Archive | September 2012

From the friend zone to the end zone (and a little further)

Many people, both men and women, seem more threatened by the idea of a threesome with two men and a woman than one involving two women. I’m not sure why that is. I could speculate, but instead I’m going to relay my own adventures because personally I LOVED being the center of attention during sex with two heterosexual men who were entirely focused on ME, ME, ME, lol. 😉 It took a special kind of emotional connection for me to get to the point of wanting sex with more than one man at a time but when it happened it was HOT. My tale is also a true story of how one guy got out of the friend zone and into my panties so men take note, it is NOT impossible under the right circumstances!

Once upon a time, back in high school, I had this platonic guy friend. He had been dating a friend of mine but when they broke up he and I stayed close. When I say close I mean he was at my house all the time. We spent almost every afternoon together after school, for like an entire 3 years. He was a nice looking guy and smart and fun and everything you could ever want in a boyfriend but for some reason I had just assumed he had no sexual attraction to me, so he became “like a brother”. We hung out and I told him all about the various boyfriends I had and guys I was sleeping with. Looking back it’s like a forehead slapping, DUH, he liked me, but I was oblivious at the time! Completely!!

Back in those days I was pretty sexually adventurous (surprise, surprise) and running around with a like- minded female friend (who had been his girlfriend originally) and a group of guys that were even more so than us. He was there but I don’t remember who, if anyone, he was sleeping with during that time. I just remember him always being there with ME. He was even there in BED with me on several occasions when I was having sex with someone else. I’m not even sure what he was doing there, I guess just watching and hanging out. At the time it never occurred to me that he might be getting off by the sight of it all or that he too might be interested. After all, wouldn’t he have tried something on me by then?

In any case I was blind as fuck. Once he even spent the night at my house, but he hid under the bed so my grandmother wouldn’t know he was there. No apparent sexual interest, at least not that I could see. He teased me constantly and we were flirtatious with one another though, and EVERY guy I dated was just sure I was secretly fucking him on the side. I had to explain that he was JUST a friend and they were just so ridiculous in not seeing it for what it was. Haha. Yeah, I’m shaking my head over here too.

So eventually it came to pass, during the last few months of my senior year, that I started seeing the guy that was Mr. Platonic’s best male friend. He and I were having sex. Mr. Platonic was always around and hanging out with us, and I think he started to get jealous. Once, when Male Friend and I were getting it on and Mr. Platonic was sitting there watching us, Male Friend’s roommates thought it would be funny to bust open the bedroom door and see what we were doing. The guy who popped open the lock was a very attractive, occasional male stripper and he thought it was HILARIOUS that Mr. Platonic was just sitting there doing nothing and watching the action. He came in the room asking if he could join in too and I was tempted, haha, but he got a pillow thrown at his head and the door slammed in his face, lol. It resulted in poor Mr. Platonic getting a lot of teasing though, from the other guys.

Not long after, there was a time when Male Friend and I were making out in the backseat of a car and I felt Mr. Platonic’s hands on me as well. He was trying to get in on the action and I was offended and pushed him away. Ouch. Harsh rejection. On my end though it was like dude, we are just friends, what the hell?

It just so happened that Mr. Platonic, around that time, started some kind of a relationship with a female friend of mine. She was one of these girls that looks absolutely perfect even without makeup and she had tons of money and seemingly everything. She was smart too, and in the gifted program at school. I was friends with her but she was a “mean girl”, always putting down others and sneering at the lesser females. She was cool to hang out with and could be fun, but I can’t say I truly liked her as a person.

Anyhow, it was brought to my attention that there was something going on between them when she bought him a very expensive pair of shoes for his birthday. I was jealous in more ways than one. What was going on with them? Why was she buying him stuff? Were they seeing each other? For some reason I didn’t like it at all and of course I couldn’t afford to buy him stuff like that so I felt kind of bad, and kind of bad that I wasn’t doing the kinds of things for my friend that maybe I should be. It’s amazing how knowing another female is into a guy can suddenly bring him into the radar. If I had to give guys tips on how to get out of the friend zone I’d say MAKE HER JEALOUS is at the top of the list! Show some interest in another woman other than her and don’t just hang around hoping your interest in HER will suffice.

