To bi or not to bi, is that the question?

Being bisexual is all the rage for the young women of today. There seems to be a lot of pressure on females to identify as “bi”. After all, kissing and making out with other girls is a well-known tactic for turning on MEN. It seems sometimes women will do ANYTHING to attract male attention, even going so far as to fake their sexual orientation. Why wouldn’t they though, when top on the wish list for most guys is a girlfriend who will indulge them in their fantasies of a threesome involving two women? I sometimes wonder what the world would look like if women pushed men in the same direction. Would guys be willing to go gay occasionally, just for the sake of turning on their girlfriends?

It makes you wonder, but I don’t think it’s even that simple. A lot of women, (and maybe men, though they aren’t as likely to talk about it) ARE turned on by the idea of same sex play. Many of us indulge in it at one time or another, even if we DON’T identify ourselves as “bisexual”. I fully admit I have toyed with this myself and I have a very strong inclination towards MEN, lol.

I could tell you that my first sexual experience with other females was recently, during a six-some with two other couples and the Professor and I, and that would be partly true. I jumped right into it, kissing, touching, and going down on two other women and one went down on me. One of those women did me with a strap on while everyone watched. At one point she and I were in a 69 with each other whilst the Professor was doing me from the back. I had no qualms about any of it and thought it was lots of fun. I would definitely do it again.

Still, I am really reluctant to claim the “bi” label. I just love cock too much, lol. I don’t see women walking down the street and think how much I want to fuck them. I can recognize beauty and sexiness but my feelings are platonic. I have no desire to be in a relationship with a woman outside of a friendship. Sex with another female is “just sex” and it’s missing what I really need to be fulfilled, both figuratively and literally. However I DID enjoy myself and would possibly even play with a woman by myself if I happened to be in the mood.

Actually, if I’m totally honest with you, my sexual exploration with other girls started long before that, even before I ever did anything with a guy. I can remember being as young as 8 or 9, spending the night at a friend’s house and she liked to play games that involved climbing on top of me naked. She would pretend to be a guy that had kidnapped and was going to rape me, sometimes even tying me up, taking off my panties and grinding on me to the point of orgasm, for both of us. Kind of kinky shit really, and it wasn’t just her, but with several other girls before I turned 12 or so and started to experience guys for real.

I know sex play and same sex play is normal for kids to engage in to some extent but mine probably went beyond that. I won’t get into all the details but it involved kissing and there were times it was pretty intense. Hell, we even had a sort of “orgy” once involving several girls. Still, I never felt particularly attracted to females as opposed to males and all of my crushes were on guys. Also, there were no mouths below the waist or fingering or anything like that. I never would have considered myself a lesbian.

Once, years later, I spent a day visiting a friend who went to the same high school as the girl mentioned above. She came up to say hi to me and I kind of shunned her because my friend said she’d come out as a lesbian and was telling people she knew me. I was afraid of being identified with her and have always felt guilty about treating her that way. The friend in question was really relieved that I didn’t embarrass HER by admitting to having been friends with this person. Sad how that works sometimes.

So moving on I basically put those experiences out of my head as soon as I discovered sex and relationships with the opposite sex. Sure I still had masturbatory fantasies that sometimes involved other females but I didn’t take it seriously and thought of it more as “just fantasy”. My friends and I would sometimes pretend to be gay to deflect drunken guys at parties (as if that really works!) but again that was simply a game in my mind. However, the only porn I really ever got into involved women having sex with each other. For some reason, that turned me on more than the male on female sex on the screen. I know I’m not the only woman like that.

Anyway, in recent years one of my sisters came out as a lesbian, which was kind of a shock since I’d never have expected it from her. She was in her late teens at the time and I predicted it would be a phase. Sure enough, after living with another female in a lesbian relationship for a couple of years she has now decided to have sex with men. She really wants a baby someday and I don’t think the lesbian thing was conducive to that dream! During that time another sister told me in secret that she considers herself bi. Then my mom told me about how she was considering a threesome with her (then) boyfriend and another woman. Sheesh. Just one coming out after another, lol.

Me though, as much as its thrown in my face on the swinger site and with all the couples that have propositioned me for sex, I just haven’t gone there other than with the Professor and those couples that one time. Honestly during that entire encounter, as fun as it was, I was REALLY looking forward to sex with the Professor at the end more than anything or anyone else. He’s just SOOOO hot in bed and I absolutely LOVE his cock, lol.

