What not to accidentally text to your ex- husband (Gah, I am such a freaking airhead sometimes, I swear!!). “You make me feel so good”. LMAO I texted right after and was like “oops, wrong person”.

Yeeaaahhh… Of COURSE it was the wrong person. I never, in a million years, would have texted those words to the ex- husband. He never bothered to even TRY to make me feel good in bed. His excuse, when we were divorcing and that fact came out in anger, was that I had supposedly told him, once upon a time, somewhere back when we were dating, that I didn’t “have” to have an orgasm to be happy in bed. So he extrapolated that to mean that I didn’t WANT an orgasm, ever.

For 13 years I supposedly had no desire for an orgasm. Say what?? Nevermind that I had TRIED and asked him questions like why he wasn’t interested in giving me oral sex and he said that was what lesbians do and straight women wouldn’t be interested. Thanks. Thanks for shaming me for wanting basic sexual pleasure. I told him I didn’t understand why women’s bodies would be created the way they are, where it feels good to have sexual stimulation on the outside if we weren’t supposed to have any and he said maybe that was part of “the curse”. You know, the curse on Eve after eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden? Yes, he actually said that.

To be fair he didn’t want me to go down on him either because he felt oral sex was “wrong” in the eyes of God since it’s not used to procreate. Once upon a time though, when we were dating and before he “rededicated” his life to Christ, I gave him a blow job that resulted in him cumming in my mouth and me swallowing it. I remember it clearly because it was the first time I had really willingly swallowed someone’s cum and I gagged a bit because it was thick like Tapioca pudding. (I’ve since read that can happen when a guy doesn’t cum often enough, don’t know if that was the case or what). Anyway, he got all upset about it afterwards, even though I wasn’t at all and said he “felt bad” for doing so. Poor guy really did have a lot of hang ups about sex.

He also felt that masturbation was bad. We got into arguments about this because I felt it was natural and fine to touch your own body. He said he didn’t and was especially opposed to women doing so and it was even worse if you used a toy. Still, he was the one with the “porn problem” where he snuck off to some porn booths to supposedly masturbate. Now that I know those booths sometimes contain glory holes and people have sex in there I’m not so sure. Who knows what he was doing? Sex with men? I honestly wouldn’t be that surprised, because he had virtually no interest whatsoever in ME.

So I survived my marriage without these releases. Okay, not without masturbation. I never bought a toy but I know how to make do. I’m crafty like that 😉 Ha. Thank God for shower massagers and well, I won’t mention my other improvisations, but hey, they worked. I never have gotten the hang of getting myself off without some sort of aid but that’s okay because I’m like MacGuyver if I have to be.

Like it or not my body DOES need orgasms!! People give all this lip service to men having “blue balls” and NEEDING to get off every now and then but I firmly believe women do too! Heck I know I do! I know how it feels to have all sorts of sexual energy that really NEEDS a release. Perhaps I masturbate a little too often (sometimes a couple times a day) especially now that I have both a fun toy AND a shower massager, but hey, it feels GOOD so if I can find a few minutes to do so, why not? Just wish sometimes that it didn’t take me so dang long to get off, lol, or I’d do it more often.

Anyhow, the text was MEANT to be sent to the Professor, who, as usual, was AWESOME in bed tonight!! 🙂 I just love the sex with him so much. Its ultra- intimate and just hot, hot, hot!! One of these days I’m gonna learn to be more quiet though, sheesh, his poor neighbors. Thankfully the windows in the apartment above him looked dark when I was leaving and I don’t think anyone was home.

One of the positions we did tonight is something I don’t recall ever doing before. He had me lying on my back with my knees up against my chest, only he wasn’t laying on me missionary style like a guy usually would be when you are like that. He was sideways, and like almost doing push-ups. Ha, I guess guys have to be pretty athletic for some of the stuff they do in bed sometimes, glad it’s not me that is doing all that work, but I loved it and he seemed to enjoy it too. He was some of the time going side to side, like guys sometimes do when they are in Missionary, but instead, because of his position, it was up and down. I hope that makes sense. Anyhow it felt incredible.

Mmmmm…. I totally want to go crawl into bed and masturbate thinking about it now. It was only a couple hours ago that I left his place but I just love playing with myself afterwards and getting all lost in the thoughts of how good it felt. It’s funny because guys, and the Professor, often seem to think it’s an INSULT for you to admit to masturbating after having great sex with them. “What? You weren’t satisfied?” he will ask. So I don’t mention it anymore, lol, because that’s not the case at ALL. Being totally satisfied sometimes just makes me want to relive it. Sure there are times I masturbated after unsatisfactory sex too (like with the ex) but in those cases it was just to get off at all.

Actually, I masturbated earlier today, twice. Once in the shower and right after that with my toy. I guess I’m just a total horn dog, lol. What can I say? I’m not ovulating either. In fact I had light spotting this morning that indicates my period is gonna start up early. Makes sense since I’ve been an emotional wreck the past couple of days and crying a lot. I feel a lot better now though, after seeing the Professor. Sex is a good cure all. 😉

Speaking of sex and cures, the Professor does NOT have prostate cancer (yay!!!) but he does have an inflamed prostate and they don’t know why. He still has some pain and they’ve got him on a special sort of antibiotic that he’s been taking for over a month now. It causes him to be tired and have some not so great side effects, like joint pain, so hopefully he will be over with it soon and the swelling will have been reduced. I guess they just don’t know what causes that but guys get it sometimes. I was reading up a bit about it though and besides things like warm baths they suggest cumming a lot as a remedy, lol. I routinely tease him about this and tell him that’s the prescription from Dr. Lovergirl. 😉 However, I’m glad that’s not what I accidentally texted to the ex!! OMG. Facepalm!! lol

19 thoughts on “Ooops!