Anyway, one night soon after, he and I were home alone at my house and he made another move, coming onto me hard and kissing me on the couch. I didn’t reject him this time around. We ended up having sex and it felt so good. I was so full of emotion afterwards that I actually cried. He laughed at me and asked what’s wrong. I was so afraid that it would “ruin our friendship” now that we’d slept together. It didn’t though. 😉

What happened was that the next time he and I were together with Male Friend it naturally evolved into a threesome. Neither of them is gay so all the attention was on me. Mmmmm….. we liked it so much that we kept at it, again and again, having threesomes frequently into the summer months, maybe 20 or so times total.

We didn’t have a lot of places to have sex at that age so a lot of times we were in public. We’d have hot threesome sex in the car, or on a picnic table, or in the grass on the side of the road, or in the bathroom of a neighborhood swimming pool we’d climbed over the fence to get into at night. Once we were in the trunk of a car with the seats lying down while someone else was driving. Wild and free. There were a couple of times mutual guy friends of ours tried to get in on the action but I didn’t let them. Two was good for me, I wasn’t looking for a gangbang.

I really loved it when we’d smoke a joint in the car then Mr. Not so Platonic would lower the passenger side seat down and take me from the back while I was giving a blowjob to the Not Just a Male Friend in the backseat. Hot, hot, hot! It usually ended with one guy getting off then the other one finishing some more with me so I got twice the amount of time having sex as usual too.

I haven’t had a threesome with two guys since them but I can’t say I will never do it again. The circumstances and people involved would have to feel right because I don’t want to do it with anyone that sees it as treating me like a “slut” or being degrading. Just a personal pet peeve of mine I guess! It’s all about the mutual pleasure.

The Professor has a lot of threesomes with married women. I have to admit that when I recall my own experience it makes me more jealous than I was originally. The woman involved is getting a LOT of attention from two men and there is nothing quite like that. I don’t get the sense that he wants to go there with me though. He has commented that in a threesome with a married couple he feels like a third wheel. Apparently he likes it enough to keep at it though, so I don’t know. In any case I don’t feel ready to ask about him doing that with me, yet.

Two women, every man’s dream

Are there any men on earth that DON’T want threesomes with two women?  Not many, that’s for sure.  If a guy senses you are in the least bit open about sex it almost always seems to come up eventually.  I can’t really blame them because I can see how, for a man, it would seem like a dream come true…two women and him being the only male there, sucking up all the attention and affection.  I think that’s how the scene must play out in their heads anyway. 

I think in reality things aren’t always quite like the fantasy.  I’ve heard of cases where the women were so into each other that the man ended up feeling left out.  In others one of the women gets shafted or jealousy ensues.  This is what I’m afraid of.

It doesn’t help that my only “almost threesome” experience with another female didn’t turn out well at all.  We were young and the guy involved really wasn’t concerned with our feelings or making it a great experience for us.  That and it wasn’t planned and she and I weren’t about to touch one another, lol.  I think both of us as adults are capable of sleeping with another female but we are also both more into men and weren’t the least bit interested in each other like that. 

Basically this is how it went down.  My female friend and I were headed over to hang out with this guy, who we had both slept with before. He was a really good looking guy with a huge cock and a gigantic ego to match. He came to our town occasionally because his dad lived there, in a really big house over in the “rich” neighborhood.  So late one night we snuck out to see him and another guy was supposed to be there as well but never showed up.  I guess he couldn’t sneak out of his house. 

In any case my friend liked this guy more than I did.  My only sexual experience with him previously hadn’t been that great.  He was TOO well endowed and it had hurt and we’d had kind of awkward sex.  He was hot but I can’t say I ever liked his personality all that much.  He was definitely a bit of a jerk.

So anyway, we show up and he ushers us into the huge downstairs rec room.  The lights were off and we had to be quiet so as not to wake his father and stepmother who were fast asleep above us.  Anyhow somehow he got us to lay on the carpet next to each other and kept telling us to be really quiet.  I can’t even remember who he slept with first but it was pitch black and he basically went back and forth between us while squeezing us together so our shoulders were all pushed up against each other.  We both just kind of let him do it and there wasn’t a lot of excitement in it for anyone (well, maybe him, I don’t know, lol).  There was no oral sex, neither of us females had any orgasms, no foreplay, nothing dammit, lol.  I’m not even sure why we let him get away with it other than that we both just weren’t aggressive enough to say anything and we were trying to keep quiet and not wake anyone. 

