The sex life of a lovergirl

Do I really want to identify myself as someone who practices “polyamory”? Whenever I see or hear the term my mind is filled with images of middle aged, overgrown, hippies, hugging and getting all touchy feely with one another. Or Mormons. Lots of Mormons. With lots of wives….and kids. Oh wait, that’s polygamy. Nevertheless they are mixed in somehow in my mind, frolicking along with all the other sexually deviant individuals who consider themselves enlightened.

I guess technically I do have several relationships going, but it’s kind of like the “BDSM” movement in that it feels sort of like a special club or maybe a cult, where you have to follow a certain set of rules in order to be “different” from society. I realize most who are involved don’t see it that way at all but despite being rather submissive in the bedroom myself and taking part in what might be seen as mild “BDSM” activities and carrying on multiple relationships at once I still feel like I don’t quite fit in. Heck, I feel like a bit of an outsider to the swinger community as well, despite having attended a couple of parties recently. I just don’t really fit the mold. I’m kind of my own brand of sexual deviance. Heh 😉

In any case, the poly, BDSM, swinger folks reading this probably want to set me straight right about now, lol. Please don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against any of you all and think it’s all very interesting, and I’m still learning a lot, I just am kind of content to be my own person and to forge my own way, not labeling myself as anything just yet, even if some of my activities fall under those categories. I don’t identify as bisexual either, even though I’ve had sexual experiences with other women and have absolutely no problems doing it again. Hmmm…maybe I’m just in denial, haha.

ANYWAY, I bet you are wanting to know what the hell I do then, huh? I’ll give you the rundown on my current relationships. Right now, there are about 5 “active” men in my life, not counting various friends and possible future lovers that I have never had sex with. Two of them I haven’t seen for months, but am hoping to reconnect with physically soon and we keep in touch. They are both a few hours drive away.

The Players:

Guy #1- the Love of My Life and I have been involved for almost 5 years now. Actually our first couple of sexual encounters were way back when we were teenagers. I met him on my very first day of high school and we have had a special connection ever since. We weren’t in love back then though and our relationship has seen a lot of different phases. Above all, we are friends and there is nothing like having him in my life. We’ve been very emotionally involved, more so even than sexually, though we do love to sleep together!! It’s been a bit of a roller coaster of ups and downs with us and right now we don’t talk as much as we used to but when we do we say I love you and all of that deep stuff. Haven’t seen each other for a long time in person though he is wanting to come down this month.

Guy #2- the Married Man. Yes, I am sleeping with a married man. I didn’t know that the first night we met and it was supposed to be a one night stand but we both enjoyed it just a little too much for that. He is most definitely the best sex I have ever had in my life. We met on Craigslist (I know, I know) and I was a little leery at first, but WOW, I am glad I followed through and showed up at his hotel room that night. He was impressed that I was much more attractive than he expected off a Craigslist ad and me, I was never expecting such great sex!!! OMG!! That is the first guy I ever met off of a Craigslist ad, by the way. He was here on business and claims he’d never tried it either. After we slept together he lied and said he was single but later admitted the truth. I’m pretty sure he’s a serial cheater and he’s a self proclaimed “sex addict” but who cares, he is AWESOME in the sack and gave me my first experience of multiple orgasms (I mean like 50!!) lol. I haven’t seen him for a few months but we are planning on meeting up again soon, like in a few days. We will see, he’s a bit flaky, as is to be expected from a married dude.

Guy #3- the Professor. This is my newest crush. I’m pretty into him. He lives nearby and is 8 yrs older than me. We met on a swinger site. I had just put up my profile and he contacted me. He took me out and was a perfect gentleman then home to his place for the hottest sex. He’s almost as good in bed as the married guy and there is just something about the dynamic between us that I really love. It’s HOT. The day after we met he took me to my first swinger party and was my “date”. Afterwards we had a six-some with two other couples. They assumed we were married and couldn’t believe it when we said we had met the day before, they were sure it was a joke, lol. He is so good to me and he is really straightforward and honest about stuff like who he is sleeping with. We tell each other anytime we are going to be with someone else and it’s been a bit difficult for both of us. I see him once or twice a week and occasionally more often. I’ve fallen pretty hard and he claims to feel the same way, only there is this other woman that he was involved with before me that he sees once a month. She is married and her husband lets her come stay with him for a few days at a time. She is in love with him and is there with him now :/. I’m coping.

Guy #4- my FWB. I’ve known this guy for a year and a half but he is long distance and recently spent several months overseas. Still, when he gets a chance he comes down to spend a weekend with me. He is a sweetheart and takes me out and we go out on dates and hang out like friends. At first he seemed to be getting more attached to me than vice versa but now things have leveled out and we are in a good place. Not too emotional, but no drama and just fun and play.

Guy #5- my Fuck Buddy. This guy is the youngest of the bunch, he’s 28 and in the military and sometimes comes my way to party with friends when he is not here just to see me. He lives an hour and half or so away but will come here and get a hotel. He’s hot and has an awesome body and is good in bed, which is great because that’s pretty much all we do. We don’t seem to have a lot in common, other than our desire to hop in the sack immediately and start fucking the minute I walk in the door, lol. I see him about once a month, sometimes more if he happens to be in town. We really don’t talk at all otherwise except a text or two to make sure the other is still alive every week or so, ha.

