Archive | January 2013

Stopping the stalkers…

stalker

I got a text last night from a number I don’t recognize and isn’t in my phone contacts. It was some sort of Youtube video with a random guy rapping. At first I didn’t open it because I thought it might be spam.

Instead I texted back whoever it was:

“Who is this?”

Creepy person: “Ur lover”

Me: “What?”

CP: “Yep, I still admire you a lot”

Me: “Who is this?”

CP: “Just figure it out”

CP: “Muah”

Me: “Who is this?”

No response after that. WTF?

The sad thing is that it could be any of a myriad of stalker guys I have collected in the past couple of years. I actually went into my T-mobile account this morning and figured out how to block numbers. Thank God for the Family Allowances plan, that I have also used to control my teenager’s phone and ground him from texting or calling anyone but me when he gets in trouble. Only problem is that it limits me to blocking only 10 numbers from my phone at a time. Apparently there are more guys harassing me than T-mobile can keep up with, or at least more numbers. Do these guys seriously think calling me from a DIFFERENT NUMBER is going to make me MORE INTERESTED in speaking to them? SMFH

Here’s the breakdown of the suspects I have blocked from my phone for now:

The DJ: This is a guy I met and had a one night stand with over a year ago. We went out on a date followed by returning to his house to show me his deejaying equipment. He even gave me a personalized CD which I later listened to and decided totally sucked and threw it in the trash, but that’s beside the point.

After messing around with his equipment for a bit I told him I’d really better get going. So he sat on the couch and pulled me over to him, yanked down my pants (which came off rather easily) and started licking. Then he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. As he started to pull off his pants I said wait, aren’t you going to wear a condom? He said yes and then proceeded to go right in WITHOUT one. After sex I said I really needed to go now and he wouldn’t let me get up. He pinned me down and went in for round two. I finally got out of there, but not before agreeing to let him take a couple of pictures (without my face).

In any case, his pushiness turned me off enough that I decided I never wanted to see him again. He, on the other hand had other plans. He told me he thought I was the perfect woman for him and he wanted to make me his girlfriend (despite me telling him quite clearly beforehand that I was only in this for NSA sex and wasn’t interested in more and him adamantly agreeing). I told him I was not interested in meeting him again but the emails and calls and texts continued. I decided ignoring him was my best bet. Then he would call from different numbers. Ignore, ignore, ignore and he will eventually go away right?

As luck would have it I was out on a date with a new guy at a Mexican restaurant in town when in walks the DJ with another woman. She looked, old, overweight and frumpy but they were clearly “together”. He saw me and later texted “YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!”

Okay, that should be the end of him now right? NOPE. He started sending me emails on the site where we met (Plenty of Fish) BEGGING me to see him again. One recently even said “I will do ANYTHING to be with you”.

I started getting random texts from numbers I don’t have in my phone with comments like “U really make me feel bad”. Could it be him? Quite possibly. He is at the top of my list for guilt inducing texts so I’m thinking there’s a good chance it’s him who texted me last night, plus the fact there was a video of some unknown rapper. Like who but a DJ would send me that? Never fear though, there are other possibilities.


The Coach
: Somewhere around the time I met the DJ guy last year I also met a man who coaches high school football. We went on a date to a bar. I was horny (ovulating) and in the mood for sex. This guy was huge and I had to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. He claimed to be cool with casual sex or a one night stand so I figured why not? He was sort of a rough and aggressive type and we had sex at his place which wasn’t bad except for him wanting me to bite his nipple. Like he wanted me to bite the hell out of it, nothing was hard enough. I think he wanted me to draw blood and I am totally not into that.

He too, refused to wear a condom. I had brought one along and he insisted he had a vasectomy and didn’t need it. So I offered to put it on for him. He claimed I did it wrong and ripped it off before going inside me. I didn’t have another one and of course neither did he.

When I was getting ready to leave he backed me up against the door and asked if there were any other guys in there, putting his hand between my legs. When I admitted yes he said he was going to make sure he was the only one from now on. Um, whatever, just let me leave.

So afterwards I told him I was only interested in a one night stand and nothing further. He didn’t believe me and tried to convince me otherwise. I started ignoring his texts and calls as well but I still get emails that I never respond to, begging. He was from Plenty of Fish as well
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The Murderer: I met this guy on Plenty of Fish (notice a pattern here? Haha). We actually emailed like once or so and I had totally forgotten about him until I ran into him at Walmart. He recognized me from the website and despite my hair being in a ponytail, having kids with me and being a hot mess from just having worked out, he claimed I was way hotter in person. He followed me out to the parking lot to ask for my number. He seemed nice and decent and was kinda cute so I gave it to him and actually allowed him to pick me up at my house for our first date. I reasoned that he didn’t seem creepy in person and it was probably okay.

So, he took me out for dinner and halfway through informs me that he had spent 10 years in prison for a murder he says he didn’t commit. (That’s what they all say. Find me a guy in prison who admits to actually committing the crime. Yeah….) Nevertheless I ever so wisely allowed him to drive me back to his house, which was actually an extended stay hotel (yikes). There he gave me a foot rub. I was sitting on his bed. It was the fastest foot rub in the history of man. He lotioned up my feet and went to work and then jumped up and was like “okay, let’s go”. Whew…. He drove me back to my house, where he slipped $40 into my hand, claiming it was “for gas” and took off. WTF? I felt like a foot fetish whore.

A week or so later he sent me a picture of his dick. When I didn’t respond he sent a video. Now he occasionally texts asking to meet and I completely ignore him.

The Guy I Ditched: This was another fish out of POF. I must be fishing in the wrong pond, but he was also on Adult Friend Finder. He had contacted me on there too but I didn’t have a face pic so he didn’t know that. He seemed cool over text and email though he was a man of few words. His pics were pretty nice and I thought great he’d make a good fuck buddy since he didn’t talk much. Well, so much for that.

We met at a down- home, breakfast restaurant and fairly soon after meeting him I could tell he wasn’t quite right in the head. He was a truck driver. Something about him was “off” but I can’t put a finger on it. Head injury of some sort? I don’t know but turns out he was staying in a hotel RIGHT NEXT to the restaurant. CRAP. I didn’t really know the best way out of the situation and followed him back to his room. Thank God he had forgotten his key and had to run to the front desk to get it. Meanwhile I ran to my vehicle, jumped in and drove away.

He texted me feverishly afterwards, thinking it was just a case of nerves. Nope. I told him I decided I didn’t want to do it but that didn’t deter him from texting me again and again. In fact, I just got a text from him two days ago, asking me on another date. It’s been like a year since that first day too. Seriously? I never answer. Could he be my “secret admirer”?

The Cracked Egg: I met this guy at the grocery store. He came up to me asking me to inspect his eggs for him to see if any were cracked. Turns out he was pretty cracked himself. So anyway, he was very determined to talk to me. He followed me into the checkout line, telling me I looked like an “angel” and the checker thought we were together. I said no we were not and he was telling people all around us what a good couple we would make. I think I seemed a little unsure about that because the checker asked if I needed someone to help me out to the car and all I was buying were milk and eggs.

Nevertheless, he was actually kind of cute, despite being older (I think in his 50’s, but he was in great shape) and I kind of admired his persistence. After he followed me out to the car I talked to him a bit and finally agreed to exchange numbers. He gave me his business card (he worked as a personal trainer of some sort for men in a big prison) and later called to talk. At first he seemed fairly normal but then he got a little weird. He would call and want to have phone sex. I mostly didn’t say anything because I have kids around all time and he’d get all into it himself. He was asking me to call him “Master” on the phone and it was like dude, I don’t even know you. I’d try to get off the phone ASAP but he would try to get me to hold on until he got off.

He started claiming he wanted to be a dad to my kids (that he’d never met) and come and move in with us. Uh, yeah, no. Waaaay too fast for me and way too creepy. When I told him I wasn’t interested in that he’d insist that I needed it. I started ignoring him but he’d call me repeatedly, several times a day, from different phone numbers. I think he finally gave up. Think…..

The Weird Indian Guy: Okay, this guy I met on Craigslist and never met in person. First thing, he told me he was “black” but actually turned out to be an Indian dude. When he sent me his picture I was like what? Why would someone lie about their ethnicity/race? Huh? Like, I wasn’t going to figure that out? He later admitted to being Indian (like from India, not Native American). Okayyyy….

In any case he was also way older than he let on and oh, he happened to be married and live like an hour away. He was kind of weird and pushy sounding over the phone and in talking to him I decided he wasn’t my type and it just wasn’t going to work out and let him know. He tried to convince me otherwise but I was adamant about not wanting to see him. When he wasn’t accepting no for an answer I told him I had decided to see someone else. So he finally backed down and said that I should keep his number on hand in case that didn’t work out. Okay. End of that? Of course not! He started calling me repeatedly, even after I asked him to leave me alone. So I changed his name to “creepy dude” in my phone and never answered again. Still didn’t stop him from trying months down the road.

Oh, and we can’t forget my first ever online date and My First Ever Craigslist Encounter meet (we didn’t have sex). I was still married that time and having a little tiff with the guy I’d had an affair with. I knew he was sleeping around so I decided maybe it was time for me to explore my options too.

So I went out on a date with this guy I met off Craigslist. He was older, 44, he said. and I think I was 33 at the time. His picture was from kind of far away but he looked fairly handsome from that angle. For some reason the age difference sounded kinda hot and I liked him over email and text. We communicated for awhile before ever meeting in person and I finally got a chance to sneak out with him at lunchtime.