He spent more time having sex with her than me, I guess because they already liked each other, and she was demanding a little more of his attention and they were kissing (I don’t think I he and I kissed at all). It left me with a horrible feeling of being left out.  Afterwards she claimed she didn’t like it either and that she was upset when he was with me too.  I didn’t care enough about the guy for it to ruin my friendship with her but the feeling of being less preferred was pretty awful.  The whole walk home I felt sick.  She and I agreed to play it off like it had been our idea to people (because we knew everyone would hear about it, we were still in high school) so that’s what we did.  Of course every guy wanted to try it with us after that but we never went there again.

So after that sucky FMF get together I haven’t been very eager to try it again! My associations with having sex with another female there are very negative and there is a lot of fear of jealousy and rejection. Men still try relentlessly though to convince me otherwise and they all insist that I just had a bad experience, which I’m sure is true.  I know that isn’t how a threesome with another female is supposed to look!  Still there is a big “what if” in my mind regarding what if he totally goes for the other girl and not me or I start feeling awful like I did that first time because he is seeming to pay more attention to her.  I can see myself very quickly getting to the point where I just want to get up and leave and it may even be totally irrational.  He may be totally trying to give us equal attention but I STILL feel like that.  So knowing that is a possibility has put me off.

HOWEVER, I’m trying to get over that hurdle.  I participated in a six-some after a swinger party recently and that wasn’t a problem at all!  There were two other women involved but also three men and me so we each had someone to play with at all times if we wished to.  I never felt jealous or upset during that experience.  Plus I played with the women too.  So technically there were times when the guys were just watching the women play, but they didn’t seem to mind! 😉

Anyway, I still think its something I need to go into cautiously, with the right people, in order to feel okay with it all.  Recently my married friend has wanted to look for a third woman to play with us.  I told him I felt skeptical and why and he swore up and down that he has tons of experience with threesomes with women and that he knows exactly how to make everyone happy and that he will ensure that I never feel left out.  If it were any other guy telling me that I might think he was full of shit but Mr. Married Guy is good enough in bed to satisfy, like 10 women, lol.  I’m not even kidding!!! 

So I agreed to look with him and we put out an ad and got a few responses.  Some were even pretty promising but nothing ever materialized, partly due to his difficulty in getting away and coming down here to visit in the first place.  We still may sometime though.  We also came across interesting people like a man pretending to be a woman and sending us pics of himself in pink panties…that was pretty shocking, lmao.  Then there was this 53 year old woman who was all “ok, I’ll be there and I’m bringing the strap on and the nipple clamps and like 10 other toys” lol.  WOW…maybe a little advanced for me there, haha. I told Mr. Married Guy and he said DAMN and I was like who are the nipple clamps for because I sure as hell am not wearing them, haha.  She was also asking about how big his cock was to make sure it wasn’t too big for anal.  Not quite my idea of a gentle reintroduction to threesomes but whatever, lol.  I still have her email so you never know. Then there was a pregnant girl.  We were totally okay with that and it probably would have worked out if it hadn’t been for his schedule but I can’t say I am all that disappointed that it didn’t.

So he’s kind of let it drop, but the Professor makes references to threesomes from time to time.  I’m pretty sure he’d be more than happy to have one with me and he actually had me text a woman on his phone after a party we’d been to to ask if she was interested but her husband wanted to play too and they don’t play alone.  Husband was totally unsexy and I just couldn’t go there.  The Professor makes jokes about it and has mentioned that he had an experience where it was him and like 3 women once.  He also tries to encourage me to participate in threesomes with couples from the swinger website but I’m just not sure I want to.  He claims I’d always be the center of attention with a couple like that, but then I’d worry about the wife feeling bad. 

