made it interesting – especially with the kids – is that my family is Black, poly wife #2 is Black, poly wife #1 and her kids were white so you can image the looks we got when her kids introduced me as their father, right?


What finally brought about the end of it all?

What ended it all had nothing to do with the relationship directly except that things were starting to decay in the quartet and I felt that the end was near. I was forced to retire from my job but in the process of hooking up another one, I had a stroke; for me, it became a matter of survival and leaving my life in the hands of the two women who lived with me and knowing things had broken down so much that they’d never be able to care for me – so it was time to go and, yeah, I wish it hadn’t happened… but it had to.

Would you recommend this lifestyle to other men and women?

Actually, I would not recommend this to anyone because I learned so much more about love, sex, and relationships living like this; it is horribly difficult and stressful and more so when things get out of kilter – and you can count on that happening because it is so very hard to discard the rules of monogamy when you’re anything but. In my blogs about this, I always say that you have to be some really special people to engage in this type of relationship.

If you could do it all over again, is there anything you would change or do differently?

God, there are so many things I would change that I can’t begin to mention them all. Even now, I think about what I could have – and should have – done differently in all of this because I still feel that when things started to deteriorate, I failed to hold it all together… but I also realize that it wasn’t all my fault. I wanted things to run in a way that would make and keep us all happily together until death did us part but the wife and poly wife#1 had other ideas – poly wife#2 was on my side about what should be done and all that but the other two had their own, separate agendas and were stubborn enough that we could never convince them that doing things their way was going to be very bad for the relationship. But, yeah, if I could, I would do it all over again because being monogamous is too limiting a thing to be engaged in.

What advice do you have for people just starting out in a polyamorous lifestyle?

My advice would be to remember to love each other but to also shed monogamous ways and all the negative emotions that come with this: THEY WILL NOT WORK HERE! Have a solid plan in place to manage all aspects of the relationship – this really isn’t all about the sex that can be had. Deal with anyone in the poly relationship as the individual they are – but, again, manage the relationship and keep everyone involved and informed. Be open, communicate until you want to throw up and be honest about feelings, motives, intentions, etc. Don’t discard growth; while a closed poly relationship provides a great deal of security and other things, at some point, you’re going to outgrow the box you’ve put yourself into so logic demands growth and inclusion of others to continue the dream and the goals set of loving each other, even if you’re not all living together

Feel Like Makin Love…

An early Valentines gift for those of you who read my blog. A video playlist of some of my favorite love making jams. This is by no means a complete compilation, but here’s a little somethin, somethin to get you started 😉

Down Low- R. Kelly
H-town- Knockin Boots
Jodeci- Feenin
Isley Brothers- Between the Sheets
Keith Sweat ft. Athena Cage- Nobody
Joe- I Wanna Know
Silk- Freak Me
Robin Thicke- Lost Without U
Johnny Gill- My, My, My
SWV- Weak
Marvin Gaye- Let’s Get it On
I Should Be- Dru Hill
Zapp and Roger- I Wanna Be Your Man
AMG- Jiggable Pie
Gregory Abbott- Shake You Down
Boyz II Men- Uhh Ahh
J. Holiday- Suffocate
Changing Faces ft. R. Kelly- Stroke You Up

I’d better stop now, lol 😉 These should keep you busy for awhile 😉

Inspired by me?? I am so honored!! :D

inspiring-blogger-award

Your very own Lovergirl has been awarded the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! Thank you so much to the lovely Kay of the DAFT Diaries! Her blog is an inspiration to ME so I am especially honored!! If you haven’t gone over there to take a peek, please do!

The rules of this award are pretty similar to the others:

1.) Display the award logo on your blog.
2.) Link back to the person who nominated you.
3.) State 7 things about yourself.
4.) Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.
5.) Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.

So let’s get to the exciting stuff!! 😉

7 MORE intriguing facts about your favorite Lovergirl:

1. One of my most embarrassing moments ever was being caught masturbating by not one, not two, but THREE guys peeking in the window of my bedroom back in high school. They were three sort of nerdy neighborhood boys around my age who happened to come peer in between the slats of my blinds while I was fingering away. Of course, they had to spread the news far and wide and I denied, denied, denied!! Who me? I would never do such a naughty thing!! I’m sure everyone believed that one! NOT!! Total humiliation!