He took me to a sandwich shop. I was sooo afraid of getting caught that I was a little jumpy and it didn’t help that the first time I saw him he walked up BEHIND me in the parking lot. Scared the tar out of me and almost made me jump out of my skin, lol. Much to my surprise he looked more like he was 65 than 44. Old enough to be my grandpa.

I ordered a lemonade but declined a sandwich, knowing this wasn’t going to work. We sat there and talked while a table of younger military dudes were smiling and winking at me behind him. I was totally embarrassed because this guy was just ancient and not very cute. He must have sent me a picture from like 25 years ago! The only thing recognizeable were his eyebrows, which were sort of thick and bushy.

I was in a hurry to get out of there but he wanted to sit in my vehicle and talk. I told him no I couldn’t and thankfully got rid of him quickly. I was worried he would follow me so took off as fast as I could. He emailed me for ages afterwards, telling me how beautiful I am and how much he liked me. Yeah, that made me feel pretty bad. I politely told him that I had decided it wasn’t a good idea for me to go through with things with him but he kept contacting me for a long time.

He blamed it on my nerves, like other guys have as well. Damn nerves, they keep a virginal girl like me from having sex all the time… I think I finally got rid of him, but you never know. I doubt he’d have sent me the rap video though, probably not someone his age.

Then of course there is the guy from the post I wrote the other day Pressure on Dates….Uggghhh. He’s fairly recent so still a possibility. I’m sure I haven’t even gotten them all. I will admit that at times I have sucked at being FLAT OUT CLEAR that I am not interested fast enough. It is something I really need to work on. Thankfully, the majority of these guys are still lurking around from pretty far in the past (like over a year) and I feel I am getting more firm with people. I’m definitely getting practice anyway!

Also, the sex with guys I don’t plan on continuing on with is going down because I am coming to believe that men may actually be worse than women stereotypically are when it comes to being ditched after a one night stand. So much for the myth that men are always the ones to pump and dump! Sometimes women are guilty of doing the same thing, we just expect men to be able to handle it better. We think THEY are the ones after a one night stand. Ha!

Only thing is that you don’t always know. Sometimes I don’t want to continue on with a guy after sex because we are a sexual mismatch and that can be hard for men to cope with. Fortunately most guys give up after a few attempts at meeting afterwards but some will keep it up for years. I don’t like to make expectations either way beforehand because it really all depends on the chemistry and the guy and how it all pans out.

Yeah, I could go to never having sex on the first date but I am so dang impatient and pressed for time! My main goals right now are to screen guys better on first dates and work on making my decisions more surely and quickly and to be more firm when saying NO. That doesn’t always stop him from continuing to harass me forever though. Of course there’s always common sense, like not going back to someone’s hotel room if I am not feeling him or if he just happens to be a murderer. :p But I digress… I’m gonna have to make some serious usage of this blocking feature. Maybe after realizing they are blocked for a month or so they will quit and I can filter out the old numbers and add in new ones if need be, lol.

Flashback: My First Swinger Party

swingers

I was just realizing I haven’t told the story of my FIRST swinger party on my blog and that some of you all might like to read about it. 🙂 I get quite a bit of traffic from people doing google searches about swinger parties so I gather there are a lot of folks out there who are interested in hearing about personal experiences before they ever give it a try themselves. So for them, and all of you, I’m reposting something I wrote on a forum that first night (which was like 6 months ago now). Enjoy a little flashback to my first ever entrance into “the Lifestyle”…. 😉

A little backstory for those who don’t know. I met a guy awhile back on Craigslist and he had told me about a site for swingers and swinger parties that he is on. I signed up but didn’t put up a picture or profile and was just looking and checking it out. After he and I had sex he got really into me and didn’t seem as excited about me going to the party but he knew I was curious and wanted to attend one in our area. I had spent the better part of our first date asking him questions about it and then we had sex on this trailhead sign at a local walkway. Slept with him one other time since then but he is clearly head over heels. He has gone over and above trying to do things for me. He’s a really nice guy and decent in bed just am not super into him. I feel bad because he likes me a lot but I’m just not feeling it. :/

Okay so there was an upcoming party in our area that I really wanted to check out. He was already signed up and had told me before that prior to parties he emails with potential prospects that he might play with. He knew I wanted to go even though he didn’t seem as excited about it and suggested I add more to my profile after signing up so people could contact me. So I updated it a bit (still no picture but they can see I am a single female) and put my name on the list where people could click and look at my profile if they were thinking about going. I got a few emails from that but only responded to one guy.

The guy I responded to is a Professor at a local University. He and I went out on a date, followed by some really good sex the night before the party. He offered to accompany me to the party so that I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable and said he would drive me there (it was a little outside of town). I was a little concerned about the other guy’s reaction but he was already going to be there (at a hotel next door, he lives like an hour and a half away) and I tried to diffuse it a bit by telling him I had met someone who offered to drive me and that I would be drinking so it would probably be best. We ended up going together as a couple because the party was already full with the allotted amount of single males (which I think is 10%). The trailhead guy wasn’t too excited and said he thought it would be fine to drive myself but I really didn’t want to show up there alone anyway.

The party started early, but the professor and I decided to show up a few hours later due to my having to pay for a babysitter and because he said things pick up later on anyway. So when we showed up all eyes were on us. Being an interracial couple when there are only 2 other black people (both single males) at the party where there are about 150 people kind of does that, and me being new and all, we attracted some attention. I was wearing a brown and tan zebra print dress that is kind of a cross between a sundress and a wrap around and a bodysuit, lol. (It also has hidden pockets so I was able to slip my cell phone in and leave my purse in the car) Tight enough to show off curves pretty well and my wooden, zebra print, semi- platform heels, which are about 4 inches tall and made me taller than him, lol. He was in a nice dress shirt and slacks.

So when we walk in the door we had to sign some forms and the professor made a donation for us to get in. One of the ladies sitting at the table looked very familiar. I think she used to attend the church where my ex husband was children’s pastor….gulp…lol She kept kind of looking at me throughout the night. I’m sure she was all wtf, the children’s pastor’s wife is here with some black dude at a swinger party….heart attack, lmao! Not to mention that was in a very small, very white, community of about 1,500 people that is 30 minutes away from here and everyone knows his family and his dad is a well known preacher. Ah well….

The layout of the club was a bunch of long tables, one side was the smoking section and the other side was non smoking. In between there was a stripper pole and at the front there was a dance floor. Behind the tables was a table with food and drink but it was bring your own alcohol and the Professor had brought a cooler with our bottles of wine. Off to the side of the smoking section there were two silhouette rooms made with curtains. One room had a Sybian machine and the other had a sex swing. The lighting was set so that you could see the silhouettes of people playing in those rooms. Soon after we walked in the door we could hear a woman screaming loudly above the music on the Sybian. LOL

The people were of varying ages and sizes. There were a lot of unattractive older people as expected but there were also several younger, more attractive people roaming around as well, mostly couples. Some of the people were half naked. A lot of women were topless, but mostly these were older ladies or overweight ones. The more attractive folks for the most part, had clothes on. The professor seemed to know quite a few people and led me around introducing me to them. Shortly after we arrived I saw the trailhead guy waving me over to talk. He was sitting at a table surrounded by fat ladies who seemed interested in him. The professor insisted I let him pour me a drink first and was like “then you can go over and talk to your friend”. So we got situated and drank a little and met a few people first.

First thing he introduced me to a couple of older men and one of them recognized me off of AFF!! He was like “you have a picture of just your ass as your profile on there don’t you?” Um, yes I do, and NO face pics so I don’t know how the hell he knew it was me. It kind of freaked me out and he said something about me having an uncommon name so he recognized it. I was wondering how on earth an old white guy would have had a chance to find out my name on AFF because its not like I respond to very many emails like that, especially sharing my real name. I think I’ve finally figured out that he has to be that sugar daddy guy that I had corresponded with for awhile, but never went through with. He said he remembered me from a couple of years ago. Eeeek! Then an almost naked older lady in a thong came up and was hugging and rubbing on the professor from the back. Soon after an older man that he introduced me to pulled me out on the dance floor and wanted to dance with me old school style, spinning me around and stuff while I was in my heels to a slow song…lmao. The professor danced with his wife.

I briefly made it over to say hi to the trailhead guy and he made some comment about my “date” that made it obvious he wasn’t too happy about it. I flirted for a few then dashed off again because I didn’t want to make the fat ladies too jealous. The professor was leading me around, introducing me to more people and took me into the sybian room to watch a lady on it and then to the sex swing. As soon as I walked into the sex swing room a woman told me to get up on it and try. I was still feeling pretty shy and tried to decline but she insisted and said I didn’t have to do anything but that she would eat my pussy if I liked. I climbed up on it but declined having my pussy ate, lmao. I just wasn’t ready for that yet. She asked another time but I said that’s ok. I sat in the swing and the other people left and the professor started kissing and fingering me and talking to me while I drank some more wine in there. We didn’t stay too long though and went to meet more people.

I finally made it back over to the trailhead guy. The professor offered to accompany me but I said that I would be okay (he already knew about the other guy and that we had sex before and he likes me). So I went over and he was excited to talk to me and told me that some fat, old woman had cornered him in the bathroom and pushed him up against the wall and took off her panties and said how much she loves big, black men and that it had kind of freaked him out and he told her he likes to take time to get to know people first, lol. Anyway, he wanted me to stay and talk and one of the women he was sitting with seemed a little irked so I tried to engage her in conversation too. He told me if I needed I ride home I didn’t need to go with the professor guy but that this girl would drive me. I said I thought I’d be okay. Then he wanted me to sit on his lap, so I did and he was kissing me.