Anyhow, the other day my fuck buddy brought it up.  With him I think it would be okay because we are not emotionally involved at all and I don’t think I’d be jealous.  So I asked if he had anyone in mind.  He didn’t but went and found a couple that was interested in meeting us.  We may try and do that soon.  I texted back and forth with the guy from that couple quite a bit the other day and he acted like they are really interested.  Then he mentioned that HE has always had a fantasy of two women and that his wife got to fulfill hers with two men but he hasn’t gotten his yet….yeah, now I am being asked to have a threesome by yet ANOTHER guy, lol.  EYEROLL…..haha  The saga continues…..I’m sure I’ll end up doing it eventually! 

Who’s your Daddy?

What is it about the word “Daddy” that gets so many people so hot sexually? Why do so many women love to call their man “Daddy” in bed and so many men seem to just eat it up? This has been on my mind a lot lately. I admit it is something that turns ME on personally and I love it when a man asks me to call him that when we are deep in the moment of passion.

Is it just women with “daddy issues” that feel this way? I’m not so sure. It seems sooo common. Me, I have every possible excuse to suffer from daddy issues. I had a pretty rough childhood, with multiple physically and emotionally abusive stepfathers, who never so much as gave me a hug, a completely absent real father for most of my childhood and a very unloving mother. I also had some unfortunate run ins with older men that pretty much terrified me of them altogether, including a creepy middle aged neighbor guy who tried to get me to pose nude for pictures at age 9. Shudder….

In any case, I never had anyone I called “Daddy” in my life, past the time I was a toddler. I fantasized a lot though, about how much nicer my “real dad” would be when things were so bad at home. I was just sure that he would love me and care about me and treat me better and be someone I could turn to when I was upset. When I was 9 or 10 my stepfather at the time tore up all the pictures we had of my father during a jealous rage and argument with my mom. I remember picking up the pieces of the photos and trying to piece them together, crushed that my only real connection to my “Daddy” was lost.

When I was 14, after my stepfather threatened my life with a gun and I ran away, I was finally sent to live with my biological dad. By then he had a new family and a wife and kids who called him “Dad” but he never once said it was okay for me to and I was too afraid to ask. Calling him by his first name felt awkward too, so mainly I just avoided calling him anything at all. It was more like “hey you”. :p Not exactly everything I had dreamed of but I still spent a lot of time around him and listening to what he had to say. My father was a very interesting person. Still, once, in a moment of anger because of an argument with my siblings and my stepmothers resentment towards me, my real father slapped me across the face and told me I wasn’t really his daughter anyway, since he’d hardly known me my whole life. Ouch. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how much that hurt. He’s dead and gone now and I’ve forgiven him for a lot, but that moment of rejection will never be forgotten.

So “daddy issues”, hell yes I had them! I started having sex at an early age and was so hungry for touch and affection, especially from males, that I slept with a lot of people and wasn’t near as discriminate about it as I should have been. I made a lot of reckless choices and mistakes. I tried to escape those through my marriage to my ex -husband but that is a story for another day.

I didn’t so much go for older men, though there were a few, because any guy over 30 was still pretty scary to me up until I was almost that old myself. I’m still a little ooked when old guys try to hug me. My father in law was a super touchy feely, huggy sort of guy and he hated that I would tense up at his touch but I just couldn’t help that automatic reaction. Still the one guy I fell the hardest for had very “fatherly” attributes, was 4 years older than me and would affectionately call me “babygirl” and want me to sit on his lap, was very protective and played that role that I craved having in my life.

I’ve noticed even now that I tend hard toward the type of man that plays a protective and loving role towards me, in the way that a father might. Not necessarily with guys that turn out to be just fuck buddies but with those I fall for, they definitely do. They tend to be ultra- serious and hardworking, dominant, men that I feel I can look up to and respect. So in that sense I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.

My guy that I have been seeing for almost 5 years is a very, very good father to his own child and to me he behaves in a similar manner, really. He admits that sometimes he can be a bit controlling, but overall I think its more in a good way. I’ve never called him Daddy though. We’ve both been seeing other people discreetly since the time we started with one another and there was this woman that he was talking to that I knew about, despite him not admitting to her being anything more than a friend. She had “Daddy’s Girl” tattooed on her body and I can’t tell you how bad that pissed me off. I wasn’t about to ever give him that, because I suspected she was. It bugged the hell out of me!! Still does a little, lol.