Nowadays kids seem a lot more likely to fess up about the fact that they masturbate, at least my kid does. I found an opened sample of baby shampoo in the boys’ room awhile back and the first thing out of my 13 year old’s mouth was “I WASN’T using that to jack off!!” Err….TMI son, TMI!!! LOL That never would have even OCCURRED to me if you’d kept your mouth shut!! Haha

2. I am in love with the SongPop game on Facebook. If I could design a perfect game that’s exactly what it would be like! I’m excelling in the Classic Rap, Classic RnB, Mowtown, and 80’s and 90’s music categories as well as doing pretty well with Duets, Funk and Soul. You know you wanna play me!! Nevermind that half the time when I’m playing I have LOUD kids in the background or people talking to me and distractions going on, I’m still killing it!! 😉

3. I’ve never been to a Karaoke bar. Never!! They were just starting to become popular back in the late 90’s while I was busy getting married to a man that was deeply involved in the church and ministry and totally against drinking or going to bars. There was no alcohol at my wedding (lame!!) He wouldn’t even go to movie theatres. We were that hardcore into conservative Christianity and we lived out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by Amish people. Someone needs to take me to one and soon!! 😀

4. When I lived near a secluded beach in Hawaii I used to sometimes hike up among the sand and rocks, strip off all my clothes and sunbathe or swim naked, fantasizing that some random hot guy would be watching and come along and fuck me. It never happened though! Where the hell are all the sexy strangers when you need them? 😉

5. I never went to my high school prom. I was having sex with a few different people but no one asked me. 😦 I guess they didn’t think of me as the type to take home to Mama. Plus, I didn’t have money for a dress. So instead I went to a three day music festival featuring local bands with a group of friends, managed to get in for free and had a crazy time. I’ll bet that was way more fun than a formal dance anyhow….

6. I taught Sunday School for years and Children’s Church and wrote and performed puppet shows and taught preschool and was a day camp counselor. My ex was in ministry and I homeschooled our kids. I’m like the queen of thrift and even used to make my own baby wipes and cleaning supplies and bread and tortillas and all sorts of stuff to save money. I’d bet you’d never guess I’d be the type to lead a secret life. Shhhhh……

Thing is that during that time, at least for the first 11 years of my marriage and the couple of years of dating my ex- husband before that, I WASN’T living a double life. I was faithful and beyond reproach, even though he wasn’t showing much interest in sex with me and even though I felt rejected and alone. I’m living proof that a ho CAN actually turn into a housewife….at least for awhile! I finally cheated ON my 11th Anniversary, a day that my ex -husband had refused sex with me anyway.

7. I ran away from home on my 14th Birthday, from my psychotic, crack smoking stepfather who had threatened to kill me with a gun. He was angry that I had been trying to tell people he was molesting my 6 year old sister. Someone had called the police after seeing him grab me and shove me onto the stairs and slap me across the face so I told them of his threat and he convinced them I was full of shit. They handed me a business card and told me he wasn’t allowed to make threats and to call if I had any more issues. So he unplugged all the phones in the house and sat in between the front and back door on the lower level of the house to prevent me from escaping.

I managed to climb out a second story bathroom window, hanging down and dropping from it to the ground below and made a run for my life. The cops never caught up with me though one time my stepfather came past a friend’s house where we were hiding alone and we stayed in a closet while he banged on the door and made threats, hoping he couldn’t see we were actually there. Eventually I turned myself in by going to school and was sent away to live with my father for a year and later with other relatives and my grandma but I never went back home to live with my mother. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. I could fill a book with true tales from my childhood that would make a great Lifetime movie.

And NOW, for the Grand Finale!! 15 fascinating bloggers that you absolutely MUST check out!! I noticed that some of my favorites are also on the list of the lovely woman who nominated me so I am trying to avoid repeats! There are just so many great blogs out there! Please take a look at these ones!!

1. Confessions of a Preacher’s Daughter
2. Her Secret Library
3. Jack of all Triads
4. Epicurus and Lilith
5. SeattlePolyGuy
6. SnarkySnatch
7. State of Grace
8. The Hunt for Mr. Right Now
9. Speaking out on Sex
10. Smooth Re-entry
11. Pyx
12. Growing Up Little
13. The Poly Orange
14. Nice Girls Like Sex Too
15. Pilot Precise

P.S. I actually recieved the Very Inspiring Blogger Award from TWO different people!! The second one being Newly Single Guy, who I was going to put on my list here but saw he had already been nominated. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! 😀 So here’s a shout out to him! Love his blog and reading his thoughts!