While we were kissing up comes the fat, old lady that had cornered him in the bathroom. She starts rubbing on his head and kissing him from the back. Then she goes on to tell him how pretty she thinks I am and starts trying to kiss ME. I was a little ooked but wanted to be polite so I went along with it, lmao. I pulled away quick though and he managed to deflect her for a bit and she went to kiss the girl that he had offered to have drive me. Whew! I decided it would be a good time to head back to the professor. I had already seen him looking at me a few times from across the room and I was on my 3rd plastic cup of wine, which meant I’d actually drank the entire bottle and was a little tipsy. Okay, a lot tipsy. I accidentally knocked over a chair on my way back and the professor saw me and rushed over because I was having trouble standing it up again. I was actually starting to feel naseous due to drinking a little too much a little too fast so he took me outside for a bit and had me sit down and drink lots of ice water, kissing me and talking to me until I was feeling better enough to go back in.

When we went back in I signed a paper so I could try out the Sybian machine. We went in the room and it was just me and the professor and the fat, old guy running the Sybian. It cost 10 dollars so the professor paid for it and lifted my dress and started slipping off my panties from the back so I could get on the machine. The old guy was standing right behind me and they were talking about my ass, ha. He started hinting that he would like my panties as a tip so the professor asked if that would be okay and I let him give them to the guy. He said that was the best tip of the night. Anyhow I got on the Sybian but the first attachment was hurting me so I had to get off and they put on a smaller one. Maybe because I’d had a little too much to drink or just because I am sensitive even the smaller one was kind of intense. The guy said he only had it up less than halfway and I came pretty quickly and was ready to get off after that first time. He said I could come back any time for the rest of the night for free but I didn’t go back.

We talked to more people and at one point made out for a few in a bathroom but no sex in there or anything. A couple of different guys tried to feel up my dress or grab my butt when we were talking to them. The professor asked if I wanted to leave and go back to his place and I agreed and we were getting ready to leave and I had to make another bathroom run. While I was in there I heard a guy outside the door talking to the professor and he was saying “wow, she is drunk you could get her to do almost anything you wanted to right now” and the professor laughed. To me it sounded like he was just being polite but the trailhead guy was nearby and heard them talking and got pretty upset. He was having some kind of discussion with the professor when I came out and he pulled me off to the side and said be careful, I don’t like what I heard those guys saying about you and you are drunk and shouldn’t go home with him. I will have this woman give you a ride. I said I will be okay and he insisted that only if I text him and call and let him know I am home safely. I said okay and the professor came and took me by the arm out the door.

As we were heading out to his car we stopped to talk to some couples that said they were going to one of their houses and the professor asked if we could come along. He told them it was my first party and he thought I might like to see what it was all about and they readily agreed. I texted my babysitter to say we would be out longer and we went to their house. There were two other couples and we sat in the living room and talked for a bit. One couple was a pretty 40 year old nurse and her 35 yr old husband. She is a redhead that dies her hair more of a strawberry blonde and I later saw she had a clit piercing and fake boobs. Her husband (or maybe he was just a live in boyfriend, but something like that) was a more reserved guy with glasses but decently attractive. He looked like your typical IT dude. The other couple was an outgoing, muscular guy with tatoos that I think said he was 37-38 and his 25 yr old, petite, blonde wife. She was more shy seeming and he later said she had never had sex with anyone besides him until they started swinging 8 months ago and until recently they were just doing “soft” swaps with other women and no actual sex. She did end up having sex with the other husband there, but not the professor.

Anyway, we talked for a few and then they were like lets get naked so we all went back to the couple’s bedroom/playroom. The other women got undressed first and started making out and the professor starts sliding my clothes off from behind and takes me over to them and so the three of us females were making out and then the guys started joining in. At first I was making out with both women and went down on the blonde girl and the nurse’s husband started going down on me. I can’t tell you what everyone else was doing at that point because I don’t know but when I looked up the professor was doing the blonde nurse lady from the back and the other lady’s husband was rubbing on my boobs while the nurse was giving him a blowjob and I started giving one to the nurse’s husband.

I really can’t remember everything but at some point the professor called me over to him and the nurse and asked me to taste her so I did and she and I were like in a 69 and he started doing me from behind. Later on I was bent over the bed with the tatooed guy and I could see in the mirror across the room that his wife was kissing him. There was lots more of pretty much everyone doing everyone, lol. Tatooed guy tried to slip it in my ass once but I pulled away and didn’t do him after that. I’m just not really into anal, especially with a stranger but there was still touching and stuff. He kept telling the professor what I nice ass I have and he would agree.

At one point the nurse pulled out her strap on and wanted to do me with it so everyone stopped to watch. Then she wanted me to ride her on it so I did and then the other woman wanted a ride. It ended up with all the couples on the bed and the professor fucking me missionary style and he kept making me cum over and over, long after everyone else was finished. The tatoo guy just came and sat by our heads and started jacking off and kept saying “God that’s so hot” over and over again, lmao. The nurse lady was amazed that Mr. Professor was still hard after all that time (he still hadn’t cum). He kept telling me later that he needs to make it up to me with some better one on one sex later. It was pretty good though!! Haha….

Afterwards we all talked for a little bit and the nurse gave people some pickles she’d been canning all day but the professor and I had to get going. The nurse’s husband said he felt a little used with us just being like “nice fuck everyone” and then leaving, lmao, but I think he was joking. We went back home and the prof paid for the couple extra hours of babysitting I needed. He’s been texting me today to see how I liked it and how I am doing. Meanwhile I had sex with my fuck buddy/military dude which was hot. Anyhow, I think that’s pretty much the gist of it all. Enjoy.

Pressure on dates…. ugghhh

bad-date

Last night I went out with a new guy. He was someone I met off the swinger site. He had like 60 validations and from his pictures he was hot, hot, hot!! The only face pictures I saw were not straight on. Like he was looking down or had the camera slightly in front of him but from what I could see he was good looking. He was really muscular and had a set of six pack abs. His cock was….gigantic. Maybe on the level of “too big” that I mentioned in the previous post about Big Black Men. I wasn’t too concerned about that though and I never asked him his actual measurements.

In any case he lives 3 hours away so I was a bit surprised that he had emailed me. I responded once and then had forgotten about him until the Professor had gone to a swinger party in another town and I had ended up here alone after not finding any sufficient men off Craigslist. It was then that I emailed him back and we got to texting. He seemed pretty cool, other than an annoying habit of calling me “babe” and sounding a bit full of himself.

Still I figured if we were to meet he would probably be someone I’d sleep with. When I asked him about the distance between us he claimed it was no big deal and he travels frequently. He didn’t mind driving up here to meet me and said he was looking for a “swinging partner” to join him at parties. I kinda let him know that I had that already but he wasn’t deterred.

Anyway, I again forgot about him for a bit, until he texted early in the week to let me know he would be coming through my town on his way to a big city a few hours away. So we agreed to meet up. We flirted a little over text and he asked for more pics of me but I didn’t send him any.

I told the Professor I was going out on a date, which was kind of hard but he didn’t say a whole lot. I asked if he was cool with it and he said “It doesn’t matter. I am sick anyway and you are free to do what you want”. Not really encouraging and I felt bad that it was when he was sick but I went out anyway. I still don’t feel like we have completely worked things out from the other day. Nevertheless I still care for him and think I want to keep seeing him. I asked if he had slept with anyone without telling me and got a very adamant NO!!!!

So, onto my date. At first he had tried to squiggle out of taking me out beforehand and wanted to come straight to my place. I wasn’t having it. There is no way of telling if he would be a creepy stalker type or if I even want to have sex with someone without meeting them in public first. Being at my house is just too much pressure on me if I decide I DON’T want to and guys can really lay that pressure on thick. Plus he’d know where I live. One of the guys I slept with once last year STILL freaking harasses me and I am SO GLAD he doesn’t know where my house is. He tries to make me feel guilty for not wanting to see him again when actually the first night I did because I was under a lot of pressure and he basically ripped my clothes off and just started licking me. Then he was holding me down and not letting me get up to leave when I wanted to. I have had other experiences before where I ended up sleeping with someone I really wasn’t that excited about because I felt obligated and just in case I wanted a chance to assess things in a public setting.

I was an hour and a half later than I expected for meeting him. I felt bad but had to run my kids to their dads and come back which took about an hour and then was trying to clean up around the house before having anyone over. That’s another reason I don’t really like to have guys over at MY place. I have kids and there is always some cleaning up to do after they leave and it interferes with me trying to get ready to go out. Like, who wants to be cleaning the toilet and sweeping right before a date and right after showering? UGGH. It’s not putting me in a sexy mood, lol, and I start feeling resentful like can’t this guy just get a hotel or something and here he is wanting me to hurry and get there. Don’t worry, I kept him updated as to when I was coming and I had TOLD him beforehand that it was just an estimate as far as the time, but he did have to wait awhile.

What kills me is that later he claimed he was getting a hotel here in town because he wasn’t planning on driving straight through due to it being late. WTF? Then why the hell didn’t he get a hotel BEFORE the date and spare me all the extra cleaning (I had told him that is what I had to do). Why did he need to come to my house? SMFH Driving my kids to their Dad’s house is annoying to me too. It’s way out of my way and costs a lot of gas money. His vehicle isn’t working and I feel like in some ways he is deliberately sabotaging things for me. He’s passive aggressive like that. He keeps making our lives more and more difficult and I think it’s a continuation of the emotional abuse that went on in our marriage.