Anyway, I’ve had a couple of guys in my life do the “Who’s Your Daddy?” (slap, slap, lol) thing and as corny as it may be it was always hot in my eyes. 😉 Turned me on a lot. This married man that was the best sex of my life took it to another level that was even better. During some of the most passionate, intense lovemaking I’ve ever experienced he was saying things like “Call me daddy”, “Say I love you Daddy” and making me say it back to him. OMG. Lets just say that about put me through the roof! LOL I think I may even like it on a level that is a bit kinky because I like spankings a lot too.

Most recently, with my newest crush, the Professor that is 8 yrs older than me, the Daddy thing has been getting kind of hot too. I’ve noticed that he interacts with me in a very “fatherly” way and he keeps bringing up the age difference between us. He also acts a lot older than his age and was formerly married to a woman that was 12 years his senior. Me, I look and act a bit younger than my age, or so I’ve been told. Anyway, the sex! OMG!! He is dominant but in a very loving way and the things he says to me in bed, the way he looks at me, I could tell he was craving to hear that nickname. So in the middle of an especially smoking sex session, when we’d already been going at it for a long time, I whispered in his ear “yes Daddy” in response to a question. I could feel how hard he got, his dick stiffened inside me and he started pumping faster and came almost instantly. Bingo! LOL

So something about it turns men on too. He’s never had children and generally doesn’t even go for younger women, so nothing creepy. The hotness of it was sooo good for both of us. I think men like the dominance and loving feelings it gives them and calling a man Daddy in bed makes me feel like I’m at my very most vulnerable. Only thing is it seems like it could be dangerous to put that kind of power in the wrong hands. What if you start calling a guy Daddy on a regular basis and he turns around and hurts you somehow. Then you are left with perhaps an even more traumatic incident because you’ve transferred that role to someone else who could use it against you. Something to think about anyway.

So what do you think? Is it sexy to call a man Daddy in bed? Do you men enjoy it or is it too uncomfortable for you? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Loud sex, hot or not?

So the Professor and I have made a few homemade videos and they are HOT. I love watching us in action together, especially since the sex is so good and intimate with him anyway. The most recent one we made is probably my favorite, we managed to get at least an hour and a half recorded and we both seemed to forget we were on camera and really got into it. 😉 Mmmmmmm….

That said though, it can be hard to watch myself sometimes. Or, more accurately, LISTEN to myself orgasm over and over again, lol. Like seriously, do I have to be THAT loud? Haha… but in the moment I really don’t think I have that much control over it. When we were watching one of the videos the other day I was sitting there covering my face and he was laughing at me and asking how that was going to keep me from hearing myself. He claims to think the way I cum is super sexy, lol, but I also am afraid of the neighbors (he lives in an apartment) being disturbed. Amazingly, no one has complained yet. Knock on wood.

I read an article recently about a woman that was so loud during sex she got repeated citations, jail time and eventually faced a prison sentence. No, really, here is the link:

Thankfully, I doubt I am at a decibel level that is going to be that serious and I don’t think I sound like I’m being murdered. I think its pretty obvious what is going on 😉 but still…. I’m left wondering if its sexy or scary, haha. When we were at the after swinger party orgy we participated in, I remember the other people commenting at the end when the Professor and I were still the only ones going at it that they thought it was hot but I don’t think I was QUITE as loud then as I sometimes get when we are alone (if you can call it that when there are people in an apartment above you!).

My ex husband used to try and shush me if I even made a peep. Not that he was doing much to make me moan with pleasure anyway, but he was ultra paranoid and it turned me off big time. So anyway, how about a poll? What’s your opinion on sex sounds? By the way I think it is super sexy when a guy moans and makes a little noise in bed. If he were screaming like a girl that would probably freak me out but nothing like knowing he is getting off too. 🙂

The sex life of a lovergirl

Do I really want to identify myself as someone who practices “polyamory”? Whenever I see or hear the term my mind is filled with images of middle aged, overgrown, hippies, hugging and getting all touchy feely with one another. Or Mormons. Lots of Mormons. With lots of wives….and kids. Oh wait, that’s polygamy. Nevertheless they are mixed in somehow in my mind, frolicking along with all the other sexually deviant individuals who consider themselves enlightened.