I’ll definitely never swing completely over to the other side. I’d say at this point I’m maybe 85% straight, with just that slight inclination to enjoy a dalliance here and there with another woman. Who knows though, maybe in the future I’ll surprise you. 😉

42 thoughts on “To bi or not to bi, is that the question?

  1. True, lol. It’s just that I lean so much more toward men than women. It seems a lot of women in the swinger community are more into it for the experiences with other women. Me, I’m sort of out on the fringe even there because I’m like a hotwife without a husband, lmao.

  2. Interesting post. I agree with most of it, but would still consider you bisexual. Bisexuality is hard to define precisely, but certainly liking to have sex with both sides IS bisexuality.

  3. Speaking of Bi, it’s so ironic how women can be so open as to her bi-ism, but men cannot. Women wear it as a badge of honor without an ounce of shame. But men are afraid to crawl out of the closet and claim bi. I’m definitely not bi [not in a zillion years]! But the double standard is crystal clear.

    • Yes, our culture is really unfair to men when it comes to bisexuality/homosexuality. That’s really the only area of sex that men have to put up with the downside of the double standard.

      • Lol yea really! It’s so ironic how men are extra macho and overt when it comes to anything sexual but being bi. I wouldn’t say it’s unfair. It’s just puzzling to me.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

  4. I get where you’re coming from in regards to labels. I can say that I am not attracted to men in the same way that I am by women, but during a MMF experience I have no problem doing to HIM what SHE is doing to me. But once the “F” in MMF is removed, I don’t really feel compelled to do anything sexually with the other “M”. I don’t freak out about the experience or anything, it’s something that I’ve come to understand time & time again, especially after this weeks oral threesome after a lunch date.

    P.S. I’m slowly getting caught up on your blog. 🙂

    • Sounds fun, lol. Yeah, I’d feel a little dishonest representing myself as “bi” because I don’t have a general interest in women but I’m not opposed to it either and it can be exciting, it’s just not the main course for me.

      P.S. Glad you enjoy my blog! 🙂

    • No. I really don’t think I could. I mean you can be surprised by stuff even about yourself I guess, but at this point that is far from the realm of my imagination. I don’t generally even think of women in a sexual way. It’s only when it’s in a group situation or I happen to see some porn of that variety or am just really horny or something, lol.

    • I have a lesbian friend who says that there are very few bisexual women. Most women who call themselves bi just really really like sex. I think that is you.

      I think you should test it. I think you should go have sex one-on-one with another woman and then blog about the experience. Please don’t leave out any details either, okay? — Great! Can’t wait to read all about it…

      • I agree with your friend and I’d even go so far as to say I don’t believe the vast majority of swinger women who list themselves as “bi” really are all that into women. They are fine with playing with them but it’s really more about reeling in females for their significant other! So I’m generally pretty leery when a woman part of a couple supposedly wants to play with me. It’s like, no, you just want your hubby to get that threesome and if I’m going to play with you there needs to be more in it for me than that.

      • Oh and maybe I should. I’m feeling kind of like all the men in the world are heartless right now so maybe it would be a good time to try and test out another female. If I do I will definitely write something, lol.

  5. Why people have so much angst about this is beyond me. Today, you don’t have to “be into” guys or gals to enjoy the sex; jeez, it ain’t like you’re gonna marry them or something! You need two things: One, for them to be into the same-sex action and, two, for them to say yes when you ask if you can sleep with them. I’ve been bisexual damn near all of my life and even my perspective has changed from the early days and to the point where I’d always say that I’m bisexual – that I love pussy should be implied – duh – but even I can see how bisexuality has ‘evolved’ from the emotional to purely the physical and how people who have done it continue to dance around the fact that if they like sucking dick or eating pussy they’re not bisexual or, again, they have to emphasize the dominant attraction… like that’s really all that important anymore.

    What is important, at least in my opinion, is that a person has the gumption to straddle the fence and honestly try having the best of both worlds where sex is concerned. They understand that any angst about it is all in their head… because their body really doesn’t care who’s making it feel good as long as it’s feeling good.

    The main course for anyone should be sex – period, plain and simple and whether you suck dick, eat pussy, get jubbed in the butt or however you like to do like this no longer has any real meaning as far as being masculine or feminine is concerned because, duh, being able to throw down like this DOES NOT EVER lessen you as a person.