So I’m not in the best mood but I got myself together and all fixed up and headed to the sports bar where we were meeting. It was packed and he was sitting just inside the door. He doesn’t look nearly as attractive face to face as he did in the pictures. He’s still a decent looking guy but there is just something I don’t like and can’t put a finger on it. I smell something that smells vaguely like, well…. shit, lol, but I don’t know where it is coming from because there are a lot of people there around him. I notice his teeth are a bit messed up in the front. Apparently he was careful to hide that in the pictures.

He hugs me and says that maybe we should just leave or go someplace else since it is so crowded. I sense that he is trying to get out of buying me a drink, which is a turn off too. I suggest maybe we should just sit at the bar and he agrees. We order our drinks and the guy cards us, so I whip out my ID (it cracks me up to get carded when I’m only 4 years away from 40 but whatever, lol, it happens every time I go out). However, he doesn’t have his ID and has to go back out to the car. He takes a long time and I start to wonder if I’ve been ditched but chat a bit with the bartender (who is a cute, kinda hot blonde guy). He apologizes for carding us but says he has to. I start to wonder about the guy I am with and how old he actually is. He does look kinda younger than I expected and I can’t remember what he told me before.

So finally the guy comes back and has his ID. I ask him how old he is and he states 26. Yeah, that is a little on the young side for me. I’ve never really been a cougar and my one experience with a 22 year old made me feel awkward even though he was handsome and nice and okay in bed. It just felt weird and I couldn’t do it again even though he wanted me to. Generally, I Iike men my age or older, though a few years younger is okay. My fuck buddy just turned 29.

I think I smell that smell again and I am almost sure it is coming from him. Gross. I’m starting to think I definitely don’t want to do this. However, we talk for a bit and he is nice. He is in college and majoring in Psychology, which is what I got my degree in. He works in a group home which I have also done in the past. He’s nice but I’m still not feeling the connection. Something about the look in his eyes, I just don’t feel it…and the smell. He’s not bad looking or anything, but not what I expected and while he looks muscular it’s not nearly so much as he seemed in the pictures. He’s very tall though and says 6 foot 3.

When the bartender asks if I want another drink I say no, thinking I don’t want him to have to pay too much since I am not really feeling him. He says come on have another one and tells the bartender to get me another Mojito anyway.

After our drinks he pays and we head outside. He asks if I want to head back to my place and I say I’m really not sure that I do. He says oh, you are nervous huh and says he will walk me to my car and we can talk a bit. So we are standing by my van and he keeps saying I must be nervous. He tries to kiss me and I kind of pull away. He keeps talking about how nervous I am and I tell him I’m just not feeling much chemistry and not sure I want to do this.

He keeps telling me it is because I am nervous and says I will change my mind once we get back to my house. I say I don’t know that I want to go back to my house and he says I am just nervous and we should sit and talk in my van for a bit. I reluctantly agree and he gets inside. He tries to kiss me again and yeah there is a faint smell of crap. Yuck! Did he step in dog poo or is he unwashed or what? Ewwwww…. I pull away and say I am not ready for this. So he starts trying to put his hand between my legs. I push him away and say I really just don’t know if I want to do this.

He starts asking me if I have ever brought a guy back to my house the first time we met from the site and I say no, which is true but I have done so from other sites. Still I don’t want to encourage him. So he goes on about how I am just nervous and will change my mind once we are in a different setting. I say I really don’t think I will so he launches into an argument about how this is the “perfect time” and we have “a great opportunity” to do this. I tell him repeatedly that I don’t feel the chemistry with him and also he is younger than I expected (I later looked at his profile again and it says he is 110). He keeps saying he thinks I am hiding something that I will end up telling him later. So when that doesn’t work I use the Professor as an excuse and say I am in a bit of an open relationship but I don’t want to hurt him too much by sleeping with just anyone unless I am really feeling the chemistry.

Over and over he keeps trying to convince me (by arguing, totally unsexy) that this is our opportunity and that if I don’t do it now I will regret it later and be texting him and wanting to meet again to feel the chemistry. He says he is not good at conveying chemistry till we get to the bedroom. I tell him again that I don’t feel it now and don’t think that will change and don’t want to go back to my house. He asks what it is about him that I don’t like and was like “you liked my pictures, didn’t you??” I said it’s not anything about his looks and that we had a nice conversation earlier but I’m just not feeling him. He kept demanding I be more specific as to why I didn’t like him. I wasn’t gonna say “you smell like dogshit” but also I didn’t feel it with him at all so kept focusing on that. He didn’t like my vague reasoning, but what was I supposed to say?

He starts to get a little angry and I tell him I feel too pressured. So he asks if it’s because I am afraid he is going to have a one night stand with me and never talk to me again. I say no. (Oh, Hell no, more like I am afraid he would become clingy, needy, annoying as hell and turn into a stalker like a couple of guys I have slept with once in the past). This went round and round and round with him trying to argue and me trying to get rid of him for OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF. A couple times he tried to kiss me again and tried to rub my clit over my pants. I pulled away and told him I just didn’t want to do this and that he was pressuring me and he said he wasn’t going to force me to do this but that it was a “perfect opportunity”. Sigh…guilt trip after guilt trip.

One of my children called me on the phone (thank God) and I said I need to go pick them up. He acted angry that I wasted all this time being “unsure” when we could have been doing other things and said he would like to meet me again on Sunday when he comes back through and maybe then I would feel the chemistry. He asked where we were going to go from here and whether I would want to talk to him again. I said “I wouldn’t waste your time” and he said “oh but it’s not a waste of my time at ALL, you are gorgeous”. Repeat about 5 times. No, I am not feeling it, DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME. I am sorry this isn’t going to work.

He acted like I was breaking up with him or something and looked like he was about ready to cry. I felt bad but I just didn’t want to have sex with him. He blamed me that he was too tired to drive through to the other city but he had known beforehand it was going to be late when he left. I said he still had plenty of time and he said no he had been planning to get a hotel and stay here because it was too long of a drive. He knew darn well I wasn’t gonna have him stay at my place because I was due to get my kids. At least he should have known that. No way a strange man is sleeping at my place with my kids there.

FINALLY, he gets out of the van, slams the door like he is angry and looks like he wants to cry. I feel bad but I just had NO DESIRE to sleep with the man. This is why I HATE going on dates with new people. You just don’t know for sure if you are going to like them and guys cannot take it when you say no. UGH, UGH, UGH!!! I wanted him to leave so badly but he just wasn’t accepting it. I don’t know how I could have been any more clear other than to say “GET THE FUCK OUT” which is not something I am comfortable saying. I am way too polite for that and hate to hurt people.

I thought the Professor would be glad I didn’t sleep with the guy but when I told him the short version of the story (that this guy had spent an hour and a half trying to argue me into sleeping with him) he was like “well, what do you expect, you met him on a sex site!!” I asked if he felt that meant I was obligated to have sex with him and he said no but that is what guys are going to think. Surely they have to understand that it may not work out in person just because you liked them online though!! How hard is that to comprehend? I did not make him drive to my city, he was supposedly coming through anyhow. I don’t like this kind of pressure at ALL and truth be known I am pretty darn picky. It makes me DREAD meeting new people in the future and possibly having to go through all this again.

Just because someone’s pictures look good does not mean in person they will be what you thought. I have come across that more than once and was bound and determined NOT to have sex with anyone I didn’t feel completely comfortable with and turned on by, from a sex site or anywhere else! How the hell would I be turned on enough to have sex after an hour of him trying to ARGUE with me and debate and convince anyway? He was NOT doing anything to make me excited to sleep with him. I definitely need a little bit of that from a guy to be attracted. I do feel bad that his time was wasted but I don’t owe him sex. I’m actually proud of myself for standing by my guns and saying NO despite all the pressure. I can’t believe the Professor didn’t get that. MEN. Sheesh….

Big black men… is it true?

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First of all, beware that this is a racially charged topic. I think it’s important to realize that ALL people, whether we are black, white, or whatever hold some stereotypes in our minds and sometimes there is a grain of truth behind them but that DOESN’T mean we can make blanket assumptions about EVERY person that belongs to that group. You just can’t, because even if a stereotype holds somewhat true there are always exceptions to the rule. I also hope we can discuss this like mature adults without insults towards any group of people. With that said, come on, let’s drop the worries about being politically correct too. If we can’t be open and discuss varying experiences then it actually BREEDS racism because being afraid to TALK about things from different viewpoints is what keeps folks in the dark and leaves them to their wild imaginations, reinforcing negative ideas, fear, and hatred of others.

Also, realize that although I am white myself I grew up in a home where I was the only all white kid and I am used to what might sometimes seem like wildly inappropriate jokes about “white people” and “black people”, lol. So forgive me if sometimes I seem like I’m doing the very thing I am preaching against! Haha… I’m not really a racist at all and in fact it is one of my pet peeves although some of the stuff I say in this blog might come across as otherwise to people who don’t understand where I am coming from.

Okay, done with the lecture, let’s get to the real topic at hand and the question everyone everywhere has been dying to know and hear about from a female who has had the opportunity to make some assessments, lol. 😉

DO BLACK MEN REALLY HAVE BIGGER DICKS???