Unchartered territory…

otherwoman

Sometimes I feel so lost with this open relationship stuff. It’s like there’s nowhere to turn when I have questions and doubts about how to handle things that just don’t come up in a traditional monogamous framework. Even a lot of the articles and materials directed at swingers are assuming that a person is coming into The Lifestyle with a serious “primary” relationship.

In my case, the Professor is sort of my primary relationship but he also has someone else, someone that was there first. Only she is married, so it’s not like they are each other’s primary relationship either. This is where the bulk of our issues reside and I find the relationship he has with this other woman the most difficult to handle.

Technically I guess we are “polyamorous,” or at least he is, because he says he has feelings for the both of us. Me, I tend towards emotional monogamy, so this is difficult for me to really understand. I’d much rather he just have feelings for ME, even if he is going to sleep with other women. Sharing someone I’ve fallen for emotionally is not easy!

When we first started out I thought of us both as single but having fun. I didn’t realize he was so entrenched in something already and that epiphany left me with a rather sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Now, he will admit she is in love with him but says he is not in love with her. However, he is not saying he is “in love” with me either only admitting that he has feelings, which is pretty unspecific.

To be fair I don’t know that I am “in love” at this point either. I think I’ve retained a certain amount of guardedness due to the presence of this other woman. It’s like deep down I WANT very much to let go but because of her I am too afraid. Only, I suck at regulating and covering up my true feelings and I keep allowing myself to get more and more vulnerable, then reality hits and I snap those walls right back up again.

I think the hardest part, for me, is not KNOWING for sure how he compares and rates us in his mind. He is saying that we are equal to him but I find that hard to believe and accept. It’s like my competitive instinct goes into OVERDRIVE and I MUST be #1, at ALL COSTS, or nothing. Grrrrr…. I didn’t sign up to be anyone’s “secondary” dammit, and if that’s the case you’ve insulted my worth as a woman and I want OUT.

So my inner demons and jealousy are making me want to look for PROOF of who he’s REALLY more emotionally invested in. I’m looking for any evidence that he’s lying and she’s really his favorite and using me as the sidepiece. I KNOW it’s irrational and probably unfair, but that’s what’s bubbling under the surface.

Now, he hasn’t actually slept with her, to my knowledge, and if he is telling the truth, for over 3 months. For that matter he supposedly hasn’t with anyone but me. However, I HAVE slept with other guys, mainly my fuck buddy, but also once around Thanksgiving with the guy I had an affair with (but now haven’t talked to in quite a while). I’ve even gone on a date or two. So how come I’m even threatened by this??

I think it’s just the IDEA that they have a “love” type thing going on. It doesn’t help that I saw a note she had written to him lying on his dresser recently and stacks of cards calling him “baby” and saying how she misses him. It doesn’t help that he once texted her “goodnight” right as we were in the middle of a break during sex. It doesn’t help that when she comes down she stays for days at a time and they go out on dates together and she sleeps in his bed at night and has a key to his place. 😦 I don’t get that kind of stuff very often at all, even though a lot of it is because of my schedule and children, it still hurts.

To add insult to injury, the first weekend he ever had her down after we met he completely DISAPPEARED on me for like 3 full days. I didn’t even get a single text. I felt so abandoned and I thought it meant he was done with me forever. Turns out later that he claimed she was soooo upset over some guy standing her up that she cried and cried and needed his attention the entire time. At least that was his excuse and at the time it really pissed me off and made me feel like SHE was trying to sabotage his relationship with me and he was allowing it to happen. Who cries for days over getting stood up by someone they’ve never even met?

I’m still not entirely sure that she’s not doing things to try and cause problems for us but of course he thinks she’s innocent. Men are so blind sometimes. Leaving notes all over his house on brightly colored cards seems kind of obvious to me.

Also, on my birthday he had offered to take me out and go bowling but she decided to come down the weekend before, which made it impossible due to our weekday schedules. THAT really pissed me off. He still took my kids and I out for ice cream and dropped a bottle of wine and a cake off at my door on the actual day of but it just wasn’t the same.

Apparently she comes down whenever the hell she wants. He says her husband only lets her at certain times so he takes what he can get, but whatever. She also once decided to stay an extra day, which happened to be a day I had offered to make him dinner and he was supposed to be coming over to my place and completely forgot. He told me she was staying but apparently forgot we had previous plans. Nice. Not sure if he really forgot or if she had known and deliberately stepped over that or what. When she is not around the Professor is very attentive and thoughtful and doesn’t forget things like that so it rubs me all kinds of wrong ways.

