Friends and lovers, do we have to choose?

Two worlds colliding, lovers and friends, in the ultimate blender of relationship happiness. That’s the dream right? Just so many levels and shades of friendship to filter through while trying to figure out where you fit in. Are you fuck buddies, friends with benefits, stuck in the friend zone, “friends” to outsiders but something entirely different when you are alone? Maybe your friendship is your own illusion, created to keep yourself from falling for a co-worker or other off limits person rather than admitting to feelings that are beyond platonic. Or what if it’s your longtime husband or wife who is now your “best friend” but maybe not quite as sexually attractive to you as they once were, even though you are afraid to admit it?

I think sometimes in life we try to push our relationships into molds in which they don’t belong. We can’t be satisfied with what IS and rather try to contort it to fit societal standards. When I think of the best relationships in my life though, a lot of times they were outside of the box, sexual relationships that didn’t fit anyone’s idea of what I “should” be doing at the time, yet hold a special place in my memories today.

As I’m typing this right now, a guy I have fallen for recently and been having awesome sex with for the past couple of months is in bed with another woman. Most likely sleeping by now but nevertheless I’m sure they had sex. I’m strangely okay with it. Last month was another story, as jealousy and fear and competition with this other woman had overtaken my brain and made me say some things that I kind of regret. Not totally though, I’m glad I expressed myself because it caused him to make some changes in how he treats me during these rendezvous with her.

Lest you get the impression that I am sitting idly by letting him fuck other people while I do nothing myself, stop right there! LOL NO WAY could I handle it. In the past month I have slept with 3 other men and he struggled with that too. We’ve been really open about our sexual activity and who we have sex with and it has been difficult in some ways but I’m taking it day by day and appreciating the honesty.

This is going to sound really lame but I was actually a bit comforted recently by an episode of Barney I happened to see with my 2 year old daughter the other day (hey, I have an excuse here 😉 and talk about embarrassing confessions, but bear with me, lol, and yes I am referring to the big purple dinosaur). It was an episode about friends and how just because your friend makes a friend with someone else it doesn’t have to change their relationship with you. You are still unique and special just for being who you are. It got me to thinking how as adults we grow to think that romantic and sexual relationships are in a completely different realm and forget the basic tenets we learned as children concerning how to get along with others. We think having sex entitles us to become jealous and selfish and controlling of another person in the way we tell kids not to be with their friends.

I’m not claiming any special higher consciousness here and maybe I’ll get jealous again later or the next time he sees her but right now I am happy and content. I’ve had a horribly stressful day and it’s relaxing to take a break and NOT worry about what he is up to. I already know and he’s promised to keep in touch via text from time to time letting me know I’m still on his mind for the next couple days until she is gone. For the moment I am happy to just be lovers and friends and to let the chips fall where they may. I don’t know her or what he sees in her but I know he really likes me, and for now, that is enough.

4 thoughts on “Friends and lovers, do we have to choose?

  1. Hi Lovergirl. I came this way through blackdragon’s blog. From what I can tell you’re an interracial dater? I’m a black man in a southern state and had a rather specific question I wanted to ask you, but I’d prefer not to ask it for all the internet to see. (I didn’t see a contact form). If you don’t do that sort of thing, that’s cool, just thought I’d see. Keep on blogging.

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