The other day, at the last swinger party I attended with the Professor, we were standing in a room watching some people have sex when a typical country- boy white guy walked into the room and made a typically clueless statement and assumption about the Professor and the only other black man there. He was like “you guys are lucky because you have the big dicks” and started going on about how unfair it was that black men always have huge cocks. Of course this was said without having ever SEEN either of these men naked. How would he know that either one of them was sporting a huge package? He didn’t! But he thought he did because of all the “rumors” that this is true and due to who knows how much porn he has seen where black men with large penises are fetishized.

Now besides porn, there is the added practice in the swinger community of bringing black men in to have sex with white couples in a fantasy/fetish way that honestly creeps me the fuck out because it comes across as flat out racist. They call the guys “bulls” and “studs” and even have these parties that I have heard referred to as “mandingo” parties where they bring in black men to have sex with guys wives in order to feed into cuckhold fantasies and fetishes. Now, I’m not one to judge people for their fantasies, I just find it disturbing because the focus seems to be on the skin color of the participants and because of the attitudes of some of these white couples that any random black guy with a big cock will do.

It bothers me very much when I think of these men being objectified like that. However, they obviously don’t mind or they wouldn’t be doing it! And of course they get lots of sex out of the deal and what man doesn’t like that? So it is easy to see why the practice continues and not too many people are complaining. I mean, this is an activity where consenting adults are agreeing to do something so that is really their business. I once recently even saw a swinger party advertised as a “BBC Party” in a nearby city, and it was taking place in a predominately black area. Having a big, black, cock is definitely sort of a “novelty” thing for some.

I have had the opportunity to talk to a few guys who have been involved in this sort of exchange and it is interesting to say the least. Sometimes they seem to get off on the idea too, of course, though some guys, like the Professor, seem to find it odd as well and feel a little uncomfortable with it but go right ahead and fuck the women anyway. He has said he’s not really into the gangbang thing however.

I’ve known a few different black men that have told me white couples have actually PAID them to fuck the wife. One guy told me a man paid him to have sex with his fiancé while he watched and another guy mentioned having sex with a woman that he wasn’t very attracted to simply because her husband gave him $500 dollars. He said it wasn’t that bad and she wasn’t bad in bed even though she was kinda fat and ugly. Nice. I can see how this would be appealing to a lot of black men, especially those who aren’t doing well financially. I guess it’s sort of like women who have a sugar daddy, sometimes. These couples are taking them out on their boats and on vacations and giving them all kinds of privileges just to have sex with the wife. Again, they are doing this of their own choosing but it still seems exploitative.

So anyway, back to the question at hand. Do black guys REALLY have bigger cocks to begin with?? Or is this a myth? The Professor asked my opinion, kind of indirectly, after the conversation the other day at the swinger party. He was like “you’ve seen a lot”, which is true, though he doesn’t know my actual numbers. I gave him kind of a pat answer about it “not necessarily” being the case, though maybe on average they are a little bigger, which is true, but I didn’t want to delve into too much detail because I’m pretty sure he didn’t want to hear about other guys dicks that I have had sex with. I also thought it a conversation better not gone into over text because things can be misunderstood and misconstrued and he has shown some uneasiness at my past exploits before. SO, I focused more on being appreciative of his (rather well) endowment and you guys get to hear my thoughts on the matter instead! For now, lol, lucky you!! Maybe I will tell him more later if we are still talking.

I have personally slept with a lot more black men than white, so it’s not really a fair sample but I’ve done both. I’ve also ONCE had sex with an Asian guy, who was averagely endowed, maybe 6 inches, and a couple of Hispanic dudes who were both punching in at around 6.5-7. That’s all I’m gonna say about that because that’s really all I’ve seen, lol. I have also seen quite a few black and white penises that I haven’t ACTUALLY slept with, like guys I have given blow jobs to or a hand job at some point. Oh, and there was a guy that was a mix of Jamaican, Hawaiian, Japanese and white that I have messed with but we never had actual sex. Lucky him, he had it from all sides, lol, and I’d estimate him to be about 7.

Keep in mind though that I kind of suck at estimating things!! I may be hugely over or under estimating EVERYONE, who knows?? Once a girl and I who had slept with several of the SAME GUYS got into a discussion about dick size and one guy I thought was HUGE she thought was small. WTF? I was thinking he had like a 9 inch cock and she was like “are you kidding me?” I also thought he was GREAT in bed and he was my absolute favorite at the time, but she thought he sucked. Just goes to show how much sexual chemistry between two people matters and makes all the difference. If a woman thinks you are great in bed she probably also thinks you have THE BEST COCK EVER at the time! I know that is how I am anyway. Sometimes we even overestimate how big you are, like when we like you our emotions so color our view that it makes your cock grow in our head, lol. I also don’t consider myself a “size queen” because I am more interested in how he uses it than what he is sporting. It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean and all that. Still, my two current favorites in the sack both claim to be about 8 inches, and the Professor has commented that I “really like it deep”, so maybe I do like them kind of big. Hmmmm….

On that note, I will mention that I personally think there is such a thing as TOO BIG. The biggest guy I ever had sex with was 11 ¼ inches. HUGE, and I know his exact size only because OTHER guys were telling me that. They were all so jealous but they really needn’t be. He couldn’t even get it in all the way and it was awkward for him to maneuver and hurting me and the sex wasn’t all that good at all. I’d consider a cock that big something of a handicap, to be honest. He was biracial by the way, so no telling if he got that giant dick from the white side or the black, though I’m sure most in our society would assume the latter. I also slept with a guy once that had probably the shortest cock I have ever seen, maybe 4 inches, but it was so freaking wide I could barely get on it. It was like the width of a coke can, for real, and it made me tear and bleed and was so unpleasant that I never slept with him again. He was black.

Personal experience though, from a woman who has had sex with over 40 black men and at least 10 white guys and seen quite a few more, would say that on average the white guys ranged from maybe 5.5-8 inches and the black men were more like 6.5-9. So yes, slightly bigger. Still not a HUGE difference and really it correlates with the studies you will see on the subject.

When I was younger I had only heard the black men are bigger theory from black guys and I thought they were full of shit and just basically tooting their own horns. I didn’t believe there was any actual basis in fact. Even now, I have seen a couple of pretty big white guys so it does happen. I have also seen plenty of black guys that were in the 6-7 range and I’d even go so far as to say that is “most”. What kills me is that often black men who are a very nice sized will sometimes say they are “average” because there is this expectation that they are supposed to be HUGE. I also once had an encounter with a black guy that I couldn’t tell you whether or not was actual sex. It was dark and I was drunk and he put what felt like a finger inside of me and later claimed we had had sex to others. If we did then he had the smallest dick I’ve ever experienced and if that is the case I can only imagine how that might make him feel with all these high expectations.

Nowadays I hear a lot of white guys making the claim that “all black guys are huge”. I guess this is said out of jealousy to some extent but it’s also an unfair assumption to make. A lot of black men are just “normal” or maybe slightly bigger than average and there are even some out there that are on the small side. Not all white guys are average sized either, there are a few that are pretty darn big! That said I have been with a fair amount of black men that are in the 8-9 inch range. Maybe 15? I seem to be coming across it more lately and that probably has some to do with the fact that I have met guys off the swinger site (which attracts bigger black guys) and places like Craigslist where they are advertising that fact (like the married man I sleep with). Still my current fwb is pretty darn big too and I met him on OKCupid. It might appear that I am choosing guys based on their dick size, lol, or even on their skin color, but that’s honestly not it. I am attracted to certain traits like confidence and dominance and I think men with larger sized cocks seem to come by those more easily sometimes. It’s probably due to their self –perception, because men tie up their own worth into their cocks more so than I think women do. Also, my penchant for black men is really probably more a product of having grown up around more people of color than white folks and just feeling safer and more comfortable talking to them. It’s not a “fetish”.

Anyway, in conclusion, you can’t judge a cock by it’s cover. Don’t assume until you’ve seen him take off those pants that you know what he’s packing. I’ve also heard the myth that short guys have shorter dicks and that I can assure you is NOT the case. Most of the guys I have been with recently that are sporting 8-9 inches below the belt aren’t much taller than me (5’6”). There are all kinds of body shapes and cock sizes and I rarely meet a cock I don’t like ;). If I like the GUY I’m probably gonna fall in love with his cock too.

So don’t be so quick to stereotype. Yes there are probably more black men with bigger sized dicks than there are white guys overall, but that doesn’t speak to ALL. Yes, at the first swinger party where we had a six-some with two white couples the Professor was clearly bigger than both of the other guys but that again was an isolated case. I’m no mathematician but it’s probably SOMEWHAT more likely to be that way but, like everything else in life not a guarantee. The only thing I can guarantee you about black men is that they are all stubborn and bullheaded as hell if you get into an argument and you will never win. I’m kidding… 😉 Kind of…. (try and prove me wrong!! LMAO!!)

I’m a beautiful blogger!! :D

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Yay!!! I’ve been nominated for another blog award, or as Joe over at MyJadedParts, who submitted my blog for the award, calls it, a “chain” award, haha. That’s okay, because I love the attention and love that my blog is being recognized. So excited to pass on some more chain mail, lol.

Anyhoo, here are the rules, which are very similar to the rules of the Liebster award I received, only there are less questions to answer so I’m gonna make this one a little more sexual and be like Joe over there exposing my 7 “freaky” facts. 😉

1) Post a photo of the Beautiful Blogger Award in your blog post (isn’t it lovely?)