When I have a moment of clarity and am being fair towards her or putting myself in her shoes I can understand that she would feel threatened by ME. I came along AFTER they were already in an emotional relationship and I’m nearly 20 years younger than her, live close by and don’t have a husband telling me when I can and cannot meet. He also takes me with him to swinger parties and has spent more time with me overall lately. Still, I don’t have a lot of reason to care about HER. Mostly, I feel like I want to tear her hair out… but I’m above that…I hope. :p

So last weekend the Professor happened to have a tournament he was coaching in another city, which is right near where she lives. He neglected to tell me this until Friday morning when I asked what he was doing that day. He said “I’m at work” and I’m thinking well, duh, and said “no, I mean tonight”. He then mentions that he has a tournament that weekend and finally that he was leaving early that night and planning to see her when he got up there.

First off, I was kind of pissed that I had to seemingly drag that information out of him, especially in light of his recent lie to me about having attended a swinger party when he said he wasn’t going to. He also kept pussyfooting around the questions of whether he was planning to see and sleep with her. He claimed that it all depended on her husband and he wasn’t sure yet what would happen.

So I was fuming a bit but went ahead and made plans with my fuck buddy. He had stated before that I can come down and see him whenever I want so for the first time I decided to drive the hour and a half to his place to spend some time with him. That all went swimmingly and we had fun and good sex and talked quite a bit more than usual since I was there for 3 hours. I told the Professor what I was going to do.

However the Professor and I kind of got into it. He seemed to be avoiding telling me whether he was going to spend the night with her or even admitting that there was likelihood they would have sex. I told him I felt like I needed some reassurance from him. We hadn’t seen each other since the blowout after me discovering his lie about the past swinger party and though we had made up somewhat we really hadn’t had a chance to talk it out. I was feeling insecure and uneasy about our relationship already and on edge about him going to see her. I made a comment about how he probably wouldn’t bother texting me all weekend and he said stop it, he would make a point of keeping in contact with me.

So he finally says he talked to them and that she and her husband were going to have dinner with him. I was kind of snappy and said something like “you never go out to dinner with ME”. He said that wasn’t fair because he has taken me out before but I usually can’t take enough time and that he hasn’t seen her in three months and she is his friend too! Left me with a bad feeling because he was going on about her being his friend again and I was still without the reassurance that I had asked him for.

So I just said I was going to go see my friend and that I guess there was no need to contact him after that. I said it because he was on his way to dinner with her and I wasn’t going to notify him again that I was leaving for my fuck buddy’s house while he was busy. I MEANT that night but also kind of deliberately left it ambiguous as to whether or not I meant EVER because I wanted to see what he would do.

Still, he didn’t contact me for TWENTY FOUR HOURS after that. And then it was when I finally sent him a text. I was pissed because he broke his promise and I assumed it was because he was either still with her or so happy to have seen her that he couldn’t be bothered with me at all. I didn’t know if she had stayed the night with him (I didn’t sleep over with my fuck buddy) or if he was taking her with him all day to his games or what. Of course he has never taken ME to anything like that so I was speculating all kinds of things and not feeling good about it at all. My imagination can sometimes get the best of me. Of course he said the reason he didn’t text was because I said there would be no need to contact me again…and he didn’t know if I meant ever, and admittedly I left it open like that on purpose because I was upset.

He said they didn’t even have sex. They went to dinner and because he had a slight cough left over from having been sick the week before I guess they didn’t feel comfortable being “intimate” with him. They didn’t want to get sick. He says it was the husband’s decision. He’s told me before that she and her husband don’t communicate well and she is in love with him and doesn’t want to sleep with anyone but him and her husband wants her to be with other guys. The whole situation is kind of fucked up and I know how those “secret” feelings for another person can be and how bored married ladies who aren’t getting the attention they want will be seeking it out so she is probably EXTRA in love with him. UGH. I so just want her GONE.

Meanwhile the Professor can’t get why I am still upset because THEY didn’t have sex, and I DID!!! LOL On some level I can see how he feels that way but again it is the emotional thing with me! He gets upset every time I have sex with another guy and it takes him awhile to get over it, though logically he is okay with it. It gets to him on an emotional level so I think he should understand MY feelings as well.