So there you have it, my current sex life in a nutshell. No, I am not embarrassed and I am perfectly happy with the state of things as they are at the moment! Minus maybe this other woman that the Professor sees but I am accepting it more now I think. It helps that I have spent some more time lately with my FWB and FB. The Professor also sleeps with other married women with their husband’s permission from time to time. I’m more bugged by the emotional thing that seems to be going on with him and this person but I’m getting better at accepting it, I think. He has a really hard time when I sleep with men too. I think we are both a bit attached due to seeing so much of each other and just the general nature of our relationship. One of these days we will probably do another couple or swinger party orgy again. He has mentioned that people invited him and said to bring me along a couple of times but he chose to stay with me for some one on one instead. I’m glad he prefers that because usually I do too, but once in awhile I am up for something different.  Maybe I’ll have more stories to tell soon. 😉

10 thoughts on “The sex life of a lovergirl

    • You missed the point. She already did longterm, and it didn’t work out for her. She’s got her kids. As long as they have a good father figure e.g., their bio dad is in the picture, she should do what she needs to do to make herself happy. Clearly, depending on ONE man for that did not work. DOH!

  1. So by that what do you mean? What should I be thinking about for my future? I admit it is really hard for me to picture being in another longterm monagamous marriage right now. I was married for 13 years to a man who rarely wanted to have sex with me and I was so incredibly lonely and felt “stuck”. It sucks to be in a position where the only person you are “allowed” to have sex with doesn’t want to be with you. I think that happens a lot more than people want to admit.

    • I’m amazed at how many married people post on Craig for hookups. I avoid married men because I do not want to commit adultery, altho one guy argued that it would be HE that committing adultery. (Not true, but whatever.) There was no point in arguing with him. But I’m not going to interfere in a marriage. Get out of it if it’s not working for you. Most people who stay married are afraid of change and/or are not willing to split up the marital assets.

  2. Hah! This is really interesting. I identified as polyamorous rather than as a “swinger” because the term “swinger,” to me, evoked the exact same set of overweight, somewhat judgmental, aging hippies that you describe. I created a Meetup group — the Seattle Poly Professionals — precisely because the OTHER big Seattle area poly group was so full of what a friend of mine calls “gothopotamuses” (gigantic, vastly obese, immensely tattooed/pierced/utilikilt-ed goth folks). So, physically unattractive (hate to sound superficial, but when looking for dating partners, physical attraction matters), and also kind of preachy.

    I never realized that there’s a whole OTHER group of people who associate “poly” with the *exact same images* I associate “swingers” with. Ultimately we need a label, if only so that we can find each other — you probably have an idea just how preachy monogamous people get about how you’re going to either go to Hell, or at least miss out on True Love, if you don’t “settle down” (or, more appropriately, just *settle* for someone).

    I wish there was a better term; the best term I can come up with is “ethical non-monogamy,” but that’s cumbersome, and I think that whatever we choose, eventually SOMEONE would start to associate that term with all the things that they don’t LIKE about non-monogamists.

    I must blog about this! Thanks for planting a seed (or rather, germinating the seed of something I was already thinking about).

    Nice blog, by the way 🙂

    • Thank you! Gothopatamuses, lmao, I’ve definitely seen and met a few of those, haha!! I just recently purchased the book “The Ethical Slut” and have skimmed through it and read a bit here and there. I’m still kinda new to the idea of doing things “ethically” lol. I’m liking the book but it does conjure up some of the aforementioned images.

      My relationship with the Professor is new territory for me with being so open about what we do and we both struggle with jealousy sometimes. I’m not sure I’ll ever get to this point of “compersion” that people talk about. I’m not even sure that I want to strive for it because it might be just covering up and denying my true feelings and I don’t know that that is a good thing.

      I’ve come to realize that much of my life I’ve been non-monagamous without really calling it anything, long before I’d even heard the term “polyamorous”. The difference is that back before my 13 year marriage I thought my behavior was “wrong” and shameful on some level. Now that I’ve grown up a bit I see that it doesn’t have to be viewed that way at all.

      One of the reasons I don’t like the term ‘polyamorous” is because I’m not really sure I can be IN LOVE with more than one person at a time. I do have feelings for more than one person but really the IN LOVE part seems to focus on ONE guy at a time. I didn’t truly start to fall for the Professor until I’d severed some of the connections to the guy I refer to as the Love of My Life. He’s still there and I still love him but its not what it used to be. So maybe I can just have NRE for one person at a time. I’m still trying to figure it all out.

    • I like that term: “ethical non-monogamy”.

      In San Diego, I ran across a group of people who were at Happy Hour at 94th Aero Squadron on Balboa Ave (back side of Montgomery Field, if you happen to be lucky enough to fly in). They are a Lifestyle Group — swingers, if you will. I swung (swing, swang, swung?) in The City (SF) back in the 80s, then the AIDS epidemic hit. Scary. And nobody likes condoms. But it’s the only safe way to fly these days. Probably the only reason why I try to stick to one guy who I trust to be sticking to me. I made the mistake of having unprotected sex with a guy I knew to be “out there” last year, and he left behind a nasty little momento. Last time I’ll sleep with HIM, and it made me pickier otherwise, too.

    • I like this:
      I created a Meetup group — the Seattle Poly Professionals — precisely because the OTHER big Seattle area poly group was so full of what a friend of mine calls “gothopotamuses” (gigantic, vastly obese, immensely tattooed/pierced/utilikilt-ed goth folks).

      Where do I sign up?

      I totally know what you mean re: not wanting to “sleep” with unattractive people. I was seeing a guy who liked being with two women, but he liked BBWs and I don’t. So, no go. I cut him out of my life because it was always about watching porn and two women.

  3. Pingback: I’m not poly! I just have several lovers… « seattlepolyguy

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