2) Thank the person who nominated me for the award and provide a link to their blog: Thank you Joe!! You are awesome, Rainbow Brite fetish and all….

3) Share 7 facts about myself: okay, here goes!!

7 Freaky Facts about the Lovergirl you love and thought you knew 😉

1. I lost my virginity at the tender age of 13, to a 15 year old guy that I was dating, in a hotel room. It wasn’t OUR hotel room though. We broke into it with a stolen key and had sex on the bed, next to someone else’s luggage, in the hopes that they wouldn’t return before we were finished. Yeah, I got started with a BANG, lol…. Figures.

2. My first anal sex I was also 13 and in a public sauna that was next to the swimming pool of that same hotel. The only difference is that I didn’t LIKE the anal sex so much. We had never heard of lube and he just kind of rammed it in and I got dizzy and lightheaded and almost threw up, which was very similar to my second anal experience and why I’m really just not an “anal girl”. I know, I know, BORING, but hey, it’s a personal preference and just not my thing. I’m not against trying it again, with the right guy, but I really don’t care for the way it feels. A guy at my first swinger party tried to stick it in there too (without asking, as has been my experiences thus far) and got about halfway before I pushed him away. It didn’t feel good to me at all.

3. I was sleeping with multiple guys at once before polyamory was cool. I’d even say some of the activities I got involved with were typical of an adult swingers party. However, we were not adults. I also had a regular rotation of guys that I slept with without ever having to plan anything. People were just calling and showing up to fuck all the time. That was a part of my underground lifestyle back in high school. A lot of people would never have known, but of course I did have a reputation among the ones that did.

4. I’ve had sex in a lot of crazy places. This includes public bathrooms, outside in the woods and on the lake, in parking lots, in cars while others were driving, in ditches on the side of the road, outside my grandmother’s bedroom window doggystyle in the snow with a big coat on, threesomes on picnic tables at the park, at a public swimming pool we had snuck into at night, in a hot tub whilst chatting with an old man, blow jobs on the roof of a junior high school (school was not in session though) and at the lake while the guy was floating on a raft and probably a lot more that I am not thinking of off the top of my head. Maybe the worst was in a public porta potty at the lake. Thankfully it was a fairly new one and not too smelly and also the guy made SURE I didn’t have to touch anything. He was standing up and holding me so I wouldn’t have to get any germs, lol. We just couldn’t wait until later!!

5. I held a lot of shame in my mind over some of my sexual escapades in the past, including things like a couple of gangbangs (technically trains ran on me) that as an adult I can see I wasn’t solely responsible for (some of the guys were older, there were a lot more of them than me and I was scared, intimidated and said no at first but was too afraid not to cooperate) and from being one of those girls you hear about in rap songs who was doing the whole damn crew but now that I am older and in a place where I can have more control over things and better self- esteem I am getting over it and realizing I am not a bad person for ENJOYING sexual activity with whoever I CHOOSE to have it with. I’m fascinated that there are women in the swinger community who fantasize about the sort of thing I was subject to at a young age but I don’t think it’s for me at all.

6. My sexual number is not as high as it might sound! It is over 50 but actually the vast majority of people I have slept with were regular, repeat customers (no I’ve never been paid for sex). I was married pretty young and for the first 11 years did not cheat so that took out a huge chunk of possible sex partner number rack up, lol.

7. I have some fantasies that are still left unfulfilled. Among them are wanting to experience things like being tied up and blindfolded. Someday! Not really wanting serious BDSM or anything, but just a little bit, lol. I have a bit of a Daddy fetish too and really, really want a REAL over the knee type spanking but haven’t gotten that yet either. 😉

Now for the 7 blogs that I recommend you check out!! There are so many and I want to bring attention to some of the ones I didn’t get last time. Anyway, here are some great ones that you should take a look at!

1. The Romantic Misogynist
2. The DAFT Diaries
3. FreeChick
4. Kdaddy23
5. sexuallifeofawife
6. Comingcleanaboutgettingdirty
7. yesmylifeisagongshow

When being open isn’t enough

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So remember the Professor? The guy I was in an “open” relationship with? The one I kept saying I liked so much because above all else he was HONEST and TRUSTWORTHY? Yeah, well, it turns out he’s a big, fat, LIAR. I am so disappointed, crushed and totally let down. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like I’ve ever met or been in a relationship with a guy in my life who DIDN’T turn out to be a big liar, but the fantasy that they are out there was a nice one.

Last night we went to another swinger party. This one was at a hotel. It was not a technical “hotel takeover” but there were something like 75-100 people at this place, in a tourist town that is not too far away from where we live. There were a bunch of rooms reserved at the back of the hotel specifically for the swinger party and a lot of people stayed the whole weekend and hung out socializing in the pool and lobby areas. Groups of people also were going out to bars and such in town, so not everyone was there at once.

The Professor and I didn’t sign up until Saturday, since we hadn’t gotten a response back from the Latino couple we have been emailing with for this weekend and the party was Plan B. That couple had made it pretty clear to me that they were interested in a FMF with me more than anything so I told them straight up that I was not ready for that and would be happy to meet them with the Professor but wasn’t interested in going at it alone at this point. He’s the one who told them about me, thinking we would swap as a COUPLE so I wasn’t going to just run off and sleep with them alone and exclude him, plus I just wasn’t really that interested. She had told me flat out she wasn’t really that bi and just wanted to do the whole thing FOR HIM. I’m not really that interested in giving this fantasy to some guy I have never even met. Anyhow, apparently that was all they needed to know because they stopped responding to messages after that.

So we decided to go to this hotel party and I was actually kind of excited. I was bound and determined for us to have a GOOD experience this time. I was in a good mood and ready to have fun. I spent the day beautifying myself, exercising, painting my nails, and checking out the swinger website, seeing who was signed up for the party and skimming over the profiles (well in between laundry, dishes, cleaning, paying bills and taking care of kids, but you don’t wanna hear about that). I got a zillion views and a few emails from people on there who saw I was signed up for the party but the Professor says he only got like 3 views. According to him that’s because I am listed as a single female and everyone wants that elusive “unicorn”. Probably true that they were hoping for me alone because I did get some asking me to have FMF threesomes.

During my profile skimming I noticed the Professor had been looking at mine and went over to his and was looking at his previous list of validations. He has quite a few. One of them that I looked at was a woman he has told me before that he has had sex with several times. She is part of a couple and older than me and lives near where the party was going to be. After checking out their profile I got an email that was from “her” saying that she understands the Professor wants a FMF and that she would love to have one with him and me. I laughed out loud and texted him to ask what that was all about. He said he is always up for a FMF but that he suspects her husband is the one who sent me that. I wasn’t opposed to the idea or anything because I had just told him recently that if I am going to have one I would feel much safer doing it with HIM than with another guy because I felt I could trust him to look out for my feelings and make sure I didn’t feel left out (my only experience in bed with a guy and one other female was when I was really young and didn’t turn out so great, leaving me feeling pretty bad). So I teased him a little about it and was like “hmmmm…..” and was actually seriously considering the possibility. He said she had texted him earlier and that they keep in contact but that she and her husband were not going to be at the party.

When I arrived at the Professor’s house he was fresh out of the shower and still in a towel. We kissed and I stood there talking to him as he was getting ready to go, playing and teasing him and just generally in a happy mood. He looked so hot rubbing lotion on his naked body.

He got us both something to eat on the way and we headed out of town for the party, arriving around 9pm. One of the hosts had texted me to say things were a bit slow due to different groups of people being at a piano bar and a pub. Still there were quite a few folks milling around the lobby when we arrived. The pool had some kids swimming in it so people were staying out of there until it cleared out. Supposedly it was reserved for the party but families had shown up anyway and no one told them to get out of the pool. We’d already been warned that we had to be careful and be on good public behavior except for inside the rooms.

So in the lobby there were a lot of people talking and drinking. Most of them were in their 40’s or 50’s and I looked to be the youngest person there. I get told frequently that I look younger than I am so it seemed like an even bigger age difference than it probably actually was. In fact the night before a 20 something guy working the register at the grocery store had acted totally shocked when I said I had a 13 year old. He couldn’t believe I was old enough to have a child that age and when I told him my actual age he was like “NO WAY!!!” haha. I seriously should start telling guys I am 29 because I’d totally pass for it.

Anyhow, I was younger and thinner and more attractive than pretty much anyone there. I know that sounds conceited, and I don’t intend for it to be, just an honest assessment. Of course this meant I got a lot of attention! There were several men flirting with me. One in particular seems almost obsessed, lol. This guy looks like Burt Reynolds, haha. He’s really nice, and actually not bad for an older man (he’s like in his 50’s) but his wife clearly doesn’t like me. She’s the same woman who made a catty comment towards me at the last party about how “oh, you are MUCH prettier than he SAID you were” regarding the Professor. So that made me feel a little awkward.

There was another married guy that I had seen at the last party having sex with his wife on a mattress. She is the one who had invited the Professor to join but not me. In any case, he was fairly attractive and flirting with me a lot too. He kept telling me how badly he wants to go down on me. He was standing there talking with me and another single girl who was waiting for her boyfriend to arrive and also the professor.

Meanwhile he starts asking me if I have seen this boyfriend and says he is a HUGE black guy that has a dick “this thick” and makes a big circle with his hand. I have no clue who he is talking about so he was trying to look up the screen name. The Professor didn’t seem to like this at all and I sense he’s not liking the idea of me hooking up with another well- endowed black guy, lol.