I guess technically I do have several relationships going, but it’s kind of like the “BDSM” movement in that it feels sort of like a special club or maybe a cult, where you have to follow a certain set of rules in order to be “different” from society. I realize most who are involved don’t see it that way at all but despite being rather submissive in the bedroom myself and taking part in what might be seen as mild “BDSM” activities and carrying on multiple relationships at once I still feel like I don’t quite fit in. Heck, I feel like a bit of an outsider to the swinger community as well, despite having attended a couple of parties recently. I just don’t really fit the mold. I’m kind of my own brand of sexual deviance. Heh 😉

In any case, the poly, BDSM, swinger folks reading this probably want to set me straight right about now, lol. Please don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against any of you all and think it’s all very interesting, and I’m still learning a lot, I just am kind of content to be my own person and to forge my own way, not labeling myself as anything just yet, even if some of my activities fall under those categories. I don’t identify as bisexual either, even though I’ve had sexual experiences with other women and have absolutely no problems doing it again. Hmmm…maybe I’m just in denial, haha.

ANYWAY, I bet you are wanting to know what the hell I do then, huh? I’ll give you the rundown on my current relationships. Right now, there are about 5 “active” men in my life, not counting various friends and possible future lovers that I have never had sex with. Two of them I haven’t seen for months, but am hoping to reconnect with physically soon and we keep in touch. They are both a few hours drive away.

The Players:

Guy #1- the Love of My Life and I have been involved for almost 5 years now. Actually our first couple of sexual encounters were way back when we were teenagers. I met him on my very first day of high school and we have had a special connection ever since. We weren’t in love back then though and our relationship has seen a lot of different phases. Above all, we are friends and there is nothing like having him in my life. We’ve been very emotionally involved, more so even than sexually, though we do love to sleep together!! It’s been a bit of a roller coaster of ups and downs with us and right now we don’t talk as much as we used to but when we do we say I love you and all of that deep stuff. Haven’t seen each other for a long time in person though he is wanting to come down this month.

Guy #2- the Married Man. Yes, I am sleeping with a married man. I didn’t know that the first night we met and it was supposed to be a one night stand but we both enjoyed it just a little too much for that. He is most definitely the best sex I have ever had in my life. We met on Craigslist (I know, I know) and I was a little leery at first, but WOW, I am glad I followed through and showed up at his hotel room that night. He was impressed that I was much more attractive than he expected off a Craigslist ad and me, I was never expecting such great sex!!! OMG!! That is the first guy I ever met off of a Craigslist ad, by the way. He was here on business and claims he’d never tried it either. After we slept together he lied and said he was single but later admitted the truth. I’m pretty sure he’s a serial cheater and he’s a self proclaimed “sex addict” but who cares, he is AWESOME in the sack and gave me my first experience of multiple orgasms (I mean like 50!!) lol. I haven’t seen him for a few months but we are planning on meeting up again soon, like in a few days. We will see, he’s a bit flaky, as is to be expected from a married dude.

Guy #3- the Professor. This is my newest crush. I’m pretty into him. He lives nearby and is 8 yrs older than me. We met on a swinger site. I had just put up my profile and he contacted me. He took me out and was a perfect gentleman then home to his place for the hottest sex. He’s almost as good in bed as the married guy and there is just something about the dynamic between us that I really love. It’s HOT. The day after we met he took me to my first swinger party and was my “date”. Afterwards we had a six-some with two other couples. They assumed we were married and couldn’t believe it when we said we had met the day before, they were sure it was a joke, lol. He is so good to me and he is really straightforward and honest about stuff like who he is sleeping with. We tell each other anytime we are going to be with someone else and it’s been a bit difficult for both of us. I see him once or twice a week and occasionally more often. I’ve fallen pretty hard and he claims to feel the same way, only there is this other woman that he was involved with before me that he sees once a month. She is married and her husband lets her come stay with him for a few days at a time. She is in love with him and is there with him now :/. I’m coping.

Guy #4- my FWB. I’ve known this guy for a year and a half but he is long distance and recently spent several months overseas. Still, when he gets a chance he comes down to spend a weekend with me. He is a sweetheart and takes me out and we go out on dates and hang out like friends. At first he seemed to be getting more attached to me than vice versa but now things have leveled out and we are in a good place. Not too emotional, but no drama and just fun and play.