    If it says anything, it says you aren’t putting any limits on your sexual pleasure…

    • Right. I am fine with getting sexual pleasure and giving it to either gender. I don’t generally view women in a sexual manner but if the situation is right then I’m happy to play.

      • Well, um, if the situation is deemed to be right, then you do, in a fashion, view women in a sexual manner. I’ve always felt that people get so screwed up about being bisexual because they think of it as either/or when, in fact, it’s both even if they’re just about the sex that can be had in this. And, really, whether you do view someone in a sexual manner or not isn’t the issue; for example, I don’t look at men and get all hot and bothered by them… but if a guy will let me have sex with him, I’m gonna be on him like a very bad habit.

        That “in the right situation” thing makes me laugh hysterically because people who don’t consider themselves to be bisexual don’t seem to get that even dyed in the wool bisexuals – like me – will not and do not just jump into bed with anyone who comes along so, yeah, these things are ALWAYS done ‘in the right situation’!

        If you throw down like this – and no matter how and when you do – all that really matters is that you have, you can, and you will do it when an opportunity presents itself and then you will do so without much in the way of hesitation. There is no shame in this because if this is how you feel, it’s how you feel and if someone wants to look at you as being weird or too freaky for their tastes, well, that’s THEIR problem, not yours because you’re not willing to put a price on your sexual pleasure like they are.

        Simple, right? It should be…

      • Yeah and because I am willing to have sex with a woman I guess that technically makes me “bi” but at the same time I don’t want to misrepresent myself as seeming like I view sex with men and women equally because I feel like I need a cock in me eventually, lol. I haven’t experienced sex with a female that was fully satisfying to me at this point anyway.

  6. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post. I am hoping to capture my feelings on the subject in my blog at some point. I feel a bit dishonest because I do label myself as “Bi” on my swinger’s profile.
    You pretty much summed up my feelings…I love cock too much to truly be bi. Also, I have no interest in dating females, crazy bitches (it’s hard enough putting up with myself). However, I feel like with the right woman I could be interested in one on one sex with a female, and have no issues with performing sexual favors on girlie parts. The thought of fucking a woman with a strap on is a total turn on for me, although women in general do not arouse me sexually. Go figure. Thanks for writing this!

    • See, I think the term “heteroflexible” is probably more accurate to describe us than “bi” but that’s not used as often. Still, I wonder if MOST people, if they just let down their hangups and realized you can really have sexual pleasure from almost anyone if you want to go there would define themselves that way. My first choice is men and I do want that masculine presence in my life (and cocks, lots of cocks….haha) but I’m a non discriminating kinda gal. If it seems fun in the moment, then why not? Or if it sounds good in fantasy, hey maybe give it a whirl.

      • Oh, my God… heteroflexble? I can’t stand that word! You do realize that someone coined this word so that they wouldn’t have to admit to any bisexual tendencies… because being seen as bisexual is a bad thing? I’ve spent years on the bisexual soapbox trying to get people to understand what being bisexual really means. It’s not about primary choices because, duh, if we’re not having bisexual sex, duh, of course our prime choice is pussy or dick! It’s not about frequency, that, “It’s not something I’d do all the time” because, duh, if you’re bisexual, you sure as hell ain’t gay (no offense to gay folks meant) so, hell no, you’re not doing it all the time, are you?

        It is, simply, a matter of if/when you can do it, you do it and have fun doing it. You (generally) liking to be with a woman at times doesn’t mean you have to do it with every woman you meet; it doesn’t mean you gotta have some long-running relationship with them unless, of course, that pussy is that good and all that and you really are feeling girlfriend like that; it doesn’t mean that you have to give up dick because it’s really your first love.

        What it does mean is that you have options and options that straight people do not have or will not take advantage of. It means that you have few qualms about indulging in sex from the other side of the fence if and when the opportunity presents itself and you do, indeed, want to do the nasty with them.

        It means you have taken responsibility for your sexual satisfaction and in ways that make other people nervous and peeing in their pants. I love pussy… but I also love sucking dick. I’m not heteroflexible, I am bisexual; using ‘heteroflexible’ in my opinion is a cop-out – it’s not calling a spade a spade in that sense because, yeah, there are bisexuals who are, for some reason, uncomfortable with being tagged as being bi so I do suppose that heteroflexible makes them sleep easier at night about their sexual habits… and does that really make sense?