So I step aside and am talking to this other single woman while the guys chat. She had brought me a couple of margaritas to drink and seemed pretty nice. The Professor seemed to know her somehow but she tells me that she just signed up on the swinger site a few months ago and has only been to a couple of parties. This doesn’t register right because there was some conversation between them that made it sound like they had been at a party together and as far as I know he has only been to them with ME since July, other than once when he was a few hours away.

I am wondering and ask her when she met the Professor. She says just a couple weeks ago at the Christmas party. My heart sank down to my knees. Christmas party? He and I had talked about the Christmas party but he said he wasn’t going to go. The night of he’d claimed he was hanging out with some guy friends watching a football game. I’d been kind of upset that he didn’t want to see me but didn’t want to tell him what to do. I started to feel sick. I’m looking at this woman and trying to be nice and have a conversation but I could hardly hold it up.

She stepped aside to talk to someone else and I turned to the Professor. “I didn’t know you went to the Christmas party”. “What Christmas party?” he retorted and I looked at him dead in the eye and replied “the one where she said she met you, just a couple of weeks ago”. He started making excuses and saying “oh, I just stopped by there for a little bit” and “I just needed some time alone to socialize”. You don’t go to a SWINGER party just to socialize, dipshit. I am not an idiot. Ugh.

He kept saying stuff like how he didn’t play with anyone and it was just because he needs some time to himself sometimes and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I didn’t even respond to all this bullshit. The point isn’t his reasoning, but that he LIED to me and that he is sneaking around doing stuff like going to swinger’s parties without telling me, when HE is the one who wanted an OPEN relationship where we were supposed to TELL each other everything. All I could think while he was talking is “this fool is trying to manipulate me”. None of it registered as anything worthwhile to talk about.

He had pulled me aside from the party and kept trying to get me to “talk”. I told him I am not interested in talking and he asked me if I wanted him to take me home. I said I don’t care. You can take me home or we can go back and party. At this point all you have really shown me is that you are no different than any other guy out there. He kept pulling me back and not letting me return to the party and it was really starting to grate on me. I felt numb and didn’t want to discuss things any further.

So we headed back into the party. Lots of people were talking to us and a whole bevy of men were trying to flirt with me, none of whom I was really that attracted to but I was being friendly. So was the Professor, but not near as much as usual. Mr. Burt Reynolds look alike came up and was rubbing his hard on against me and sliding his hands around my waist and slid them up to my boobs. The Professor, who was a few feet away talking to another guy, told him to stop and that was carrying things too far. So he drops his hands down and whispers that the Professor thinks he is being too aggressive with me and is that ok? I said I don’t care but he went back to just staring and complimenting.

The Other Black Guy showed up and he was indeed, quite huge, lol. This guy is 6 foot 6 and built like a linebacker. He was very dark skinned and had an accent that was obviously not American. He seemed kinda shy but took an immediate liking to me and kept giving me the eye. He was cute, though not necessarily my “type”. He and the girl he was with pulled me aside later and asked if the Professor and I would like to go up to their room with them. At that time another whole group of people, including the Burt Reynolds guy had also invited us back to their bedroom. Another guy and his wife were trying as well.

There were all these people trying to get us to sleep with them so the Professor pulled me aside and asked what I wanted to do. I said I didn’t care, I’d do whatever. He didn’t like my answer and said that’s not true that I am normally picky and he doesn’t believe that. I said, well, not tonight. Tonight I do not care which people we sleep with. I was feeling numb. I honestly just didn’t give a fuck. He wasn’t accepting my answer and complained that I hadn’t kissed him all night long. I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t really feel like kissing him after finding out he’s been dishonest with me.

He kept insisting I talk with him and was getting resentful of people’s interruptions of our conversation so he took me up near the main desk of the hotel and we sat on the couch. I said, okay let’s just go to the room where there are gonna be a bunch of people and see what happens. He was like “you know you can’t go in there without every guy there trying to fuck you right?” I said that’s okay, I don’t care. He said yes you do and I was like NO I don’t. Isn’t this what you want? For me to go along with whatever? He said he didn’t like it because I normally don’t act like that and I still hadn’t kissed him.

So finally we go back down and by that time (because he had kept me up there so long) half the people were gone. So we go out on the balcony and ask some people where the rooms are. Mr. Burt Reynolds is out there and comes up and holds my hands and starts to drag me away. He pulls me over near his wife who is acting grouchy and smoking a cigarette and tells us we don’t need to be standing there watching her smoke and to go back inside.

He takes me back over to the Professor, who is waiting kind of impatiently and takes me with him back to the hotel rooms. We walk into the room (227) where people are supposed to be. A woman is lying on the bed and her husband is fucking her. No one else is there. He gets up and I can see he’s got some sort of cock ring on. She asks for a drink and then I realize she is tied to the bed.

Now this is the fairly good looking guy who I had seen fucking his wife on a mattress at the last party and she had asked the Professor to join in but he declined. He’s the one who has been asking to go down on me. He starts making comments to that effect and asking me to come sit on the bed. The Professor tells him not to push me. He says he wasn’t meaning it that way and the Professor tells him he doesn’t like to push women into anything. Meanwhile he’s holding onto me with his arms around my waist and his hands interlocked with mine, so I couldn’t go sit on the bed if I wanted to. He’s telling them I am shy but I think it’s really him who wants me to himself. He had told me earlier that this guy was bi and I think it was meant to deter me from wanting to sleep with him. I had said I guess it doesn’t really matter as long as he’s wearing a condom.

At this point the wife has moved to the other bed and pulled a dress over her head but has no panties on, everything showing and a boob hanging out. She’s a little on the heavy side and the Professor had told me before she was a little bigger than what he likes in bed. She’s texting on her phone and playing around. She tells me I should fuck her husband and let him go down on me, that he’s really good at it. He comes and whispers in my ear that he will be really disappointed if he doesn’t get the chance.

In comes another woman and a couple of men. This woman had just been fucking a couple earlier that her husband told us he wasn’t interested in. He said they were mad at him for not joining in but he just wasn’t attracted to them. He also says that Mr. Burt Reynolds and his wife are fighting. I hope it has nothing to do with me.

So his wife gets on the bed and starts sucking the guy with a cock ring’s dick. He also has a couple of piercings on the head of his penis. People are discussing that and she is saying how she likes to say hello by sucking someone’s dick. The texting wife is talking about how sometimes her husband lasts for hours when he fucks people. She asks the other guys who they are and they claim they just walked in off the street and we are all laughing until they admit that was a joke and they are from the swinger site as well.

In walks the huge black man and his girlfriend. They come over and stand near us and he keeps looking over at me. The texting wife and the husband of the woman who is now on the bed fucking her husband get into a mock argument and then she starts sucking his dick. He made a comment about how that finally shut her up and she pulls back and tells him if he keeps talking like that his dick is gonna just be hanging there. They argue for a bit more and she starts sucking him again.

The Professor still has a pretty tight grip on me. The wife who had been texting but is now sucking a guys dick pulls away and yells that anyone whose dick or pussy is not out needs to get the hell out of her room. So the other woman (they work together and she is actually her boss) gets on the bed and is sucking another random guy off. The big black man is taking pictures with his cell phone but he stays clothed. I’m not liking the pushy vibe and don’t want to have sex with most of the men in the room though there are two “maybe’s” (the good looking husband of the first woman and the tall black man). The Professor takes me out of the room and says he thinks that woman is too bitchy.

We decide it’s time to leave the party and on the way out there is a group of people that we stop and talk to. One of them is the woman who doesn’t like me. She is kind of aggressively flirting with the Professor and standing by him and touching but he is holding onto my hands. We chat for a bit and then head out.

On the way home we talked a little about the party before I finally bring up the Christmas party thing again. He says everyone makes mistakes and keeps making excuses for his behavior and how he didn’t want to hurt me. I look out the window trying to blink away tears and don’t talk much at all. When we get closer I ask him to drop me off at my house and he reminds me that my vehicle is at his place. So when we arrive I get my stuff and get in and he is standing in the door asking me if I am just going to leave and I say yes. He looks like he wants to cry but I just head home, where I completely break down in tears before getting up to get ready for bed.

The next morning he texted and asked why I would stay at the party if I didn’t want to spend time with him. I didn’t answer. I set to writing this blog and he showed up at my door and knocked but I ignored him. He texted again saying he thought I was being unfair not letting him even talk to me. I explained that I didn’t want to talk because he hurt me and I can’t have an “open” relationship with someone who is gonna be dishonest. He said I actually seemed like I wanted to touch him again at the end of the party and then he felt like I got mad again and I explained that I was just numb and trying to gloss over my feelings until I could make it home to cry. He asks again for me to talk to him and to come by his house and I say I can’t because I am in my pj’s.

He says if I don’t come by then he will know that I never want to see him again. I text “well, I don’t so I’ll just tell you that flat out. I’ve lost trust in you and it will never work that way. The End.” He said “wow, so youre going to break up over text messaging, really?” and I said “break up what? According to you we were just fwb anyway”.

Finally he comes by my house again. I let him in and he talked to me and said basically all the same stuff. Excuses and justifications. I told him repeatedly there is no way I can have an open relationship without trust and this makes me question everything he tells me now and that just isn’t gonna work out. He still hasn’t given an actual APOLOGY, though he said “everyone makes mistakes” and that this let him know he needs to tell me stuff in the future (as if that hadn’t been established before). I ask if he told the married woman he was going to that party and he was like “why is that important?” which lets me know he did. That makes it even worse.