My fuck buddy I have NO emotional attachment to. We fuck and that’s it! He is in no way a threat to the Professor and I have no problem telling the Professor I like HIM more and HE is number one to me! He knows that!! I want to be special like that to him too! :/

Barring that, I at least want to know SOME ways in which I am special to him. I’m not really getting that and I feel like I’ve asked for it in several different ways. I just need to know MY unique place in his life. We did get into a really long emotional discussion (drama, drama, fun, fun) where he said the following.

1. I spend more time with YOU!! That should tell you something!! (But, spending more time with her would be kind of difficult since she lives far away and her husband won’t “let” her- I don’t know if that is simply a way to bide his time since they can’t have each other or what).

2. Neither one of you is more special to me, you both have different qualities and different things I like about you, else I why would I be with TWO people? (Okay, I do get that, see my post on Comparing Lovers– but I still want to know WHAT it is that is different- curiousity? Or just a need to feel special in some way I guess).

3. I shouldn’t have to reassure you about anything. Just the fact that I do things with you and spend my time with you and spend time TALKING to you and buy things for you and your kids should be enough reassurance. I don’t express my feelings like that. (Gah! Men!! I hate this about them!!!! Why is giving reassurance hard? It’s like the easiest thing in the world to me and I give him boatloads if I even think he is hinting at needing a little and he seems to appreciate that!! I’m more than happy to TELL him I think he’s the bees knees! Yes, he does do these things for me and it means a lot and I love it but that doesn’t mean when I am faced with a scary situation where he is off with another woman I don’t need a RE-assurance of that. Tell me again, and again, and again!! Please!! :/ Yeah, I guess I’m being needy. )

4. More logical crap about how he takes her out more because she has that available time and how he would do the same for me if my ex- husband wasn’t always pestering me to come back and get the kids after 2 hours of being away. Plus, he takes me to the swingers parties AND he HAS taken me out a couple of times before. (Okay, he has a point here but also if he was offering to take me out more I’m sure I could manage to get a little more time. I do have time constraints but it makes it hard to tell if he would really do that stuff or not).

5. Do you think I would spend all this time TALKING to you if I didn’t like you A LOT?? Don’t you know men hate this stuff and I have better things to do with my time? (Well, yes, this is very true and also why it’s a damn good test of how a guy feels about you to throw a huge fit and see how he reacts. I hate that I do this but it has the end result of proving his emotional investment in me…, not that I think it out on a calculated level like that but yes I can see the reasons why afterwards).

So anyway, we are all back to normal and happy now. After a lot of testing him on my part. I have to admit that NOW I can see it for what it was but at the time I was a mess of emotion and unable to think clearly and just ACTING on feminine whims. I am so such a girl…and also was at the start of and on my period, when I tend to sink into insecurity and hit my low point of the month. The rest of the time I feel like I’m fairly easygoing and happy. It doesn’t probably help that it seems like every time he has gotten together with this woman has been right around my period. He’s asking for it!!

Despite recognizing what is going on I still feel like I could benefit from more advice and examples of how people get on in everyday polyamorous relationships. Reading the blogs can offer tidbits here and there but it never seems like enough. Where do I go for ideas on how to cope with “the other woman” when it isn’t an affair situation and he is ALLOWED to do this? I’ve read The Ethical Slut and that had some ideas but it was also just skimming the surface of all the possibilities out there. Does anyone else deal with this stuff? How do you do it?

Are we done yet?

bad in bed

http://snarkysnatch.wordpress.com/2012/02/12/thoughts-i-have-during-bad-sex/

Bad sex, now here’s something I’ve had a lot of experience with!! I love this blog post by snarkysnatch. It’s amazing how often those romps in the sack turn out to be more than a little disappointing. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve been there wondering when it will be over with!! No wonder I rarely complained about my ex- husband only lasting 3 minutes each time. It was like sheesh, at least that’s all I have to endure of THIS. I wonder when he’ll be done so I can go pretend to clean up and masturbate in the shower?

Seriously though, whether it’s due to bad chemistry or bad technique or just a bad mood, bad sex just sucks! Or, more often, it doesn’t suck, or lick, or do anything that involves his mouth on the most important part of my body!