        Sorry, ladies, I just kinda get riled up when it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, but people insist that it’s not a duck…

      • LOL Kdaddy. Like I commented on your blog, I don’t really have an issue so much with people thinking I’m bisexual. I’m more concerned about being one of these women who claims to be bi when really she isn’t all that attracted to women.

        There seems to be A LOT of that going on these days, especially in places like the swinger community. These women will put that they are bi on their profile but it’s really more of a reel to draw in females for their husband. She doesn’t really want ME but she will pretend to in order to get the experience for her significant other.

        So I have this reluctance to say I am bi because I really don’t do much lusting after women. I’m happy to play if the occasion strikes me and I’m not even one of the selfish ones who wants other women to go down on them but won’t return the favor. But as for randomly being attracted to females? Not so much.

        A lot of women nowadays want MEN to think they are bisexual because men love it. So they will put on an act but the other women involved can tell it is fake and this woman doesn’t really “want” them. I just dread the thought of being considered one of “those”.

        I don’t walk around thinking I want to get in women’s panties, lol. Yet to be honest I’m really the same way about men. Usually I don’t feel LUST for someone until I’ve either had sex with them and liked it a lot or somehow fallen in love mentally and emotionally first. I can appreciate beauty in either sex but it takes a little bit more to get me to lust. So even though I’m here thinking well, I don’t look at women like that, the truth is I mostly don’t at men either. Still, I can see a nice looking guy and enjoy the flirtation and get turned on. Never done that with a woman.

        So technically, yeah I am a little bit bi, but I’m not as far to the middle of the spectrum as some and I don’t want to make myself out to be something I’m not. Yet I will concede that a little bit bi, is still bi.

  7. Pingback: Why do I have to label my sexuality? | bettyhomebanger

  8. What someone else does or doesn’t do has nothing to do with whatever you do in this or whatever reason you have for it. Being bisexual is about being unique in your bisexuality – you make it into whatever form makes YOU happy. If others want to judge you about this, I say fuck them in the ass with a long-handled broom, encrusted with rusty razor blades and no grease; it ain’t about them and as far as swingers go, they get two brooms in their hypocritical asses as far as I’m concerned.

    It kinda doesn’t matter if you lust after the fact; it’s kinda odd but I think I kinda understand why; you want to be wowed first and if someone can wow you, then the lust is on full blast. Being bisexual ain’t about frequency; you do it if and/or when the opportunity presents itself and then if you’re of a mind to.

    How you handle your sexuality is entirely up to you; all I’m saying – and based on my 48 years of experience being a bisexual – is to just be honest with yourself about it. Anything else is just nit-picking and that really serves no purpose when you’re trying to understand this about yourself. I might not do all the stuff other bi guys do – but I don’t lie to myself about what I do and, as you’ve seen, I don’t lie to others about it because this, too, serves no purpose other than to bullshit myself about something I know in my heart is the truth: I am bisexual.

    Let me hear you quack, honey…

      • Sorry Kdaddy but I have to agree with the ladies. It’s all about labels. I guess you would consider me as bi, and I’m okay with that. I’ve had a guy suck my cock as part of sex with a couple, and I’ve done the same a couple times as part of where the play turned. At the last gangbang I attended, I was pounding one of the ladies and felt a nice tongue rimming my ass. I didn’t freak when I finally turned around to see it was a guy. It felt good. However, I don’t look at men as attractive, and I have no desire for kissing or penetration with a man. Therefore, I don’t consider myself as truly bi. Mainly because how others use the label. If I put on my swingers profile that I were bi, a lot of couples would avoid me as they would think I like men. I don’t like men and I don’t want to be labeled as such. I can admit to my play and would probably be okay if someone like you says I’m bi, but I won’t use the term often because I think others misinterpret the term and use it as a label that isn’t accurate. I love women only and want to be thought of as loving women.

  9. Oh, and Darren? Who says you have to like men in order to have the sex? Hmm? See, that’s why people freak out over the word because they assume that in order to be bi, you have to like men. I’m as bi as it gets… and I don’t like men.

    • Kdaddy, I guess we’re all in violent agreement as sexually open individuals. Just wish everyone else felt the same.

      • Yeah, more understanding would be nice… But the way I see it, even if we agree to disagree, we’re still building that understanding, right?

  10. Pingback: Bisexuality: 13 Types – Which Type Are You? | lifeofalovergirl

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