  1. Ahhh! Loved this post! I TOTALLY jerk off after I’ve had amazing sex with a guy! For example, this weekend I had a naughty weekend away, filled with sex and the second I got home, I rushed to my bed, grabbed my favorite toy and let my memory run wild! All the way home on the train all I could think about was the things we had done in bed! I could feel myself dampening!

    Thankfully, One Ball loves it when I touch myself and actively encourages it during sex so that he can learn all about what I like. Being with him is invigorating – he’s so different to every other guy I’ve ever slept with. I have had guys that think similar to your ex however – The Big Love was so against me masturbating at the beginning of our relationship, but he had to get used to it as we went on, seeing as he kept refusing to have sex with me. I guess different men have different views eh? I know this much though – I couldn’t be with a man that didn’t agree with masturbating, oral sex, etc. It just wouldn’t work for me 🙂

    • LOL I’ve met more guys recently who are totally okay with my masturbating, lol and the Professor is generally very accepting and open about it, but I think it offends him when I do it right after sex. It makes him question whether I was satisfied but really that doesn’t have anything to do with it. He pretty much always leaves me happy and satisfied in bed and I STILL want to think about it and fully enjoy the feelings and memories.

  2. What a prick your ex-husband when it comes to sex, oral and making your orgasm. Those excuses were pretty fucking lame when he’d said that only Lesbians did those things (or whatever he said word for word).

    • I agree but I really think he believed those things. He didn’t understand a woman’s need for pleasure during sex and saw it as more something for the man, I guess. I found out while we were divorcing that he had been sexually abused as a child so that combined with a very uptight religious upbringing probably left him with a lot of confusion and misunderstandings about sex. Still it left ME very unhappy with the sexual relationship.

  3. Yes, masturbation IS necessary. And good. And I’m not saying that just because I did it twice 2 hours ago… 🙂
    And of course sex is for pleasure FOR BOTH. If a man cannot (or worse, doesn’t want) to give you the pleasure you want, move to the next one. There are no lasting relationships without good sex 🙂

  4. That position sounds interesting. I would love to try it, but cannot quite completely figure out how it is supposed to be by reading only. Can you find an illustration or something, maybe? I would like to try it 🙂

    • Hey, I’ve been trying, to no avail, to find a picture of that position!! I found one almost like it on but now I can’t get the site to load any more. It was called the acid spoon or something like that and they had it as a transitioning movement. It was slightly different though. I’ll try to describe it again.

      I was laying on my back, with my knees up to my chest and my feet kinda up in the air. He was laying across me, sideways, instead of facing me and was on top of me, kinda bending my legs more backwards and one hand of mine was across his thigh, right under his butt, lol. Like when I grabbed him I’d be grabbing his butt because that was what was laying across me. Does that make any sense at all? haha

      • Thank you! 🙂 Yeah I think I get the picture. I will send your description to my current fwb. I’m sure we can figure it out together 🙂

  5. At least you messaged him about that by accident. My now ex-girlfriend has a bad habit of texting me inappropriate comments. One day she hates me & plans on deleting me off the face of the planet (Facebook, Twitter, Blog following, etc,) and 2 days later I receive stuff like “I read your passionate blog & it turned me on.” or “My neighbors are having sex real loud & I bet you could make me moan even louder.”

    How am I supposed to react to that!? For me it is over & done with, I try being nice to her when she contacts me & stuff, but I have no intention of having sex with her again. And she has done this at least 3 times from since we’ve broken up. For my friends this situation is freaking hilarious and a bit scary.

    I enjoy being able to talk openly about sex & sexual habits, and I realize that there are certain types of people/friends that are able to do that. But damn, doesn’t it feel good to say that you got yourself off & to have somebody say “good for you, I should do that too”?

    • LOL Well, it sounds like she still has some interest in you and maybe you rocked her world in the bedroom so that part is hard to give up! Like she knows its done but is like damn, I miss the sex though! :p And getting yourself off, well, that is always fun and I don’t mind a little encouragement from time to time! Ha!

      • Yeah, she told me that I would be hard to replace when it came to sex. I just don’t think it’d be fair to her to use her body if I don’t feel that romantic connection anymore. It’s not that I don’t care about her, its just that I don’t care the same way and once I realized that I called it quits instead of dragging it on. I know that she isn’t over me, so I’m pretty sure that sleeping with her wouldn’t help her.

  6. P.S. I laughed my ass off at your message to your ex. “You make me feel so good” is equally horrifying & titillating if you didn’t mean to send it to him of all people.

    I once sent a naughty text/pic to a good friend by accident when I was with one of my past girlfriends. I had a touchscreen phone & her name came up right after my girlfriend’s & I swear that I had pressed the right name. She swears she never got my naughty business, but that she got my URGENT email sent minutes later telling her to ignore the previous message while apologizing profusely. And every so often she used to give me this devilish grin & say something like “You don’t text me anymore… I wish you would.” After she broke up with her long-time boyfriend she became really flirtatious with me & we casually dated for a minute. She was such an awesome chick.

    After that incident I triple check who I’m messaging before pressing SEND!

    • Yeah, he was totally NOT the person I wanted to send that to!! LMAO Soooo embarrassing! But oh well, I sent a hasty apology and then tried to pretend like it never happened. In your situation sounds like your accidental text actually worked out for good, lol. 😉

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