One of my huge pet peeves is men who don’t go down. What the hell dude? How can you ever expect me to think you are halfway decent in bed if you can’t even give me a little loving with your mouth? How would you like it if I never gave you a blow job? You think it’s okay to expect that but that my needs don’t need to be met? Wow. Amazing how often that little tidbit seems to fly right over guy’s heads. I go to the trouble of being shaved and clean and nice smelling and looking the best I can and it’s not just so you’ll stick a finger in there to see if I’m wet then ram it in after I’ve been sucking your dick for 20 minutes. EYEROLL.

It’s not just guys that don’t go down at all either but those who do it once in a while, or halfheartedly or they are really, really, good at it but once you start getting in a more serious relationship they start to become more and more selfish and frequently forget to please YOU. Then they complain about women losing their sex drives. Knock, knock, is anybody home in there?? If the sex is GOOD, I’m not gonna lose ANYTHING of the sort. I’m going to be BEGGING for more, frequently. If you get lazy and it’s a quickie every single time with you getting off and me getting nothing, well, yeah, I’m going to start to lose interest!

I don’t even HAVE to have a guy go down on me to have good sex but I really appreciate it when they do and find it offensive when they don’t bother. I shouldn’t have to ask, it should be a given. Yes, I’ve heard women out there say they don’t like when guys go down on them but I am figuring they just haven’t experienced a REALLY GOOD licking, lol. Mr. Married man, OH MY GOD. I’ve never experienced a tongue that nice in my life and once he did it while using my vibrator on me and I think I came like for 20 minutes straight, over and over and over and over. He’s even better with his cock, but we aren’t talking about that today, haha. 😉

So what else constitutes bad sex? Well, like I mentioned above sometimes it’s just bad chemistry. My ex- husband and I had horrible chemistry in bed. The problem was that we both wanted to be submissive. I’m very submissive in bed and want to be ravished. He wanted to lay on his back like a dead fish and have me ride him almost every time we had sex, despite me trying to tell him repeatedly that I liked to do other things better. I grew to HATE that position but I still do it some when guys want it’s just probably my least favorite. I like it much better if the guy is still somewhat in control.

My ex- husband hated doggy style because he said it made him feel like he was disrespecting me. He also wouldn’t let me go down on him because that made him feel guilty and when I wanted him to lick it he said that was only for lesbians. Hot stuff, let me tell you. Oh, and he once wanted me to spank HIM. Like he lay over my lap and I did it a few times but I can’t imagine being more turned off. I’m sure there are women out there who’d enjoy that but I am not one of them. BAD MATCH. He also would tell me to be quiet if I got the least bit excited or God forbid, expressed a little bit of pleasure in sex at all. The biggest problem though was that he completely IGNORED what I said I liked or didn’t like or the bodily clues that I tried to give. If someone is clearly feeling uncomfortable or asking you to stop licking her nipples like that because it tickles and you keep doing the same thing then it’s not going to produce a different result.

For me, sex with no emotion or passion behind it virtually never turns out to be good. I require some kind of emotional high or excitement to really get off. That doesn’t mean I have to be in love with the guy or that I can’t on a one night stand it just means there has to be more than jackhammering going on. I think that’s pretty typical for a lot of women.

I can think of a few recent scenarios involving lack of emotion where the sex just didn’t get me all hot and bothered. Like there was this guy that drove 4 hours to meet me from the swinger site and got a hotel and he was “okay” and “nice” but not really inspiring any kind of excitement or horniness. He asked me like 3 times if I really wanted to do this and it was starting to turn me off. Yet we had sex anyway. Of course I was wet (pretty much always seem to be whether I’m actually turned on or not) so he forgot about all his promises to go down on me and give me a great time and just slapped on the condom and went in. There was no preparation or foreplay and I was feeling DISAPPOINTED because he had promised me a nice massage and I never got it.

The sex was pretty much just in- out, in- out, in- out plunging until it started to feel kind of good for a minute and he pulled out saying he knew “that was feeling way too good”. Uh, yeah, the condom had shot off and gotten lost inside of me! I didn’t even know that could happen and at first tried to reach in with a finger but couldn’t get to it! After a bit it resurfaced enough that I could grab ahold of the edge and pull it out though. Scary!

My point though, is you know the sex sucked when he says “this is feeling too good” and stops. LMAO.