Guy #5- my Fuck Buddy. This guy is the youngest of the bunch, he’s 28 and in the military and sometimes comes my way to party with friends when he is not here just to see me. He lives an hour and half or so away but will come here and get a hotel. He’s hot and has an awesome body and is good in bed, which is great because that’s pretty much all we do. We don’t seem to have a lot in common, other than our desire to hop in the sack immediately and start fucking the minute I walk in the door, lol. I see him about once a month, sometimes more if he happens to be in town. We really don’t talk at all otherwise except a text or two to make sure the other is still alive every week or so, ha.

So there you have it, my current sex life in a nutshell. No, I am not embarrassed and I am perfectly happy with the state of things as they are at the moment! Minus maybe this other woman that the Professor sees but I am accepting it more now I think. It helps that I have spent some more time lately with my FWB and FB. The Professor also sleeps with other married women with their husband’s permission from time to time. I’m more bugged by the emotional thing that seems to be going on with him and this person but I’m getting better at accepting it, I think. He has a really hard time when I sleep with men too. I think we are both a bit attached due to seeing so much of each other and just the general nature of our relationship. One of these days we will probably do another couple or swinger party orgy again. He has mentioned that people invited him and said to bring me along a couple of times but he chose to stay with me for some one on one instead. I’m glad he prefers that because usually I do too, but once in awhile I am up for something different.  Maybe I’ll have more stories to tell soon. 😉

Friends and lovers, do we have to choose?

Two worlds colliding, lovers and friends, in the ultimate blender of relationship happiness. That’s the dream right? Just so many levels and shades of friendship to filter through while trying to figure out where you fit in. Are you fuck buddies, friends with benefits, stuck in the friend zone, “friends” to outsiders but something entirely different when you are alone? Maybe your friendship is your own illusion, created to keep yourself from falling for a co-worker or other off limits person rather than admitting to feelings that are beyond platonic. Or what if it’s your longtime husband or wife who is now your “best friend” but maybe not quite as sexually attractive to you as they once were, even though you are afraid to admit it?

I think sometimes in life we try to push our relationships into molds in which they don’t belong. We can’t be satisfied with what IS and rather try to contort it to fit societal standards. When I think of the best relationships in my life though, a lot of times they were outside of the box, sexual relationships that didn’t fit anyone’s idea of what I “should” be doing at the time, yet hold a special place in my memories today.

As I’m typing this right now, a guy I have fallen for recently and been having awesome sex with for the past couple of months is in bed with another woman. Most likely sleeping by now but nevertheless I’m sure they had sex. I’m strangely okay with it. Last month was another story, as jealousy and fear and competition with this other woman had overtaken my brain and made me say some things that I kind of regret. Not totally though, I’m glad I expressed myself because it caused him to make some changes in how he treats me during these rendezvous with her.

Lest you get the impression that I am sitting idly by letting him fuck other people while I do nothing myself, stop right there! LOL NO WAY could I handle it. In the past month I have slept with 3 other men and he struggled with that too. We’ve been really open about our sexual activity and who we have sex with and it has been difficult in some ways but I’m taking it day by day and appreciating the honesty.

This is going to sound really lame but I was actually a bit comforted recently by an episode of Barney I happened to see with my 2 year old daughter the other day (hey, I have an excuse here 😉 and talk about embarrassing confessions, but bear with me, lol, and yes I am referring to the big purple dinosaur). It was an episode about friends and how just because your friend makes a friend with someone else it doesn’t have to change their relationship with you. You are still unique and special just for being who you are. It got me to thinking how as adults we grow to think that romantic and sexual relationships are in a completely different realm and forget the basic tenets we learned as children concerning how to get along with others. We think having sex entitles us to become jealous and selfish and controlling of another person in the way we tell kids not to be with their friends.

I’m not claiming any special higher consciousness here and maybe I’ll get jealous again later or the next time he sees her but right now I am happy and content. I’ve had a horribly stressful day and it’s relaxing to take a break and NOT worry about what he is up to. I already know and he’s promised to keep in touch via text from time to time letting me know I’m still on his mind for the next couple days until she is gone. For the moment I am happy to just be lovers and friends and to let the chips fall where they may. I don’t know her or what he sees in her but I know he really likes me, and for now, that is enough.