He tried to hug me a few times and wrapped his arms around me and just looked like he was about to cry and said he cares about me and that’s why he was trying to avoid hurting me. Then he walked away and said well, it’s up to you now. I let him go and didn’t say a word. Now he’s texting me again and it says “I’m gonna miss you :(”.

I don’t know. The truth is I really doubt my ability to trust him now. He let me down. He’s not the honest, truthful guy I thought I’d met and who would be open and real with me. I have feelings for him, am falling in love even, but I know without trust we can’t have anything, especially a swinging, poly type relationship because that takes a huge EXTRA amount of trust in a person. Yes I craved his touch when he was here and wanted to make up but I just don’t know if I can. Every time I start to think of him sexually my mind just stops and I feel pain instead of being turned on. Maybe we will make up eventually, but how can it ever be the same? I have no idea now if he’s been lying to me about other things, like how often he sees this married woman or anything else. It’s all the deception I thought could be avoided by being “open”. I’m crushed. 😦

The Power of a Penis

A man who is good in bed has so much power it’s scary. Alexyss Tylor is not kidding when she says “dick will make you wanna slap somebody”, LMAO! No, I’ve never slapped a guy during sex but yeah, never underestimate the power of good dick. It can and does make women act crazy sometimes.

Now men are frequently saying how much power pussy has on them so I guess it can work both ways, but I really think a man who knows what he is doing in bed is at much more of an advantage point than a woman could ever hope to be. For one, men are (usually) the dominant force in the bedroom and the woman becomes completely vulnerable and is at the mercy of whatever he wants to do to her. At least that is the power dynamic I am speaking of. I realize there are dominant women out there but I am definitely not one of them and am very naturally submissive in bed and love a dominant man, so that is the position I understand these things from. I’m not even talking from a BDSM perspective because I don’t have much experience with that, but I’d imagine the feelings in that case would be AMPLIFIED.

I’ve been thinking about these things after sex last night with the Professor. He is SO FREAKING GOOD in bed that it scares me. Just seeing the complete change in myself, my feelings and emotions and demeanor after sleeping with him makes me afraid because I know I am giving up control.

It’s not that he is a bad person to give that to. I think actually, that he is a really good man. Every time I’ve worried that he has been dishonest I’ve been proved to be WRONG. He’s been honest to a fault and I know it’s me and my trust issues that are more of a problem than anything with him. Of course he’s human and has his own issues but as far as being trustworthy, I think he is. I’m just not very experienced in the realm of trusting anyone for anything, really. It’s something I really have to work at learning to do but at the same time I’m wondering if I should do that or if it’s even wise to let down your guard that way because the truth usually is that people end up getting hurt when they do.

Also, there is the issue of him being emotionally involved with another woman. I don’t know to what extent but I know she is in love with HIM and he claims not to compare or pick favorites. That, to me, is a reason to try and hold back because I’m afraid of being all in love with someone that I know is seeing someone else and all the feelings that brings and what I have to deal with emotionally when he is with her. I don’t have the security of him just being into ME so I don’t really want to hand over my whole heart.

Let’s be real. I’m at the point where almost any sexual interaction of him with another female is going to stress me out. I can logically handle it but not so much emotionally. I don’t think it would be quite so much a problem in a swinging situation where we are all in the same room but separately or where I know or think there is an emotional connection, yeah, that is just plain hard.

I’m sure a lot of people are wondering why the Hell I would continue to agree to an open relationship then. The truth is though that I feel better KNOWING that it is open and knowing he will let me know, than WONDERING if he is out doing things behind my back, which is so often the case in a regular, monogamous relationship. I feel better when I can get honesty and reassurance afterwards than when I have to deal with suspicion and denial.

I LIKE HIM enough to have a monogamous relationship. If I were having sex with him a little more often I think I could go for a long, long time without seeing anyone else, if he were too. Still, I have enough foresight to know that those feelings wouldn’t last forever and that eventually one or both of us would get bored and want to feel excitement with another person. I also enjoy the thrill of trying new things and people so swinging occasionally is fun. It’s more fun though if I know I’m his absolute favorite person and that is what I want to be because at this point, he is mine. Right now there is still uncertainty in the other direction.

So anyway, back to last night. We have been emailing for a while with this Latino couple that we may hook up with sometime. Actually, they had been in contact with HIM for a long time but he said she never showed any real interest in him and they never met up. According to him, it’s only when he brought ME into the equation that they had more motivation to want to get together.

She is one of these “hotwives” that sleeps with lots of well –endowed, black men. I’ve seen pictures of her doing so. The professor fits the bill in that he is, in fact, a well- endowed, black, man, lol but I think there are things about him that maybe don’t fit the fantasy for some women in that regard. He’s more like the male version of a nerdy librarian (that is freaking sexy with his clothes off) than the stereotype of this big, buff, powerful black man that is going to come and do whatever to her. He IS very dominant in the bedroom but he’s also very much a “nice guy”. He’s not really intimidating and I think that is part of the fantasy for some people. I don’t know because I don’t totally “get” that fetish and think it objectifies black men too much and it creeps me out a bit in that regard (even though I am white and have slept with plenty of black guys, I just don’t look at it the same way I guess. Hell, I could write a whole nother blog post about how I feel about that, maybe someday).

The male half of the Latino couple says his wife has gotten hers but he hasn’t gotten his. So after the Professor told them about me they wanted to meet with me ALONE for a FMF threesome. I said I didn’t feel comfortable with that just yet. I know the Professor wouldn’t have appreciated it, since he’s the one that mentioned bringing me along for the fun and he thanked me for not wanting to exclude him. I don’t know if they have swapped with other COUPLES but the Professor thinks they have.

Anyhow, we talked about meeting up for drinks last night but I was the only one who would have to leave early, due to needing to pick up my kids. They couldn’t meet until after 8:00 and I had to leave by 8:30 so it wasn’t gonna work out. The Professor said that he still wanted to see me alone and that is what he had just assumed we would do and that sounded great. Then the Latino husband sends me this email saying his WIFE wants to know if I am going to meet up with the Professor alone. I said yes and he sends back a sad face.

I wondered what that was about and why she wanted to know. Was she going to try and meet up with him anyway if I wasn’t? Then it started to just rub me the wrong way and I was feeling confused. The husband had told me before that she still wanted to meet up with him separately, but that was before they tried to meet with ME alone and I said no.

So THEN the Professor texts me and “jokes” that maybe they can just come WATCH us have sex instead. I was like WTF? How are they gonna have time to watch if they don’t have time to get together for drinks? It started to really upset me and I figured he must be plotting to have them come over right before I leave (since they couldn’t come till after 8 and I had to leave at 8:30 and he had been told that) so that he could sleep with her after I left. Yeah, it was some insecurity and paranoia on my part.

Long story short, I got upset and gave him some drama about it. At first he was like I don’t even know what you are talking about and then he just started ignoring me and wouldn’t respond so I got MORE upset. Looking back I can see I was being irrational but at the time not so much because I was all in my feelings. He only responded to me to tell me he was too “pissed off” to meet up with me and that was not what I wanted to hear and just made it worse because I thought he might be saying that just so he could meet up with her and have an excuse to blow me off.

So, it wasn’t an extreme amount of drama really, considering, but I did send a handful of angry, emotional, insecure sounding, texts. He later said he ignored me because he knew arguing with me or explaining anything at that point was not going to help, and of course he is probably right. He says he was pissed at my lack of trust for him because he thinks he has shown me that he is good and a trustworthy person and again he is right. Trusting a man is a real challenge for me, even when I logically know it’s probably okay. He said he wasn’t going to put up with that and I said then maybe I am not a good person for you to be involved with, but he said that’s not what he meant.

We ended up having that conversation on the phone, both of us calmed down and I came over to his house. He gave me some of his Chinese food he had gone out to get and I was able to stay out later than expected so we sat and talked for a while, then had some really hot sex, which is what prompted me to write this blog.

THE SEX. OH MY GOD. He is wayyyyy too good in bed!! The emotional affect it has on me is incredible too. He’s very loving in the bedroom and very affectionate but also very dominant and in control of everything and knows exactly how to tease and push all my buttons and make me feel like I have no choice but to give him complete control. It turns me on, MASSIVELY, but when I’m back in my head I’m scared by the power of it all.

The fear comes from the knowledge that someone can have that huge of an effect on me and controlling my emotional state and making me vulnerable in that way. In bed I have NO CHOICE but to trust him because he is bigger and stronger and putting me in vulnerable positions and pinning me down and making me cum for him over and over and over again. I’m so far deep into a sex trance it’s like I’m hypnotized. At that point I would do ANYTHING he wanted.

I kept looking up at his face and the way he was smiling, the look in his eyes, you can tell he really gets off on knowing what he is doing to me. He does all sorts of things with his cock and like Alexyss mentions in one of her videos, he puts it ALL THE WAY in and holds it there for a bit until he can see I am uncomfortable and he just really knows what the hell he is doing. Yeah, it’s scary, LMAO. 😉

After sex he is perfect too. He’s very, very, affectionate and holds me and cuddles and kisses and makes me feel very happy and satisfied…and loved, whether he feels that or not. I am at that point, completely docile and affectionate and submissive to him. I just love laying there and stroking his chest and face and kissing him and listening to him talk with my head on his shoulder, all safe and warm and fuzzy. I’m still, halfway through the next day, on a high from that experience, and all lovey- dovey feeling. I love it!!! But at the same time…..gotta watch out for that PENIS POWER! LMAO 😉