Of course I’ve had my share of guys that blow so quick you wonder what happened too. Like 1, 2, 3 pumps, YOUR’E OUT!! Did we just fuck? Seriously? How did he cum that fast? I hadn’t even had a chance to let out a moan and we are done already? Damn. See how much better that would have been if you’d gone down on me? Or at least used your fingers afterwards, or something? But no…and he’ll even tell you how hot it was later…

Then there’s the sex that lasts like AN HOUR and he’s just pumping away and pumping and you’re looking at the clock watching the minutes tick by and hoping he’ll let you move to a different position soon but he seems to think you like this while the condom is rubbing against you and you know you are going to be red and raw and sore but he seems to be enjoying himself. Did I mention I hate the feel of condoms, especially after a long session or like when the end of it is too loose and aggravating my cervix? Bleah….

You’re probably wondering if I like sex at all by now but I DO!! I LOVE IT. I love it when it’s GOOD. I love it when the guy takes the time to try and please me, I love it when he is dominating the hell out of me and MAKING me cum for him and I love it when I’m so lost in emotion and so deep in a sex trance that I feel like I’m drunk and high on the feelings it creates. The married guy can go for 4 hours and I am in HEAVEN enjoying it and never notice the clock. The same with the Professor, I’m so emotionally into it that it’s like an out of body experience. That kind of sex is hard to find!

Yes there are times when I am so horny that even mediocre sex will do. There were times when I was wanting sex so bad I’d just suck it up and come on to my ex -husband and ride the hell out of his dick even though he wasn’t seeming that into it and came quickly. There have been times when I’ve slept with a stranger or someone I didn’t even like that much just to get out a sexual urge and enjoyed it even if it wasn’t spectacular but bad sex is just bad sex.

Most of my experiences with bad sex have involved a guy who didn’t seem that into it or that into ME or wasn’t making an effort to make it FEEL GOOD to me. Like he was using me as a masturbatory aid or something and basically I’m just a hole to get off and not trying to make the experience good for both of us. I have a major need to feel the man’s passion and desire for me and to know my body and soul are WANTED.

There have been times too where a guy is going overboard trying to do all the right things but the FEELING just isn’t there. Like there was a guy I met awhile back who spent the majority of our date making me feel sorry for him and his situation with his ex- wife. I felt so bad that I agreed to sleep with him, thinking I wanted to cheer him up (dumb, I know) and he wasn’t bad looking. Still the sex just wasn’t that great at all. Half the time his erection kept going up and down and I think he would have been happy to just have me lick his balls and jack him off the entire time. That’s what he kept going back to. Not so exciting for ME. Still he went down on me but just did a not so great job and his stubble was rubbing against my very sensitive skin and scratching. Youch!

Of course there’s also the stereotypical guy who can’t find a clit to save his life. I’ve had PLENTY of those. Like they go down on you but they spend the entire time sticking their tongue up INSIDE you. This does what for me exactly? Errr…nothing actually. Or licking somewhere RIGHT NEXT to it and you keep trying to move up under him in a way that will help him get it right but he dodges you, wtf? Or he BITES it (ouch!! 😦 ) or licks so gently that it becomes irritating.

Yeah, I know women can be hard to please and I don’t claim to be an easy case. It does make me appreciate the men who pay attention to me and my body and signals even more though. At least that way I’m not wondering about the mark on the wall behind him (is that a booger? Ewwwww) or trying to pretend he’s someone else or inventing elaborate scenarios in my head so I can get off.

I appreciate that good sex doesn’t seem to come to men without practice. So in that sense I really love an experienced man in the bedroom more than one who is just starting out. I love the ones that really put forth the effort to learn about a woman’s body and how to make them feel good emotionally in bed as well. I get SO TURNED ON by the sound of a guy’s voice and the things he says and some of my favorite guys in bed have also been really vocal and good with the sweet talking (which I guess is like dirty talk but without the whore/bitch/cunt type comments that some women like but that turn me off).

Of course we all are so different and men are more different in the bedroom than they let on too. I think it’s hard to find a good match and sometimes even harder to let one go. Good dick is ad-dick-ting!! I’ve been having some issues with the Professor, but man, that is the hardest thing to not want to hang on to. He’s SO GOOD and we are so well matched in the bedroom that I can’t even describe it. I’m like on an emotional/sexual high the entire time we are in bed and for days afterwards. There’s that saying about how you get over one man by getting under another but there are only two men in my entire life that have been able to bring me to that level in bed, out of all the guys I’ve had sex with. My fuck buddy is great and I even cum with him and he’s made me squirt once and no one else has but it’s just not the same on the emotional level. Wah! 😦